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Title: Karnov (2nd Review)
Author:Data East
Rom Player: NESticle
Reviewer: Bad Mr. Frosty

Synopsis: Oh now this is a good ol' happy game. I mean, how many fat kids did you know when you were growing up that wanted to be Mario? Or Link? Or if she was a, Samus Aran? Well, those kids got their requests answered by none other than Data East, the Rampage people.

It all started with Bad Dudes, one of Data Easts other games. I can remember my friends playing and just getting so angry at it. "Dang it, ya stoopid bad dude! Can't cha beat up a ninja without getting licked yourself?!" they would say. But oh their hatred soon changed, 'cause at the end of the first level, you have to face this nameless, big, fat guy who breaths FIRE! Yes real fire. My husky friends would just stare in awe of his mighty chubbiness. They would even let him kill them in the game, just to witness his power. "Oh my good gracious. He's mah hero. Why they have to go und make those stoopid dudes teh main characters? This slightly overweight man is teh REAL deal. He should've been the star, dang it." They soon started writing hate mail to Data East telling them they deserve to be fed to the hogs. Now that probably scared the s outta the poor Data East folk. It scared 'em so bad that Data East wrote them back and said this and I quote, "Look you little fat varmits. This 'fat guy' your taking about. His name is Karnov. He's from Russia. And he's already got his own game! We made it back in '87! Now leave us alone!" When my avoirdupois friends received that letter, they all went bananas. They asked their dads to warm up the tractor, and take 'em to town to look for this game. And their pa's were so nice, they agreed! And you know what?

Not one of them found it. Not a single bloody one of them.

But little did they know, I had it! My Grandmother's sister bought it for me. But I wasn't about to let THEM know. They'd play it so much that they'd probably just burn it out.

But oh the look on all their faces when they returned from town, you could just feel the depression coming off of them. I couldn't stand it any longer. So I walked over to them and said, "Superkalafragaliciousexpeealladuuchuts." Needless to say they looked at me with confused eyes. "Dang. Poor Frosty here must've fallin off the hay wagon again. Hey! What’s that in you hand? *GASP!* IT'S KARNOV!! HOT DUDELY DANG! HEY FELLERS?! OL' FROSTY GOTS US THAT GAME!!" I can still remember how happy they were when they said to me "Your a swell guy, Frosty!" It gave me a real good feeling inside. Kinda like when you had bad gas but some of it finally passed.

Well, that’s the history of the game, now I'll review it the way my old fat buddies would've.

Gameplay:10
Elmer Barns: "Heavens to bestys! This game is REAL fun! He moves just likea real person! And he falls so gracefully! YEEEEEHAAAWWWWW!!"

Graphics:10
Boover Clemmerns: "Karnov looks my mah momma!"

Music:6
Pete 'DJ' Rockwell: "I'd rather listen to pa play da fiddle."

Originality:10
Fred Durst(not the one from Staind): "It's been a while sense I could, hold my fat up high. Karnov really made me happy. And did you know that he can throw fireballs better then I cin throw cow pies?!"

Overall:10+
From all the fat kids kin: "We love you Karnov! Thanks fer bein there for us!"

So there. Now you MUST play this game. It may just change the way you think of fat people...




note #1: Bad Mr. Frosty did indeed grow up on a hillbilly farm.

note #2: Bad Mr. Frosty thinks this game should be for PS2 someday...

note #3: Do you even know what Karnov is all about? Well here’s the story straight from mah manual:

“The story of Karnov begins in the peaceful village of Creamina, where the Treasure of Babylon has been kept for centuries, hidden away from the outside world. The Treasure has been sought by Ryu, a huge and evil dragon, for thousands of years. But now, Ryu has discovered the secret of Creamina and descended upon the little village, accompanied by all of his demonic cohorts. Ryu has made off with the Treasure, leaving his monstrous minions behind to terrorize the countryside. The helpless townsfolk have only one hope: Jinborov Karnovski, otherwise known as Karnov, a one-time circus strong man with a unique talent for shooting fireballs. Only Karnov can find a way through the monster-infested countryside, to seek out the evil Ryu and regain the Lost Treasure of Babylon for his people!”

question #1: Could Karnov be good drinking buddies with Punch Outs!! Soda Popinski?

question #2: Could there be an Abobo game out there?

Best Cheats: Murder Karnov *GASP!*
While playing hit A and B at the same time on the second controller. This will kill Karnov.

Select Stage
At the title screen, hold right, select, A, and B at the same time on controller 1. On controller 2 press A the number of times equaling which stage you want to go to. Then press start on Controller 1.

Game Play: 10
Graphics: 10
Music/Sound: 6
Originality: 10
Overall Rating: 10

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