One of the perks of running a big entertainment site is that you get all sorts of interesting emails from people. Yes, I get to hear from lots of cool, like-minded people who want to share their thoughts about the articles I've written or to tell me about something I should write about at some point, but I also get to hear from nutjobs every now 'n then too. Today I received an email from one of those delightful wackos, and the best part is that this one decided to breed.
Remember that article about "Super Snow" I did back in December of '06? Well a mom just sent me an email inquiring about the product that I simply had to share with you. I'll omit her full name to spare her any public embarrassment, but you've got to read this:
My daughter has just eaten some super snow, out of the tub it came in. Is it poisonous and should I seek medical help?
Ok, a few things here.
1) If you think your child may have digested something potentially poisonous, you do not send an email to somebody about it and wait for them to respond. If there was somebody trying to break into your house, would you look up the email address of your local police station to notify them? No, you'd call 911 and get help immediately. Well the same goes for consumption of toxic materials... you call Poison Control.
2) I-Mockery is the 3rd listing on Google when you do a search for "Super Snow". The first listing is DuneCraft, the company who clearly makes the stuff. So why did this woman decide to contact yours truly, a guy who runs a humor site and is often seen donning a pickle-shaped hat, instead of the people who produce said "Super Snow" product?
Well Ashley, you may not be mother of the year, but the good news is I just looked up some info on Super Snow and according to DuneCraft it is "non-toxic and safe for ages 3 and up", so your daughter should be aok.
Just don't be surprised when she shits out Frosty the Snowman.
Anti.5 on 03/11/2008 3:33 pm
I just read this blog post. Is it work-safe?
JJ the Jetplane on 03/11/2008 3:52 pm
It seems like if you just read the package, it would say whether or not it was toxic, doesn't it? No offense to the lady, but she should've just...y'know.....checked the package.
BigMonkeyMan on 03/11/2008 3:55 pm
Even -Rog- had to look online. Maybe it doesn't say if it's toxic on the package. That would be stupid as hell, seeing as how snow is...edible?
-RoG- on 03/11/2008 3:59 pm
Anti.5, please call the BBB to find out immediately.
JJ the Jetplane, yeah before I looked it up online, I sent her an email telling her to read the package. I, however, don't have my package of Super Snow any more, so I looked it up out of sheer curiosity.
BigMonkeyMan, this isn't real snow though, it's just supposed to be like snow. From what I've heard, it's made of the same absorbent stuff found in diapers. Not exactly appetizing...
Teal on 03/11/2008 4:09 pm
That's....that's scary. Like...not quite Darwin Awards scary, but still mildly weirding me out.
Ashmodai on 03/11/2008 4:12 pm
I feel that these kind of people should be, some how, selected out at birth and recycled to feed the rest of us. Mmmmmm..Soylent Green.
plooker on 03/11/2008 4:59 pm
Great googley moogley! I think the most interesting thing, which noone has pointed out so far, is that she even asked the second part of the question.
'Is it poisonous?'
'Should I seek medical attention?'
"No, no there's no hope for you, why run up senseless medical bills you won't even be around to pay?"
Troubleshoot (Guest) on 03/11/2008 6:07 pm
Remember how you typed in how there was no way in hell you would try to eat the super snow? this proves that waiting long enough on something makes someone else do it. lucky for the kid it wasn't yellow super snow.
Pentegarn on 03/11/2008 6:47 pm
Who knows, maybe she is on to something. From now on, I will go to -RoG- for all my medical questions.
Hey -RoG-, is this thing on my back melanoma?
The Goblin King on 03/11/2008 7:30 pm
Take a look at the second photo on the piece about the Super Snow; right next to the UPC code are the words "Non-Toxic".
Assuming she had the same packaging, she could've just flipped it over and gotten her answer that way. Maybe she wanted a second opinion?
Angryhydralisk on 03/11/2008 7:34 pm
Speaking of bizarre medical help, I got an email from "Colon Cancer" entitled "You Will Feel So Clean". Should I read it?
captain516 on 03/11/2008 7:49 pm
parents these days...
Colonel Flagg on 03/11/2008 8:08 pm
I agree with Pentegarn - -RoG- is the man. Screw Poison Control, the CDC and WebMD.
So, why does it burn when I pee?
Jigby Huggletinks on 03/11/2008 8:44 pm
Whenever I eat shrimp, I break out in hives. Should I stop, Dr. -RoG-?
saturnknight on 03/11/2008 8:56 pm
wow, someone actually e-mailed a question rather than call the company? geese! and did i detect a hint of sarcasm RoG?
RaxaR on 03/11/2008 9:30 pm
I think she just wanted to get in your pants, some people have a hard time thinking up ice breakers
Jaimas on 03/11/2008 9:33 pm
SUPER SNOW IS PEOPLE!!! PEEEEEOPLE!!!!
Scorpio1976 on 03/11/2008 9:52 pm
That's it. -Rog- you need to bring back Dr. Bactine IMMEDIATELY!
Count Mek on 03/11/2008 10:16 pm
BigMonkeyMan on 03/11/2008 11:59 pm
Oh, I know it's not real snow. What I meant is normal snow is edible, and since kids are kind of dumb, one of them is bound to eat this stuff. You'd think someone would have thought of that while making this product. That's why I phrased it as "edible?"
Captain PirateFace on 03/12/2008 12:51 am
Did she include a photo and telephone number? Because if she is "sexy" she may be dumb enough to breed with me and not tell my wife?
Hone, if your reading this, Just Kidding!
Hey -Rog-, but seriously did she?
Coryjonc on 03/12/2008 1:40 am
Clearly a joke E-mail.
-RoG- on 03/12/2008 2:53 am
"Hey -RoG-, is this thing on my back melanoma?"
Pentegarn, no, it's just a melon. Let it grow until it's ripe and ready to be picked off your back for some good eatin'!
"Speaking of bizarre medical help, I got an email from “Colon Cancer” entitled “You Will Feel So Clean”. Should I read it?"
Angryhydralisk, absolutely, because if you don't? You Will Feel So Dirty.
"So, why does it burn when I pee?"
Colonel Flagg, because you insist on leaving that tobasco sauce-dipped catheter in when you do it. If you would just remove it, I'm sure you'll find that it makes a world of difference.
"Whenever I eat shrimp, I break out in hives. Should I stop, Dr. -RoG-?"
Jigby Huggletinks, yes, you should stop breaking out in hives because nobody wants to see that shit. But by all means keep eating shrimp. Then again, if you can find a way to break out in shrimp instead of breaking out in hives, then you'd have the best of both worlds.
"That’s it. -Rog- you need to bring back Dr. Bactine IMMEDIATELY!"
Scorpio1976, hehe glad you enjoyed Dr. Bactine back in the day, but we retired him a while ago. This blog thread will have to suffice and maybe I'll post stuff like it every now 'n then where you guys can ask me any questions you want. Deal?
"Did she include a photo and telephone number?"
Captain PirateFace, no dice!
OxBlood on 03/12/2008 4:00 am
Oh, I got a question Dr. Rog Sir...
Let´s say I ate 2-7 of those little foamy Dinosaurs (just add water and watch the prehistoric menace unfold).
Will I turn into a dinosaur myself or at least gain some nice dinosaur-powers?
Jigby Huggletinks on 03/12/2008 8:39 am
-RoG- acknowledged my existence. You guys have no idea, seriously, my life officially has meaning again.
Roggs on 03/12/2008 10:09 am
I think I've got the answer: after the daughter ate the Super Snow, she ate the packaging as well.
Hence the reason why the mother couldn't check the packaging for either the toxicity rating or the company's name, and decided to Google the Super Snow.
Colonel Flagg on 03/12/2008 11:11 am
(sound of hand slapping forehead) - OF COURSE!!!! Thank you, Dr. -RoG-! I feel so much better now.
Huggbees (Guest) on 03/12/2008 2:30 pm
Honestly, the number of idiotic things people do in this world blows my mind. Why in the hell would she think it was toxic?
Reaper on 03/12/2008 3:26 pm
Dear Dr. -Rog- MD, DA, Ph.D and other assortments,
Let's say, I paid a lot of money for some medicine on a corner for a dollar. This medicine makes me vomit and tastes like a dog fart.
Should I keep taking it?
All the best,
captain516 on 03/12/2008 5:42 pm
hey Doctor, you're not gonna believe this, but my thumb grew A FACE recently, and every so often, it shouts out stuff like "Zuul". it's getting really annoying. I've been considering cutting it off, but what do you think I shoul do?
incognit000 on 03/12/2008 6:01 pm
People are dumb.
lol thats eggtreme (Guest) on 03/12/2008 7:40 pm
whats so super about it?
BurntToShreds on 03/12/2008 8:47 pm
Man I wish we had snow down here in Houston. The last time we had it was Christmas Eve of 2004. Speaking of Houston, why exactly does General Zod live down here? *kneels before him*
meushy on 03/12/2008 8:56 pm
I laugh at you and your supersnow. Here in backyard canada we actually have more than 3 meter of REAL F*cking snow each darn winter.
Coryjonc on 03/12/2008 9:41 pm
I can't help but wonder what it tasted like.
BigMonkeyMan on 03/13/2008 2:05 am
I can almost guarantee it doesn't taste like snow.
Captain PirateFace on 03/13/2008 2:57 am
Hey Rog I just ate a full pack of little plastic soldiers... Good or Bad?
and if bad can you recommend a laxative?
Jaimas on 03/13/2008 3:03 am
I'm reminded of a George Carlin Quote:
"Whatever happened to natural selection? Survival of the fittest? The kid who eats too many marbles doesn't grow up to have kids of his own. We're saving entirely too many lives in this country; nature should be allowed to do its job of killing off the weak and sickly and ignorant without interference from airbags and batting helmets."
Steve (Guest) on 03/14/2008 10:52 am
Mr. Dr. -RoG- Sir, I have a question.
Should I be worried about sudden, extreme chest pains and also the accompanying fits of coughing and blood in my throat?
Thank you for your time sir.
TheDoomThing on 03/14/2008 3:49 pm
"Just don’t be surprised when she shits out Frosty the Snowman."
Priceless. Absolutly Priceless.
bountyhunterseven on 03/14/2008 8:34 pm
I have diabeties, but i tend 2 enjoy vanilla frosting straight outta the tubs. does this raise or lower my blood sugar??
and razor blades, safe to swallow?
-RoG- on 03/17/2008 1:17 pm
"Let´s say I ate 2-7 of those little foamy Dinosaurs (just add water and watch the prehistoric menace unfold). Will I turn into a dinosaur myself or at least gain some nice dinosaur-powers?"
OxBlood, while you won't turn into a dinosaur, your skin will taken on the sponge-like properties of those growing dinosaurs. Soon you'll never need to buy a sponge again, you can just use your spongy hands to clean house!
"Let’s say, I paid a lot of money for some medicine on a corner for a dollar. This medicine makes me vomit and tastes like a dog fart. Should I keep taking it?"
Reaper, taking street-prescribed medications is all part of maintaining a healthy lifestyle. While the concept of ingesting something that "tastes like a dog fart" may not be appealing, you'll be glad you did in the long run. It's the same reason why people eat cabbage.
"hey Doctor, you’re not gonna believe this, but my thumb grew A FACE recently, and every so often, it shouts out stuff like “Zuul”. it’s getting really annoying. I’ve been considering cutting it off, but what do you think I should do?"
captain516, you should consider yourself lucky to have a face on your thumb. Some people go through their whole lives without ever knowing the love of a sibling or a significant other. You have a friend who will stay with you forever, and if he's shouting stuff like "Zuul" he might even introduce you to some interesting new people such as "The Keymaster", "Gozer" and, if you're lucky, the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.
"Hey Rog I just ate a full pack of little plastic soldiers… Good or Bad? and if bad can you recommend a laxative?"
Captain PirateFace, it all depends on your situation honestly. It's good if you're fighting a war in your stomach and needed some reinforcements. It's bad if you were hoping to play with those plastic soldiers in the immediate future as they'll probably remain there for a while. However, a few chugs of Drano might help you get 'em out quicker so you can resume your toy soldier playtime.
"Should I be worried about sudden, extreme chest pains and also the accompanying fits of coughing and blood in my throat?"
Steve, to tell you the truth, I'd be worried if you WEREN'T experiencing those symptoms. Chest pains and fits of coughing up blood are all part of puberty. You're going to be going through a lot of changes like this, so just go with the flow. You'll soon notice that your teeth will start falling out and blood will trickle from your ears and eyes, but again, it's all part of puberty. Trust the doc.
"I have diabeties, but i tend 2 enjoy vanilla frosting straight outta the tubs. does this raise or lower my blood sugar?? and razor blades, safe to swallow?"
bountyhunterseven, vanilla frosting has no effect on your blood sugar whatsoever. If we were talking about boysenberry frosting, that'd be another story, but you're in the clear with the vanilla. As for razor blades, absolutely! They're the lozenges in a world of metal objects.
The Doc is OUT. (for now)
Justin (Guest) on 03/17/2008 6:51 pm
Come on, who didn't eat play-doh because it looked so delicious!
Justin (Guest) on 03/17/2008 6:57 pm
This isn't that different from eating any kind of modern processed food you buy at a store which is hydrogenated. It's not real food. It's plastic.
homor on 03/18/2008 8:53 am
her shit will be alive as it can be.
Grossenschwamm on 03/18/2008 10:23 pm
McDonalds milkshakes are mostly plastic filler...so I guess eating supersnow is just like drinking a shake at the golden arches!
XtinaxFan on 03/21/2008 5:39 pm
Well the next time I ingest something possibly poisonous I'll know who to call... not.
mmm_braaains on 03/24/2008 9:52 pm
Her daughter is going to poop out
a winter wonderland.
CJCassisi (Guest) on 03/25/2008 8:04 am
you should have your own medical show on USA, like house, where'd you be all snarky and you'd bring in all your crazy pets and crap and try to cure the patients with that.
Ran Away (Guest) on 04/04/2008 7:53 am
The saw i saw was not the saw i saw,but the saw sawing the saw in the seesaw?
Follow us on:
Want Your Ad Here?
Send us an email!