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monster-briefs-horror-magazine-covers-and-your-crotch-together-at-last

Monster Briefs. Horror Magazine Covers And Your Crotch, Together At Last.

by -RoG- on 09/19/2008, 10:34 am

Laugh at 'em all you want. You know you'd secretly wear them if they were still for sale.
Click to enlarge.

For a while, I really thought I was a guy who had it all. Then I saw this ad for Monster Briefs and quickly realized just how little I had. If there's one thing I've always said I want near my junk, it's words like "Monsters", "Creepy" and "Eerie".

17 Comments

the-nike-horror-pack-freddy-krueger-has-some-gruesome-sneakers

The Nike Horror Pack: Freddy Krueger Has Some Gruesome… Sneakers?

by -RoG- on 09/18/2008, 10:05 am

1, 2, Freddy's coming with shoes. 3, 4, better watch your floors...

I'm not sure how these slipped past my radar, but apparently Nike actually released some sneakers last year based on Freddy Krueger from the Nightmare on Elm Street films. I'm guessing I never knew about 'em since I'm one of those people who cares very little about shoes and buys a new pair once every... oh I dunno... ten years. From what I can tell, it was a very limited release known as "The Horror Pack", but the sneakers are undoubtedly Freddy. As you can see, the pattern on the shoes matches his infamous red and green striped sweater. I like how the Nike logo is a shiny silver just like one of Freddy's razor fingers too. There's also some blood splatters all around the borders of 'em, but I think the effect would've been a lot nicer if the blood was everywhere. These are Freddy's sneakers after all. We're talking about a guy who spends most of his time down in a grimy boiler room, so I doubt any sneakers he wears would look so clean. The real shocker here is that people wouldn't even get to see the truly best part about this set o' sneaks if you were wearing them... (more...)

27 Comments

zombie-finger-puppets-yes-indeed-you-too-can-finger-a-zombie

Zombie Finger Puppets! Yes Indeed, You Too Can Finger A Zombie!

by -RoG- on 09/14/2008, 1:43 pm

Finger our BRAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIINS!

Yeah, I said it... so what? If you've got a problem with that, I have five new undead friends on my fingers that will gladly devour your beefy brains without even blinking. I stumbled onto these guys mixed in with a bunch of other cheap toys at one of my favorite novelty shops here L.A. and immediately fell in love with 'em. Unfortunately, nowhere on their rotting torsos does it say what company produced them, but a quick search on the Internet (oh Internet, what can't you do?) for "zombie finger puppets" turns up plenty o' results and it turns out they're made and sold by Archie McPhee. Anywho, being a big fan of those classic rubber monster finger puppets that we all know so well, I was happy to see these new zombie-themed ones... especially since they glow-in-the-dark! (more...)

28 Comments

how-come-the-creature-from-the-black-lagoon-gets-no-respect

How Come The Creature From The Black Lagoon Gets No Respect?

by -RoG- on 09/09/2008, 2:48 am

What an amazing job they did on capturing his likeness! It's as if I'm staring at the REAL Creature from the Black Lagoon!

I feel bad for the Creature from the Black Lagoon. No really, I do. Sure, he's a famous monster 'n all... but when it comes down to it, he really doesn't get the kind of respect that Dracula, Frankenstein*, the Wolfman and The Mummy do. If you ask me, I think it's partially because of his epithetic name. He doesn't really have a name since Gill-man never caught on and I've always hated that name for him since gills aren't terrifying. Wolfman? Yeah, that's something you clearly don't wanna screw with. Gill-man? Sounds more like something your cat would have as a chew toy. Of course, "Creature from the Black Lagoon" which is quite a mouthful too, and if you shorten it to just plain old "Creature", nobody's gonna know what you're talking about. He really deserved a cooler name, but it's probably too late for that now. Sure, I still call him Lagoony from time to time, but I doubt Universal will do a modernized story about him featuring that nickname anytime soon (nor should they). I guess I just don't understand why they couldn't come up with a catchy short name for him like Swamp Thing had. And hey, speaking of Swamp Thing, that brings me to my next point... (more...)

51 Comments

dracula-is-a-pill-popper

Dracula Is A Pill Popper!

by -RoG- on 09/05/2008, 9:50 am

I vant to drink your bl... AH SCREW IT! SAY BUDDY! I NEED A FIX! CAN YA HELP ME OUT!? JUST ONE FIX!!!

I knew it! Dracula is a bona fide pill popper! Just look at the package for these blood capsules and you'll see all the proof you need. He's poppin' pills like they were Halloween candies! Come to think of it, a lot of horror & sci-fi icons we celebrate became monsters because of too much exposure to certain chemicals. The Toxic Avenger, C.H.U.D., Jack Frost, countless zombies and more... all of 'em had too much exposure to chemicals in one way or another. With that in mind, is it really too hard to believe that a drug addict would wake up one day and decide that he was a creature of the night who had to suck blood from the necks of the innocent for nourishment? Maybe they should put Dracula on those new "I Lost Me To Meth" campaigns that I've been seeing all over the place. You know what? I'm gonna do the job for 'em and make that poster myself... (more...)

31 Comments

i-mockerys-2008-halloween-season-has-begun

I-Mockery’s 2008 Halloween Season Has Begun!

by -RoG- on 09/01/2008, 6:47 pm

Greetings, ghouls 'n goblins! Welcome to I-Mockery's 2008 Halloween season!

Yes indeedy, it's that time of year again! As most of you know, September 1st marks the beginning of our annual "2 Months of Halloween" celebration here on I-Mockery. Everything you see on this site between now and October 31st will be nothing but Halloween-oriented goodness (or badness, depending on what we happen to be covering). This is my absolute favorite time of the year. I love seeing the horror movies slowly creep their way onto TV stations more frequently. I love seeing the latest Halloween candies trickle into all the stores around town. I love seeing the seasonal Halloween stores pop-up for a brief time in some shoddy old retail space that was previously home to squatters, rats and... squatters who eat rats. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm really glad that Halloween is a comin'.

We've got all sorts o' spookylicious things planned for the 2008 Halloween season here on I-Mockery, but if any of you have suggestions for things you'd like to see us cover, please let us know. It doesn't matter if it's a Halloween event taking place in your area, a horror movie, a costume, some new candy, or some completely bizarro new Halloween novelty... we wanna hear about it.

To those of you who aren't well acquainted with our admittedly over the top annual Halloween celebration here on I-Mockery, I recommend you check out some of our main Halloween attractions. And hell, even if you've been with us for years, it wouldn't hurt to look back over all that old stuff to help get in the spirit o' things.

-I-Mockery's Halloween Collection: Here you'll find quick 'n easy access to most of our Halloween material from the past. Extremely in-depth horror movie and candy reviews, product reviews, and of course the boppin' Halloween adventures of Count Pop himself.

-The Halloween Grab Bag: Much like our "Shorts" section, this is a place where you'll find our smaller Halloween articles, but often covering some of the weirdest stuff we've ever stumbled upon.

-The Greatest Horror Movie Moments: Another favorite is our ongoing quest to document some of the finest moments in horror movies. Sometimes they're moments you're well aware of, other times, it's stuff you probably never knew existed. Either way, if you're looking for some horror movies to check out this season, this is a good place to start.

-Trick-Or-Treat Adventure: Our largest Flash game to date... and it's all about Halloween. If you're a fan of classic adventure games such as Monkey Island and Space Quest, you'll feel right at home with this one as you go on an adventure to build a Halloween costume and then collect enough candies before you battle the ultimate evil! It even auto-saves your progress as you go play, so you don't have to beat the game all in one sitting.

Of course, you can still expect our regular site updates to the Blabber Blog and Weeklies section (and we have plenty of archived Halloween blog entries for you peruse), along with a whole new slew of Halloweeny articles this season. We've also got some great Halloween contests in store for you to participate in as well. I-Mockery's big 2008 Halloween season has finally begun and I hope you guys will all be here for the spooktacular ride!

47 Comments

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