We Need a New Idiot

[mburbank]

Well, gang, it pains me to say it, but I think we need a new idiot. I don't mean a new conservative voice, we've got some and they do a fine job. What we're really lacking right now is a certified loudmouth blowhard moron.

I can't imagine we'll ever be so lucky as to get another Vinth, who was to Loudmouth Morons what Davicni was to artists and scientists. I'll always miss him. But I think our Sspad tried to look too closely at the mirage of Vinth and caused it to evaporate, a confused dream dissipating with a last whiff of the anchovies, moon pies and store brand WildBerry Schnapps that brought it on.

[AChimp]

I'll be the moron around these parts if it means I can get some underwater handjob action from a hot lil' Latina.

Actually, I'll only do it if she's a cute Asian chick. Just to be a little more ethnic.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

Where is Vinth? I swear, I leave for a few days and the place goes to hell. Where is Ronnie? Where is OAO? WHere is that hot little redhead that likes to post topless pics of herself..... :wishfulthinking

[mburbank]

Naldo comes and goes, but I think he got sore when we all started seriously agreeing he'd changed and was dellusional.

OAO is off at some Insufferable Weiner Camp.

Vinth accidentally vaporized when he accepted a challenged to meet Sspad. Since his existance was always marginal (and I don't mean he was a carachter, I mean he simply didn;t have the coherence it takes to maintain personhood) there was no way he could meet someone face to face. He still exists as a Meme but it will take quite some time for him to take on the physical essence to post on the internet again.

[punkgrrrlie10]

I'm sure you could recruit from general blabber...

[mburbank]

Oh, idiots are a dime a dozen there, but are any of them blowhards?

[ScruU2wice]

I nominate our new poster. He's a charismatic, I-mock outsider, who doesn't need to hide his loyalties.

"So if one Pussy equals no war, then what do two pussies equal?????"
-the Fetus Eater on Kerry's choice

"George, you are a complete and total idiot. Afghanistans natural gas? OK. Maybe we need more Grade school teaching jobs because obviously, your teacher taught you shit. And Bush did not allow 9/11, it was Clinton who brushed it under the rug and left it for Bush to handle. You pussies make me sick. VOTE BUSH 2004!"
-The Fetus Eater on George

The choice is clear, ladies and gentelman, I am pleased to say it look like have a new cantidate for the seat...

[Stabby]

Wow. Right on cue. Almost too convenient.

I'd try out for the position just to see how much of a range I had as an actor, but if it's been filled...fantastic!

[Cosmo Electrolux]

Oh, idiots are a dime a dozen there, but are any of them blowhards?

I thought you said "blowtards"...I was gonna suggest Mad Max, but his schtick gets old pretty quickly

[punkgrrrlie10]

I think OAO will be back after he pretends to be overwhelmed by pretending to take his math classes during summer while working out.

[Dole]

'the Fetus eater' sounds perfect. I for one look forward to working with him.

[mburbank]

I'm withholding judgement. He needs to work for it. Just saying something nonsensical and using the word 'pussy' barely merits attention.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

combaltersquinkle.....you fucking pussy! >:

[Anonymous]

Are you looking for something like this?

Fuck you burbank, you and your whiney ass liberals friends don't know shit about politicks. Bush is the greatest fucking President that ever lived. He single handedly brought down that towel headed dictator in Iraq and is continue to kick ass as we look for those weapons of mass distructon.

Its people like him and me that keep your liberal Jew ass fucking safe to indulge in hugging fucking trees and allowing your dyke daughters to rug munch each other. You liberals don't know shit about how the real fucking world works, its a fucking Darwining layout and survivial of the goddamn fittest. If you bleeding harts lived in any other fucking country you and your family would've been gang raped by the locals and then fucking killed.

We consirvatives are what keep this fucking country stong, and the sooner you cock suckig liberals realize that the better off you'll be. Not that you'll ever get it, because your too busy fucking your fat assed momma in the fucking basement!

Please note the misspellings, racial slurs, and unkind words said about your family.

[jewishcarpenter]

winner winner, chicken dinner

[Pub Lover]

That was good, but it struck me as being too self-aware for a proper Vinth replacement.

[kellychaos]

It did, indeed, have a kind of staged, Britneyesque quality to it. It's as if he was lip-synching Vinth and I saw the lips moving but they didn't match the words.

[El Blanco]

Are you looking for something like this?

Fuck you burbank, you and your whiney ass liberals friends don't know shit about politicks. Bush is the greatest fucking President that ever lived. He single handedly brought down that towel headed dictator in Iraq and is continue to kick ass as we look for those weapons of mass distructon.

Its people like him and me that keep your liberal Jew ass fucking safe to indulge in hugging fucking trees and allowing your dyke daughters to rug munch each other. You liberals don't know shit about how the real fucking world works, its a fucking Darwining layout and survivial of the goddamn fittest. If you bleeding harts lived in any other fucking country you and your family would've been gang raped by the locals and then fucking killed.

We consirvatives are what keep this fucking country stong, and the sooner you cock suckig liberals realize that the better off you'll be. Not that you'll ever get it, because your too busy fucking your fat assed momma in the fucking basement!

Please note the misspellings, racial slurs, and unkind words said about your family.

Meh, There were only a few misspellings (depends if you consider cock sucking one word) and they were pretty easy to pass over and still get the point.

The anger is there. A few racial slurs.

I'm on the fence. If he had accused Max of treason and wished him an eternity in hell getting ass raped by Satan's giant, spiked cock, then it would have been a slam dunk.

[Stabby]

Not bad Mad Max, but it was a little TOO well worded. That was kind of the cock-sure redblooded patriot character, the brainwashed conservative idiot is a bit different. You need to come accross as if you've been hit over the head with a bag of rocks. Remember: you are confused and frightened by the world and the people in it, and you release this confusion as baseless, poorly worded attacks agaisnt the "enemy" (liberals, because that's what you've been told) and you fester a clingy, foolish trust in your God-like president, all criticism must be met by you covering your ears with your hands and shouting "no. no. no. no."

[punkgrrrlie10]

It sounded like you truly didn't believe in what you were saying...the italics give it away.

[Anonymous]

Oh well, it was a long shot, but I thank you for the audition though! :)

[AChimp]

I think you needed more handjob action from non-white girls. :/

[Perndog]

It's the sort of thing that can't be faked. It can be amusing when it's artificial, but only a genuine wacko will suit.

[ArrowX]

I LIKE GEORGE BUSH

[ItalianStereotype]

stabby, you fucking suck.

[Dole]

Why? He spaketh it like it is.

[GADZOOKS]

http://i-mockery.net/viewtopic.php?p=238398#238398

I think arrox has mad max beat.

[ItalianStereotype]

Why? He spaketh it like it is.

it's all about the avatar.

[Dole]

When you've loved and lost like Frank has...

[The One and Only...]

I never left, I just don't post as often.

[Spectre X]

Maybe Vince will come back if we all clap our hands collectively, chanting "I DO believe in Vinth. I DO believe in Vinth!"

[Seven Force]

Nah...I think he's gone. And I missed all of it too.

Damn!

-Brian

[KevinTheOmnivore]

I'm workin' on it......

http://newsfilter.org/forum/

[Stabby]

And I'll bet you hated it, loves your gun, hate gays, etc. etc.

I've seen some absolutely juvenile, reactionary, and regressive ideas on this board, too. But that's ONLY once you get past the porno-links ring on the main page......you're certainly one to talk.

:lol

Not that I'm calling names, but any one of them would fit the position nicely.

[mburbank]

Hey, Kev; If you end up getting the URL to Preechr and Gator's new board, let me know. I could set up a Vinth blind there. You know, a little wooden hut camoflauged with pin ups of Asian and Latino girls where I could sit and drink beer and not bathe while waiting for Vinth to show up.

Thanks for your efforts, though.

[KevinTheOmnivore]

Not too difficult:

www.preechr.net

NOTE: I would hardly call Preechr a candidate for I-Mockery nut-job, but much like these boards, where there are intelligent posters, the "lessers" will certainly follow. ;)

[mburbank]

No, he's good when he's here, but he's coherent, he can define his positions and he's reasonably good natured.

He's a fine addition, but he can't be town blowhard.

I looked for Vinth at his site. He stopped posting there around the same time he stopped posting here. I honestly think we have to start looking at the 'Sppad killed him' theory.

[KevinTheOmnivore]

Perhaps Preechr knows where our good riend and samurai has gone....?

[mburbank]

Well, someone ought to be concerned!

HE'S A FRIGGIN' NATIONAL TREASURE!!






can we issue an amber alert for vinth?

[Seven Force]

We never knew how good we had it till it's gone.

Like tumors.

...Well, I lost my focus again. Shit.
What was I doing? :/

[ItalianStereotype]

we? since when were you a part of this?

[Seven Force]

Listen you fuck, stop picking at my tumors! They're mine!

...

I mean, I don't really consider myself part of it. But I enjoy reading the posts. They're fucking funny. So I know what went on. I wish I could've been there though.

It's like a sitcom.

And yeah, i've read most of them. It's really boring down in Palm Beach Gardens.

[ItalianStereotype]

I'm sure you would've made a brilliant contribution.

[Preechr]

Why must I always be mentioned in the context of a Vince replacement?!?!

*cries*

:D

[Emu]

:eek

[mburbank]

Didn't I say you could never repalce him?

Do you know what happened to him? We do miss him here, I think that's evident, and I'm worried he's suffered some sort of emotional girlscout hyper active implosion. I hate to think of him wearing a disneyy princess collection nightie crouching behind a dumspter bingeing and purging Hostess fruit pies.

[Preechr]

Y'know, I used to hate to think of that, and I didn't for quite a long while... but now that you bring it up, I guess I'm not going to be able to avoid thinking of that for a while. *shudders*

Thanks.

As you noted, he disappeared from over there about the same time he vanished from here. I hope, as do you, that there's nothing to be worried about. We've sent out several search parties, but they are easily distracted and rarely make it out of the kitchen. We're pretty sure Vince isn't in the kitchen at this point, though.

Didn't I-Mock used to have a blimp? Have you considered floating A Chimp around for a bit in an effort to spot him? St. Louis isn't that large of an area, and I bet Vince could be seen from a considerable height if he is actually suffering from depression, which makes him hungry... Anything might be better than just sitting on your hands, biting your nails and worrying yourselves to death.

At any rate, we have come to feel that as long as you have a Catholic Samurai cookie saved to a hard-drive somewhere, Vince will always be close, in a way. It gets us through the empty days, long phone calls, endless lunches and trips to the store to buy beer. I'm sure you guys will find a way to deal with the loss before he suddenly shows back up to make you all his bitches once again.

Gator will be praying for you.