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Title: Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (3rd Review)
Rom Player: Gens
Reviewer: Bill Bailey's Belly Button

Synopsis: After seeing the second hack job some schmuck submitted in the name of this game, I feel I must take an active part in rebalancing the cosmic "amateur review" karma scale.

As this is an old platform game, the plot is pretty hackneyed. An "evil scientist" (Dr. Robotnik! Boo!) is using his "evil science" (Wicked technology! Hiss!) to trap lots of cute, wee animals inside metal robots (badniks) and thus take over "zee world." For some reason, every animal in this game sans the titular hero and his sidekick (Miles "Tails" Prowler) are tiny. So Sonic isn't just a superfast, bright blue hedgehog, he's a superfast, bright blue, incredibly disproportioned hedgehog. Neat.

For reasons never really explored, Robotnik (aka "Dr. Eggman") is also seeking the Chaos Emeralds. Perhaps he wanted to look more pimp for all the hoes he'd surely be getting post-world-takey-overing.

They're are no other humans.

Robotnik is a furry.

All the animals are tiny.

Robotnik is a pedophiliac furry.


Anyway, these emeralds are, for reasons never divulged, kept in long tubes that can only be accessed by hitting a "star post" with more than 50 rings. Getting enough rings whilst in one of said tubes results in one emerald being delivered to you. If you claim all seven, then not only do you get to be uber-gold-mega-zombie-holier-than-Cthulhu-super Sonic, but you get the "proper" ending. Big yay.

The gameplay is pretty nifty. You can run real fast and jump darn high. You can crouch whilst running to become a spinning ball...of death! You can also crouch down and rev up like an engine before hurtling away at super speed. All nifty. Unfortunately, unlike in Sonic CD and some of the Game Gear versions of this game, you can't do the patented" scooby-doo run on the spot before speeding away" thang.

For shame Sega.

The action takes place across different zones. They are generally split into 2 acts. At the end of the first act you whizz by a post bearing Sonicís mug. No reason is ever given for this, but it is implied that Sonic is some kind of egomaniac fascist dictator. The second act tends to end up with you dueling Robotnik in one of his fantabulous flying contraptions. As with most of the enemies, e's usually quite the pansy.

Your adventure starts in the requisite Sonic [Adjective] [Hill/Valley] first level and ends in the evil science (boo!) Mecca of the Death Egg.

A star wars rip off.

This game rocks so damn much.

Here you fight the evil science (nooo!) version of yourself and the uber-giant-bomb-shooting-arm-flinging-super-evil-mecha-robotnik. Kick his ass and you win. Yahoo!

Graphics wise, it's good for its day, but later Mega Drive Sonic titles upstage it. The only real irritant is that obnoxious blue shield.

Sounds are irritating, as is the case for all 16 bit games of that era. The Dr. Robotnik music rocks though. It would work as a metal track, I think.

So, anyway, yeah, that's it.

Best Cheats: Look 'em up, goodlookin'

Theres a level select, cheap way to get all the emeralds and the o sho funky debug mode.

Game Play: 9
Graphics: 10
Music/Sound: 6
Originality: 9
Overall Rating: 10

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