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Crank Mob’s Halloween Ride. Plus, The New Friday The 13th Teaser Trailer.

Tell me if you've heard this one... a Ninja, a Judge, and the Greatest American Psycho walk into a bar...

So this past Saturday night, I went out for the Halloween Crank Mob ride with some friends. It was just like the other bicycle rides we've done, only a bunch of us were in full costumes this go around. I decided to combine a few things to become "The Greatest American Psycho". Actually, I just wanted an excuse to buy a shiny gold Jason Voorhees mask. Seriously, can a person ever really own too many golden Voorhees masks? I think not. Anywho, I considered it a very successful ride in that I didn't kill myself while riding a bike in the middle of the night while wearing a hockey mask. Who needs peripheral vision when you're riding a bike in a completely ridiculous costume? You haven't truly lived life until you've chosen fun over safety and common sense at least once or twice.

Not too surprisingly, I ran into another Voorhees during the Halloween ride...

Introducing the Voorhees Brothers.

That's Jason's brother, Chester. He can't afford a solid gold hockey mask, and he actually annoys Jason a lot. Chester's always showing up at his house, drunk off his ass and asking if he can borrow some money. Jason thinks Chester should check himself into rehab and get his life straightened out, but the last time he suggested this, Chester called him an elitist prick and then vomited all over his nice Persian rug. Yeah, that Chester's got some problems he needs to work out if he's ever going to become a successful solid gold psycho like Jason.

And speaking of Jason Voorhees, have any of you seen the new teaser trailer for the 2009 Friday the 13th remake? Check this out:

Can somebody explain to me that last bit at the end? Why the hell was Jason Voorhees dashing towards her like that? Yes I know Jason did some running in the early Friday the 13th films, but come on... that's not the Jason we all love. The Jason we love does not run. The Jason we love does not dash. He walks and stalks and magically keeps up with his victims no matter how fast they run away. I still have fairly high hopes for the flick, but as much as I like how it's looking visually, if I see Jason Voorhees running a marathon in it, I just might have to murder somebody.


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Doctor_Who on 10/23/2008 5:16 am

Cool, if the movie sucks and you murder someone as a result maybe the next slew of horror films will be about you, thus giving Hollywood a rare original topic and perhaps averting the next dozen or so crappy horror remakes.

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drpepperfan on 10/23/2008 6:02 am

Is that Maddox in the picture?


Kyle Harkes (Guest) on 10/23/2008 7:09 am

Yes that is Maddox. He's dressed like one of his pictures of himself. Talk about an ego trip. An ego trip on bikes. In the middle of the night. In costume.


albino kitty (Guest) on 10/23/2008 7:13 am

maybe that last bit can be explained.. maybe Jason was just pissed off that the girl was whining and he wanted her dead quickly, so he ran.


Simon (Guest) on 10/23/2008 7:40 am

I haven't watched them in a while, but are you sure he didn't make any little mad dashes like that ever??

When's this come out in America anyway?

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Silver on 10/23/2008 8:03 am

Maybe the one dashing was not Jason at all. Chances are he was his drunken brother Chester.

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saturnknight on 10/23/2008 8:09 am

I totally agree with you RoG Jason shouldn't run like he's half of a monkey, but I guess it's because this is a remake and before Jason learned to be more stalking like.... although it wouldn't explain how he got the mask then....
They should have just let it take off after Freddy Vs Jason. I can't wait for this movie to come out, and I'm already trying to talk my girlfriend in to seeing it in theaters with me, but I might fail at that.

On a different note, it's brought to us by the same producers who did the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies. It's possible they're trying to make Jason appear like Leatherface? visualize a chainsaw in that last scene instead of a machete and you'll see what I mean.

Cool gold mask by the way

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dirtyxblondexdame on 10/23/2008 9:09 am

Even when Jason did run (in part 2, mostly) it was slow shuffling mostly. That whole hopping-skippnig thing at the end of the trailer just looks wrong.

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darkvare on 10/23/2008 9:46 am

they are triying to make jason look younger by making him runmaybe? lets hope is one of thosse trailer only scenes

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Relaxing Dragon on 10/23/2008 10:22 am

I actually don't mind Jason running as much as I used to. It's a natural progression, first he was walking and had some kind of teleportation power, now he just bolts right at you.

It's the new 'slow zombie vs. fast zombie' (though I still side with the slow zombies).

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Shironu-Akaineko on 10/23/2008 10:27 am

Oh I can see it now.
"This Halloween, revenge has a new name..."
*girl running in the forest*
"He saw Jason running a he's out for blood..."
*quick shot of goggles glistening in the night*
"This October, Johnny Depp IS..."
*girl screaming*
*shot of bloody goggles and pickle hat in crappy CGI*


Sean (Guest) on 10/23/2008 10:50 am

Jason's running all over in the new one; honestly it's a nitpick to say he can't run. They wanted to do a fresh take on the material, as the last time they tried to make a Friday movie in the series that had "zombie Jason" we got him taking over Vancouver.


trixie (Guest) on 10/23/2008 10:52 am

Am I the only one in the world who remembers that Jason only makes a very small cameo that is possibly only a dream at the very end of the first Friday the 13th movie? If this is a remake of Friday the 13th part 1, then shouldn't Jason not figure into the plot at all? And if its a remake of Friday the 13th part 2, shouldn't he be sporting a burlap sack instead of a hockey mask? And if its a remake of Friday the 13th part 3...well why would they do that?

I just don't understand this "remake" at all. Just freaking call it Friday the 13th part 10 or whatever we're up to now, and stop trying to mess with my memory of the chronology of events!!!!!!

Sorry for the rant, but I feel like I'm the only one who's outraged over this! Maybe the rest of you are just rightfully expecting this to be a lame "remake" and are just trying not to think about it too much?

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Icculus on 10/23/2008 11:31 am

Is this the remake the way the always wanted to to be? Will Jason be riding an a Bantha?

And whats with the release date...Its hallowe'en, put it out now you dumb retards.


daniel (Guest) on 10/23/2008 11:43 am

I actually hated everything about the trailer until he rushed at her with the machete. I like their idea of making him just a wildman. Being fast actually makes him scary again. That said, it looks like every other shitty horror remake Platinum Dunes has put out.

Now if they made Meyers run I'd have a problem...

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stonewar on 10/23/2008 11:57 am

I don't think its a run as much as a wind-up for thank swing it was not more than two steps

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Green Yamo on 10/23/2008 12:12 pm

No, Trixie, you're not the only one who remembers the first movie...except this version isn't a remake of just the first. It uses elements from the first 3 movies.

The trailer that was posted over the summer (in shitty cameraphone quality) showed a lot more, including the burlap sack headgear.

I don't know, I was against the remake when I first heard of it, but I liked the trailer, and I want fast-running-master-woodsman-part-2-Jason back.

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Angryhydralisk on 10/23/2008 12:47 pm

Maybe Jason took the same rehab as Baron Von Frankenvader so he could gain some mobility.

Still, that golden Jason Mask is the coolest shit I've seen in a while.


Jeff Padgett (Guest) on 10/23/2008 1:34 pm

He was dashing around like crazy in Part 2.

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McFly on 10/23/2008 3:09 pm

Maybe running fast can help improve the plot. I mean if it worked for the remake of “Dawn of the Dead”, it will probably work with “Friday the 13th”. Anyway, there is only so many horror clichés that one can take before the movie becomes uninteresting. So even though the slow walk and bad plot seem customary for a horror movie, sometimes change is needed to keep the subject matter interesting.


poopypants (Guest) on 10/23/2008 3:14 pm

I thought maddox was dead...

At least they didn't let Rob Zombie direct that.


jason (Guest) on 10/23/2008 3:14 pm

Icculus,they're releasing it when they are because that's the first friday the 13th in 2009.and there are no more friday the 13ths in 2008.release date: FRIDAY,feburary 13TH,2009.

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jo8136 on 10/23/2008 3:24 pm

Oh man i cant wait. Hey Jason running might be kind of cool.

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Spruce Moose on 10/23/2008 3:37 pm

That wasn't really full blown running, more like Jason just wanted extra momentum behind his strike for more brutality.

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Madface on 10/23/2008 3:39 pm

I think in the beginning Jason moved slowly to build suspense but now it's kind of nice to see some of these bitches pay for tripping all the time.
By the way, I envy that golden mask to no end.


ddd (Guest) on 10/23/2008 4:15 pm

huh i guess im the only one who hate the golden mask

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Coryjonc on 10/23/2008 4:22 pm

Wow Rog got to hang with Maddox... I'm jealous.


Adder (Guest) on 10/23/2008 5:15 pm

huh i guess you are

I don't know, this trailer is... I just don't know.


Cat (Guest) on 10/23/2008 5:34 pm

I don't mind remakes, I enjoyed the new Halloween (that said, the original is one of my favorite movies ever), but I still don't think that everything needs to be remade. They should just hav had this be a new movie in the series, maybe going back to the original formula, maybe a mid-quel or something. I don't mind Jason running either, although that looked more like putting some force behind the blow rather than just running.


Cat (Guest) on 10/23/2008 5:35 pm

Also, that is a sexy gold mask.

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Nick on 10/23/2008 6:31 pm

I don't really mind seeing an more alive Jason.

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captain516 on 10/23/2008 9:55 pm

I don't care if Jason runs or not, just as long he keeps slaughtering horny teenagers..

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-RoG- on 10/23/2008 11:18 pm

Heheh, I don't think you have to worry about whether or not Jason will continue to slaughter oversexed teens. I just worry about whether or not he'll participate in an Olympic track meet.

drpepperfan, yeppers that's him. We always go on the rides together, he's the one who introduced me to 'em in the first place. Good times.

Angryhydralisk / Madface, actually, I think the photo makes that golden hockey mask look MUCH better than it really is haha. I got that thing for a whopping 5 bux at a local seasonal Halloween shop, and I've seen them in countless others, so you probably won't have a hard time tracking one down if you really want one.

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Mental Pooperscooper on 10/23/2008 11:21 pm

Although I agree with captain516, it still looks more like a build up into a swing, and that would be pretty believable. Jason has done some pretty athletic things for the sake of hurting people before, like all the windows he's broken through. But I still want someone to explain to me why wild-man, master-woodsman, Hermit Jason knew to take the tea pot off the burner when it whistled in part 2

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DaTr0LL on 10/24/2008 1:47 am

I've never let my lack of dislike for a movie dictate my murdering people. Neither should you!

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DaTr0LL on 10/24/2008 1:50 am

And imo, he was just trying to build up momentum for a better whack. Doesn't bother me too much, as long as he's not doing it the whole movie.

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HowardC on 10/24/2008 2:41 am

The running doesn't bother me, but the fact that jason looks like a tiny little man does. I like the big hulking beast of a Jason Vorhees, as quite frankly, without that aspect of the character he'd be michael meyers.

I also agree with some of the other comments. This couldn't possibly be a remake due to the fact that the jason we all know and love isn't really established until part3/part4. I don't see any reason why they didn't simply make another sequel as freddy vs jason already did a significant reboot to the character.


ddd (Guest) on 10/24/2008 6:09 am

am i think only one who remember that jason wasn't that strong when he first came out it wasn't until he beacame an undead zombie that he got his super strenght


ddd (Guest) on 10/24/2008 6:13 am

oh ya rob zombie is one of the worst horror movie Director of all time

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SPINAL on 10/24/2008 10:22 am

If nothing else, there's at least some hot chicks in the new Friday movie.

The big question is if there will be some classic sex scenes -then- killing in the theatrical version or if they are going to cheese out and put it on the 'UNrated' DVD version - or even have them at all

My favorites:
In part 1, the scene where Kevin Bacon gets killed from underneath the bed - right after he got his action of course his girl gets axed too

In part 2, when Jason takes a spear and impales both the guy who is on top of his girlfriend on the bed all the way to the ground - of course this was right after they had their sex

They just don't make them like this anymore!

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THE MASTER on 10/24/2008 3:54 pm

The bull shit that comes out of hollywood nowadays. *Rolls Eyes*


ALLHAILDUKE (Guest) on 10/25/2008 1:02 am

I just might have to murder somebody.

Roger if you're going to murder anyone,please murder the people who plan to remake A Nightmare on Elm Street

as for the person who "doesn't mind remakes"

i don't mind them either,when they're done as good or better than the original

and the only ones to do that so far have been The Thing,The Fly and Invasion of the Body Snatchers (the one with Sutherland and Goldblum)


Jason Voorhees Stepdaughter (Guest) on 10/25/2008 12:51 pm

Forgive me for bursting the lazy fan bubbles. Jason runs and walks fast in parts 2 - 4.
He's extremely agile in the Final Chapter, and isn't "dead and zombied" until part six!
Watch them again. Don't base your opinions of a new Friday on whether or not Jason runs.


F13FAN (Guest) on 10/26/2008 10:56 pm

Jason run in part 2 3 4.

He also run during the fight with Freddy in the burning cabin.

Jason running is a lot scarier, as long he only do it once or twice per movie.


Cat (Guest) on 10/27/2008 6:18 pm

ALLHAILDUKE, I'd like to point out that one of my favorite movies is The Thing. That is a perfect example of a good remake.

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All Hail Duke on 10/27/2008 11:44 pm


word yo.

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BrownPanick on 10/28/2008 1:12 pm

Hopefully the makers of this movie take care. The best part of the Friday the 13th movies is the mythos that was built around Jason. It took what, 3 or 4 movies just to completely explain his origin? Despite hopes, remakes of movies from a series tend to introduce more contradictions to the already established movies.

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Desert_Screams on 10/29/2008 8:23 pm

I have a soft spot for Jason, for one reason and one alone-- no matter how many times I've tried to convince my mom to a) take horror seriously, and b) watch some of the damned things, she still insists on referring to horror movies-- ALL of them-- every last one of them-- as "Jason movies." Ah, parental units...

Dunno how I feel about the FRIDAY remake. I have never really classed the series among the greats of the genre-- HALLOWEEN broke new ground, ditto THE HILLS HAVE EYES, BLACK CHRISTMAS, etc., etc. But by the early '80s these films seemed pretty derivative of what had gone before just a couple of years earlier.

Without the holy-shit-whiz-bang of Tom Savini's effects, and the effective-though-derivative end shocker, FRIDAY would have been forgotten, and a franchise probably would not have resulted. I do get the sentimentality about the movie-- I just don't feel the need to defend it from the crazed re-imagineers of Platinum Dunes. To hell with Mr Bay for getting his mitts on TEXAS CHAIN SAW, of course-- but I will reserve judgment on FRIDAY.

Just so long as they don't screw with HELLRAISER or NEAR DARK or- what? Those remakes are already scheduled? Sheeeeeee-it. Never mind....


Drive By Insult Your Mama BITCH! (Guest) on 10/30/2008 2:48 am

That trailer makes me want to be a babypuncher. Jason doesn't run he walks and stalks you like Frank Castle does with Guido asshole mobsters. Only without the M60 and large skull and trench coat.


Dennis Rader (Guest) on 10/30/2008 4:30 am

Yeah that guy with the Xmission website:
He's under a port-a-potty in South San Francisco. Orbitz sent me a letter to "help him with his itinerary."

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Cherry Nirvana on 10/30/2008 12:41 pm

Jason running? I'm going to assume that's really Chester. Damn drunk bastard...


Wezza (Guest) on 08/31/2011 6:57 am

Maddox from xmission is the man. I cam across him when I was like 14 in high school, geez that brings back the memories. It has been like 10 years since I first read his site, funny dude, taking the piss out of societies flaws haha

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