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Title: Dinosaurs for Hire
Rom Player: GENS
Reviewer: King Hadas

Synopsis: Based off an extremely cheesy comic book from the 80's about three rough and tough dinosaur willing to do anything for a little green. Most of the jokes in the comics are relatively similar to the kind of jokes you might see in a Sunday strip of Ziggy, pointless and at times completely nonsensical. You can really see this style of humor magnificently shining through the entire game. If the dinos bio's don't have you rolling on the ground in slightly amused delight then just wait until the teams resident teredactoyl hits you with zingers that would make even the creator of Family Circus jealous. If only I could cutout the parts of my TV screen containing the most delicious Dinosaurs for Hire jokes and put them up on my freezer with a refrigerator magnet, maybe my life wouldn't be such a trainwreck but alas, the magnet just turns the picture into an unreadable, purple haze ;_;

But enough about my most fanciful dreams, lets get back to the matter at hand. Before the game lets you do anything fun it makes you choose between the following three dinosaurs; Archie, a leather jacket wearing badass that, no offense to whoever did the sprites, comes out looking less like a bad to the bone T-rex and more like Ducky from The Land before Time with an aspiration to be just like the Fonze, then there's Reese, a one-eyed stegosaur who is honestly the only real badass of the group, and of course Lorenzo, the pompous asshole who loves fine wine and Hawaiian shirts. You'll probably end up playing as Reese because his a loose cannonm so lets move on to the gameplay.

Dinosaurs for hires plays alot like Contra except you don't die in one hit and it's infinitely less fun, now that wasn't an insult towards Dinos for Hire but more of a compliment for Contra. Enemies you'll find yourself facing are elemental samurais, robots, more realisticly sized dinosaurs and of course ninjas, ninjas, and even more ninjas. All and all its descent enough.

Graphically its pretty good, the sprites look nice enough but what really shines through are the level designs. Everything starts out pretty lame with apartment buildings and subways but later on you'll be running through toy factories, movie sets, Fuedal Japan and a clone reactor which uses, I think three different backgrounds to give a really cool spinning effect.

Overall, the gameplay climbs a few feet above mediocre, graphics are great and the story line is a delight. If you decide you do indeed want to play this game then, please, ignore the downloadable ROM you can find down in the corner of this page and go out and buy the actual game off of E-bay. Then when you actually get a girl to come over to your house you can show her your used Dinosaurs for Hire, Sega Genesis cartridge and she'll be powerless to resist your sexual advances ;D (but for gods sake don't drag her over to your computer and show her your sad little compressed Dinosaurs for Hire ROM file and expect anything steamer than slap across the face you pathetic pile of shit.

Best Cheats: If you buy the limited edition, 12th issue of Dinosaurs for Hire with the holographic cover and place it on top of your limited edition Dinosaurs for Hire Genesis cartridge, You'll get level select in the real world :O

Game Play: 7
Graphics: 9
Music/Sound: 4
Originality: 7
Overall Rating: 8

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