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Title: Super Mario All-Stars (4th Review)
Rom Player: ZSNES
Reviewer: Matto

Synopsis: There are some things in the world that I find fucked up beyond remorse, or just fucked. Like for example erotic fan fiction, this is a chance for die hard fans of games to make all their sick fantasies to come true. Like, let's say... Super Mario Bros.:

"Peach watched Luigi take of his green thong to see a 12 inch rod, he laid on the bed and watched the stick fling up like a rocket. Peach got close to it and (Censored) it and :(:(:(:(:( it."

I must tell the truth, I read these words and they just scared me. So in some strange twist of fate I'm writing a review for Super Mario All-Stars, and yes I'll not talk about Peach going at herself anymore. So how will I do this? Four games, but as the smartest among you know that you can fight the system, and no I'm not talking about a SNES that will get up and ram you in the balls so to speak, I'm talking about sub-reviews. I'll review each game by talking about it, giving a graphics and gameplay score and make fun of a certain thing about the game. So let's get onto the retro train to see if it crashes shell we?

Super Mario Bros. (1985)

I swear if you wanted a sex mate for life, you have found it in Super Mario Bros., and the good kind too. With the power of the SNES, Nintendo made it look as good as Super Mario World... if you gave it tits and a nice face. It's a basic platformer, one of a kind.

O yes, the only buttons you'll use is the Y and B buttons (as in A and B for the old NES control pad), and that goes for all games on here. So let's review...

Graphics: 9

Eye-candy, a very big improvement from the NES. The stages have themes from Fall to Winter day and night, my two favorite seasons. And Mario has a tubbier look, which is his look after all and the baddies are all well done. Nice.

Gameplay: 10

After all these years SMB 1 is still fun, after all it changed the way of games no? Simple hop and bop adventure.

Drug Use: 99.99%

Mario eats weird 'shrooms that makes him grow, useful but... many kids back in '85 thought that eating mushrooms made you grow. No, they made your mind warp beyond hell. Teacher Jane says that eating mushrooms from the woods will give you a bad tummy ache, so that means Mario would have died then right?

Super Mario Bros.: Lost Levels

What the fuck? An unreleased Mario game that NOA thought was too tough for us? Well I'm sorry to say but they were right.

Graphics: N/a

Just the same as the last one.

Gameplay: N/a

Ditto... sorta.

Hard: VERY!!


Super Mario Bros. 2

This is the second most famous Mario game when Nintendo was really doing great in 1987, but to tell you the truth this wasn't a real Mario game. In Japan, Fuji TV and Nintendo made Doki Doki Panic, which was about a family that was trying to save the youngest twins from a story book. In the Mario version Mario, Luigi, Peach and Toad were going on a fucking picnic. Mario spots a cave... now let me just stop right here, don't explore a strange cave. Why? It will contain a bear or something stupid like that.

Graphics: 8

The graphics look good in this underrated Mario game, but the lack of environments kinda made it empty so to say. Mario and friends look about the same as their NES counter-parts, but with more color.

Gameplay: 8.5

The veggie throwing idea was cool, making it an quirky and fun Mario romp. But the game is short, and all fun has to end :(. Neat new baddies and such but the one that could have saved this game: a score counter.

Likelihood of bear being in cave: Big

Here in Canada bears live in caves, if you went into a cave like Mario and friends did you wouldn't go to a dream world. All you would get is a major ass-beating.

Super Mario Bros. 3

This is the greatest game ever, and it's even better on the SNES. It great so I won't right a review for it. :P

Best Cheats: Gamefaqs.com <- go to it for cheats dammit.

Game Play: 9
Graphics: 9
Music/Sound: 9
Originality: 9
Overall Rating: 9


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