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A culinary victory

I've never considered myself much of a cook. The reason for this is because I'm one of the pickiest eaters you'll ever encounter. That's no exaggeration, it's just a simple fact. Hell, even most vegans would say I'm too picky for my own good. So when it comes to eating, I tend to like very plain stuff (plain spaghetti with cheese, plain chicken, plain toast, plain plain plain) and therefore never had any need to learn how to cook a real fancy meal for myself.

Well, one of my favorite snacks has always been Rice Krispy Treats. They're a very simple, plain treat, but still tasty as hell. Problem is, I always get tired of spending 3-4 bux on a box of 'em when i know they cost probably 1/100th of that price to make. So today I finally decided I would take on the daunting task of actually making Rice Krispy Treats. Granted, they're about as hard to make as a can of Chef Boyardee beefaroni, but to me it still wasn't guaranteed that they'd turn out right. The fact that I had to melt butter in a pot had me envisioning a small grease fire in the very near future.

I'm happy to report, however, that my attempt to make Rice Krispy Treats was a huge success. Behold!


Tell me that isn't a thing of beauty. They taste just as good as they look too. Here's the recipe in case any of you wanna try making 'em.

Well anyway, that's my big triumph of the week so far. Hey, gimme a break... I was sick in bed all last week. Making these treats was an action-packed adventure in comparison! Ok so now it's your turn: what culinary conundrums have you guys overcome?


Back from the dead… sort of.

So I've been sick as hell for the past 4 days, and I'm still not over it yet. I've been enjoying a wide variety of symptoms: coughing, sore throat, running nose, headaches, aching muscles, chills, cold sweats... you name it. It's times like these that I'm reminded of just how nasty the human body can be. I shouldn't be able to generate enough snot to fill a wheelbarrow, but I'll be damned if I didn't do just that over the past 4 days. I also didn't get much sleep at all (it's kind of hard to when you're choking on your own snot) so I've spent pretty much the entire time on the couch watching TV.

Now I enjoy a good movie or show as much as the next guy, but 4 days of nothing but that is enough to drive a guy mad. I was at least lucky enough to catch "My Bodyguard" on TV though, one of my favorite movies from my childhood. Long live Ricky Linderman! Now I'm itching to see "Three O'Clock High" as well. Are there any other good school bully flicks you can think of?

Well anyway, I've got a ton of emails and stuff to catch up on, I'll try to have something new up on the site later this week when I'm feeling all better. In the meantime, you can check out the latest piece I did for Cracked: Know Your Gang Hand Signs. Between that and a viewing of "Cool As Ice", you'll surely have more street cred than anyone.

On a final note, it looks as though you guys went all out with the sci-fi geek battle in that previous blog post. I gotta say I'm surprised Star Wars won by such a landslide... I figured it'd at least be a little closer between that and Star Trek.

Alright, I gotta go get some more rest now before the evil phlegms overpower me once again.


Sci-Fi Movie Geek Battle!

Ok sci-fi geeks, for no reason whatsoever (other than my own personal amusement), I wanna see you argue about three sci-fi movie series: Star Wars, Star Trek, and The Matrix. If you had to pick one of the series as the best, which would you pick? Furthermore, why do you pick it over the other movie series? What don't you like about the other series? Provide some good arguments for your choice! And no, you can't choose any other movie series. Pretend these are the only 3 sci-fi movie series that ever existed.

Let the raging discussion over sci-fi supremacy begin!

BTW, on a completely unrelated note, I've just put up a "Charles In Charge Storytime Adventure" competition on the forums where the board members will get to create a photoshopped storyline based on the characters from the show. The person who posts the most amusing addition to the story will win a brand new copy of "Charles In Charge: Season One" on DVD! Click here to view the thread and enter the contest!


The ART of GWAR!

As if my trip to Los Angeles didn't provide me with enough memorable sights, I got to check out the artwork of GWAR in a local art gallery recently. You know, it's kind of weird, I've been to a lot of GWAR-related events, but I've yet to attend a GWAR show for some reason. I've been to two different GWAR yard sales (I bought their Colecovision, which did have some blood splatters on it). I've been to a mexican wrestling match where Oderus and Beefcake kicked the crap out of everybody. And last but not least, I've been to this art gallery showing:

The ART of GWAR!

Don't feel left out though, I brought my camera along and took some nifty pics of all their crazy shit. Check out my gallery of GWAR art pics here!

In unrelated news, my big Wal-Mart web site parody that I did for CRACKED is finally online. I wanted it to look exactly like the Wal-Mart site, so it took quite a few days to finish, but I'm real happy with how it turned out. Lemme know what you guys think!

On a final note, have any of you been watching VH1's new "I Love Toys" show? It's basically a top 100 toys of all time countdown with the same comedians who appear on their "Best Week Ever" and "I Love the 80's" shows. The show has been pretty amusing so far (my old favorites "Moss Man and Stinkor" made an appearance), but damnit, I swear should be one of the people on the show. There's so much they've missed. For example, "Dominos" was one of the toys in the top 100, yet no mention of "Domino Rally"? Come on, there's just no excuse for that. Then they talked about the Rubik's Cube, but didn't mention the infinitely cooler "Rubik's Rings"? See how much they need me for this show? Well, maybe if they do a "I Love Toys: Part Deux" they'll gimme a buzz. Better yet, how about you guys write VH1 and tell 'em to put me on their next "I Love Toys" show. Because... you know... producers treat anonymous emails from humor site fans with great respect.


Thanks for nothing, eBay

I've always loved eBay. There's all sorts of things I've won on there that I wouldn't have a chance in hell of finding anywhere else on this earth. But today they did something so asinine I can't even believe it. They removed the now infamous "Cadbury Nipple Egg auction" from their site! It had already received almost 11,000 views (which is a lot for a regular ol' auction) and the bidding was currently just over $107. In the auction, I stated that all of the proceeds would be going to the St. Jude's Research Hospital for Children. And that wasn't some scam or anything, that was just the plain truth. My pals over at Newgrounds were also going to match whatever I donated up to $1000 bux!

But guess what? The auction policing fuckwads over at eBay decided to remove the auction because they don't want people saying an auction is going to charity unless it's to one of their approved charities via MissionFish. And if you don't want to use one of their MissionFish charities? Check this horse shit out:

Non-MissionFish listings

1. Sellers may only list items on behalf of a charity if the charity has provided advance written consent for the solicitation. To prove that you have obtained that consent, you must include a scanned copy of the consent in the listing.

So basically, they're making it harder for a person to donate money to a charity of their own choice. Like I'm going to write a letter to St. Jude's and say, "Hey, I'm selling this nipple egg to raise money for the kids you're trying to help save. Would you mind, pending the auction is successful, if I give you all the money?" YO EBAY! IT'S A FUCKING CHARITY! THEY NEED MONEY! YOU DON'T NEED WRITTEN CONSENT!

I shouldn't have to register with MissionFish just to include that in my auction either, but I would have if eBay simply sent me an email and requested that I signup with them. But no, they just deleted the auction without any warning, and thus the money we could have raised was rendered null and void.

I'd relist the auction on there without any mention of donating the proceeds to St. Jude's, but honestly, I think half the reason the auction made it to $107 bux is because it mentions that the proceeds would be going to that good charity. Then again, it IS the one and only Nipple Egg... a priceless treasure indeed. Anybody have any other ideas for alternatives?

Thanks for nothing, eBay