"It's not you, Ferdy. I'm just not used to be chased around a mall in the middle of the night by killer robots." If there's one thing Chopping Mall taught us, it's that shopping can be deadly. Fortunately for you, I-Mockery's Halloween Club Packs have returned for the 2014 season, and they're so full of spooky goodness that even the most dedicated Killbots will steer clear of anybody who purchases one. I've been assembling these packs for months now, scouring the globe for the best Halloween goodies deemed worthy for inclusion in these limited packs, and man oh man... did I ever find some great stuff! Behold!
Are you drooling yet? Tell me that's not a beautiful sight! This is just a mere sampling of what you can expect to find in one of our Halloween club packs, but I know you wanna learn a bit more about some of the bigger items you'll be getting in this year's box. So let's begin with my personal favorite item:
Yep. I've actually acquired a boatload of vintage Halloween Horror tape cassettes from back in 1987, still sealed in their original packaging, and everybody who places an order will be receiving one! The packaging on these are beautiful, complete with a classic haunted house, a creepy old tree, a pumpkin, tombstones, and a bat flying in the moonlight among other things. You also have some crazy font action going on here, what with the "o" in "Halloween" being a jack-o-lantern, and "Horror" written in a boney font which always causes people to stare since it's so much harder to read. And seriously, with a tagline like "60 minutes of terror in Dolby Stereo", how can you possibly go wrong? Good stuff.
Another other big item in this years Halloween pack is a horror figure from the NECA Scalers toy line! In every club pack, I'll be including one of these brand new figures that are both terrifying and adorable. Terrorable? As you can see here, you might get Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th, Freddy Krueger from A Nightmare on Elm Street, or even Gizmo from Gremlins. I also have some Xenomorphs from Aliens, some Predator figures, and even some Gollum toys! Regardless of which monster you receive, I'm sure you'll love 'em! Plus, if you take them out of the package, they will clutch onto your cords and cables with all of their might! Just imagine listening to our Jack-O-Juke on your favorite set of headphones as Gizmo or Freddy dangle from them. That's the kind Halloween experience everyone needs.
Everybody seemed to love the packs of trading cards and stickers I included in the club packs last year, so I've assembled another batch of classics for 2014! Each box will contain a variety of trading card packs such as the unsung Grossville High cards (circa 1986), Beetlejuice cards from the animated series (circa 1990), Toxic High School cards (circa 1991), Dinosaurs Attack cards (circa 1988), and more. Just don't eat the included gum, cuz it's even more stale than it was when these trading cards were originally released!
I'm also including a packet of Ghoul-Aid in every club pack this year, because Halloween simply wouldn't be complete without a delicious Scary Blackberry beverage. And this stuff really is delicious and worth tasting if you haven't before, though I have a feeling half of you will save them for all eternity, which is completely understandable. I don't care what the expiration dates say, I'm convinced Kool-Aid mix (er, Ghoul-Aid) has the same shelf life as your average Twinkie, so hold onto 'em as long as you like.
Since a lot of people missed out last year and asked me to reprint them, I'm including a Count Pop vinyl sticker in every Halloween Club Pack once again. Stick it on your car, your laptop, your face, or wherever the world will be able to clearly see that you're one of the Popster's favorite Halloween chums! You'll also find one of the classic I-Mockery shiny stickers in each pack as well. It'll make you happy and it also works as a makeshift portable funhouse mirror.
As always, I'm including a variety of random Halloween trinkets, toys, stickers, and treats in every pack too. You'll find everything from orange & black Halloween fortune cookies with actual spooky fortunes inside them, bloodshot eyeball candies, and sticky spectres to springy monster toys (pictured above), skeleton figures, ghost poofs, and SpongeBob SquarePants Candy Corn Krabby Patties (seriously, that's a thing that exists!), Halloween Mad Libs, and more. There will be other little surprises included with every order to ensure this box o' goodies keeps you entertained all month long.
[click here to see the full-sized photo!]
To top it all off, five lucky club pack purchasers will receive one of these vintage double-sided Monster cereal trick-or-treat bags from the early 80s featuring Boo Berry, Franken Berry, and Count Chocula! They're from my personal collection, made of thick plastic, and often go for $30-$50 on the rare occasion that they pop up on auction sites. You can frame them to hang on your wall or go out trick-or-treating with them this Halloween. Hell, you can even fill the bags with monster cereal and milk for a unique breakfast experience if you want... not that I'd recommend doing such a thing. (you should totally do that)
As you can see, there's a whole lot o' fun in every box. I've spent even more time this year running around putting together all the supplies for these Halloween packs, so I'm really excited to hear what you think of 'em when they arrive at your doorstep. Please note that while I've made more than twice as many club packs as I did in 2013, they're still limited in quantity. Once they sell out, I won't be reproducing them again, so be sure to place your order early to ensure you get one and aren't left standing alone in a pumpkin patch like a disappointed Linus waiting for the Great Pumpkin to arrive. Nobody wants to be a disappointed Linus.
Please keep in mind, you're not only getting a club pack filled with loads of hand-picked Halloween fun, you're also helping support all the time and work put into I-Mockery. Halloween season is easily the most important time of the year for me, but it's also the most expensive time as well. In addition to the cost of running I-Mockery, I rack up some hefty traveling expenses and purchases for all the articles and reviews I post on this site, so you purchasing my club packs and other merch really helps offset those costs. Also, if you have any friends who might like the Halloween Club Pack, please let 'em know about it!
The Halloween Club Packs are $31 a pop (after all, Halloween is on October 31st) for anybody in the continental United States, and yes, that price does include shipping. Only one purchase per person please, as I wanna spread the wealth and make sure lots of people have a chance to order one. If you're ready to order, click the button below:
For international customers outside of the United States, due to the widely varying shipping costs and all the time it takes to fill out customs forms among other things (time that would be better spent writing new Halloween articles for the site), the club packs are not available for you to purchase on this page. That said, you know I don't like to leave anyone out, so if you *really* want a pack / can't live without one, and you live outside of the United States., drop me an email about it and I'll try to set one aside for you and we'll work out the shipping costs later. I can't make any promises, as I may get more requests than I can handle, but I'll do my best to get a club pack into your hands just like I did with a bunch of you last year.
Alrighty, that about does it. I hope you have as much fun with these club packs as I had putting them together, because I really wanted to give you what I see as "Halloween in a box" once again. I'm also happy to make them available to more than twice as many people this year and seriously can't wait to hear what you think of 'em! Thanks in advance to all of you who help support I-Mockery and all the work I do every Halloween season by ordering one. Have at it, Halloweenies!
UPDATE (10/14) Holy crap! I can't believe that despite making more than double the amount of Halloween packs, they sold out once again this year! Thanks SOOOO much to all of you who purchased one... this helps out the site more than you know. I hope you all enjoy your packs and that they made your 2014 Halloween season extra fun. Thanks again and be sure to stick around for more Halloween posts throughout October!
Cameron (Guest) on 10/05/2014 12:02 pm
Got one, YES!!!
Brian (Guest) on 10/05/2014 12:04 pm
Aw yeah!
BadServo on 10/05/2014 12:04 pm
WOOT! Finally landed one! Thanks, Rog.
TheNunEater on 10/05/2014 12:04 pm
I got mine!
John (Guest) on 10/05/2014 12:10 pm
Got it this time! Looking forward to the awesome box of Halloween goodies.
Ulttimo (Guest) on 10/05/2014 12:45 pm
Awesome! Got one! Next year I want an autographed picture of Doc Moc!
ChrisGlass (Guest) on 10/05/2014 1:27 pm
Woo! Thanks!
J (Guest) on 10/05/2014 4:07 pm
i can't believe NECA turned Freddy and Gizmo into strippers
Lurdiak (Guest) on 10/05/2014 4:22 pm
Hey, RoG... are you reading the song suggestions on the jack-o-juke article? You said you'd add more before the end of October, but you haven't added any yet...
-RoG- on 10/05/2014 5:30 pm
Thanks sooo much to all of you who've been ordering the club packs! We've already sold more than last year and it's only been a few hours since they were released. Crazy!
Ulttimo - Haha, I'll see what I can do. ;)
Lurdiak - Yep, I check it often and appreciate it whenever somebody posts a song suggestion. My time is limited at the moment, and I was also out of town on a special Halloween trip last week. I'll try to add more tunes again before the month is over as long as time permits. Either way, anything I don't get to this year, I'll likely add to the Jack-O-Juke for Halloween 2015, so keep the suggestions coming whenever one pops into your head. Thanks!
Vaporman87 on 10/05/2014 11:05 pm
Awesome! Great stuff in these. We're all in the "pack making" business this year it seems...
Cameron (Guest) on 10/09/2014 9:51 pm
Got mine today. Some pretty cool stuff in it. I sadly wasn't one of the lucky people to get that awesome trick or treat bag. Ah well, look forward to Halloween 2015!
Krankor on 10/10/2014 1:27 pm
Mine came in yesterday, all the assorted knick knacks and such reminded me of Halloween as a kid. Thanks for keeping the season alive RoG
Grell (Guest) on 10/10/2014 5:47 pm
Just got mine in the mail today, I love it! I'm also glad you fortuitously gave me the Freddy Krueger figurine since he is my favorite horror icon bar none. The only problem I have is trying to find a music player that will play cassettes, I looked all over my house to no avail. Also, I'm curious how you were able to acquire those trading cards, I looked at the date on the back and some are from as far back as 1986 (the year I was born!).
All in all I am very happy with it, I have the Freddy Krueger figurine hanging from my pull string for my blinds.
-RoG- on 10/10/2014 6:23 pm
Cameron - Haha, yeah only five people are getting those treat bags, and the boxes are sealed up in advance so even I don't know who will receive 'em. Glad you like what's in your pack though and thanks again for picking one up!
Krankor - Excellent! That's *exactly* how the packs should make everyone feel... like a kid on Halloween!
Grell - Hey, that's great! There are six different figures you could get, so I'm glad you got your favorite character. Fortuitous indeed! As for the cassette, you can keep it as a decoration, or you can probably find a tape player at Radio Shack or something like that. Many of the cards I've had for ages, others I've purchased on eBay... but yeah, they're all old, so I wouldn't eat the gum that's included in some of the packs! ;) Hope Freddy protects your blinds forever, and thanks again for the support!
Mister Tea (Guest) on 10/12/2014 4:11 am
Rog, despite your words of caution, my own common sense, and the unnerving way a stick of it fell and shattered against my coffee table, I went ahead and tried the gum anyway.
I never before wondered what going down on Estelle Getty must have tasted like, but because of my brave yet incredibly stupid decision, now I know. Keep that description in mind for the future when warning people against putting those vile planks of ancient, sweetened chicle in their mouths.
Vaporman87 (Guest) on 10/13/2014 9:00 pm
For future reference RoG, you can find a wealth of 80's pack of trading cards for all different properties at Boxsome.com.
I've bought several from there myself, and the service is quite good, as well as the selection.
saturnknight on 10/14/2014 10:35 am
I can't wait until I get my pack in the mail, I posted the cards I got in last years back finally, and one if the pieces of gum was stuck to the card..... like really on there, another one had stained the wax wrapping and it looked like nicotine all brown and everything .... we knew the gum was bad then.... but I think I know why we bought the cards...... the gum had a "secret ingredient"
I hope I get one of the random treat bag kits... Also I have a cassette deck on my old stereo. so this will be a flash back Halloween for me
Great job RoG
OH! the link below is of the particular gum I mentioned:
piece of gum
JoeyJoJoJr on 10/15/2014 12:25 am
Woohoo ordered me one. Can't wait to see What RoG is packing in mine. Thanks
shimwood on 10/16/2014 7:09 pm
Got my pack in the mail on Tuesday and even though I got home late I spent a good 30 minutes marveling at all of the awesomeness I received. Thanks so much for sending these out because it turned a crummy week into an awesome one! Plus my sister is a huge Jason fan and now I can make her jealous with my Scaler.
Bell (Guest) on 10/17/2014 8:03 pm
I've been lurking i-mockery for years- probably five or six now- and thought that since I'm not doing much this Halloween season, I might as well order something nice from one of my favourite sites. And WOW I have not been disappointed! I got my pack two or three days ago and have been thoroughly enjoying it ever since.
The little Alien climber is clinging to my headphones as I type, and one of the Monster cereal bags (which I am SO excited to have) is hanging by the spooky fortune taped to my wall. My laptop is festooned with shiny stickers.
Thank you, i-mockery, for having made my Halloweens awesome every year since I was eleven or twelve. You've really outdone yourself this year!
-RoG- on 10/20/2014 2:50 pm
JoeyJoJoJr - Thanks for ordering it! Lemme know what you think when it arrives!
shimwood - Awfully nice of you to say, and I'm really glad to hear it made your week better. Keep an eye on Jason... not because he'll try to murder you (althought he might), but because it sounds like your sister might snatch him from ya!
Bell - Thanks for emerging from your lurkerness to not only support the site, but also to lemme know you dig the club pack! Hope the Alien keeps you company, and my apologies if its acid blood melts through your headphones cable. ;)
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