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It’s 3am, do you know where Chyna is? Also, it’s Friday the 13th!

by -RoG- on 07/13/2007, 12:08 pm

You know, there's a lot of surreal stuff about driving across the country to live in LA. Checking out many of the places that I've seen in movies, driving along the Pacific Coast Highway, laughing at the so-called "winter weather" in December... but nothing, and I mean nothing, is surreal as seeing Chyna hanging around your apartment.

So the other night, I'm sitting in my room at 3am, typing away on another article as usual (sometimes I work better late at night, less distractions) when all of a sudden I hear somebody talking really loud outside my window. I peek through the blinds to discover ex-wrestling superstar Chyna, stumbling around and talking so loud you'd think she was wearing headphones. Her speech was slurred and she was blathering on about her thoughts on some party she and her friend had just been to.

While I enjoyed seeing her fumble around quite a bit, I'm sure all the other neighbors didn't care for her loud drunken/over-medicated banter at 3am. What's funnier is that this isn't even the first time I've seen her here. I saw her once a few months back, late at night again, but she was so intoxicated that time I couldn't even tell what she was saying (nor do I have a clue as to what was keeping her from falling flat on her face). I wasn't even sure it was her at the time, but after getting a better view of her the other night, I'm 100% positive it was indeed "The Ninth Wonder of the World" herself.

So here's to you, Chyna... thanks for keeping me amused in the wee hours of the night. By all means, please stop by again. I'll even leave some meds and liquor out for you on my doorstep.

On a completely unrelated note, the Simpsons Movie soundtrack is the first soundtrack I've ever had the desire to eat.

Mmmmmm... plastic.

Sure, the soundtrack itself may not be of any interest, but you've gotta admit... that's one hell of a good novelty packaging job.

Contrary to popular belief, Jason really does love New York... he just hates the poster.

And last but certainly not least, today is Friday the 13th so I expect all of you to bust out your Friday the 13th DVD sets (or you can watch the edited to hell versions that will surely appear on TV tonight. AMC usually shows some of the movies, but come on, you should ALL own that DVD set by now). Whether you enjoy watching Crispin Glover dance like a maniac or you enjoy watching Jason stab people... like a maniac, the movies are pure slashtastic fun. You can check out my features on Jason's 10 Best Kills, Jason Takes Manhattan and the godawful Jason X costume if you want to relive some of the memories online. Have a fun time celebrating one of our favorite horror heroes, and don't have any premarital sex tonight. The consequences could be dire!

Survey: If you had to pick one scene from any of the Friday the 13th films, what would be your absolute favorite one?

13 comments

Guest

Alex (Guest) on 07/13/2007 6:51 pm

Favorite Friday the 13th scene-

Hmmm... thats a tough one, but I would say when in "Friday the 13th Part VII - The New Blood" when Jason beats one camper in her sleeping bag...with another camper, also in a sleeping bag.



Guest

The Squatch (Guest) on 07/13/2007 10:49 pm

For me it's a toss up between the sleeping bag sequence and Crispin "get your damn hands off her" Glover. Never in my life have I seen such dancing



Guest

Stevo (Guest) on 07/14/2007 2:37 am

No contest. Ron "Horshack" Palillo getting his heart ripped out of his chest by Mr. JV



Guest

Bradzilla (Guest) on 07/14/2007 9:55 am

Hands down favorite is Julius boxing Jason, in Jason takes Manhattan. Don't ever tell Jason to take his best shot, because, as we have learned, he will punch your head off.



Guest

vctreality (Guest) on 07/14/2007 9:59 am

Well you already mentioned Crispin Hellion Glover but I can't go without mentioning him since I love the guy and his dancing was phenomenal. Other than that, it's not so much a scene as many scenes. I love watching Part 3 for all the cheesy, forced 3D scenes. Never saw it in 3D so it's always a riot to see unnecessary things shoved into the camera lens, like the clothes line pole at the beginning, or the guy playing with the yo yo. And of course, the head crushing, eye popping scene of fantasticness.



Guest

James (Guest) on 07/14/2007 12:55 pm

I got to see Friday the 13th in 3D last night. The independent film house in Cleveland was supposed to show it but at the last minute moved it to another location, something about they needed a certain projector... so me and two friends drove an hour, suffered through some truly horrible Chinese food, and got to watch one of the greatest films ever. The eye popping scene had the whole theater in hysterics.

And every time Jason made an appearance someone in the theater would yell "Oh Shelly!"



Guest

rongravy (Guest) on 07/14/2007 2:28 pm

I'm gonna go with the guy doing the handstand and getting split from his anus to about halfway through in, I think, the 3rd one.
Also, WTF is up with bringing Chyna on CNN whenever some deranged loser finds a way to off themselves. First Anna Nicole, now Benoit. I think there IS a connection here, they killed themselves to get away from HER. And her gargantuan penis...



Guest

shannon (Guest) on 07/14/2007 4:15 pm

so while making the 4 hour drive yesterday with my folks up to out lakehouse i put on Friday the 13th-The Final Chapter. why you may ask? becausei want to have Crispin Glovers love child. he is amazing. and that dancing scene has given me endless amusement! plus it has a very young Corey Feldman.



Guest

shannon (Guest) on 07/14/2007 4:19 pm

ps - next time you see Chyna drunk outside your apartment i fully expect you to invite her in then call me, despite teh rfact it may be 3am, and i will drive over immediately. im serious. we can invite her to watch Basic Instinct 2 with us. that would be quality.



Guest

Goatboy (Guest) on 07/14/2007 8:04 pm

You know, much as I love Julius boxing Jason, the one scene from any Friday that's stuck in my most is in Part VI, where Tommy is ducking by the Sheriff's daughter's legs (how he fit there and she could STILL drive I'll never know) as they ran from the law, and she got all turned on as he headbutted her crotch. Odd much?
-Goat



Guest

Angryhydralisk (Guest) on 07/14/2007 11:34 pm

Hopefully, Chyna dosen't get too drunk on something like Vodka or Whiskey or she'll punch you in the 'nads or dick-slap you with her mutant clitorpeneris.

Anyways, favorite Friday the 13th moment? Hmm, hard to say...either Jason getting kicked in the groin and making a wierd grunt in part two or his fight with Freddy for it's sheer lengthiness.



Guest

MrEff (Guest) on 07/15/2007 1:41 pm

My favorite kill is definitely the camper in the sleeping bag from Friday the 13th Part VII. Fun piece of info: Last Halloween I dressed as Jason and carried around a sleeping bag to a party I went to, however there wasn't a dead girl in this sleeping bag, just booze and other treats that I brought to the party.



Guest

nuffels (Guest) on 07/18/2007 12:39 pm

13th comment, motherfuckers.

my favorite friday the 13th moment is definitely when, in the second one, they unmask jason and he comes through the window at them. that was back when he still looked fairly human.

the unneccessary close-to-screen shots in 3-d were also pretty cool.



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