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This Halloween, You Can Eat The Green Lantern’s Balls. Finally.

You too can eat Hal Jordan's green Glo Balls! Dine on Green Lantern's light!

I know superhero products don't look Halloweeny at first glance, but when you find green Hostess snack cakes in the Halloween section of your local Target store, and the box refers to them as "Individually Wrapped Scary Cakes"... they are decidedly a Halloween treat. Ok, it's actually The Flash who has cupcakes (Flash Cakes) that are referred to as "Scary Cakes", but they clearly meant to do that with the Green Lantern ones too since they came out at the same time and mention the Halloween contest. I'm guessing the package designers were probably just too distracted by the horror that is glowing green spongy cake orbs to remember to change the description. And really, what could be scarier than being offered a mouthful of the Green Lantern's glowing balls? Granted, these snack cakes don't actually glow, but "GLO" is so heavily emphasized on the packaging that they should be able to glow. Just look at 'em:


I thought the packaging was maybe an exaggeration, but holy balls, these things are bright green! We're talking borderline neon here, folks. I just wish they weren't covered in coconut, because I hate coconut and can't give anything with coconut an unbiased review. Suffice to say, they taste exactly like every other Sno Ball I've ever tried, so if you're a fan of the original ones, you'll be a fan of these Glo Balls too.

Of course, Hostess changing the name of their Sno Balls for various promotions is nothing new. They've done official orange Halloween Glo Balls in the past, complete with "scream" filling, and even created monstrosities like blue B.O.B. Cakes. I think we can all agree that Sno Balls are one of the most unnatural food creations to ever walk the earth, and these Green Lantern Glo testicl... er... Balls are just the latest incarnation in a long lineage of taste bud terror. And yes, they can walk the earth. We haven't seen them do it, but we know they can. It's like that old adage: When the humans are away, the Sno Balls will come out and play.

Scary as these Glo Balls may be, they're still an homage to Hal Jordan and Halloween, and I feel as though I need do something to pay tribute to them. So here's a special video I made just for you:

Now then... who's hungry for some Green Lantern Glo Balls? Any takers?


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The Doctor on 09/23/2010 5:28 am

I love the part where you rub your fingers together after the ball fondling, like you were covered in some nasty coconutty ball residue.

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Kat on 09/23/2010 6:36 am

I watched that first with the sound off. I then decided to watch it with the sound on to see if I'd missed anything.

I'm glad that I did, but I feel a little dirtier now...almost like I should've paid someone for that.


Stranger (Guest) on 09/23/2010 8:39 am

8D I always dreamed of this moment!!

...but they dont sell Hostess products in Swedem >>

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SunnyD on 09/23/2010 9:22 am

that was oddly arousing

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Shadowdancer21b on 09/23/2010 12:56 pm

"I'm your pleasureman." lol.

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Danny 4 Eyes on 09/23/2010 2:36 pm


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Nick on 09/23/2010 4:20 pm

Scariest thing I will see this Halloween.

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Captain Seamus on 09/23/2010 4:56 pm

I hate coconut!

Not the flavor, the consistency.

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Julio on 09/23/2010 10:15 pm

Hey, Captain Seamus, that's my line! Hah.

No, seriously... Why do you people hate coconut so much? Is not that I actually like eating those goddamned bowling balls (coconuts, not snowballs), but the coconut sprinkles in some cakes is quite enjoyable.

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kentucky_fried_negger on 09/23/2010 10:43 pm

we're always reminded by our personal body parts. lol

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Protoclown on 09/23/2010 11:03 pm

Awesome video, love the way you worked in the Gunther line there...

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zombielordoiram on 09/23/2010 11:53 pm

off to the store time to eat cakes and bolls but there

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Senor Shutter on 09/24/2010 12:00 pm

"Glo Balls" is a side effect of Power Ring use that no one ever talks about. It is a serious medical condition that should not be made light of.

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Starscream on 09/24/2010 5:43 pm

That was simultaneously creepy and hilarious all at the same time. Very Halloween!

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Jaimas on 09/25/2010 9:03 am

I'm certainly terrified.


Mr Pointy (Guest) on 09/25/2010 10:50 am

I actually do want the Green Lantern's balls in my mouth.

Can't believe fifteen comments and nobody sank to this level of comedy!


Mr Pointy (Guest) on 09/25/2010 10:51 am

Oh, wait, it's in the title, ha.

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Jaimas on 09/25/2010 7:06 pm

They taste exactly like Sno-Balls, so if you, like me, are among the 0.0001% of the human population that enjoys them, you too will love having Green Lantern's balls shoved in your mouth.

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Ronin S on 09/25/2010 7:43 pm

I think the problem with coconut is it's only good fresh out of the shell. I've drank fresh coconut water and eaten fresh coconut jelly and flesh while on vacation. It tastes great; subtle and not to sweet.

I've also eaten shredded coconut in cakes, cookies and candies, that use stuff from the package. It always tastes like vaguely coconutty sawdust. Unlike blue foods, vanilla and strawberry flavoring, scientists just haven't really done well with artificial coconut stuff.

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Istoleyerkeys on 09/25/2010 8:57 pm

Well, I won't be buying those this year. I won't be able to bite into them without thinking about...that...too bizzare for something that's edible under ideal circumstances.

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toolz88 on 09/26/2010 11:37 pm

What's your pleasure sir?

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toolz88 on 09/26/2010 11:40 pm

They should have some yellow ones for Sinestro.

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