|Title: Mighty Bomb Jack
Rom Player: NESticle
Reviewer: Dr. Boogie
Synopsis: Ok, what in the Hell is going on here? I’m serious; I have no clue what this game is about. As the manual touches upon, the ruler of the unnamed land in which the game takes place, who is named “King Pamera”, is kidnapped by the horribly evil demon named “Belzebut”. Then, these “brothers” show up and fight the demon. They all get their asses handed to them with the exception of the youngest brother, Jack. This is due to the fact that, while his brothers may have had the ability to actually HURT their enemies, the only thing that Jack can do is jump really high. This sort of comes in handy, but not so much that it is a proper substitute for an attack. One point against good ol’ Jack is his costume. To put it delicately, he looks like a blend of Captain America, Batman, and a kabuki actor. As you can imagine, it is an interesting sight, but is not something that you want to fight evil in. What’s even worse than the horrible festoonery is the name of the game itself. I assure you, neither “mighty”, nor “bomb” accurately describe this alleged “hero”. While it is true that you can collect bombs for a reason that I’ll get into later, and the word “mighty” is used to describe the effects of one powerup, it was simply not reasonable to put them in the title so as to suggest that the main character was something more than a rabbit on amphetamines.
The entire game takes place in a very large pyramid with very high ceilings. It’s a good thing that the ceilings are so damn high, because otherwise, your nifty jumping ability would land you into even deeper crap than it normally does. As you progress, things like palm trees, columns, and totem poles start appearing. Unfortunately, the folks at Tecmo would have us believe that the leaves of a palm tree are just as hard as the rest of the stones used in the massive pyramid. Anyway, you’ll eventually run into dangerous obstacles such as spikes and floating lines of fire. That is to say, you will see little sections of fire just floating in midair. Damn, those Egyptians were clever builders! Imagine how many slaves were used to get the fire to float like that. Each level consists of several rooms, each one separated by gates that are either always open, or require a special item for them to open. After you go through the gate that’s always open, you’ll enter a room where you’ll have to gather all the bombs in order to leave. If you collect them in the order that their fuses are lit, you get a huge bonus, but it is generally not worth the effort. Later in the game, you’ll actually be sent outside the pyramid to jump around on clouds in order to get even higher up on the infinitely high pyramid. Finally, to end off this great game, I found myself at the very end, trapped in a room with no exit, and no idea what I had to do to get out. When you think about it, it’s a damn good villain strategy to trap the hero in a room filled with enemies that spawn nonstop rather than face him yourself, no matter how wimpy that hero may be.
The enemies in this game start off in line with the Egyptian theme, but quickly branch off into an overly-cute, “Hello Kitty”-esque design. While they aren’t on the screen initially, enemies will quickly pop into existence as mummies. The mummies mostly appear high in the air, then drop down and stumble about for a few seconds before transforming into a different one. These other enemies are given stupid, yet official, names, but I’ve managed to simplify them into their basic appearances. The first is a large green bird that follows you, but can only move in four directions. The second one is a sort of flying mouse that caroms off the walls with no seeking abilities. After that comes a ball of fire that will try to stay on the same horizontal level as you, but will fly right past if you jup over them. Next is a skull that will match your movement vertically, but you can simply run past him. The final and most deadly enemy, however, is a flying lobster that will fly directly at you; only it will do so very slowly. Still…
During your tomb raiding adventure, you’ll find many a’ powerup. Unfortunately, most of the items do little more than give a slight bonus to your score. As the title suggests, there are lots of bombs all over the place. You needn’t collect these bombs, as all they do is give you a few measly points. Now, if you were trying to get rid of this evil demon, why not leave all the bombs there and nuke him and his goddamn huge-ass pyramid? Everything else (That is, everything that isn’t a bomb) is inside either a red or a tan chest. In order to open these chests, you must get on top of them, and then jump off of them. This is where the next powerup comes in handy: the mighty coin, which gives you “mighty power”. In order to get the full effect, say it like this: Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighty Poooooooooowwwwwaaaa!!! Anyway, using mighty coins gives you various levels of mighty power; the first lets you open orange treasure chests, the second lets you open both treasure chests by simply walking into them, and the third one transforms the enemies into gold coins that give you points for a few seconds, which comes in handy since it is the only way to kill the enemies. After you use them, you’ll quickly regress back into the non-powered loser that you used to be. As an added bonus, collecting ten mighty coins will cause the game to call you “greedy” and send you to the torture room, where you must dodge four different enemies for about five minutes before you get dumped back in the pyramid again. Did I mention that this guy sucks?
The music is despicable. It consists of a handful of cutesy electronic garbage. Hell, even the torture room music isn’t that sinister. I mean, how can you have a game that has mummies in it without at least one creepy song? That’s practically sacrilegious! The sound effects are nothing more than beeps and whirs, almost as though they were made by a digital alarm clock.
What more can I say about this game? Wait, I know: DON’T DOWNLOAD IT! It is not so much about frustration as it is about sheer boredom and disappointment, and not just any disappointment, MIGHTY disappointment.
Best Cheats: Nothing Entered
Game Play: 4
Overall Rating: 2
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