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I-Mockery’s 2006 Secret Santa Event!

If there's one thing about Christmas that I've always liked, it's whenever I've been a part of a Secret Santa game. For those of you not in the know; Secret Santa is when a bunch of people gather together with presents in hand with the intention of exchanging them. However, you don't buy the presents for a specific person, you just buy something and put it into the pile. The people then draw numbers from a hat (usually a Santa hat, ho-ho-ho) to see who gets to pick from the gift pile first. After the first person gets his/her gift, they then must open it and show it to everybody and the person who bought it usually reveals himself/herself. At this point, the second person in line can either choose something from the gift pile or they can take the present that the first person already opened. The game continues on like this until everybody has had a chance to get a gift and it ends with the first person getting to choose to take a present back (if his/her present was taken at some point during the game).

Now back in elementary school, it wasn't as fun because one kid always got way better gifts than everybody else, and then some kid would get upset and start pulling hair and attempt to shove a huge glob of Elmer's Paste down the throat of whatever kid got the best gift. Ok it was me, but COME ON, he was asking for it! I got a friggin' Wooly Willy magnetic hair toy while Ted got a brand new Skeletor w/ Panthor gift set. That lucky sonofabitch had it comin' and I hope he can still sense the faint taste of school paste when he goes to sleep every night. Thankfully, it's always a lot of fun nowadays, and if you're friends with the same kind of people that I'm friends with, it can often involve a) truly hilarious gifts b) truly disgusting gifts or c) hilariously disgusting gifts. I won't get into all the details, but I'm sure you can all imagine.

Anyway, last year we held I-Mockery's first annual "Secret Santa" event and while we had a lot of fun with it, some people were flat-out lazy, and as a result it wasn't as good as it could've been. This year, we've got the event set up properly and it's going to be way better, so I'm proud to announce I-Mockery's 2006 Secret Santa event! What we do is simple. We collect the names of anybody who wishes to participate and then each of them are assigned one person to send a gift to. Every person who sends a gift out, will get a gift from a random person on the forums too. And the best part is you won't know who you're getting a gift from until it arrives. But it doesn't end there. Once you get your gift(s), you then post photos of them in our Secret Santa message board thread along with your comments about them. Last year, some people (myself included) actually told a story based on the gifts that they received. And no, you don't have to live in the U.S. to participate, this is open to anybody anywhere.

Sounds fun eh? You're damned right it does. All you have to is register on our message forums (if you haven't already) and then follow the instructions for participating in the event. And don't worry, everybody will be getting roughly the same level of gifts because we've set a minimum and maximum spending amount on them. So there won't be any of that "one person gets a Nintendo Wii system and another person gets a box of melted popsicles" kind of bullshit. The deadline for the signing up to participate is November 26th, and if you're brand new to the forums, you'll probably want to sign up a little earlier than that because there are several verification steps you'll have to go through in order to participate in the Secret Santa event.

You can find out more details about the event in the official Secret Santa event thread here:

In other news, I'm sure you've all heard about the Dora the Explorer Aquapet that recently came out. If I had any idea that the entire internet would've made such a big deal over that thing just because it's phallic, I would've posted about it a long time ago. You see, it's really nothing new because Aquapets have been around for quite a while...

I'm submerged in a watery penis tomb for all eternity. I love my life.

We've had this lil' fella for 2 years or so and his container is just as phallic as the new Dora one that everybody's making a big deal about. Oh well, sometimes I just can't be the first one to break the big news about the latest phallic toys. It's something I've come to accept over the years. At least I can always count on this lil' guy to keep me company - he even sings some weird little tunes (including his own rendition of Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries") while doing his aquadance whenever I push one of the buttons. My real friends won't do that for me even if I offer them cash.

Now, if you don't mind, I've got an Aquapet to go sit on talk to.

Random survey: Have you participated in a "Secret Santa" event at any point in your life? If so, what are some of the most memorable gifts you've given and received?

Random survey #2: What should we name our Aquapet and why?



Lucy (Guest) on 11/18/2006 7:57 am

Yay! First comment! Anyway, just wanted to say I love this site, I'm in the UK and basically I live vicariously through all your Halloween articles because us Brits really don't get into the holiday that much. Um, in terms of Secret Santa the way we usually do it is you know which person you're buying for so that you can get them a gift which they (as an individual) would like, but I suppose that other way could work too. The one time I did Secret Santa my gift was shite, it was a necklace from H&M, which in itself was an alright gift, but seeing as I don't wear jewellery, it kind of said that the person buying it for me hardly knew anything about me. Oh well.


Lucy (Guest) on 11/18/2006 7:59 am

Urgh, writing in text-boxes induces a case of terminally long sentence structure and bad punctuation. Also, I forgot to say about the Aquapet. It looks quite surprised so maybe something to do with that...? I'm rubbish at names.


Aks (Guest) on 11/18/2006 8:26 am

I have been in a secret santa thing before except it was halloween and you rolled dice to pick up a certain gift. Also the gifts were all from one person. I got this wierd squishy thing with big eyes and named him oogley (oog-lee). Also I think you should name your aquapet. I dont know what because I cant even remember my own name sometimes. But if you dont (I dont know if youve heard this but it happened to my friends brothers cousins nephew!) they kill you in your sleep by eating your head off! :o


Taijoker (Guest) on 11/18/2006 9:25 am

really?, wow, thats a pretty evil toy

anyway, yeah i have been in a secret santa once, and ours was that we got given a name, and we had to buy that person a gift. we all got our stuff, then you can swap/exchange as normal. the gift i was given was wrapped up in such a huge box it wasnt funny. it was actually a large flat screen tv box, which was 1/3 filled with cement, to seem real. on top of the cement was a mars bar :(
id say you should mane him... monsieur frrrredric. purely because its such a cool name


jack_the_ripper (Guest) on 11/18/2006 9:32 am

Answer #1: Yes i have. I got demonic action figure set, that included some cool monster's. And what gift i gave to Secret Santa game? Barbie, of course. The biggest cry-baby off our class got it. He started literally kicking and screaming, then he ran away to home. Next day, he came to school with he's mother, who started arguing with the teacher. Good times... Bytheway: the cry-baby was 15 years old back then...

Answer #2: Strawberry-buttplug, you can imagine all the old ladies who bought this toy as a gift, couldn't give them away, because the "personal reasons"...
Ewww!!! Don't let Protoclown have it...


person_who_is_cool (Guest) on 11/18/2006 9:39 am

uhh, i think you should name the aquapet radish-head, cuz he looks like a radish


James (Guest) on 11/18/2006 11:08 am

I remember back in middleschool. It was the christmas of 97'. There was a plan between some of the popular kids to smuggle a porno mag to another kid in the class using the christmas grab bag/secret santa.

To make a long story short, the teacher caught wind of the plan and stood by as the presents were passed out. The plan went sour when an un-popular kid (who was sitting in the unpopular section of the class with me) got the flattest present in the class. The teacher stood over him as he opened it up, and then Bam! A copy of Hustler appeared beneath the wrapping paper. Wet jugs edition if my perverted little mind remembers correctly. The whole class got in trouble after the near riot of giggling ended.

Gotta love the holidays.


Mltvcocktail (Guest) on 11/18/2006 11:59 am

I'm not sure if it's a California thing but I thought secret santa is when you get someone's name and then you buy a present for them. They of course would not have your name but someone else's. We usually call what you're describing Yankee Swap.
Dwight Schrute: "Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets... Christmas."


richard (Guest) on 11/18/2006 4:14 pm

Ooooh yeah! secret santa? sounds cool. i dunno, i think im too unimportant on here to get anyone anything :( if i get permission from yours truly, the i'll try :)


D’ (Guest) on 11/18/2006 4:28 pm

Ah, "Secret Santa." What memories come flooding back into my mind. My most memorable gift isn't a gift at all, it is actually the "SS" event that myself, and some friends had partaken in.

We usually do the whole "gamer" thing and give out various games, system accessories, etc. The year before last, my entire group of friends ended up getting a game for a system they did not own. People who had PS2's got X-Box games. Someone who had a Genesis and Turbo-Grafix 16 got a small box of SNES games. Suffice to say alot of trading went on afterwards, but it was fun none-the-less.

As for the Aquapet's name? Look at those eyes, that slightly surprised expression .. Why, they only thing that would fit is ..

"Grimrock: The Mighty Soul Compactor!"


Steve (Guest) on 11/18/2006 9:29 pm

I've done the Secret Santa thing with some friends in the past. It was ok...nothing to write about.

As for your aquapet:
Because it does look like a radish trapped in a dildo. Also, Radildo can be said in a suave Spanish accent and sound really cool.


Newbe’ (Guest) on 11/19/2006 2:12 am

1: No. Although I was in a Yankee Gift Swap twice... Man, I hate those things.

2: Re's christmas gift.


Chris (Guest) on 11/19/2006 11:54 am

1. never participated in one

2. You should call it Bruce Campbell, because the little what-mer-call-it inside reminds me of him. :O


Codiekitty (Guest) on 11/19/2006 2:28 pm

1 - I don't think I've ever participated in a Secret Santa event, but in grade school we had class gift exchanges.

For second grade, we played Hot Potato with a wrapped gift in two groups; boys and girl, because no self respecting boy wants to go home with a Barbie doll. Then whoever was holding it when the music stopped got the gift. I think I contributed a set of "earring" stickers. I left with a piece of shit change purse made of fake pearls.

In the fifth grade, I don't know how we did the gift giving, nor do I remember what I got from it, but I contributed a keyring of a green plush parrot (the body was maybe about the length of a grown man's index finger, plus a tail), and the person who got it seemed to absolutely dispise it.

2 - Dora, and I shouldn't need to explain why.


BigAl (Guest) on 11/19/2006 6:31 pm

1.) One time in elementery school I got Super Mario All Stars for SNES, and it was SHWEET!

2.) It looks like an upsidedown blooddrop, so call it BLUDSTOREM


X (Guest) on 11/20/2006 12:06 am

I used to work in a children's center, so you KNOW the SS there was infestered with cuteness. Each person was assigned another person, and we were to give that person little gifts over the course of the week. I got a lot of hand-made arty things with rocket ships saying "do you know who I am yet?" I think I eventually got a $10 coin thingy for Chicken Out, which I still have because I like the coin more than I like the food there.


Ramco (Guest) on 11/20/2006 3:07 am

What's wrong with Wooly Willy? There's nothing more fun than making a Hitler Willy or a Billy Gibbons Willy and scaring your parents.


peety (Guest) on 11/20/2006 1:52 pm

1) Nope im too much of a greedy sod to GIVE gifts.

2) You may call it....Mikomi. Because that is the only name is can think of.


Ilya (Guest) on 11/20/2006 6:39 pm

i had secret santa from like 3rd to 6th grade...I remember giving a lego set i had built and then putting it back in the box and giving it as a gift..I gave a box of choco laaates once to this stinky paki kid.

I dont really remember what i got!Hmmmmm probably shit.


Colin (Guest) on 11/20/2006 7:59 pm

Hey RoG, I just read through your Wii launch party gallery and saw you reference the crazy guy dressed as Mario. He actually has his own video program on, where he is known as the "Game Jew." Just thought you might be interested and keep up the great work on the site!


Kimert (Guest) on 11/21/2006 6:58 pm

Did a tacky Secret Santa once were you didn't get to trade presents. My friend gave a used blister pack of gum. I remember sitting with her in the car before hand, chewing gum and then putting it back in.


Nemurenai (Guest) on 11/23/2006 3:05 pm

1. Gave - a big ol' pale green, hideous candle shaped like a cowboy boot.
Got - terrifying naked woman incense burner with sparkly nipples.
2. Opera Daikon. It sounds pleasantly eccentric and still upholds the radish theme.


ElSingario (Guest) on 11/27/2006 10:03 pm

I've done two SS things, both in my early days of schooling. The first one, in Kindergarten, was restricted only to books.

Gave: Clifford's Christmas.
Received: "The Night Before Christmas"

I was pretty pissed off about that.

Second one, in the third grade.

Gave: I honestly don't remember. My best guess would be a wrestling action figure, but the only basis I have for that guess would be that the guy I gave it to liked wrestling.

Got: A pair of finger roller blades, which, despite being perhaps the most absurd idea of all time, seemed like the greatest gift ever way back then.

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