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This Thanksgiving, I Feast On Gumballs!

Thanksgiving Gumballs and Roast Beef Gumballs! Dinner is served!

Thanksgiving dinner is served... and it's chewy! Remember in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when Violet Beauregarde takes the three-course dinner chewing gum and describes all the flavors it changes to? It was hard to imagine gum tasting like roast beef, but thanks to Accoutrements (Archie McPhee), it actually exists now, along with turkey, pumpkin pie and cranberry flavors. And it's a good thing too, because Jones Soda appears to have given up on making their annual holiday soda packs which we dared to review, so somebody else needed to step up to the plate to deliver us our Thanksgiving meals in unconventional forms.

Chew, chew, chew your food!

The Thanksgiving Gumballs are obviously more colorful since it comes with turkey, cranberry and pumpkin pie flavors. They even embossed their names on the tin container to remind you that YOU ARE ABOUT TO EAT THANKSGIVING GUMBALLS. Not ready to dive right into the poultry, I started off with the cranberry flavored gumballs - they were sweet with just a faint hint of cranberry flavoring... quite tasty. Next up was the pumpkin pie, and the flavor was definitely stronger with this one, instantly reminding me of pumpkins, but still surprisingly good. Then it was time for the turkey. Oh my god, these were absolutely DISGUSTING. If a computer decided to interpret what it thought a turkey might taste like and produce it in pellet form, then you'd have these gumballs. They actually have a smokey flavor to them. I had to spit the turkey gumball out, because if I kept it in my mouth any longer, I think I would've puked. Horrible.

Saving what I assumed would be the worst for last, I popped open the Roast Beef Gumballs and I could already smell the artificial roast beef flavoring with a hint of salt & pepper. Never thought I'd be saying that about gumballs. EUGH. I immediately regretted biting into the roast beef gumballs; it's scary how they actually taste like roast beef in a weird way, unlike the turkey ones. Look, I enjoy roast beef, but it just doesn't work as bubble gum... and while it's not as bad as those bastard turkey balls, that doesn't mean I'm going to chow down on these ever again.

So just to recap:

Cranberry gum = Tasty
Pumpkin Pie gum = Good
Roast Beef gum = Pretty bad
Turkey gum = Tastebud Poison

So there you have it. These Thanksgiving Gumballs are by no means a substitute for a meal... not even if you're an astronaut, but I applaud Archie McPhee for daring to turn those festive dinner items into gumballs. I wonder if they'll make stuffing & gravy, brussels sprouts or green bean casserole flavors in the future. For the sake of my taste buds, I hope not, because if they do, I'll have no choice but to do another one of these taste tests.

Anyway, I hope all of you have a fantastic Thanksgiving holiday whether you're eating gumballs, turkey dinners, turkey pot pies, tacos or nothing at all. And even if you don't live in the States, you can still make an excuse to celebrate by watching the Doc Mock's Movie Mausoleum Thanksgiving Special or a great flick like Planes, Trains and Automobiles.

Be sure to share in the comments section what you ended up eating and what you ended up doing for Thanksgiving. Gobble, gobble.


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Julio on 11/25/2010 5:36 pm

As long as they don't create a broccoli flavored gumball then I think the world will be in perfect harmony.

I might order a pizza tonight.


SunnyD (Guest) on 11/25/2010 7:04 pm

tomato soup gumball! blueberry pie gumball! sweet roasted ham perhaps?


Frostor (Guest) on 11/25/2010 9:18 pm

I ended up getting stuck going to a restaurant that none of my family had ever been to due to our preferred choice having been booked up in advance. I expected it to be awful, and it was.

I'm a vegetarian, and so Thanksgiving in general isn't really catered to my tastes, but this was below average even considering that. My "entree" consisted of slightly cold mashed potatoes and squash. Even the carnivores weren't impressed with the $40-a head offerings.

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kentucky_fried_negger on 11/25/2010 10:22 pm

Dude I don't eat pigs, first off, is it even good to even eat a pink skinned over weight animal that enjoys playing in the mud?And second,They just smell horribly bad when once use to make those "oink" sound,so don't gouge on them when they're are dead cause they still smell like a donkey anus once your done cooking them.

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stevetothepast on 11/25/2010 10:23 pm

Thanksgiving gumballs - God Bless America.

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HowardC on 11/26/2010 6:57 am

Note to Vegetarians:

I fully support your alternative lifestyle, no matter how insaine it may be. But perhaps, just perhaps you aren't the best people to comment about a holiday that has it's origins as a harvest festival. You know, a harvest festival, a meal that literally consists of large amounts of meat and potatoes?

If you don't like meat then you might as well skip thanksgiving because the alternative (no meat and/or meat substitutes) is just horrible.

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Popcornmonster on 11/26/2010 12:13 pm

I saw these gumballs at the store last week and was tempted to pick them up, but the tin was $5 (or there abouts) so I opted out. Ended up with fizzing bacon drink tablets instead.


ColdFusion (Guest) on 11/26/2010 2:14 pm

The problem, I think, is that for sweet things, you can add sugar.. now sugar isn't very flavor-efficient (that's why we can't have those delicious soda-fizzing tablets anymore, because they had to use artificial sweetener, sugar would make them the size of a hockey puck), but it's okay. It does an alright job... but SAVORY flavors rely on stuff you would have a really really difficult time condensing into a powder to coat some latex with and call it a gumball.. plus most of it's really perishable. AT best you could make a kind of a salty candy.. but then it might as well be a cracker.

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Danny 4 Eyes on 11/26/2010 3:52 pm

Now this is a distinctive disadvantage to living in England, no one would dare make anything this crazy. I doff my cap to my American Cousins for pushing the candy envolope. When I eventually go over for a holiday, am just gonna gorge myself stupid.


Frostor (Guest) on 11/26/2010 7:38 pm

HowardC: Whether you support the lifestyle or not, I object to you characterizing vegetarianism as insane, and we can comment on things traditionally associated with the consumption of meat if we wish. I do not like Thanksgiving in general, and I would gladly have skipped it were it not for family obligations.

It's not too much to ask for a decent vegetarian meal though as part of the deal, though. It can and has been done many times by good restaurants and considerate relatives, with and without meat substitutes (which are really much better and closer to the real thing than most people are aware, seeing as how nearly every person who I've explained this to refuses to even try a meat analogue, though quality does vary by brand).

Rant over. Sorry, couldn't resist.

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Shadowdancer21b on 11/26/2010 7:40 pm

Invited my parents over and had an alright time.

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Ronin S on 11/26/2010 8:55 pm

I'm in Canada, so we already celebrated Thanksgiving a month ago. My family seems to have a bizarre grudge against turkey. They hate cooking it and I have to needle them to put a decent stuffing inside.

Moving on to the weird flavor thing, it's amazing how many flavors scientists can stimulate these days. I'm guessing they worked with the guys at jelly belly, who came up with the Bertie Bot's every flavor beans. I was mystified at first how they came up with stuff like sardines, grass, ear wax and vomit. But I actually tasted the grass one and it was dead on. Didn't dare taste the others though.

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GrindhouseCinema on 11/27/2010 3:08 pm

I must have me some of these! Those containers are simply outstanding. I'm sort of surprised there isn't a Candy Corn flavored gumball for Halloween time.

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Shadowdancer21b on 11/27/2010 4:17 pm

I blame the bacon internet meme for the existence of these gumballs. America has bacon-flavored everything just like Japan has green tea flavored everything.

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HowardC on 11/27/2010 8:16 pm

In response to: Frostor (Guest)

When I said "no matter how insaine it may be" that was obviously a joke. I guess vegans can't laugh about themselves.

But if we want to go down that road it certainly is a questionable (health-wise) and unnatural practice. The only proof you need is to look inside your own mouth. You'll find a few pointy things in there, those are called canines. We are genetically designed to eat meat (as well as anything else judging by our omnivore dental pattern). That isn't to say that one can't survive without meat, but I suppose someone can survive only on vitamin supplements and a ready supply of fat, I just wouldn't reccomend either.

That isn't to say a meat only diet is healthy either, far from it, but there's really no evidence to support that not eating meat is any healthier. Much of that has to do with the fact that science has yet to find a human being on this planet that is healthy and has never consumed meat. That has less to do about the vegan lifestyle and more to do with the fact that everybody eats meat. Current vegetarins ate meat when they were little (when diet is more crucial and will probably do so again).

I guess what I'm saying is don't burn too many bridges, you'll come back to us eventually. ;)

There's nothing morally wrong with eating meat, it's perfectly natural... every species on the planet with the proper dental pattern does so (including us). And there's nothing unhealthy about it either, meat is part of a balanced diet.

So unless you have some sort of rare meat allergy (and if you do I sincerely apologize) there's absolutly no reason for you to not to partake in meat other than you just don't want to. That's fine, but let's not pretend that it's anything more than that.

With that being said, you said so yourself thanksgiving is catered towards vegetarians. So my point is do you really have any right to complain? Isn't that like an atheist complaining about the portrayal of Jesus in a film, or a fat man complaining about the size of an airline seat when he's clearly 4 times the size of an average adult (sorry Silent Bob).

Again, I'm all for it if you want to experiment with veganism, it's your right, I just took a bit of offense that those who don't eat meat constantly want special consideration and complain when they don't get it.

I have some severe food allergies but I don't complain when somebody or some resturant doesn't offer something that meets my dietary needs. I just eat somewhere else. ;)

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Dsinder on 11/27/2010 10:25 pm

Pretty cool if only for the neat collectors tins they come in. A buttered sweetcorn or cheese flavor might be tasty tho...

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caffman on 11/28/2010 7:36 am

wow a political debate at imockery. I feel like a Kennedy

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caffman on 11/28/2010 7:37 am

Oh and we have to wait till Christmas for our turkey. But we get to blow shit up on bonfire night so it all equals out

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-RoG- on 11/28/2010 2:34 pm

Haha seriously, how did this discussion about Gumballs turn into some carnivore vs. herbivore debate? Oh right... HowardC trolling.

We're talking about gumballs here. Gumballs gone horribly wrong. Gobble, gobble.

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Julio on 11/28/2010 5:41 pm

-RoG- I actually support HowardC on this one, because he is giving an opinion without making the matter a personal affair.

I still believe that broccoli flavored gumballs would be the most awful atrocity ever created by humankind.

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Delicious Salad on 11/29/2010 10:31 pm

The future is here...finally.


NBRI (Guest) on 08/12/2011 2:20 pm

First it was bacon candles, now it is roast beef chewing gum...what is next?:)


Karen (Guest) on 09/09/2011 5:29 pm

Nice reference to a staple Thanksgiving TV treat in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. Don't forget Home Alone too. Barf! Sorry!

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