I GOT YOUR MADNESS RIGHT HERE, JOHNNY!
abbreviated. life.
expectancy. presents:
"Songs You've Never Heard Before!"
| Obtaining a copy of Abbreviated.
Life. Expectancy.'s last album "Songs You've Never Heard
Before" isn't as hard as you would probably think. Though in the past we've
requested that people send us a psychic severed head or two, we've decided to reduce the
price of this tape in a major way! (BTW, to all of those who scalped themselves, we would
like to thank you for your generous donation. The hair looks great on us!) "Songs You've Never Heard Before" is a 28 song, full 60 minute tape. It is guaranteed to be the craziest comedic/musical experience you will ever have. And if it's not the craziest comedic/musical experience you ever have... well... don't tell us, because we've got an ego to maintain here! Not only do you get 28 bizmosquizimanitchalicious songs, but it comes with the wonderful full-color tape cover which you can see at the top of this page. Evanderhoëf Rolnichek spent many years in a conservatory in the mountains working on this cover, so that ALONE is worth the measly $4.00 that this thing costs! With songs like "The Pope is Pissed", "What Happened To Mr.T??", "They Never Gave Boo-Berry A Chance", "Break Into Your House With A Kinko's Copy Card", and a "hardcore" version of George Harrison's "I've Got My Mind Set On You", you can't POSSIBLY go wrong with this tape! On top of that you will be the first person to ever learn about the greatest superhero of them all in The Adventures of Sandpaper Man!! That's right folks! You can hear sandpaper man go up against homophobic frat boys, porches with tons of rough edges, robbers and cannibalistic bank security guards and much much more! So order your copy today before we change are minds and decide that we want you to send us in an offical Spatula City spatula or your mother's favorite turkey baster! And if you order now, we'll be $4.00 closer to reaching our proposed budget for our next album! Every bit helps, so hurry up, chumps!!! SORRY! WE'RE SOLD OUT OF "Songs You've Never Heard Before". IT WAS ONLY AVAILABLE ON TAPE AND NOW WE'RE CONSIDERING RE-RELEASING IT ON CD, SO IF YOU'RE INTERESTED IN THAT, EMAIL US AND LET US KNOW! STILL, YOU CAN ORDER OUR LATEST CD HERE Mail ALL Orders To: Roger Barr (attn:
ALE) We accept checks, money orders, well-hidden cash, and the severed head of your best friend. So when paying for this album, choose wisely! *Note: If you've already ordered a.l.e. albums or merchandise in the past, email us about special discount prices on our albums just for you! Email all order inquiries/questions to: ale99@hotmail.com Still not convinced that this is the music for you? Then click HERE to hear some sound clips before you buy! ***NOTICE***: Lot's of people have been sending us checks and making them out to "Abbreviated. Life. Expectancy." Look people, our ID's don't say "abbreviated. life. expectancy." on them, so make all checks out to "Roger Barr" if you must write a check for a measly few bucks. We prefer cash, but hey, checks will do. But don't make us argue with the banks about the check not being made out to the correct name, cuz we won't even bother. Email us if you have any questions or you are one of the people who sent us a check made out to A.L.E. and we'll work something out no problemo. WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT OUR
NEW ALBUM? |