|Title: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2nd Review)
Rom Player: NESticle
Reviewer: Matt M. Koopa
Synopsis: Ok, I know my reviews are shit, and you can read a better review by someone else, but I'm going to make better reviews for your enjoyment, because:
-they will contain better info.
-have more than 50% swearing
-more sex jokes then anyone can think of
-and won't contain stupid story crap nobody cares about
Why am I doing all of this? Because my old reviews suck, you deserve better. And because...
THIS IS A REVIEW IS ABOUT THE FIRST TMNT GAME!!!
While I think this game needed some big improvements that the other ones fixed (I didn't play the GB ones), this game still is kick ass. It isn't a port of the arcade game, it uses adventure-like gameplay, and you can switch your turtles anytime, anywhere.
Ok, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself, I already said that the game had bad sides to it, and it's some of the graphics, April's and Splinter's crappy hints only a 6 year old would understand and the turtles insane high jumping.
But let me get on with the review.
Well this is certainly a tough section to judge, either Konami or Ultra or whoever made this fuck certainly did and didn't do a good job on it. While the baddies and such look neat and weird the turtles look just the same (which was fixed big time in the next two games), the only difference is the color of their bandanas. When you are in the overworld section, the buildings are... well... ah screw it, they are fine.
When side scrolling however, it takes a turn for the worst, the backgrounds are mind-boggling, and I'm only in the third world! They look ugly, and they give me a giant headache. Graphics are not good dude.
Now the music I love, Konami has always got this right (TMNT 3 didn't however...), the over-world theme is a bit-catchy. Some places that side-scroll have a few good tunes (I love the underwater theme in the second mission!). but the prize for best music goes to the boss theme, which is just plain kick-ass.
Sound effects are *beep* *boop*, the normal NES sound effects. No big.
I'm going to get a lot of shit for this, if it wasn't so hard maybe it would've gotten a higher mark. It's like playing Zelda 2, which isn't Zelda 2. That really didn't make a lot of sense, because in truth, it's almost like the shit Eidos gives us.
Ok, it's not that bad, each turtles has it's own pros and cons, but each jump as high as a Dragon Ball Z character does every fucking time. This is a danger, because some of the bad guys damage you a lot.
If one of your turtles bit the dust, you can not get him back unless you rescue him (shit, I thought April O' Neil was a bitch to rescue, I was wrong), but I don't know wherever the fuck they are.
Sorry, but the game play didn't do it for me.
Um... here is a list of the things that happen:
1. April gets kidnapped.
2. Turtles find out about 1.
3. Turtles rescue April from Rocksteady.
4. Turtles must save Hoover Dam from going KABOOM!
5. Turtles save dam from #4.
6. Splinter gets kidnapped.
I didn't get the far in the game yet, so you have to be on the edge of your stupid seat for the exciting *cough* ending.
OVERALL: DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUN
Ok, the first TMNT game just didn't do it for me, but play the other ones, cracker.
Best Cheats: Screw you cheaters and your kind.
Game Play: 6
Overall Rating: 5
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