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Disney To Ruin Marvel Comics.


As an avid comic fan, I was terrified when I read the news this morning about Marvel Comics being bought by Disney. Horrific images immediately popped into my head: Mickey Mouse and Goofy joining the Avengers, Donald Duck teaming up with Wolverine to take down the Dr. Doom/Cruella de Vil alliance, and Scrooge McDuck becoming the new head of S.H.I.E.L.D.

I'm no fan of Disney, mostly because I'm older than five, so I'm a bit worried about how they might fuck up some of my favorite comic book properties. If they've any sense at all, they'll leave Marvel alone to do what they've been doing creatively, much the way Time Warner has handled DC Comics after acquiring it. But given that Disney is a huge mega-corporation, I know full well that they can't possibily have any sense at all.

So now I wonder what horrors are coming our way down the road. Will they impose bizarre editorial edicts that make Quesada's anti-smoking rule seem reasonable by comparison? Will they eventually dissolve the Marvel brand entirely, so I have to stomach buying comics with that shitty, childish Disney logo plastered on them? Will they mandate crossovers with existing Disney properties? The last thing I want to see is some horrible "Kingdom Hearts" kind of situation where a bunch of soft, fat, giggly Disney characters are rubbing elbows with the likes of Wolverine and Magneto. It sends chills down my spine, I tells ya.

A friend of mine pointed out that the best case scenario means they might introduce some cool new Marvel-themed rides and exhibits in their theme parks. Worst case is they'll remove any and all adult appeal these comics and characters have by trying to "kiddiefy" everything. What are you guys' hopes and fears for this partnership?

ALSO: I am planning a Longbox column about the most "Halloweeny" comic characters. Obviously Scarecrow, Green Goblin and Hobgoblin quickly come to mind. If you have any suggestions you'd like to see appear in the article (I make no guarantees), feel free to post them here!



Ladies & Gentlemen, I Present You “Henching”.

Henching - a new comic by Protoclown debuts next week at the San Diego Comic-Con!

Many moons ago, I said I was putting together a comic book to have ready for the 2009 San Diego Comic-Con. Believe it or not, I wasn't lying. Through the help of this very blog, I hooked up with my wonderful artist, a talented Canadian named Sharon (check out her Deviantart page here) who had just the style and wit I was searching for. This is a project that has consumed us both (her far more than me) for the last several months, and I am thrilled to report that the comic will be printed and ready in time for the Con!

Seeing as how I'm promoting this book at the I-Mockery table and on the I-Mockery site, it seemed appropriate that I do a humor book, one which parodies the superhero genre and makes fun of many of the typical cheesy conventions you see in those comics. This book follows four friends who happen to hench for various ridiculous super villains, as they reminisce on all of the bullshit they've had to put up with in their daily lives working for those idiots and assholes.

It's a black and white book (due to time and money constraints) and it'll cost ya three duckets, because I want to be able to pay my artist decently for her hard work. The initial print run will be available at the SDCC at I-Mockery's table #A10, and following that you'll be able to purchase it online, so don't worry if you can't make it out to the Con. You'll still be able to buy the book. And if there's enough interest, a color printing is certainly possible in the future (assuming Sharon wants to do it).

I had a damn good time writing it, and an even better time watching Sharon bring the words in my script to life. After all this time writing about comics, it's about time I got off my ass and actually wrote one myself. I hope you guys enjoy this thing even a fraction as much as I enjoyed seeing it all come together.



I Need An Artist, Stat!


This was supposed to be a surprise to be announced shortly before the Comic-Con, but since my local artist friends are all too swamped with their own projects to meet the deadline, and without an artist these kinds of things don't happen, I turn to the internet for assistance.

I am writing a 20-page comic book that I hope to have for sale at the I-Mockery table at the San Diego Comic-Con this year (which will also be available for purchase online, after the con, for those of you who can't make it this year). However, since scripts alone aren't exactly exciting material for the average reader, I am in need of an artist to help me see this vision through.

A couple things you should know: (more...)



The Best Feeling In The World.

Feels so good!

After many painstaking minutes of research, I have discovered what the greatest feeling in the world is. Are you prepared for me to drop this knowledge on you? Do you think you can handle it? You may be surprised by its sheer simplicity. But therein lies its power. And the best part is, we've all experienced it.

It is better than winning the lottery (or so my research tells me). Better than drugs. Even better than receiving head from a surprisingly skilled nun. (more...)



My Top Tens For 2008.

Here are my Top Ten movies, albums, and video games from 2008. I would have done comics too but I read a million of them, and my memory isn't that good. Besides, what do you do--individual issues, story arcs, titles or what? Anyway, I'm curious to see some of your Top Ten lists for last year so feel free to share your own in the comments.


This was the easiest category to do, though I was tempted to make my number one choice take up the first five slots, because it really was that awesome. (more...)



Why You Gotta Do Us Like That, Joaquin?


So have you guys heard that Joaquin Phoenix is a rapper now? Seriously. I'd heard that he was going to quit acting and get into music some time ago, and I immediately thought "Oh cool, obviously he was inspired by his performance in Walk the Line, and decided to start up a band, and unlike every other actor who has ever decided to branch out into music, there's the slim chance that he won't suck because of his strong singing performance as Johnny Cash". Little did I know at the time that he was talking about rap.

Don't get me wrong, I like quite a lot of rap, but when I first heard that's what Joaquin would be doing I knew that this had the potential to be very, very bad. I like Joaquin, and I do not want to see him become a laughing stock. But I am afraid we are starting to see the horrible downward spiral of someone who by all accounts seems like a pretty cool and likable enough guy. (more...)


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