|Title: Time Killers
Rom Player: mame
Reviewer: test tube
Synopsis: GORE. The makers had nothing but that word on their mind while making this 1992 fighter game that should have been huge but mostly went unnoticed for some reason. It was probably Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter 2, which were hogging up the fighter spotlight, and dammit I will say it this game whips both of their asses. While this game does have its share of special moves, unlike SF2 and MK you didn't have to go out and buy 4 different gaming magazines to find out half the moves. This game you just popped in some quarters and started beating the living fuck out your opponent. And beat them you did, during combat knees are sliced open, chests are stabbed, arms are hacked off, but you still fight. You can even decapitate your enemy before their energy bar runs down!
The graphics are the greatest in the world but they do have a comic book look going on cause you can tell they are all hand drawn. Nothing that will blow your mind but still fun. Which this game definitely is, the fighting is intense and simple. Most of the button to execute moves are the same for every character, but thats the fun, you just start chopping, hacking and jumping. Fuck down foward back foward back back down foward FIERCE for a lousy fireball, just cut the fuckers head off! The characters aren't that original and are all pretty damn stereotypical but who gives a shit, here they are:
RANCID: Anyone who has ever played this at least once will remember this guy. Every early 90s action game seemed to have a PUNK ROCK STREET THUG enemy. This is the only time I've ever seen one that you could be but yup, he has the mohawk and ripped up clothes and says things you would never hear a real punk say like TOTALLY RAD DUDE, or YOU ARE TOAST BUSTER. I don't know why early 90s action games thought most punks to be poor murderous Black Flag fans that wanted to hack up Robocop with hatchets, mostly punks seem to be guys who spend lots of time and money on how they look and less time actually doing much to bring to the system down (no offense the real punks out there, shit if you are a real punk you probably don't have a computer). ANY FUCKING WAY, The most memorable thing about this dude is his CHAINSAW. Yes, fighting games and chainsaws mix. It goes RRRRRNNNRRRNN and it chops off body parts. I love it, chainsaws go with everything but its almost too good here. I love chainsaws! Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Evil Dead Trilogy, the metal bands Mortician and Exhumed! Chainsaws mean GORE and nothing gets the blood spewing more than a chainsaw! I wish Rancid was in more games!
Thugg: a Blanka rip-off only much better, cause he has an axe! Yes he also bites but hey, he has a fucking axe!
Leif: a big fucking Viking... with an axe! Actually his axe is much bigger and this guy yells a lot. Vikings kicked ass, it was said when they went around pillaging and raping they use to take handfuls of magic shrooms beforehand.
Lord Wulf: a British Knight that fights with Excalibur! This guy kinda sucks but hell, a generic Knight is way more cool than Johnny Cage.
Musashi: yup, a Samurai fighter (if the word Miyamoto popped in your skull after reading this character's name give yourself a pat on the back, its about time gamers did their homework), now I love Toshiro Mifune and I love the Shogun Warrior flicks but this guy sucks. Everyone in this game can whip his ass with ease and you lose every time using him. He's a little bitch that is for slapping around and nothing else.
Orion: Before Jax! A robotic black guy! And he isn't as shitty as you would think. You can actually kick a considerable amount of ass with this guy, only thing is this character takes full advantage of the shitty music in this game. He floats around and Michael Jackson's to it after a win. Fuck it.
Matrix: Vagina! The lone female in this game. Woman weren't used much in games back then, of course their sole purpose in every game is to have large breasts. While Matrix's breasts are large I'm more attracted to the fact that every time you execute Rancid BALL BUSTER move (its better than Johnny Cage's cause he takes his chainsaw to the groin instead of fists) on Matrix that blade cuts right into her vajander! It got thick after that one, not full on hard.. just a little thick you know.
Mantazz: alright! Half reptilian half praying mantis! This is one of those characters that you can never win one round with but it will always rip you a new bunghole every time you fight him. I can't use Mantazz worth a shit but every time we fight Iím usually dead in 14 seconds. What a motherfucker.
umm I think thatís it for characters, and thatís it for this review. I've only seen two Time Killer machines in my entire life, one in a casino by a candy bar machine and another in a video store. I could tell both of them weren't huge hits. Its a shame, this game has more gore and has more replay value than SF or MK, its just not as flashy (then again, in gore value maybe it is). I've only seen one other fighting game like it and it was the equally despised BIO FREAKS, which while it wasn't the best game I loved the gore in it. Aww fuck it...
Best Cheats: You tell me!
oh yeah go here to read the bios for all the characters, they are FUNNY AS SHIT. http://db.gamefaqs.com/coinop/arcade/file/time_killers.txt
Game Play: 7
Overall Rating: 9
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