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Thanks for nothing, eBay

I've always loved eBay. There's all sorts of things I've won on there that I wouldn't have a chance in hell of finding anywhere else on this earth. But today they did something so asinine I can't even believe it. They removed the now infamous "Cadbury Nipple Egg auction" from their site! It had already received almost 11,000 views (which is a lot for a regular ol' auction) and the bidding was currently just over $107. In the auction, I stated that all of the proceeds would be going to the St. Jude's Research Hospital for Children. And that wasn't some scam or anything, that was just the plain truth. My pals over at Newgrounds were also going to match whatever I donated up to $1000 bux!

But guess what? The auction policing fuckwads over at eBay decided to remove the auction because they don't want people saying an auction is going to charity unless it's to one of their approved charities via MissionFish. And if you don't want to use one of their MissionFish charities? Check this horse shit out:

Non-MissionFish listings

1. Sellers may only list items on behalf of a charity if the charity has provided advance written consent for the solicitation. To prove that you have obtained that consent, you must include a scanned copy of the consent in the listing.

So basically, they're making it harder for a person to donate money to a charity of their own choice. Like I'm going to write a letter to St. Jude's and say, "Hey, I'm selling this nipple egg to raise money for the kids you're trying to help save. Would you mind, pending the auction is successful, if I give you all the money?" YO EBAY! IT'S A FUCKING CHARITY! THEY NEED MONEY! YOU DON'T NEED WRITTEN CONSENT!

I shouldn't have to register with MissionFish just to include that in my auction either, but I would have if eBay simply sent me an email and requested that I signup with them. But no, they just deleted the auction without any warning, and thus the money we could have raised was rendered null and void.

I'd relist the auction on there without any mention of donating the proceeds to St. Jude's, but honestly, I think half the reason the auction made it to $107 bux is because it mentions that the proceeds would be going to that good charity. Then again, it IS the one and only Nipple Egg... a priceless treasure indeed. Anybody have any other ideas for alternatives?

Thanks for nothing, eBay



Katherine Baskin (Guest) on 03/01/2006 2:51 am


eBay deprived us of the nipple egg. I hate eBay.


BiggerJ (Guest) on 03/01/2006 2:55 am

Here's an awesome idea: hold a contest, and the 8 winners get to participate in a tournament in front of eBay headquarters for the glorious Nipple Egg. When they ask you what the hell you're doing, tell them they gave you no choice but to hold the TOURNAMENT OF DESTINY.


BiggerJ (Guest) on 03/01/2006 2:56 am

In other words, do something very awesome that is also spiteful.


Mike (Guest) on 03/01/2006 7:51 am

It may seem like a bad policy, but you have to remember, for every person like you who wants to donate, there are 10 lowlifes who will use it as a scam. Its not like Ebay isn't saying you can't donate to another charity, they just want you to prove to them and bidders that the listing is legit.

Don't blame Ebay, blame the idiots who take advantage of such mediums for teir own profit.


El Guano (Guest) on 03/01/2006 9:28 am

That proves it...Ebay hates Children.


Kryten Syxx (Guest) on 03/01/2006 9:55 am


KGB (Guest) on 03/01/2006 12:57 pm

Well, it's not very original, but you can just ban eBay, or just DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT CHARITY.
Really, it should go to your own pocket. Which will accidently fall in that hospital of yours.
If you really want to screw them, you can just read the whole fuckin' contract to start an auction. Something must come up eventually.

Now you may throw rocks over me because I'm a fuckin' idiot with really bad ideas and searious brain problems.


Vertigo200 (Guest) on 03/01/2006 1:43 pm

My only question is this: although I have no doubts whatsoever that the proceeds where going to St. Jude’s, does E-Bay have anyway of knowing / guarantying that it will? I ask because, as mentioned previously, there are bastards out there who will lie and try to take advantage by falsely claiming charity... It’s sad, nether-the-less


KGB (Guest) on 03/01/2006 3:38 pm

Mm. After considerind that pepole won't buy that nipple egg without knowing it's goes for charity, why don't you DO ask for the hospital for a signed paper where it's clearly says all the money goes to them? even if it's for selling a freakin' nipple-chocolate-egg, they'll accept any donation, woulden't they?


-RoG- (Guest) on 03/01/2006 4:18 pm

I can understand eBay wanting some proof, and I would've been more than happy to provide it (as if the fact that it wasn't announced by Newgrounds as well wasn't enough proof), but they didn't even give us the chance. They just erased the auction completely, killing off the potential donation of $107 (times two) that we had already raised.


Shane Skekel (Guest) on 03/01/2006 5:59 pm

I say we boycott eBay until they let us show them the hard evidence that this is not a scam. Because of this incident, I am never using eBay for online auctioning. Even if they have a mint-condition Splatterhouse arcade cabinet
or two.


Kryten Syxx (Guest) on 03/01/2006 6:17 pm

One time they closed down an auction I set up to sell a Judge Dredd helmet. I got an email saying I had to prove that it was a licensed product and not fan made...WTF? I know a prop maker that has been selling Blade Runner "blaster" replicas on eBay for years with no problem. Why randomly close my auction but leave others alone?

Someone who probably isn't a fan of i-mockery sent an e-mail into eBay and complained.


KGB (Guest) on 03/01/2006 8:42 pm

Agree with the comment above me.


-RoG- (Guest) on 03/01/2006 9:49 pm

Hah, I wish I could say I'm not gonna use eBay, but that's simply not the case. There's too much stuff on there that I can't find anywhere else. Still, the fact remains that the people who police their site are too fucking uptight and they should WARN people before just blindly removing their auctions. I mean shit, there was some funny stuff going on in that auction too with the questions people were sending me that I got to answer. I would've at least liked to have saved some of that stuff. The worst part though is now we gotta start all over and figure out how the Nipple Egg can "save the children" once again.


NOOB (Guest) on 03/01/2006 10:30 pm



Ian (Guest) on 03/02/2006 12:24 am

Yeah, it's so sad that children would be pushing up daisies because Ebay had to make crazy policies when it comes to bidding such items...


Ryan (Guest) on 03/02/2006 5:01 am

dont you find it sad that you can only easily donate to charities the ychoose? ie the ones that sponsor them? sick fuckers.
open it up again, get permission from the hospital. dont give up rog, dont let the bastards win!


me (Guest) on 03/02/2006 5:14 pm

You finally have a picture of a cock on your website. Oh you big silly goose.


Tazukie Fearon (Guest) on 03/02/2006 6:11 pm

What you could do is open a new auction and in the discription state:
"Ebay prohibits me from donating the money to a charity of my own accord. I would like to state all proceeds will go to St. Jude’s Research Hospital for Children, but I can't. I would also like to say the kind folks at Newgrounds will match my donation up to $1000, but I can't say that either. Insted I will only say that the money may go to charity or my pocket."
something to that effect, see how they like that!


KGB (Guest) on 03/02/2006 9:02 pm

Greatest idea ever!
They can't do anything about that. They can madly close the auction, but that will go to court.
Well, it woulden't. But they don't know it.


BiggerJ (Guest) on 03/02/2006 9:53 pm

Oh, here's an idea. Start a new auction for the egg on eBay, but say that thanks to eBay, you are most definitely going to spend every single damned cent you get for it on booze and porn.

Then, after then auction, donate all or $1000 of it (whichever is smaller) to St. Jude's anyway, and tell us that in a blog entry.


Dude (Guest) on 03/03/2006 8:58 am

eBay and Paypal have really gone down the crapper.

A friend of mine lost his Paypal account because they claimed he'd been selling porn using it. Now last I checked, sale of pornographic materials between consenting adults is still legal. But he didn't even sell porn, he just got rid of his old "Outlaw Star" box set.

My advice to you is to just run a silent auction here off your site. Everyone e-mails you with how much they'd be willing to donate to charity, and then you just go with whoever sent you the largest number.

That or you can go with Bigger J's method. Be sure to mention you're also going to buy lots of illegal drugs and anti-semitic publications too, since apparently that's more legal and more by eBay's standards than trying to help sick kids.


KGB (Guest) on 03/03/2006 10:43 am

BiggerJ, you pronounced my idea, just better.
I gave up that idea, because you have to get this in your mind: NOONE BUYS A FUCKIN' NIPPLE EGG WHEN THEY KNOW THE MONEY GOES FOR PORN!!!


Mystie (Guest) on 03/03/2006 12:25 pm

Wow that sucks. They let that fucking 9/11 bogus Mini Wheats box go but no nipple egg? What a crock of shit. Still, I can't stay mad at eBay. It provides me with so many great things I don't really need.


-RoG- (Guest) on 03/03/2006 2:09 pm

Don't worry, you guys haven't seen the last of the mighty Nipple Egg. Right now it is gathering its strength after this temporary loss. Then, when the moment is right, it will strike with vengeance at the hearts of all who oppose it!


Steve (Guest) on 03/03/2006 2:52 pm

Good luck on your venture! Also what happened to the ice climber at the top of the blabber page?


-RoG- (Guest) on 03/03/2006 2:54 pm

Ice Climber was there along with a few other characters and plenty of snow when we had the site decorated for the holidays. He'll be back again later this year in December heheh.


Gabe (Guest) on 03/04/2006 11:11 am

Mean eBay.


NOOB (Guest) on 03/04/2006 1:11 pm

that was really BS yes YOU SUK EBAY


Corey (Guest) on 03/04/2006 3:44 pm

This idea is just building on BiggerJ and KGB, but...

You could just say at the begining of the auction "Please replace all instances of the phrase 'drugs and whores' with the phrase 'St. Judes Research Hospital for Children' in the description below."

Then say:
"I intend to spend every bit of this money on drugs and whores. Newgrounds will match all the money from this auction up to $1000 to also spend on drugs and whores. Once again, you can take comfort in the fact that all the money will go to helping drugs and whores make the world a better place. And if you don't like that we're giving all this money to drugs and whores, you are a terrible terrible person."

I'm pretty sure that eBay doesn't have a policy against spending money you get from the auction on drugs and whores.


Corey (Guest) on 03/04/2006 3:45 pm

Although, I've never read the terms of use on eBay, so I wouldn't know


Adam (Guest) on 03/04/2006 7:30 pm

I've got an idea! Start up a new bid-site called I-bay! blatently copy everything on Ebay that isnt copyrighted and make your site look exactly like that. The you can sell your nipple-egg to your hearts content.


Wolfguy (Guest) on 03/06/2006 12:14 am

Ebay denied RoG the right to sell his nipple-egg, which is bad. But Ebay also just allowed me to purchase a Power Glove, which is good.


FallenAngel (Guest) on 03/07/2006 6:02 pm

You know, I could understand if it was a charity no one had ever heard of. However, it was for St. Jude's! Maybe I have entirely too much faith in people, but I really doubt someone would use a well known charity as a scam. I'm absolutely astounded at this crap.


NinjaJuice (Guest) on 03/07/2006 7:02 pm

Yeah, shit like this will probably turn-off a lot of potential patrons.


El Singario (Guest) on 03/08/2006 8:50 am

The best thing to do is just contact St. Jude's, get some official documents, and try again.


Devin (Guest) on 03/08/2006 9:53 pm

What a load of horse shit. That is fucking stupid.


Jreed (Guest) on 03/11/2006 4:16 am

Oh what the hell?

Man,this sucks!


jc (Guest) on 11/30/2007 8:54 pm

This shit is fun to read!

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