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What the hell did they do to my Kit Kats!?

So I was in the grocery store today, still amazed at how many candies and novelties they already have on the shelves for Valentine's Day, when I stumbled upon something that simply should not exist. Cherry. Flavored. Kit Kats. Look, I'm all for having fun with the seasonal candies 'n stuff, and sometimes they'll release someone new that really does taste good. But cherry flavored white chocolate Kit Kats? No thanks. Actually, I was sure that these would pique your curiosity, perhaps even sound tasty to a few of you sickos... so I picked up a package for myself to prove to you just how bad these things are and hopefully prevent you from wasting your cash on 'em.

Valentine's Day Kit Kats!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

First off, you can't make the package for one the greatest candies on earth pink. I don't give a damn if it's Valentine's Day or not. Why not make it red? Red as the blood draining from an ex-lover who cheated on you. Yeah, now that's how you celebrate Valentine's Day in style! But pink? Come on. They're thin candy strips and now they come in a pink package? Some poor woman is gonna mistake these things for pregnancy tests now. And while I do condone pissing all over this new flavor, it'll hardly give you ladies accurate results if you're hoping to find out whether or not you have an alien growing in your belly.

Disgusting pink crap

Upon opening the package, you're hit with a smell that you simply cannot deny: "Hey! That smells like cherry cough syrup!" Yeah, I like cherries as much as the next guy, but there's nothing worse than the fake cherry flavors that they tried to trick us into tasting when we were kids just so we'd take the medicine. And damnit, they've made the Kit Kats themselves pink too. Blasphemy I say, blasphemy! So I gave the thing a taste, and sure enough, it was awful. These aren't the fantastic mint Kit Kats that came out not too long ago, these are their evil cousins who are determined to go to war with your tastebuds. I'm going to save these things for next Halloween and give them to any kids that show up at my door without costumes asking for candy. That's how awful they are. Try them if you like, but I'm sure you'll be wishing you bought that package o' mint flavored Kit Kats instead.

And on one last semi-related note: Am I the only one who was extremely disturbed when he saw Valentine's Day goods in the stores the day after xmas? If they put those candies out any earlier, they'd be expired before Valentine's Day even arrived. Now there's a great present to give to the one you love - a trip to the hospital for some stomach-pumping action!

46 comments

Guest

Jay Wolf (Guest) on 01/18/2006 1:28 am

I feel sorry you had to endure such horrors. They just sound disgusting from the name alone! UGH!



Guest

Kisla (Guest) on 01/18/2006 2:37 am

Why can't they ever get creative with their flavors? I mean, if they're going to desecrate the sacred world of chocolate, they might as well make it worth talking about...



Guest

some idiot (Guest) on 01/18/2006 6:00 am

Blood-flavored chocolate?



Guest

ricvic (Guest) on 01/18/2006 10:33 am

the oronge ones were bad enuff....now cherry?? whats next?? C'MON BANANA!!!



Guest

AngryHydralisk (Guest) on 01/18/2006 11:31 am

I've never liked cherry-flavored stuff. Now the Orange-creme Kit Kats were awesome but this isn't. It should've been strawberry or something.



Guest

El Guano (Guest) on 01/18/2006 2:05 pm

Bleck...they look nasty,one question though, is that Blood on the table/counter whatever thing you set the Candy on?



Guest

Proveloveisreal (Guest) on 01/18/2006 2:28 pm

Hmm...i wonder how rasberry kit-kats would taste? Probably like Opras asshole...which is delicious i might add =-P



Guest

Proveloveisreal (Guest) on 01/18/2006 2:28 pm

Ok i had to say i was kidding on that one...that was just too gross



Guest

rCw (Guest) on 01/18/2006 4:50 pm

Sounds horrible. Thanks for the heads up. Wonder if they could make pickle flavored kit kats?



Guest

ninjawolf (Guest) on 01/18/2006 7:06 pm

Anyone ate those mocha-flavored hersheys? They're actually pretty good. By the way, do they still make those, or did the limited time amount run out?



Guest

Inriri (Guest) on 01/18/2006 7:12 pm

Y'know, this as worse as that black-cherry vanilla coke.



Guest

James (Guest) on 01/19/2006 12:40 am

That looks lke a smaller fight club soap bar.



Guest

Daikun (Guest) on 01/19/2006 2:11 am

My local 7-Eleven had some raspberry-flavored Kit-Kats a few months ago. They tasted weird.



Guest

ColdFusion (Guest) on 01/19/2006 2:37 am

Sigh, strawberry probably would have been really good. Speaking of cherry, wtf is up with black cherry vanilla coke? It sounds delicious, but do i HAVE any with me right now? NO! That's the fatal flaw with the product.. it's not sitting in my hand.. we know Coke has teleporters, I saw it in a commercial!! :O



Guest

Wolfguy (Guest) on 01/19/2006 4:07 am

Ah, Valentine's Day. Maybe it's the fact that I'm single and have no real interest in cultivating a relationship, but I've never much cared about ol' February 14th. Nice to know I'm not missing out on much with candy like this, though.



Guest

me (Guest) on 01/19/2006 12:29 pm

my ex is most definetly getting a lot of these for valentine's.



Guest

carnage (Guest) on 01/19/2006 6:54 pm

looks gross i would hate it



Guest

Dauss (Guest) on 01/19/2006 8:10 pm

Hey ricvic? Up here in Canada? We got banana. :P

They're actually not bad. :) And, yes RoG, I am a crazy sicko who think cherry sounds good. :D



Guest

HiroyukiSakaiFan69 (Guest) on 01/19/2006 9:30 pm

Anybody type Kit Kat in Ebay will find red wine and wasabi flavored Kit Kats, now give those a try!



Guest

zircon (Guest) on 01/20/2006 9:54 am

You should come to Japan. They have all kinds of strange Kit Kat flavors here. Imagine Green Tea Kit Kats. How about Passion Fruit Kit Kats? The things are crazy popular over here because a lot of the young people here think they are lucky. They have a phrase "kitto katsu", which roughly translates as "I hope you succeed!" It's nuts.



Guest

Mattweez (Guest) on 01/20/2006 6:18 pm

The red wrappers is a good idea. In fact it's so good the lovely people here in Australia have done it. All our Kit Kats are wrapped in glorious red and black coverings.

Which is why when I was in the US the orange wrappers totally flipped my mind.



Guest

Elizabeth (Guest) on 01/20/2006 8:16 pm

I saw the pic on the front page and the first thing I thought was 'who would make a Kit Kat shaped urinal cake?'



Guest

raxar (Guest) on 01/20/2006 8:59 pm

here's the real question, are they more or less palatable than a cardboard sandwich?



Guest

starfish (Guest) on 01/20/2006 10:18 pm

Did they turn your fingers pink? It looks like that is so... And they look much too squishy. Blech.



Guest

Shannon (Guest) on 01/20/2006 10:28 pm

hey Rog, this totally has nothing to do with kit kats, but just wondering, do you have a myspace account that all of us here onthe message boards can bother you on?

if you do will you add me?
http://www.myspace.com/poppers620

be sure to treat your girl right on valentines day, otherwise you will be paying for it the rest of the year.... and I am sure she must rock if you are with her, so do something nice for her, like buying her her own bag of valentines kit kats.....



Guest

Kisla (Guest) on 01/21/2006 12:16 am

Wasabi flavored? Now theres something I would try because it sounds so bizzare. And I like wasabi.



Guest

Seven Force (Guest) on 01/21/2006 12:39 am

I guess i'm the only one who finds that appetizing. :/



Guest

Shannon (Guest) on 01/21/2006 1:07 am

hey Kisla, if you like wasabi, you should try wasabi Fun Yuns/Funyuns, however the hell they are spelled. they are so goooood!



Guest

-RoG- (Guest) on 01/21/2006 2:13 am

HiroyukiSakaiFan69, thanks for the tip! The Wasabi Kats will be mine!

Zircon, is there any chance you could send some of those crazy-flavored Kit Kats from Japan to me? I'd love to do a taste test on 'em!

El Guano, no that's just paint... or is it?

Raxar, the cardboard sandwich will always live on in our hearts.

Shannon, I do have a myspace account that I created a while ago as a joke, but I rarely ever check it so it's not really a good way to try getting in touch with me (that's what email is for hehe). I'm honestly not a big fan of myspace, it just seems too disorganized and chaotic (at least in most of the profiles I see), but sure I'll be happy add you heheh. As for buying me lady some valentine's kit kats, I think she'd break up with me if I gave her those nasty things.



Guest

Asgreth (Guest) on 01/21/2006 11:50 pm

Your not alone.
Those thing's taste absolutly foul.
I actually brought the ones I bought back to the store and through them at the manager.
Sure showed him.



Guest

Kisla (Guest) on 01/22/2006 3:39 am

Eeeh, I tried wasabi funyun-majigs. :/ Kinda timid. I prefer the puffed-pea munchie things from the oriental food market. :9 That's some good wasabi-eatin'.
I did enjoy these soy-sauce/wasabi almonds from Blue Diamond though. Not much on heat, but nice flavor.



Guest

Cyndiana (Guest) on 01/22/2006 4:44 am

Someone beat me to telling you about the more "avant garde" flavored Kit Kats from Japan. I found them at J-List in the snacks section. I was as appalled, yet interested, as you. I'm going to order some. I've GOT to try these...I'm a Kit Kat fiend from WAY back.



Guest

Lauren (Guest) on 01/22/2006 5:47 pm

That is sick! It's like eating bars of crispy Pepto-Bismol. Why do candy companies go through fits of flavour? First it was vanilla. Then honey-roasted everything. Next up was a white 'chocolate' debacle. Don't forget peanut butter on everything (well, that's allowed). Along came orange. I tried the banana Kit Kat last year and...thumbs down.



Guest

peantbuttercupfreak (Guest) on 01/23/2006 12:32 am

It's the same thing that has happened with Reese's Peanut butter cups. They used to be in two different varieties: Plain, and Crunchy. Now, you see Reese's with Caramel (good god!), White Chocolate (ecccccch!), extra creamy (WTF???), inverted (peanut butter outside), etc. etc. What's next: reese's with oreo cookies? I wouldn't doubt it. My beloved Reeses--leave them alone you caffeine crazed brainstormers in the promotion dept!!!!



Guest

peantbuttercupfreak (Guest) on 01/23/2006 12:35 am

In resp. to Wolfguy's comment: yeah, they still have the coffee flavored kit kats in Hannaford shopping stores in the express aisles. (its a Northeast supermarket chain). And they are very good tasting.



Guest

kimberly (Guest) on 01/23/2006 5:36 am

Mmm, Kit Kat's. Yummy! Pink Kit Kat's are the best food on Earth!



Guest

Kisla (Guest) on 01/23/2006 1:15 pm

Yeee... I like the white chocolate Reeses. ._.



Guest

Steve (Guest) on 01/24/2006 12:08 am

Hey,
I work at CVS and we are a prime offender as far as setting seasonal merchandise up about 6 months in advance. I complain about it and the customers complain about it. But you know what? They'd stop putting it up so early, if the same customers who complained didnt buy all of it. The same people saying "valentines day already" immediately go and buy pink foil wrapped candies and cheap luminaire dishes with cancer warnings.



Guest

kristin (Guest) on 01/29/2006 9:12 pm

YOU will all think i'm insane but i love love love those pink little beasts! i'm supposed to be counting my calories and i almost ate a whole bag tonight- so - send them my way! i also like the new black cherry vanilla coke though too so sue me! figures i'm a girl right? ;)



Guest

AkaRai (Guest) on 01/30/2006 4:37 am

Well RoG, usually I agree with your typically sage advice, (yes, I do mean that seriously) but I love cherry-flavored things. Friends and relatives commonly give me Cherry Cordials as a gift -almost to the point that I don't like them. The cherry flavored Starburst, Jolly Rancher, Gummi Bear, etc. The first thing I ask at any resteraunt, is if they serve a cherry coke. I weeped silent when Gatorade discontinued the Cherry Rush flavor, and at the fact that I can only find a sour version of the formerly sweet Cherry flavored Big League Chew (with flavor crystals!)

My second candy love? White chocolate. I'm buying a case of these if I see them anywhere.



Guest

MB (Guest) on 02/15/2006 3:53 pm

Blasphemy! The cherry Kit Kats kick all kinds of ass.



Guest

Doctor dumbass (Guest) on 11/14/2006 6:13 pm

Giving out bad candy to kids with bad costumes... MY GOD THAT"S BRILLIANT!!! Thanks for the advice, Rog!



Guest

Who ATone (Guest) on 04/05/2007 2:11 pm

I thought that the cherry flavored kit kats were some of the best candies I have ever tasted, I wish they wouldn't only have been on the shelves for Valentines Day, but all the time.



Guest

Gutaperch (Guest) on 06/14/2007 5:10 am



Guest

LIBBI (Guest) on 10/16/2007 6:33 pm

i love cherry kit kats. they are my fav. candy.



Guest

DOES IT MATTER (Guest) on 02/19/2011 10:35 pm

YOU STUPID ASS LIAR!!!!!!!! ARE YOU CRAZY, INSANE, DRUNK OR ON DRUGS?? THESE CANDIES ARE AMAZING, UTTERLY FABULOUS. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO TASTE BUDS AT ALL. THESE CANDIES ARE MARVELOUS. IT'S ONLY A SHAME THEY SOLD OUT LIKE CRAZY AND NO ONE WAS BUYING THEIR OTHER FLAVORS, SO THAT'S WHY THEY CANCELLED THEM. I KNOW FOR A FACT BECAUSE I WROTE TO THEM BITCHING AT THEM ABOUT IT. THEY COULDN'T KEEP THESE CANDIES ON THE SHELFS AT ALL. THEY WERE SELLING OUT LIKE CRAZY. THEY WOULD PUT THEM OUT AND BAM! THEY WERE GONE WITHIN A COUPLE OF HOURS, WHILE ALL THE OTHER CRAPPY CANDIES WERE STILL SITTING THERE. YOU MUST HAVE SOME ULTERIOR MOTIVE FOR YOUR COMMENTS THAT ALL I HAVE TO SAY.



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