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What’s With The Super Bowl Anyway?
So how many of you guys give a shit about the Super Bowl? I just can't bring myself to give a damn. As entertainment goes, it's far too boring to hold my interest, and the commercials that everyone else thinks are "hilarious" and "cute" only seem to "piss" me "off". Every time I see them all I can think of is how these companies are trying to manipulate me into buying their crappy products. And hey, there certainly are some cute and funny commercials out there, I'm sure, but that doesn't change the fact that whenever I see a commercial my field of vision is taken over by the red haze of pure rage, which makes it kind of hard to enjoy anything. (more...)
The Joker is Dead.
I'm sure most of you have heard by now about how Heath Ledger died this week. I hadn't seen very many of his movies at all, but I was really looking forward to his performance as the Joker in the upcoming The Dark Knight. The trailers look promising, and as a huge Batman fan I'm curious to see how this take on the character will turn out. It could be a tremendous pile of poo, but I can't wait to find out.
And of course, I can and still will do that. But this puts a major monkeywrench in that film franchise, as rumor has it the Joker is supposed to be in the third movie as well, and in it he's supposed to do something kind of important (I won't say what for those of you who care about spoilers but I'm sure many of you know what I'm talking about). So now the question is, will they write out the Joker's role in that third film or will they have someone else play the part? I can't see how either one of those wouldn't suck, at least from a standpoint of consistency. And say they got someone awesome like Crispin Glover to play the Joker--he doesn't really look like Heath Ledger so that would be end up being retarded.
I remember when The Crow came out and the death of Brandon Lee pretty much cast a huge shadow over that movie that it could never get out from under (not that it should have--and hey, isn't it kind of weird that the last film either of these guys did was a comic book movie where they wear eerily similar clown makeup?). What should've been a fun and awesome comic book movie this summer will now be kind of depressing and will always bear the mark of being Heath Ledger's last completed movie (unless he's further along in the upcoming Terry Gilliam film than I think).
At least (odds are) he went out on a high note as far as last films go. Just look at poor Raul Julia.
Sexy Email Time.
My work email server keeps getting bombarded with spam emails about how I can enlarge my cock or give myself more stamina in the sack, and nearly every morning I have a new email waiting for me with a list of items that have been filtered out. Since some of these names are just classic, I've decided to share them here: (more...)
Hey, Comic Nerds.
Now before you get your Wolverine panties in a bunch over me calling you nerds, you can rest assured that I'm one too. Now that we have that out of the way, a lot of people have inquired about what comics I read on a monthly basis. I mean, it's pretty obvious from my Longbox columns what comics I don't like, but what ones do I actually enjoy reading (or hate myself enough to keep buying)?
So I figured I'd share my "pull list", and then maybe you can show me your "pull list", and then maybe we can go somewhere private and pull each other's lists for a while. (more...)
Damned New Years Resolutionists.
You know what annoys me the most about this time of year? New Years Resolutionists. There's always someone at my work who's decided once and for all to change their lifestyle and go on that diet, but within a week they're back to gorging themselves on whatever free shit just happens to be up for grabs on the free-for-all counter in the kitchen.
These people are so not-serious about changing their lives that they have to actually wait around until the big event, the ball drop, the calendar flip, even though they started cooking up their Grand Scheme of Change on December 11th; it just wasn't time yet. Gotta have that one last hurrah, that last holiday supper of Henry VIII proportions, that one last prostitute with an eye patch, potbelly and wooden leg. Only after they've gotten it out of their system will they be ready. I'm tired of hearing people talk about it. (more...)
This ain’t your daddy’s I-Mockery no more.
Hello gentle reader, and welcome to my new blog. (Can I call you gentle? No? How about silky? Does that work? In the event that you're not silky or gentle, substitute "rough and tumble".)
It's hard to believe, but I've been writing for I-Mockery for just over seven years now. My first two submissions were Visionary Darkness articles posted on the same day, one about the year 2000 presidential election and one about the new Transformers toys. Looking back on them (please don't), I find them kind of embarrassing now. Yes, like all women before me, I've come a long way, baby. And now I realize that last sentence makes me sound like a woman. I could totally hit the backspace button and you would never know I typed it that way, but for some reason I'm still typing forwards and words are coming out on the screen. Well, I can assure you, I'm not. A woman, I mean. I'm not even silky, which is more than I can say for you, I'm afraid. (more...)
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