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FlavorProtect? I call bullshit! Also: the Indian Butter Trick!

So I was making a batch of Pasta Roni the other day when I was reminded of something I had meant to discuss on here a while ago. See, one of the ingredients for Pasta Roni is butter, and on the back of my Land O'Lakes butter box I saw this notice:

I call bullshit!

A while back I had seen a commercial promoting this so-called "FlavorProtect" wrapper as a big selling point. For chrissakes, it's just a wrapper! It's the same kind of wrapper that all sticks of butter come packaged in! So yes, I am calling bullshit on their FlavorProtect wrapper. What exactly is it about the Land O'Lakes wrapper that makes it "protect" the butter flavor far more than other butter wrappers? Do they have some sort of über-secret wrapping technology or did they simply steal these preservation methods from the Egyptian mummification process? We may never find out the truth.

Well anyway, since we're on the topic of Land O'Lakes butter, this is probably as good a time as any for me to share the infamous Indian Butter Trick with you. Now I'm sure that many of you have heard of this old trick, but for the uninitiated, allow me to explain...

Screw the Pilgrims, for I have butter!

The idea behind this trick is to take the Land O'Lakes Indian lady and make it so you can lift up her box of butter to reveal a "surprise" behind it. In order to do this trick, you'll need one box of Land O'Lakes butter. Each box has two sides that feature the full logo, and you'll need to keep both of them. Cut each of these sides apart from the rest of the box and throw the remnants away (optional task: burn the "FlavorProtect" side in effigy). Now with one of the two logo sides, you'll want to use an X-Acto knife and cut along the bottom, left and right edges of the box of butter that she's holding in the picture. You do this so that you can lift up the box as if it's on a hinge. Make sure you don't cut the top edge though, otherwise, you'll just ruin the project completely. Next, you'll want to take the other box side that you cut out and remove the knees from the picture. Now all you have to do is attach the knees to the back of the other box side where you originally cut out the three sides of the butter box. So what's the result of all this crafty work?

Does the FlavorProtect Wrapper protect those too?

You have an Indian woman who unveils her boobs when you lift up the butter box flap. Yep, it's one of those tricks that somebody with waaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands came up with, but hey, at least they contributed something to society, right? Right.

The feel good book of the year!

In other news, one of my old favorite lyricists, John S. Hall, has just put out a new book. Some of you may remember him from the band King Missile and the song "Detachable Penis" that was a big hit on radio stations for a while. I still maintain they have FAR greater songs than that one though, "Ed" being my favorite, and Hall has also done some excellent spoken word material. His new book is called "Daily Negations" and the title pretty much sums it up. It's a satirical collection of negative thoughts - one for each day of the year. For example: "July 11: Today I will not let occasional lapses of beauty or goodness stand in the way of my having a bad day." If you ask me, it's the "feel good" book of the year. Pick it up, and while you're at it, get some King Missile CDs too.

On a final note, I'm happy to announced that Season 2 of the Upright Citizens Brigade is finally coming out this fall. You might recall that I-Mockery played a large part in getting the first season of UCB released on DVD, so it's really great to see that the second season is finally coming out. Finally, you'll have a chance to learn about the glorious Spaghetti Jesus or the dangers of Supercool.

Survey: Ok now 'fess up perverts, how many of you have tried (or plan on trying) the Land O'Lakes Indian Butter Trick?

Blog Contest: Post one of your own daily negations (ie: the opposite of a "daily affirmation" if you will). Whoever posts the most amusing one will receive a free copy of John S. Hall's new "Daily Negations" book. This contest ends Friday, April 6, 2007. One entry per person, please.

P.S.: We'll be at the Cannibal Flower group show for a little while tomorrow night (Saturday) at Infusion Gallery in Los Angeles. Re has a piece that's gonna be in there. So for any of you L.A. mockers, be sure to stop by and check it out!



James (Guest) on 03/30/2007 10:29 am

I would try the trick....but I would probably cry out of shame and loneliness afterwards.

And, not to mention, I have unsteady hands.


Jesse B (Guest) on 03/30/2007 11:21 am

I see you didn't accept my challenge, Roger.

You see, I'm happy that you didn't. I now know your true colors. And it’s red.

You must hate America. You grew tired for freedom, and now you become a commie. Just change the site to We-Mockery, we all knows now!

You make the Greatest American Hero not want to fight crime anymore. Oh, what’s that? He still does? Well, he was going to come out of retirement for it thanks to you, Roger, but not anymore. He doesn't want to fight in a country where people like you constantly stomp on the Bill of Rights and piss on the flag.

Way to go, Roger.


Courtney (Guest) on 03/30/2007 11:26 am

my little brother did that trick once and left the box in the fridge. my dad thought it was funny. mom did not.


JohhnyDamage (Guest) on 03/30/2007 3:14 pm

"Shouldn't your butter taste like butter?"

I wasn't aware that was a concern in this country.


-RoG- (Guest) on 03/30/2007 5:19 pm

James, this country was built on unsteady hands... have at it!

Jesse B, there was nothing in your so-called challenge for me. If I lost, you got my Wii... if I won I got what exactly?

Courtney, then you need to trade in your mom for one with a better sense of humor. It's simple math really: Indian + Kneeboobs = Funny.

JohnnyDamage, yeah I've yet to have a butter that didn't taste like butter. But hey, I'm not a master chef, so what do I know?


doctor dumbass (Guest) on 03/30/2007 5:35 pm

LOL, nice trick!


Courtney (Guest) on 03/30/2007 7:11 pm

the funniest part is that it's so easy to torture my mom because she has no sense of humor. my middle brother has metal plates in his face from an accident about 5 years ago, and he occasionally sticks magnets to his face and screams "oh my god!!! get them off!!!".

5 years after the accident, she still bursts into tears every time he does this. i think it's hysterical, especially when he uses the magnets shaped like little piece of fruit or veggies.

step-mom thinks these antics are hysterical. she rules.


Courtney (Guest) on 03/30/2007 7:12 pm

i will trade anyone their mom for mine. i'll even throw in one of 2 of my brothers. they make good laborers -- taking out trash, raking leaves, you know.

make me an offer!!!


Courtney (Guest) on 03/30/2007 7:24 pm

uh, i meant one or two. not one of two. i no type good.


Ronin S (Guest) on 03/30/2007 9:00 pm

Thank you, that brand of butter tastes great, but I'm glad that others are able to see through the glorified wax paper 'flavor protector' bullshit. I guess it sounds better then 'we wrap our butter in waxed paper' to me that's like McDonald's using the slogan 'we have our people ask if you want fries with that'. Or the airline company using 'we land our planes without them catching fire or crashing'.

I never thought to do the boobies trick though, probably because boobies really don't hold any interest for me.


jesse (Guest) on 03/30/2007 9:10 pm

I look forward to more 80s action movie reviews!


Jesse B (Guest) on 03/30/2007 10:50 pm

The damned pride of fighting for your Wii, you ungrateful commie!

Or, some prize, like 10,000 Wii points or something.


X (Guest) on 03/30/2007 11:10 pm

My mom never bought anything but margarine when I was growing up, so nothing with Land'O'Lakes on it ever came into my possession for me to try this. I didn't find out about it until I read it in a Beavis and Butthead comic book. Seems like something I would have tried when I was 13 or so.


Sejanoz (Guest) on 03/31/2007 2:11 am

I remember reading about that trick years ago on another website (which shall remain nameless). I would have tried it, if not for the fact that we don't get Land O' Lakes butter here in Australia.

My daily negation: For every news story that restores my faith in humanity, there are at least five that will destroy it even more thoroughly.


Adam (Guest) on 03/31/2007 2:13 am

Heya -RoG-—your article about "Cobra" reminded me of another movie I'm almost sure you've heard of, but it deserves a linky here anyway: "The Undefeatable" has, perhaps, one of the best worst fight scenes ever put on film, and the villain's knife looks suspiciously similar to that of one Marion Cobretti.


Bradzilla (Guest) on 03/31/2007 9:22 am

Daily Negation: March 31: Today, when I awoke from my slumber, I knew that it was one of the greatest nights of sleep that I have ever had in my life. I was so refreshed. I soon realized, from that point on, I would never be able to attain the same level of sleep that I did last night. My initial feelings of happiness were soon overtaken by a massive desire to achieve that level of sleep once more in my life. I soon realized that the only way I could have that would be through death. However, suicide is out of the question because I know I would just end up screwing that up as well.


David Fullam (Guest) on 03/31/2007 10:39 am

Several years back, Penthouse magazine did an article on controversial advertising. The butter trick was in there. A few issues later they printed a letter from the Grandson of the man who designed the box. He stated that Granddad did indeed design the image that way on purpose as a joke, just to see if anyone picked up on it and to see if he could slip it by his bosses.


womti (Guest) on 03/31/2007 2:42 pm

it's a great trick and al, if you're a pervet. and why she has no nipples is beyond me.


Steve (Guest) on 03/31/2007 3:33 pm

My daily negation: Why put off today what you can trick some neighborhood kids into doing for pennies an hour.


rimmie (Guest) on 03/31/2007 5:37 pm

*raises hand* I am totally going to try it. I will have to remember to pick up some at the store next time.


Ermak (Guest) on 03/31/2007 7:02 pm

Weird...I thought "detachable penis" was by Primus. Must of been a cover.


fgjghj (Guest) on 03/31/2007 10:50 pm

its called "marketing gimmicks"


ColdFusion (Guest) on 04/01/2007 12:33 am

Butter growing rancid and nasty-tasting in the fridge is a very legitimate concern though. One time my mom wanted to make me a pleased boy by making me pancakes for breakfast.. the butter she used tasted like it had pepper and all kinds of crap mixed into it... I nearly womited.
I believe the problem is that simple wax-paper wrapping doesn't block all kinds of molecules from getting in.. only foil does. If this stuff does, too, then good for it.. but I'm skeptical too.


jesse (Guest) on 04/01/2007 2:29 am

RoG, please do a review of undefeatable, that video adam posted was hilarious.


Aks (Guest) on 04/01/2007 11:12 am

I saw that trick in a Beavis and Butthead comic once.

If you really wanna nerd it up with an awesome book, pickup the summoner.


armac (Guest) on 04/01/2007 2:01 pm

the reason she has no nipples, womti, is because they are her knees


i-mock-you- (Guest) on 04/01/2007 4:18 pm

if nipples matter so much to you womti, just grab a freakin' sharpie marker.

I honestly don't plan on trying the butter box trick (most likely because i'm female).

You know, I think the Flavor-Protect wrapper must be waxed paper with baking soda in the wax. Like those Fridge fresh things.


ElSingario (Guest) on 04/01/2007 10:01 pm

My daily negation for April 1: Today, I will try to ignore when my friends shout "April Fool's!" after giving me a compliment.


Steve (Guest) on 04/02/2007 12:06 am

Yay for Pickle Frogger!


Teros (Guest) on 04/02/2007 8:34 am

A bit late for an april fools joke dont you think?


-RoG- (Guest) on 04/02/2007 10:21 am

jesse, don't worry, I'll definitely be featuring more cheesy old action movies on I-Mockery. I grew up on 'em! Doubt I'll do that one Adam posted though, that thing has been floating around on the web for years and years now. Pretty much everybody's seen it heheh.

Teros, considering it ran all day on April 1st, uh nope, I'd say it was right on time. I just left it up this Monday morning so people who didn't have a chance to see it on Sunday could still check it out.

For those of you who missed I-Froggery, you can still check it out here!

And don't forget to post your Daily Negations here in this thread for a chance to win a new copy of the book!


Shawn (Guest) on 04/03/2007 9:00 pm

Wow, freaky. I haven't been around to check I-Mockery for a few days, but when I read this blog, I was actually listening to Happy Hour. Seriously.


James (Guest) on 04/04/2007 6:23 pm

Daily Negation:
Note to self, remember to kill myself with a spoon at 9:00.

No more negative than that. =D


Jesse B (Guest) on 04/05/2007 11:48 am





-RoG- (Guest) on 04/05/2007 11:58 am

That was no kick, that was a KNEE TO THE GROIN! Totally legal!


Jesse B (Guest) on 04/05/2007 1:58 pm

I demand a rulebook that states that "knee to the groin" is a legal move in thumb wars.


jesse (Guest) on 04/06/2007 1:37 am

Is it my imagination, or does Dr. Boogie look like Philip Seymour Hoffman?


Aks (Guest) on 04/06/2007 4:41 pm

I hope Im not too late D:

Negation- Your parents do not love you.


david (Guest) on 05/03/2010 12:05 pm

i love this site lol keep it going :)


SpiderJohn (Guest) on 10/02/2015 8:56 am

The first time I saw the knee boob gag I kicked the slats out of my crib and then took off my diaper and used it to climb out of my crib so I crawl to the living room and and wipe my a$$ on that nice soft white rug.

As for the flavor protect wrapper the shit works a while back ago some of the idgits where I work decided to put "Flavorprotect" wrappers to the test by placing 4 sticks of butter that was wrapped in flavorprotect wrapper and 4 sticks that were in a"regular wrapper" and 4 sticks of butter that were not wrapped in a container with a 1 pound wedge of limburger cheese for a week and made three pumpkin pies using the same pie filling and had pie tasting at work. The winner hands down was the pie whose crust was made with the butter sticks wrapped in the "Flavorprotect" wrappers and the other two pies tied for as not edible.

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