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Burgertime Baddies Battle!

Now that I've got some good video capture software, I was really happy to finally be able to do an article on "Tag Team" because there was virtually nothing about the TV show anywhere on the web. No footage of it to be found and only a small entry on IMDB. I was lucky enough to stumble on a copy of the pilot episode a while back (along with some other old shows that hardly anybody has ever heard of that I will surely be reviewing at some point) and I was laughing my ass off at how bad, yet hilarious it was. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper and Jesse "The Body" Ventura in a show about ex-wrestlers who become cops, yet still use their wrestling moves to fight the bad guys? How can you go wrong with a formula like that? If only the TV execs had given that show the greenlight... who knows what hilarity we would've been treated to during a full season. Ah well, at least you can all check out the pilot episode to experience what could have been. If you don't enjoy it, I'll have some words with you down in Piper's Pit.

In other news, an I-Mockery reader just sent me the Antworks Illuminated Ant Habitat from my wish list which rocks, because I was just talking about getting some pets the other week. And really, what could make better pets than a bunch of ants? Ok, well a lot of things could make for better pets than ants, but this is still gonna rock. I already sent away for the ants to be mailed to me (they don't come with the ant farm) so hopefully they'll be arriving soon. It's gonna be nice watching ants eat and tunnel through glowing blue goo. Pictures will be forthcoming as soon as I receive the ants. Maybe you guys can help me name them. Then again, it'd probably be hard to keep track of which ant is which.

So the other day I was playing Burgertime and got to thinking, "What if the bad guys from Burgertime no longer wanted to kill chef Peter Pepper and instead turned on each other? Who would win in this 3-way battle?" Clearly there's only one way to settle this:

Only one shall emerge victorious! Choose your food!

For our next big "Showdown" discussion here in the I-Mockery blog, we must choose who would emerge victorious in an all-out brawl: Mr. Hot Dog, Mr. Egg, or Mr. Pickle. Cast your votes and be sure to back up why you think your choice would win with supporting evidence!

Also why aren't there any female counterparts to these foods? Furthermore, how can they even tell if a hot dog, egg and pickle are males? Ok, granted, a hot dog is phallic by nature, but what about the other two?



Cooper (Guest) on 05/11/2007 3:24 pm

1. uhhh..... i would pick the pickle as a winner of the three way battle because i like pickles and it would win because of its garlicky smell and it would overpower the other baddies.

2. the egg might be a unknown sex because the unborn baby is a male or a female and a pickle is a male because of its phallus look alike because a pickle is a small phallus of a cucumber.

out. of. time.


Cooper (Guest) on 05/11/2007 3:25 pm

i'm now first and second comment!


out. of. time.


Blodigar (Guest) on 05/11/2007 3:32 pm

Mr. Hot Dog, Mr. Egg, and Mr. Pickle? Doesn't anybody see a Reservoir Dogs joke coming up? Where's Mr. Pink Taco?


doctor dumbass (Guest) on 05/11/2007 3:36 pm

pickles are also phallic, so I guess that means eggs are female. The hot dog would win because It's the only one of the 3 foods listed that I like.


Cooper (Guest) on 05/11/2007 3:37 pm

well i could be wrong abot the pickle's gender, it could be a female because the sliced pickle could be a _______ "hint hint"


war at home sucks (Guest) on 05/11/2007 3:44 pm

Doc Dumbass, How dare you not like pickles! Pickleman will come and maul you in your sleep for such blasphemy.


Gus (Guest) on 05/11/2007 4:23 pm

MR EGG. Yesssssssssssssssssss. it are the one@


XutaWoo (Guest) on 05/11/2007 5:29 pm

Mr. Egg. I'm sorry, but a fried egg will kick so much ass. And I like hot dogs better, so I'm not biased!

Why would it win? Well, it's freaking cyclopic, and it still side steps! And you can clearly see it's pupil, looking at the ground.


DrBadfish (Guest) on 05/11/2007 6:40 pm

Hot Dog, they are generally bigger and weigh more than these other foods


Erin (Guest) on 05/11/2007 8:24 pm

I believe Mr. Pickle would win, because the other two would spoil so much faster. He would still be crunchy while Mr. Hot Dog and Mr. Egg were mush on the ground, crawling with flies.


NinjaRygar (Guest) on 05/11/2007 9:49 pm

Mr. Hot Dog had power in numbers. Remember? There were like 3 of them. However... they were dumb. They sometimes wandered aimlessly. They were fast though.

Eggman was all alone but usually brave enough to come at you right from the start. Nobody can hold back the eggman. He chases after you RELENTLESSLY... problem is though.. he's not as fast as a hot dog.

Now pickles... I believe there were two of them. They're smart as an egg but as fast as a wiener... and they work as a team.

Pros: Fast, there are many of them.
Cons: Dumb

Pros: Dedicated to taking you down.
Cons: Slow, alone (and loaded with saturated fat)

Pros: Two of them, fast, smart
Cons: NONE. (they start to appear in level 3)

1st: Pickle
2nd: Hotdog
3rd: Egg


Tim (Guest) on 05/11/2007 9:56 pm

Hands down, the pickle. The logic behind this is simple. Watch the Humpty Dance video.

Did it have an egg in it? No.

Did it have a hot dog in it? No.

Did it have a pickle in it? Absolutely!


MEK (Guest) on 05/12/2007 4:48 am

Mr. Pickle, when the goin' get tough, Pickleman will come to help ony the Pickle-Side.


Ivy (Guest) on 05/12/2007 8:27 am

I think Mr.Egg because he looks cool. Go Mr.Egg!^_^


Scott (Guest) on 05/12/2007 9:40 am

seriously, why are hotdogs, pickles, and eggs bad? If you combined the 3 (trifecta) and ate them all together, it would PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE with it's delciousness... seriously, a hotdog with pickles AND a fried egg on top?!??!!!??!!?? RIGHT IN THE FACE. DELICIOUS.


richard (Guest) on 05/12/2007 9:52 am

pickles for the win.


Adam (Guest) on 05/12/2007 10:37 am

Heh, heh, Mrs. Egg. Anyone find some 5th grade humor there?


XutaWoo (Guest) on 05/12/2007 11:23 am

Actually, only the hotdog could be male or female. The egg would be an under-developed something, not having any sexual organs, therefore, it's neither. And pickles are plants, they have sexual "organs," but they're otherwise untellable which gender it is. And you're usually to see the organs, anyway. Only the hotdog could be male/female because it comes from a grown pig. And you wouldn't see any difference between male or female hotdogs, so that doesn't really matter. Infact, they're all genderless, because they're food. And that's my scientic answer.


Nick (Guest) on 05/12/2007 12:55 pm

Mr. Pickle, because he is hardcore.

Also because I don't see a hotdog or egg representing I-Mockery.


Teros (Guest) on 05/12/2007 1:54 pm

Im gonna go for the pickle, i hate hotdogs and im allergic to eggs so it only leaves me with the one option.


Blood_panther (Guest) on 05/12/2007 2:37 pm

Mr. hotdog all the way. one headbutt to mr egg and his yolk would fall all over the floor. and he'd just have to swing his big head and sweap mr pickle to the side. then jump on em or something.


Skate (Guest) on 05/12/2007 6:09 pm

Mr. Hotdog, because he's full of phallic awesomeness.


rowdykatie (Guest) on 05/12/2007 9:38 pm

I believe they named the dog BodyslamS, not Bodyslam.


teknotheef (Guest) on 05/13/2007 8:10 am

Mr. Bottlecaps, the great sugary soda flavored food seeking vengance for the nerds that swarmed his family.


Frostor (Guest) on 05/13/2007 2:37 pm

Pickle, for all the reasons stated, plus it's the most acidic. Do not underestimate the power of brine.


Ollie (Guest) on 05/13/2007 3:55 pm

Toss up between Egg and HotDog because One
looks like a dismembered eye floating in it's
I-Gel an the other looks like a nasty peice of
living viscera.

Hey, who knew video games where so brutal in the 80s. awesome!


Toxin Blackheart (Guest) on 05/13/2007 4:09 pm


Hands down.

I mean look at the sprite. His tiny pickle feet are stained red with the blood of past enemies. All attacks against him are rendered useless due to his slim, well cut form.

All hail the pickle!


Reaper (Guest) on 05/13/2007 5:54 pm

Hot dog. It's phalic. Everyone loves big 10 inch meat between their buns.


rimmie (Guest) on 05/13/2007 6:20 pm

I am gonna say Mr. Pickle because I love pickles and I have a Super Pickle doll from the 80's that I love. So ROCK ON PICKLE!!!

Can one of the ants be named Hermie or Freddie?


Darkmyst (Guest) on 05/14/2007 12:51 pm

If these pickles are anything like the unholy circlets of doom that haunt the burgers of McDonalds, there's no way anything could defeat them. Their malevolent powers are simply too great to overcome.

For second place, Egg > Sausage.


Dwitefry (Guest) on 05/14/2007 3:48 pm

please, eggs are such pussies, you hit them like one and their yellow-y guts will just spill out, one swift headbutt from Mr. Hotdog and that's it.


Castroprh (Guest) on 05/14/2007 4:46 pm

Mr. Hotdog has to win, look at him, he's evasive and quick. A real go getter.


weirdguy (Guest) on 05/14/2007 10:53 pm

Considering the average intelligence of these three in the game, I'd have to go with the pickle....but then again, the hot dog has a heck of a lot of doppelgangers, so I guess in a one on one fight the pickle would win, but he'd get the crap kicked out of him by the hotdog's posse after the fight.


Zachary (Guest) on 05/15/2007 5:45 am


Because it looks like a PENIS and MEN are SUPERIOR. Also weenies are really good. (Not the kind attached to a scrotum, you sick bastards)


ninjawolf (Guest) on 05/15/2007 11:04 am

I offer this as a counter to what XutaWoo : Yes, your typical hot dog, pickle or egg is asexual, but we're not talking about normal food products. These things are sentient. If they have mutated to the point of being able to walk I think they could've also mutated to reproduce sexually. If this is indeed true then they probably have internal sex organs.


Stevetothepast (Guest) on 05/15/2007 2:08 pm

Alright, first off, Mr.Pickle would kick some serious ass.I shouldn't have to explain myself but I will.Pickles are crunchy and have no fat, they are lean green machines just like the turtles.
Next, he would have to have a mean-ass name like Dillicious Dillbert or The Pickler Prick.
Anyways thats my two cents, and by the way, two cents more than I'd spend on that nasty-ass weiner.


jesse (Guest) on 05/15/2007 8:24 pm

Pickleman would never let Mr. Pickle down.


Reaper (Guest) on 05/16/2007 6:02 am

Jesus had a weiner. Are you saying that pickles are better than Jesus? 'Cause all I need is one call to Pat Robertson, and he be all up your grill.


Bicuriously Curious (Guest) on 05/16/2007 11:13 am

They decide that violence amongst themselves is a pointless distraction, and decide to revolt against the TRUE enemy: IHOPS!! 0:


Teros (Guest) on 05/17/2007 10:28 am



Blodigar (Guest) on 05/17/2007 11:03 am

Call Pat Robertson all you wan't Reaper. he's not as powerful as he was before because of the recent demise of Jerry Falwell.


Reaper (Guest) on 05/17/2007 3:14 pm

Pat Robertson could suck my left nut for all I care. I just wanted to make fun of him because he'll cream his pants if anyone even mentions the J-man. I just think a hot dog would win. A pickle is like a dick, just covered in mold. Now that's disgusting.


antihero (Guest) on 05/20/2007 8:38 am

It's very hard to decide but I think that Mr. Hot Dog would be my favourite because it looks the cutiest.


Aks (Guest) on 05/22/2007 12:32 am

Mr. Pickle because Pickleman will help him KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS.

Wud up.


Colin (Guest) on 05/25/2007 12:48 pm

If you've played the game youll know that pickle would kick ass cause he is prettymuch the hardest enemy and doesnt even appear until the fabled third level. By that time most of your lives and pepper are already toast and mr pickle just beats you into the ground


briny bill (Guest) on 08/03/2007 3:34 pm

the pickil because rog be came a demigod by having a pickl hat


Siin (Guest) on 07/07/2008 1:56 am

Did anyone remember why the hot dog was so brutal? Because you'd gas him with pepper, and then his buddy would come from behind and kill you. In other words, it looked like you were getting raped by a hotdog. So, weenies for teh win. and because Gir likes them. XP


skeleton (Guest) on 07/09/2008 9:14 pm

Dude, Burgertime is an allegory for class struggle:

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