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Exactly How Life Should Be.

by -RoG- on 06/18/2008, 2:08 pm

Why can't we feel like this every day of our lives?

42 Comments

They Are Becoming More Aggressive, Our Avian “Friends”.

by Protoclown on 06/16/2008, 11:23 am

I can't help but notice, in the last several months, that I have almost plowed into almost a dozen birds with my automobile vehicle, my "horseless carriage", if you will. I will be driving along, singing to whatever awesome music I happen to have playing (all of my music is awesome), when suddenly, a kamikaze avian menace will swoop down from the sky, passing right in front of my vehicle, clearing the opposite end mere seconds before I would have smeared it into a feathered paste across my grill.

It has happened frequently enough that I have definitely noticed a trend. I do not remember birds doing this in the past, so I must wonder, what has changed? Is global warming driving them insane? Are they afflicted with some "mad bird disease" currently rampaging through the avian community? Have they been watching Hitchcock? Or is it merely some kind of game, a test of wills--some new game of chicken they play, perhaps to impress their mates? Or perhaps my new Honda Civic came with a bird magnet feature I was not aware of. (more...)

51 Comments

My Obligatory Friday The 13th Post.

by -RoG- on 06/13/2008, 2:25 pm

It may be an unlucky day for some, but for horror fans, Friday the 13th will forever be associated with gut-splatteringly good times thanks to a maniac in a hockey mask. Today I'd like to open up a discussion about the Friday the 13th flicks to hear your thoughts on a few things:

1) What's your favorite Friday the 13th movie?
2) What's your favorite Friday the 13th movie moment? (this can be a kill scene or just any scene you really enjoyed)

Now, I've already posted my list of Jason's 10 Best Kills and I still stand by that list 100%. Same goes for my Freddy's 10 Best Kills list. If I had to pick my favorite movie in the series, it would have to be Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood. Jason never looked better than he did in that one and I loved how he had a real opponent in the form of a girl with telekinetic powers. (more...)

47 Comments

A Pac-Massacre.

by -RoG- on 06/12/2008, 12:43 pm

One of the nice things about running I-Mockery is that I get a ton o' great emails from people who visit the site. Most of the time, people will write in to say they liked a certain piece or to give me suggestions for future articles, and I always appreciate that kind of stuff. However, there are some emails so awful, it amazes me that these people can find their way onto the Internet. Now, I'm not one to name names, so I'm going to keep the identity of this person protected, but I just had to share this one with you guys. This person sent me an email in regards to my "I Will Beat Pacman" music video:

"I edited your pac man music video to have no swearing. I hope you don't mind, I also think your video animation kind of matches, with me editing your song. The only reason I did this, was so everyone could watch your video."

Sounds innocent enough I suppose, but then I got to thinking, "Wait a minute, I don't really remember using any real profanity in that song." As the email stated, this person created an edited version of the video which they believed that the animation was fairly well synced with the edited music. You have to see this thing to believe it. Take a look 'n listen to both versions for yourselves and tell me what you think.

-"I Will Beat Pacman" (original unedited version)
-"I Will Beat Pacman" (massacred version)

Thank fucking god this person removed words like "hell" and "goddamn" from the song. I can't believe I ever used such language before. I should be ashamed of myself. I love how instead of bleeping out the words that were deemed offensive, this person literally just deleted chunks out of the song and let it keep on playing. And look at how perfectly the video syncs up with the music now! What's that you say? Something about 30 seconds of silence at the end of the edited version while the video continues to play? Oh, that was intentional. You just don't get it. Editing is an art, and the person who did this is a goddamned Picasso.

56 Comments

My Food Network “Unwrapped” Appearance Re-Airing Tonight.

by -RoG- on 06/10/2008, 11:56 pm

It's late notice, but I just found out that the "Berry Treats" episode on the Food Network's "Unwrapped" show is going to be re-airing tonight. If you get the Food Network, be sure to tune in because I appeared on that episode about 4 years ago to talk about Boo Berry. It'll be on tonight (June 10th) at 11:30pm and (June 11th) at 2:30am. If you're watching it, the segment I'm in is towards the end of the episode. Check-a-check-a-check it out yo!

More site updates coming soon...

update: I-Mockery reader Terrible-D was nice enough to record it and upload it to Youtube for those of you who weren't able to catch the showing. Hit the jump to watch it. (more...)

46 Comments

I Can’t Help Getting Older, But I Don’t Have To Get Old.

by Protoclown on 06/07/2008, 1:16 pm

On Monday I will be turning 31 years old, and I shall be celebrating my birthday this weekend--I'm sorry, what? Max Burbank already did a birthday blog entry? And recently? Who the fuck does he think he is, stealing my thunder? Well, it's not my fault that our birthdays are so close together, so don't blame me.

Turning 31 is sort of scary, but not in the paralyzing, eye-twitching, pants-shitting way that turning 30 was. But at least at 30 I can still argue that I'm in my "twenties" by virtue of still only being in my third decade. Yes, perhaps it's a stretch, but I'll take what I can get. In any event, in a mere three days time, as I begin my fourth decade on this earth, that is a luxury I will no longer be able to afford. Once you're in the second year with a "3" in front of it, you can't really deny that you're in your thirties, no matter what kind of bizarro non-logic you use. (more...)

41 Comments

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