We all know the Kool-Aid Man has a reputation for busting through walls to give you a refreshing drink, but this old comic book cover shows that he doesn't just limit himself to our homes. He'll nonchalantly bust through the hull of a space shuttle in outer space too whenever he has the chance. Now, on earth, this would only mean a big repair bill, but in space we have quite a different story. His busting through the hull of a space shuttle would instantly cause everybody inside to get sucked out into the endless black abyss, floating until they died either from a lack of oxygen or (in the case of the two kids with the space helmets there) starvation. Actually, I'm pretty sure those kids would suffocate too, because while they are wearing space helmets, they don't have any astronaut suits on, just t-shirts and jeans. So, unless those are some kind of magical space helmets that allow you to wear regular clothes while floating through space, I'm pretty sure those kids would be screwed in an instant.
With this evidence of the Kool-Aid Man busting through more than just the walls of your average household on earth, it makes you wonder what other things he's busted through without our knowing? Maybe he was responsible for the Challenger shuttle disaster? Furthermore, did the Exxon Valdez spill really hit a reef, or was it caused by the Kool-Aid man busting in to share a refreshing drink with the crew? Was Timothy McVeigh just a patsy for the reckless actions of Kool-Aid Man? I'm onto you, Kool-Aid Man... I'm onto you. OH YEAH!
In unrelated news, I'm working on getting the first new I-Mockery T-shirts in roughly four years printed up! Those of you who read my big "Over The Top" article know exactly what I'm talking about, and trust me when I say that these will pretty much be the greatest shirts in the history of mankind. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should each buy 20 of 'em. That's reasonable, right? Keep an eye out for their unveiling in the coming weeks.
On a final note, I spent my entire Sunday at the beach in Santa Monica and managed not to get sunburned at all. For a pale bastard like yours truly, this is always a major accomplishment. No, strike that, it's a VICTORY against NATURE.
p.s.: Big thanks to Andrew from Old Man Musings for letting me use the nice scan of the Kool-Aid Man comic book cover. Be sure to check out his site sometime.
Relaxing Dragon on 04/14/2008 2:50 am
That crazy Kool-Aid Man, always bustin' down walls. And beyond the busted wall, there's whatever was knocked out of the way by the crash. What if that was Grandma's ashes on the ledge that gets blown apart? I'm not cleaning that up.
And I love t-shirts with interesting stuff on them (and buy them in droves), so I can't wait to see the new shirts :)
Mac Brookman on 04/14/2008 3:16 am
Teehee, it reminds me of that Robot Chicken episode in the third season where they keep having those Kool-Aid segments, including one in outer space where the two astronauts get sucked into the void.
Scorpio1976 on 04/14/2008 3:35 am
How dare you question The Kool-Aid Man! He brings joy and happiness with him wherever he goes, taking care of all our thirst needs. Plus, where else are you going to find said joy and happiness when you can buy 10 packets for one dollar?
NO LIQUID REFRESHMENT FOR YOU!
g_tonttu on 04/14/2008 5:00 am
The fact that Kool-Aid Man does not only battle the "Thirtsties" in space, but also on the baseball field just makes me want to read this issue.
Oh yeah, the kids...bah let them be sucked int space, they look like annoying rugrats to me.
Colonel Flagg on 04/14/2008 5:32 am
Science? BAH! Who cares about science, Kool-Aid is MAGICAL I tell you. The kids will be protected by the awesome power of Teh Kool-Aid!
I'll bet that he's singing in space, to.
Tom Foolery on 04/14/2008 6:42 am
In Space No One Can Hear You Scream, "Oh Yeaahh!"
Seriously, smashing through walls is no laughing matter. Have you ever tried it? Well I have and I tell you what. It's a lot hard than the Kool-Aid Man makes it look. The fact that he appears to be made out of glass makes it even more astounding. Interior walls are slightly easier to break through if you avoid the studs, but I've seen this guy come through brick walls. He's on a level of architectural destruction that can only be matched by the Incredible Hulk, the Thing, and Janet Reno. I'm with Rog on this. Kool-Aid Man must be stopped. By any means possible.
XtinaxFan (Guest) on 04/14/2008 6:49 am
If this Kool-Aid man is visiting outerspace for gods sake why doesn't he ever "beat the thirsties" in England??
I know we're small but dammit at least we're on the planet!
I urge him to spread his evil/good through the joy of the overpriced export products.
Frostor (Guest) on 04/14/2008 7:59 am
If you're printing the shirt I'm thinking of, -RoG-, hell, I wouldn't be surprised if people buy 200 each. OH YEAH!
CrimsonID4 on 04/14/2008 11:29 am
The Kool-aid man busting through walls didn't bother me, it was those malt liquor ads with that blue bull busting through walls that were really scary. When I was a kid, everytime my dad drank a beer, any beer, i'd get scared thinking that blue bull would ciome busting through the walls at any moment. At least I wouldn't have to worry about getting gored by the Kool-aid man! Look out for the bull indeed! (youtube.com/watch?v=ZCm07WceaQw&feature=related)
some girl named lauren on 04/14/2008 11:33 am
What bother me the most about Kool-Aid man is that he bursts through walls and into various settings to encourage people to drink his innards.
Pentegarn on 04/14/2008 12:45 pm
I always wondered if kids ever tried to drink out of Kool-Aid Man, considering he is just one big ass pitcher of Kool-Aid. And if they did, how come none of the kids fell inside him and drowned? And if they did fall in and drown, why aren't there pictures of it? I think there are pictures of dead kids floating inside of Kool-Aid Man that are deliberately being kept hiddin from us all.
KillerMcGee on 04/14/2008 2:02 pm
you see, kool-aid man was really a secret project of the soviet union to infiltrate the united states an cause havoc. obviously that is why he is red. however, he turned rogue and busted thru Chernobyl's cooling tower then defected to the US. he cannot however get over his programming to destroy walls, which creates some embarrassing situations.
Silver on 04/14/2008 3:34 pm
T-Shirts, huh? AWESOME (with a shark).
0dd1 on 04/14/2008 4:32 pm
There's a teacher in my school who can almost perfectly imitate the Kool-Aid Man's "Oh Yeah!"
I wonder how many walls he's crashed though...
Yaanu on 04/14/2008 4:38 pm
The image of the Kool-Aid Man and Challenger just begs for an animated gif.
BurntToShreds on 04/14/2008 5:15 pm
I remember seeing the cover of another one of these comics. On it, Kool-Aid Man meets Benjamin Franklin. It was the best part of my day.
Misty (Guest) on 04/14/2008 5:27 pm
-RoG- you can't possibly mean...THE SHARK SHIRT, do you???? Because that truely is the greatest thing ever.
-RoG- on 04/14/2008 6:41 pm
Oh but I DO mean that shirt, Misty... I DO!
ColdFusion (Guest) on 04/14/2008 6:49 pm
MISTER KOOL-AID MAN, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!
unfortunately he didn't heed Reagan's command.. (he's red through and through)
greenimp on 04/14/2008 7:12 pm
very good coldfusion, round of applause!
Vanhelm13 (Guest) on 04/14/2008 7:38 pm
there is only one thing to be said of that shirt:
Count Mek on 04/14/2008 9:31 pm
Good one RoGsy Malone!
You telling me their are going to be SHARK AWESOME T-SHIRTS!?!?!?!?! D:
Hot didcky damn!
Can you ship to the UK?
If I had one of those shirt I'd be "Awww yeah! Makin' Bacon B-)"
So, anywho, good one at the beath man, I love the sea but life more or less in the centre of lower right England, sea is nowhere near me =
Kirbykid on 04/14/2008 10:04 pm
YES!! you are making the Shirt! I MUST HAVE!!!
rizzo on 04/14/2008 10:47 pm
I had this comic...should I feel old?
xyzzy929 on 04/15/2008 2:26 am
Of couse they're wearing magical space helmets - they drink Kool Aid. Duh.
ico (Guest) on 04/15/2008 7:50 am
You didn't get sunburned, because you just Rogburned the sun. You're so fucking pale, you shine like billion suns. (What the hell did i just write? And am i just listening to ZZ Top? GOD help me...)
Nick on 04/15/2008 3:38 pm
Shark shirts for all!
Ferrit on 04/15/2008 6:15 pm
When was the last time Monsignor Kool Aid man busted through anything?
Now granted - I don't watch as much TV these days as I prob'ly should - so I'm not exposed to all that much ad time (which is prob'ly why I no longer buy any new products that haven't been around for 20 years or more due to the fact that I don't know of their existence) - but is The Kool Aid man still working? Still wreaking havoc and busting through things?
and I too agree that there's only one word for the new Tee Shirt - and that word indeed is AWESOME
Jonny#5 on 04/16/2008 9:25 am
I think Family Guy uses him ever so often to help pad episodes. Either that or they got Macho Man Randy Savage, painted him red and launched him through walls :).
One question RoG, do you guys ship to Canada? I really want one of them shark shirts.
Magic Flyin’ Lemur on 04/16/2008 11:05 am
Yeah, FUCK NATURE. I got sunburned yesterday, because I too am a pale bastard.
Jaimas on 04/16/2008 3:00 pm
This.... is AWESOME.
Reedzilla (Guest) on 04/16/2008 3:14 pm
Koolaid man, you've busted your way through the walls of my heart. Oh yeah!
Pentegarn on 04/16/2008 5:03 pm
I just had a thought...
If Marvel did the Kool-Aid Man comics, then where the hell was the Kool-Aid zombie during the marvel zombies storyline?
The Kool-Aid Man in space? Oh yeah. « Mike’s Weblog (Guest) on 04/16/2008 7:22 pm
[...] Man in space? Oh yeah. Today, as I was on one of the websites I visit regularly, I found an article that showed me a picture of this old comic book cover. It was a Marvel comic called The Adventures of Kool-Aid Man, and in this book he was saving the [...]
Riot.EXE on 04/16/2008 7:22 pm
Kool Aid Man zombie!?! holy fuck imagine what that would look like. Him bursting through walls eating people, but their chunks of flesh and bone are floating around in him rather than just kool aid...
Invisible on 04/17/2008 11:36 pm
Has there ever been anything but a red Kool-Aid man? Cause I prefer the Green Kool-Aid myself.
Volcanon (Guest) on 04/18/2008 3:41 am
You guys should make KoolAidMan VS Pickleman
Mintrude on 04/18/2008 10:32 am
I have to have that shirt. Awesome.
Flashman on 04/19/2008 5:32 pm
gotta have a tshirt
QuizShow on 04/20/2008 2:07 pm
Hear me now, believe me later.
I will be ordering several shirts. Thank goodness I don't have to murder anyone for one now.
The_Funktasm (Guest) on 04/24/2008 10:28 am
I once saw a comic cover where the Kool-aid man was pissed. Don't fuck with Kool-Aid...
Jaimas on 04/26/2008 8:50 pm
It's worth noting that explosive decompression does not actually occur from exposure to space. Rather, the real danger is the cold, airlessness, and exposure to ionizing radiation. So even if those helmets are environmentally secure? Those kids are FUCKED.
Jaimas on 04/26/2008 8:59 pm
Great Mighty Poo on 04/27/2008 7:07 am
At least their heads would be floating in space preserved nicely... For awhile anyway. Frozen corpses and nice rotted heads.. Way to go kool-aid man. OH YEAH!
inferno232 (Guest) on 04/29/2008 10:42 pm
For all you marvel nerds out there, I'm suggesting a Kool-Aid Man and Deadpool team-up.
I-Mockery Blabber (Guest) on 06/27/2008 7:48 pm
[...] for the site, but this shirt just HAD to be made (if you don't understand why, I suggest you read one of my earlier blog posts). The point is, get your Awesome Glow-In-The-Dark I-Mockery Shark shirts while ya can, because [...]
dyke (Guest) on 10/20/2008 7:53 pm
Ofcourse, annies old, she was totallyastonished at the revelation dyke sex that she.
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