I need a funny monologue right now

[Rongi]

And keep it somewhat clean. Just copy and paste it from something. I don't really care what it's from. And don't waste my time by asking me why I need it.

[Rongi]

>:

[FartinMowler]

Do you still need it?

[sspadowsky]

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them. To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep? Perchance to dream! aye, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels 1 bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country from whose bourn
No traveler returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.--Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.

[ScruU2wice]

that's a sililiquoy >:

[Schimid]

MY IMPRESSION OF RONGI:

ACTING :lol

No seriously I have to learn how to cry onstage really quick this sucks :(

[Shostie]

No seriously I have to learn how to cry onstage really quick this sucks

Think of puppies...

with tuberculosis...

and terminal cancer.

[Snatchtastic]

No seriously I have to learn how to cry onstage really quick this sucks :(

Pretend your being raped by Michael Jackson or Ronald McDonald.

[Comrade Rocket]

right before the scene, punch yourself in the nuts. Then hold back till the crying scene and just let loose.

No but seriously, clasp your hands over your face and turn away from the audience. And if you have any lines afterwards try to make your voice crack.

[Schimid]

That's the gay way of doing it.

We've decided we're putting a big peice of industrial-strength tape on my arm and I'll rip it off really quick and no one will notice.

It hurts REALLY bad. :(

[Rongi]

MY IMPRESSION OF RONGI:

ACTING :lol

No seriously I have to learn how to cry onstage really quick this sucks :(

I love you schimid :lol :(

When I need to cry onstage I usually go behind stage when I'm not on and just get really really pissed. I think about all the shitty things that have happened to me and anyone else and just really focus on that. If that doesn't work I tell someone to insult me and don't hold back. Or I just get crocodile tears from the prop room :/

I got a monologue by the way. Fags >:

[Cap'n Crunch]

I can cry if I smack myself in the face real hard. :(

[Schimid]

I haven't seen the script yet, I don't know the circumstances. My friend wants me to be in it and he's a really good actor and I'm not bad so we wanna do something really well.

I'll probably make a thread about it once I get the script or something. :(

I can't tell someone to insult me, I hold grudges. :(

I can't have someone hit me, I think I break down in the middle of a scene.

We're probably just gonna go with Duct tape and paint it to my skin color.