|Title: Ivan Ironman Stewart's Super Off-Road
Rom Player: NESticle, NESterDC
Synopsis: This game is a classic. Not only because it kicked ass back when it first came out, but because it STILL kicks ass today, only for different reasons. See back in the days before flashy graphics and online play there was a thing called GAMEPLAY. Just you and a few friends battling it out for hours at a time. Not because the game exploded with transparencies or lighting effects, but just because it was so addicting. And addicting this game was. I can't tell you how many fights broke out over the second controller (I never got a 4-player adapter, but I think this game supported it). And nothing, I mean nothing can split a forehead faster than an NES controller thrown at you for using a nitro at the last possible second to go from fourth to first and passing your buddy to win the race.
But the great thing was, you didn't care. You wipe off your forehead and keep playing. Super Off-Road is a good life lesson game, much better than Wally Bear and the No Gang, or any Wisdom Tree crap. It taught you that winning is everything. Even cheating to get ahead is acceptable. You might take a few lumps for it, but it's better then being the bitch that has to sit out the next few races.
In the game you have to drive around a dirt race track in a little truck against three other drivers. At your disposal are nitros. Ah, nitros. The biggest help if you have them, and the biggest pain in the ass if you don't. Nitros give your truck a burst of speed when you use them, but you have to know WHEN to use them. Don't use them on turns, or you'll just slam into the wall, you have to use them on straightaways. This seems like common sense, but "Super Off-Road" Mike (yes, we actually call him that) can't seem to get it through his fucking head that using nitros INTO a wall will only get you laughed at by everyone else.
Anyway at the end of the race the money you won and collected throughout the race is added up and you go to the parts shop to buy stuff like shocks, engines, acceleration, and most importantly, nitros.
There's also half naked NES girls in the game, how can you not like that? Pre-pubescent boys love playing video games, and hot chicks. Man, Ivan “Ironman” Stewart really knew his audience when he signed up for this deal. I mean, these are the same kids that will play through Metroid as fast as they can to see Samus Aran in a bathing suit, and then do it AGAIN to see the bitch in a bikini! In this game, you damn near saw nipples after EVERY RACE! Win or lose! Damn, I loved this game!
Anyway I still play this game... drunk. Let's face it, almost every NES game is fun drunk. But if you get four people playing this game at the same time that have had a few drinks, you know it's gonna be a good time. I mean this game ranks up there with Junior Jeopardy as one of the funniest drinking NES games. And don't even get me started on that game. Nothing is funnier than watching a drunk guy/girl that can't see straight OR spell try to type out an entire sentence with an NES controller. That is pure comedy.
So there you have it. Ivan “Ironman” Stewart's Super Off-Road, one of the longest titles for an NES game, but also one of the most entertaining damn games ever. It even rocked in the arcade. So get a NES and this game, or just do like me and use a Dreamcast and NESterDC. Four players at once!
Best Cheats: Smack the controller out of another players hands to get ahead.
Duck when you see a controller flying at you.
Leaning your head back helps stop a nosebleed.
Game Play: 10
Overall Rating: 10
COMMENTS TEMPORARILY DISABLED!
[Come discuss this game on
our Message Forums!]