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Title: Final Fantasy (4th Review)
Author:Square
Rom Player: NESten
Reviewer: Volcanon
Synopsis: Final Fantasy
Ah, the "Timeless classic" that many other people have come to adore. Well, my "stick of truth" shall whack some sense into your fools.
The reason this game is a Timeless Classic is because its SO FACKING LONG AND BORING! After almost every dungeon you have to do hours of extremely boring training. Walking is molasses-slow. Text boxes take forever to close when it takes one second to read "Save us LIGHT WARRIORS". I never got why they had to put some specific words in all caps. Do the extrememly bad translators of this piece of dog doo believe that some people RANDOMLY SPEAK IN ALL CAPS??
The next problem is the battle system. Following the traditional NES game setup, you choose your moves and then agility determines who goes first. Well guess who always gets to take a first turn? The big boss with his SUPER DUPER FIRE 4 spell!1!11!. And then you get the super reporting powers of "BOBTHEFIGHTER." ... "24 DAMAGE." ... "BIGFATBASTARDCRAPPYBLACKMAGE." ... "43 DAMAGE." ... ETC. After five minutes of seeing three guys whacked very slowly, of course the last guy is hit with a critical attack and you have to hit the rest button. Yay!
Then we get to hear that stupid fake harpsicord music ding-ding-ing that stupid stock story at the beginning of the game.
The sound is awful screechy music and beeps. I give it a 1.01 because that fake annoying harpsicord makes me happy when it stops playing.
The story is crappy. There's pretty much no story anyway, except we are LIGHT WARRIORS and we have to go ever so slowly saving the world from ugly pixellated bosses. It's strange how all the enemies look the same. The joys of pallette swaps!
The graphics are terrible. Typical NES crud.
The translation is double-crappy, same as every other NES game that was PROFESSIONALLY TRANSLATED. I bet those TRANSLATORS were probably MYSTIC MONKEY DWARVES.
I rate everything one, because I'm a very spiteful person.
Best Cheats: If you take the cartridge and break it into little pieces you can make cheap plastic souffle.
Game Play: 1
Graphics: 1
Music/Sound: 1
Originality: 1
Overall Rating: 1
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