|Title: 3-D World Runner
Rom Player: NESticle
Reviewer: test tube
Synopsis: You are some guy in a jumpsuit who runs across lonely, depressing, and empty alien landscapes getting nowhere and bringing out the depression and darkness in your soul that makes you want to blow your fucking brains out but you can't because you're listening to a Manowar CD and it gets you so revved up to kill in the name of Odin at the gates of Valhalla with your mighty sword of STEEEEEEEEEEEL that you say fuck it and continue playing wondering why in the fuck the select button makes everything go dark brown.
Wow, I remember playing this one when I was real little, your view is from the back of your action dude making this a semi-Wolfenstein type deal on the fucking NES! But this guy is only going in one direction, forward, you can move left or right and jump real high.
You travel throughout checkerboard-ground lands with huge gaps you have to jump and big poles that you can run into over and over until some powerup, or deathup comes out. Your guy is always running, you can slow him a bit by pressing down but you can't stop the fucker. Its like he smoked so much cola his legs are convulsing in running motions.
The enemies are fucking jokes, some little balls with eyeballs, big fucking deal. There are some big fire poles and those motherfucking dick-sucking hands follow you making sure you don't go forward. The bosses are always flying dragons that swoop towards and away from the screen and are too easy to kill, for some reason you float around while fighting them.
Ok, the game boasts the title of 3-D, and I'm told when you bought the game for 60 bucks back then while you can buy it for 1 dollar now it came with a pair of 3-D glasses. 3-D shit with glasses was always hot product in the 80s and decades before it, sadly the 80s was the last time we could gorge ourselves on 3-D products (like coloring books and Ghostbusters cards) and the movie Freddy's Dead and Skid Row's Roadkill video kind of marked the end of this perty cool thingy with transparent pieces of red and blue plastic. Or shit, maybe its because I'm not in the 2nd grade anymore and can't get 3-D dinofucker books from that stupid book ordering thing where they gave you those fucking thin paper thingies with shitty books to buy on them. Fuck yeah Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark fucking ruled and still does, anyways I still wish every movie was shown in 3-D.
BUT! I wouldn't know! Like most halfway spoiled kids the only games I owned were Mario Bros and Duck Hunt and every other game I had to rent on the weekend. The fucking idiots who ran the stores never put the fucking 3-D glasses in the plastic thing when you rented it so I wondered for years why when you hit the select button everything went double and dark brown.
I read years later it was 3-D mode and if you looked at it through glasses it would pop out at you. So after looking at the game with some 3-D glasses it just looked dark, nothing happened. So I came to the conclusion the people who made this game are fucking morons or the game came with a special pair of glasses that only they made that made the 3-D effect work.
Anyways, this game is pretty fun, jumping over big gaps, the enemies are pretty much non-existent except for the hands and the bosses. The music is fucking dumb and there's this retarded low bass WHOOOOOOOO sound when you float in the air to a warp level. Shit you should play it, the game takes me back to the day when The Lucky Charms guy was stuck in the crystal maze and you could only help him escape by looking at the back of the cereal box with a pair of 3-D glasses you found inside. Fuckiní A, why did everything rule back then?
Best Cheats: None
Game Play: 9
Overall Rating: 8
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