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Hollywood Ninja Inc.

Hollywood Ninja Inc. The best storefront in the history of the world?

Yeah... just let that photograph sink in for a minute. That's an actual store in Hollywood, and sadly, when I drove by it the other day, it had a "For Rent" sign hanging out front. You know the economy is in the pits when an impeccable store like Hollywood Ninja Inc. can't survive. Just look at all of the glorious items one could find within their unique retail business. What I really love is how the sign informs us that they not only carry mace, stun guns and handcuffs, but they also sell water pictures. That's right, those classy framed pictures of nature scenes with moving water that one usually can only find as a prize at carnivals. In addition to all of this, just look at the stunning array of colorful luggage and handbags that they had to offer!

Hollywood Ninja Inc., allow me to be the first to say that this world will never be the same without you and you will be sorely missed.

In related news, Crazy Gideon is apparently retiring. Man, I'm really gonna miss those commercials.


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Pentegarn on 01/18/2010 8:41 am

You mean my mace, stun gun, handcuff, and water picture needs can no longer be met in one convenient stop now? Well this just sucks!

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saturnknight on 01/18/2010 9:05 am

It sucks when businesses close out, not even a store with Ninja in its name can live.... maybe if they say "Zombie survival essentials" they'll come back

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Doctor_Who on 01/18/2010 10:57 am

Nooo! Not Hollywood Ninja Inc! Where will I get my handcuffs and water pictures now?!

Oh well, at least Bavarian Astronaut & Co. is still open down the street, so I can still stock up on fireworks and maple syrup.

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10,000 Volt Ghost on 01/18/2010 11:16 am

You need to get a BIGWOODIES in your area:

They sell, Martial Arts Supplies and Fireworks

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caffman on 01/18/2010 11:17 am

over here we only have the World of shurikan wondermart that only sells gimp masks and bread sauce. Damn I need a water picture outlet in the UK!


Misty (Guest) on 01/18/2010 2:28 pm

That sign is epically awesome, but then I looked into the store and can only see rows of (probably really overpriced) backpacks and other simmilar bags. Talk about dissapointing.

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Lothalis on 01/18/2010 2:53 pm

It's like if Hot Topic and Spencer's Gifts bought Bentley OMG!

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HowardC on 01/18/2010 6:14 pm

Dude "ninja" is on fire on their sign! ON FIRE!

Somebody needs to buy that store, or at least buy the sign before it's destroyed.


ColdFusion (Guest) on 01/18/2010 7:02 pm

sigh :C too bad you didn't get there in time to buy out their clearance stuff.

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-RoG- on 01/18/2010 8:37 pm

No need really, I already have a full set of luggage that I'm perfectly happy with. Of course, it's not "ninja" luggage, but I do have a ninja umbrella.

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saturnknight on 01/18/2010 9:41 pm

Ninja Umbrella? You mean to tell me, if you open it you either become a ninja... or ninja's pop out?

wait, RoG, you're a unique person... Your umbrella must be made of a ninja! only the best for our web host owner!

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DougClayton4231 on 01/18/2010 10:22 pm

What are these water pictures?

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Julio on 01/19/2010 12:16 am

If Carzy Gideon is about to go out of business then I DEMAND to see one of his insane commercials during Doc Mock's Movie Mausoleum.

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Doctor_Who on 01/19/2010 10:43 am

No, a ninja umbrella protects you from rain because you just swing it at the clouds, there's a sudden flash, and then after a second or two they dramatically slide in half.

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-RoG- on 01/19/2010 1:04 pm

Here's the umbrella I was talking about:

Pretty badass, eh?


Cadpig (Guest) on 01/19/2010 2:59 pm

It's just another crappy Hong Kong import store, I don't know why everyone is so excited. They have them in like, EVERY mall that has ever existed.

People just go absolutely mental when they hear the word ninja, and it's not really even general enthusiasm for actual ninja stuff (real ninja fans would scoff at this crap and list it on the same level as Naruto), it's just Internet nerd one-upmanship. I'm not saying RoG is like that, but that dude who's like "THE SIGN SAYS NINJA IN A FIREY FONT OMG SAVE IT SAVE IT" probably is. No one cares about your ubergeekness, bro. Save it for Gencon.

Anyway, as I've said this store is your standard run-of-the-mall Hong Kong import store (ironically run by Indians). The handcuffs will be of the mid-range variety (better than toy handcuffs, but they still have stress factors in the metal working that can be exploited), the stun gun will either be no more powerful than your gag shocking pen or will have an incredibly piss-poor battery (LOL it will die before you can even use it), and the pepper spray will be some watered down spicy crap that probably is only dangerous for it's lead content.

$25 says that they have those little N64 gamepads that play hacked NES games. Everybody buys one to think "oh cool, I'm sticking it to Nintendo" and it's all fun and games until the el-cheapo power supply BURNS UP IN YOUR HANDS. Not to mention NES-on-a-chip emulations are TERRIBLE. I can't get over that, I mean someone hands you the illegally obtained offical dye "artwork" for all the processors in the NES, and tells you all you have to do is miniaturize and combine it. How do you fuck that up!?

Meh, I'm rambling. tl;dr: learn to read, fgt.

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HowardC on 01/19/2010 3:54 pm

Cadpig... you don't understand ironic comments do you. ;)

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Tadao on 01/20/2010 2:56 pm

I don't think you fully understand what they are selling. When a ninja moves to L.A. he needs to blend in with his surroundings. Inside that pink zebra print luggage is a full set of L.A. wear so that he can sneak up on his target unnoticed.

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saturnknight on 01/21/2010 11:42 am

I WANT that umbrella! it's awsome! I once saw an "Umbrella Corporation" umbrella. Talk about feeling like that Corp was taking everything over... but the ninja umbrella is so freaking cool

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Goldenkitten01 on 01/21/2010 10:41 pm

Cadpig, without a doubt you are my new favorite person. Someone didn't read the name of the site or catch the irony of a Ninja shop selling water paints and luggage.

Alright that out of the way, thats a shame because that is an awesomely hilarious sign.

And now I need to go hunt down another umbrella. Finally I will be able to fit all my death dealing and rain stopping needs in one convinient package!

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caffman on 01/23/2010 4:28 pm

Oh where can I get that umbrella in the UK? God knows I need one!

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-RoG- on 01/23/2010 7:08 pm

I know Amazon sells the ninja umbrella, so you can probably find it on there.

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toolz88 on 01/25/2010 8:40 am

What a shame. They were to good for this world, I hope to see them in whatever reality they do show up.

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