The Ten Commandments Of Being a Newb

[Skulhedface]

First of all, being a newbie myself, I'm still trying to follow these rules, so an occasional slip can be forgiven.
Second of all, some newbies hate the fact that a newerbie shows up and acts like a complete fucking douche cougher, giving us ALL a bad name.
Third, I was semi-inspired by Jamesman's old thread, the numbering system.
So, after sitting on my ass for awhile, I finally decided to do this, because the vets can help the newbs out, but sometimes the advice comes better from a fellow newb.

Commandment #1: THOU SHALT NOT POST A "Hi, I'm new!" THREAD. Pretty self-explanatory. Even the other newbs get fucking sick of this, and it's not like your addition to this message board was some sort of Earth-shattering event. There's a war about to start. This is news. You are completely new to I-Mockery. This is not.

Commandment #2: THOU SHALT LEARN HOW TO TAKE A JOKE: Some people (myself included, on occasion) just don't get it when they see it. The regs won't, but fellow newbs might be a little more forgiving. At any rate, DID YOU READ THIS MESSAGE BOARD BEFORE YOU SIGNED UP? If you had, you'd perhaps see the sense of humor most of the regs have, and how hostile they are towards newbies, and how they relent once a newbie has proven himself. In other words, sometimes (not always) it's a hazing. If you feel the need to ruin threads with your non-joke-getting-ness, what in the blue hell are you doing here in the first place? I-Mockery is basically all about jokes in one form or another, so getting them is HALF THE BATTLE.

Commandment #3: THOU SHALT PUT MORE THOUGHT INTO YOUR RETORTS: Sometimes this applies to regs too ::coughsRongicoughs:: but this is more or less a newb mistake. If someone shoots you down in comic style, I can guarantee you that the proper reply does not include the following:

Jokes about one's sexual orientation
Jokes about one's family
Jokes about one's sexual relationships with family, deceased pets, or other things
Four word replies in which two of the words are "fuck you"

These comebacks come across as lame. Poorly thought out. 10th Grade. Unless you are in 10th grade, but shouldn't you be doing your HOMEWORK?!?

Commandment #4: THOU SHALT NOT ACT LIKE YOU OWN THE BOARD: This also pisses everyone off, regs and newbs alike. To see someone post their own thread is bad enough, but to have someone show up thinking that the SOLE REASON GOD PUT THEM ON THIS PLANET IS TO BE IN CHARGE OF I-MOCKERY is someone that needs to be hung upside down in the Town Square by his genitals.

Commandment #5: THOU SHALT REVIEW JAMESMAN'S THREAD ON THE TYPES OF NEWBIE: This helped out a LOT. The thread talks about how to be more or less accepted sooner or later (I don't think anyone will ever be COMPLETELY accepted unless you are in one way or another in charge of these threads) and in my case, it helped give me insight on how some of the regs think, and how to make my experience here, even as a newb, more enjoyable. I'd like to think I'm locked in at a #1. But even other newbs hate people that start turning into #4s, #6s, or #7s. Trust me on this.

There's more, but I'm going to add it later, and see how this takes. I know I'm still a newbie, but I'd like to think I do contribute more than your average pimpleassed newbs. Plus, even some of the older newbies get sick of seeing AORetards invade some board and completely rip its ass open and sodomize it.

[James]

Thou shalt have just bumped my Newbie thread instead. :/

[CaptainBubba]

The thing is, any newb that would be qualified to write a post like this would know enough to realize that this post would not get a positive response from anyone... :/

[Skulhedface]

That's the thing: It's intended for NEWBIES to read.

Also, maybe I SHOULD bump that thing. I just thought it'd be easier to swallow coming from someone who's relatively new himself.

Besides, it's a slow day. I'm fundamentally giving all the bastards that have something negative to say something to do and someone to direct it to. :)

So in more ways than one, I'm performing a public service. Heh heh.

[CaptainBubba]

I suggest you read my Jesus_Saves posts. Intetionally being a target of attacks isn't as fun as actually being an idiot and getting pounded.

They're crafty fellows who can tell the difference. :posh

[Skulhedface]

Nothing intentional. Just trying to put a funny spin on it.

[Rongi]

I'm in SkulHedFace's sig :)

Oh and that was unfunny and retarded, like you.

[Skulhedface]

thought you'd like that

[Helm]

I think a good point you don't seem to grasp as well as many which you didn't include on your little list there, is that you don't have to make such a big deal out of being 'accepted'. It's pathetic. I mean, didn't you get to be 'one of the gang' back at the playground or something?

[Skulhedface]

Don't overanalyze it. It's not acceptance I'm looking for, so much as "I want to be able to make a post in General Blabber that doesn't immediately have 10 vets tearing it apart" (although I bet this wasn't the right thread to advance that goal)

And it's not a complete list. I already said that.

The PENULTIMATE reason I wrote this is because maybe if the others start getting accepted, one out of many most likely, we will stop seeing EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THREAD erupt into a volley of this:

"You suck"
"No, you do!"
"You lick balls"
"Your sister licked mine"
"Go fuck a dead dog"
"Go graduate kindergarten"

For the most part, for THESE reasons, I usually avoid ANY Page 2 part of ANY thread in General Blabber unless I feel like there's something that should be added or it HASN'T turned into this yet. Blah.

[MrAdventure]

WILD WEST SHOW! :) :) :) :) :)

http://www.americasstory.com/assets/aa/cody/aa_cody_business_1_e.jpg

[Rongi]

This thread should be renamed to "Wild West Show" and all the posts should be deleted except Mr.Adventure's, because the whole newbie acceptance holucast thing wasn't really that funny to begin with.

[Lord Darian]

speaking o jokes, this topic is one right. oh wait it's not, you are.

(I'm talking about the jackass who made this thread)

[Skulhedface]

HAHAHAA... looks like it's starting to turn into another "Rongi Hate" thread. I'm just fine with that.

I think I'll start a pool until Rongi leaves again, posting another "I'm Leaving :cry" thread. I give it one week. And $50.

[Jeanette X]

Where is the "types of newbies" thread?

[Rongi]

HAHAHAA... looks like it's starting to turn into another "Rongi Hate" thread. I'm just fine with that.

I think I'll start a pool until Rongi leaves again, posting another "I'm Leaving :cry" thread. I give it one week. And $50.

And I'll start a pool called "Watch 'Skulhedface' try and make himself look like a badass and fail" pool. I should make some quick money :).

[Skulhedface]

Check either page 3 or 4 of the General Blabber index.

In the Spirit of "Lists Of Ten" I'd like to present the Top Ten Rongi Responses (I add this because I'm expecting one any minute)

10. Fuck off
9. Fuck off and die
8. Fuck off dickhead
7. Fuck off shitface
6. Fuck off fucker
5. Fuck off mother fucker
4. Fuck you
3. STFU
2. That was gay, like you
and the Number One Rongi response is...

1. ANY OF THESE USED AD NAUSEUM!

:;takes a bow::

[Rongi]

Already I'm winning some cash. Thanks for being such a big fucking dork Skulhedface, it's making me money :). What other interesting things do you have to say?

[Skulhedface]

lol shoulda made that last post a wee bit sooner, it's not as funny because Rongi had to fuck it up.

Now that comment about the thread erupting into a volley of insults has proven true once again. Thanks, Rongi.

One last thing: ::looks through all my old posts:: Hmm. No mention of me being a badass here. I just like making people like you look stupid. But it's too easy, you do half that job yourself :D It's like shooting fish in a Coke bottle.

[GnrySgtHartman]

I POST ON A BOARD BECAUSE IM THE MOST POPULAR PERSON AROUND MY FRIENDS!!!!

[Rongi]

Skulhedface, what with you being such a loser, I'll be able to retire to a nice place with all this money I'm making :). Thank you, for being you. Oh and when you use "::" to represent actions, you make me lots of money, because using "::" is extremly gay.

[Skulhedface]

And you do nothing to remove the "gay" stigma attached to them, by using them instead of referring to the name of that particular punctuation mark.

Rongi has got to be the worst character ever.

And by the way, I'm still building that boat. Wouldn't wanna drown when you start crying that river again.

One last thing, the last thing I'll say about it since you seem to THRIVE on being an attention whore, no matter how negative: GET SOMETHING ORIGINAL.
skulhedface: "I'll start a pool..."
rongi: "No, I'LL start a pool! Fuck you Fuck off STFU Fuck me fuck us fuck everyone fuck no one STFU STFU SUTF HAR HAR I'M FUCKING FUNNY FUCK YOU!"

[Rongi]

Skulhedface, you just bought me six new cars, you fucking dork :).

[MrAdventure]

WILD WEST SHOW! >: >: >: >: >:

http://www.vineyardboise.org/images/rockin_v/wildwest2.jpg

[Skulhedface]

Too bad with all that money, you can't buy a clue. Or a personality.
Thank you for gaying up YET ANOTHER FUCKING THREAD (using Rongi Insults!)

And the ass-kissing is coming up. Watch him do it.

[Les Waste]

PENULTIMATE
That is pretty high on my list of words I wish people would use more. It is also pretty high on my list of words that piss me off when people use it wrong.

You'd better goddamn well know what it means >:

[Skulhedface]

Yes, Les, I know what it means, I promise.

[Rongi]

And the ass-kissing is coming up. Watch him do it.

Skulhedface, you just bought me McHammer's house with your gayness, thanks :).

[GnrySgtHartman]

I think only cool people post on a board. One of them BEING RONGI!!!

[Skulhedface]

Considering M C Hammer was bankrupt and would sell his house for 50 cents, I believe it.

::sighs (and gives Rongi an excuse to use YET MORE GAY JOKES)::

Whoever made that character could've done a MUCH better job. Or at least waited until puberty hit.

[Skulhedface]

Like a deer in headlights. How sad.

I think I'll add a commandment #11:
THOU SHALT NOT ACT LIKE RONGI. EVER. NOT HERE. NOT IN REAL LIFE. I MEAN EVER.

[GnrySgtHartman]

If I said half the shit he said in real life, I'd get shot in the face tout sweet.

[Skulhedface]

And not by bullets either HAHAHAHAHAHA OH HO HO HO GAY RONGI TYPE JOKE LOL OMG HAHAHA

[edit] Maybe that's why Rongi is so shiesty. Now I'm gonna laugh out loud for hours because my joke was so funny lol hahaha I'm like Rongi now I amuse myself with stupid jokes LMAO OMG OMG

[Rongi]

I think I'll add a commandment #11:
THOU SHALT NOT ACT LIKE RONGI. EVER. NOT HERE. NOT IN REAL LIFE. I MEAN EVER.

Skulhedface, you have not been accepeted here and nor will you ever be, so you have no right to call anyone a newbie or make rules for newbies.

http://members.aol.com/mrm0t0rhead/images/daniel1.jpg

And another thing, nice lips, pinky. Tell me, how gay are you? I didn't know gay people listien to gwar. I thought gwar hated gay people. Oh well.

[GnrySgtHartman]

I did'nt know gay people fucking make fun of other people's pictures because they actually have enough balls to post it on an internet forum full of immature assholes and retards.

[Skulhedface]

May I ask, why OH WHY, if I'M so gay, did YOU go DIGGING in the "Post Your Pic Here" thread to find my pic? Is it so you can look at it like an NSync fan every time you see it? Oh ho ho another gay joke I'm so amused lolol

[Rongi]

You know, denile is one of the first signs that someone is gay, skulhedface.

[MrAdventure]

I HATE THIS THREAD >:

[Skulhedface]

I thought it was a river in Egypt. Besides, I'm, I'd say by looking at how you act, oh, about 10 years older than you, I think I'd have gone through any Identity Crises (And yes, dumbfuck, it IS crises in the plural form) a few years back, so we can safely rule out "DENIAL".

If you want to use PSYCHOLOGY as a source of jokes, then we could say that your PREOCCUPATION WITH MAKING GAY JOKES hides an UNDERLYING OBSESSION or perhaps even HOMOEROTIC TENDENCIES. But then again, I know this is hard for you to understand and all... You'd need at least a middle school education to understand such lovely big words.

In about 2 minutes, because I know you're watching this board like a HAWK, I expect some more pre-pubescent middle school jokes.

[edit] And maybe the bottom line to all this gayness Rongi threw onto a perfectly good (I use the term loosely) thread...

True, I may not have been accepted, yet or ever, whatever, but I guarantee you I'm not gonna act like a baby and post a "I THINK I'LL TRY TO ATTRACT A LITTLE SYMPHATHY BECAUSE I'M A WHINY FUCKING BABY LEAVING FOREVER" thread.

Jeez. OK, so I haven't been accepted. But obviously you weren't either, otherwise would such a PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT SYMPATHY BE NECESSARY?!?

I rest my case.

[MrAdventure]

LOL J/K

WILD WEST SHOW! :) :) :) :) :)

http://www.wmonline.com/attract/apache.jpg

[Skulhedface]

:lol@Mr Adventure. At least he's trying to undo the gayness Rongi brought upon this thread.

[Rongi]

Skulhedface, just shut up, you talk too much, it's really annoying. Face it, you're gay, alright? Ok then, now for the wild west show :).

[Skulhedface]

I TOLD you the ass-kissing would start soon :D

Also... I noticed between the time you actually went to "Post Yer Pic Here", pasted my pic, and typed in the latest reply, a good 15 minutes had past. Now I'll ignore this opportunity to make yet another joke about Rongi's sexuality, because it involves ME this time.

[Rongi]

:lol@Mr Adventure. At least he's trying to undo the gayness Rongi brought upon this thread.

I'm afraid you've already done the ass kissing.

Didn't I say shut up? Go have sex with your gay lover or something, you're ruining the show >:.

[Skulhedface]

Sorry, sir. There's a difference between tolerance and ass-kissing and you sir fall in the latter category.

Game OVER.

[Rongi]

Game OVER.

Yes, and you lost. At least you accept it :)

And now with the show.

[Skulhedface]

LoL, NOW who's suffering denial?

I've said this before, and it NEEDS to be said again. Take your pamphrin.

[edit] It's sad that you need to post the same gay joke over and over again to push up your post count. But oh well. One day when you get a life you'll figure it out.

[Rongi]

Oh shut up you sore loser :).

[Skulhedface]

Sore loser he says.

Why not write another Goodbye thread? I found that pretty amusing.

[Rongi]

Nah, I'd rather you write one :). And then you leave and never come back :).

[Skulhedface]

Yea but I wouldn't do it. I'm not so insecure as to need reassurance in a goodbye thread.

A good proctologist would do wonders with that stick you have,

[Rongi]

Oh come on what was that? You can do better ;)

[Skulhedface]

Sad but true, my worst was better than your best.

I'd say "I give up" but hell, this is too much fun! Fish in a coke bottle, my friend.

[GnrySgtHartman]

Last post for tonight, Rongi needs to stop stealing other people's schtick.

[Rongi]

You think you're making me mad :lol?

This is fun :). I like you, you're silly.

Actually I don't, you're very boring. I'm done with you. Next :).

[Ninjavenom]

SkulHedFace is better than most newbies. Come on, his name is a from a GWAR song.

[Skulhedface]

In the sad event that Rongi does leave for good... perhaps someone with beginning programming skills could code a Rongi-bot for the board? The basic logic shouldn't be that hard: IF poster is newer than Rongi OR made Rongi look stupid THEN RONGI-BOT answers 1, 2, or 3 (randomly).

1. Shut the fuck up
2. You don't get it
3. Go away nobody likes you


I couldn't agree more.

And thanks Ninja. I try only to piss people off that deserve it, lol

[Rongi]

SkulHedFace is better than most newbies. Come on, his name is a from a GWAR song.

True, but he doesn't hold up well in a fight :/.

[Skulhedface]

Aww c'mon Rongi, if I didn't hold up well, you'd have gotten bored and found a new thread to gay up :blah

[Rongi]

And thanks Ninja. I try only to piss people off that deserve it, lol

Aww thanks skulhedface, because you only bored me :). Did you try to piss me off? Because you failed misrebly :)

[Skulhedface]

Yes, I know I spend HOURS on a thread if it's boring :rolleyes

[Rongi]

Aww c'mon Rongi, if I didn't hold up well, you'd have gotten bored and found a new thread to gay up :blah

This thread was gayed up to begin with. And I only hate idiots, like you :).

[Skulhedface]

When Rongi leaves again, and posts another "Pity Party Because I'm Leaving Forever, Well Actually For Three Days Until I Stop Crying" thread, can I take the title of I-Mockery God? :rolleyes

[Rongi]

I bet you don't even know why I left :lol.

[Skulhedface]

I do. No amount of excuses you make will cover it. :lol

[Skulhedface]

COMMANDMENTS 6, 7, and 8

Commandment #6: THOU SHALT LEARN WHEN TO QUIT. Obviously Rongi has this problem, since he gayed up this thread hardcore. But to be serious, sometimes a joke or something that one person or the other does not get leads to page after fucking page of nothing but PC Diarrhea. Even I'm guilty of this (and Rongi helped contribute to it) so everyone breaks this commandment now and then, but DO NOT MAKE IT A FUCKING HABIT.

Commandment #7: THOU SHALT SAY SOMETHING RELEVANT. I'll admit, it's funny as hell to see someone blast someone else for posting about Twinkies in Music Reviews or something equally as stupid, but it's starting to happen too god damn more often. It's frustrating to see "You have a reply" in my mailbox for a thread I started (for instance, Guitar Players) and see someone that would post something like this:
"My favorite band is Britney Spears"
God dammit, WTF DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!? AND IF YOU LIKE HER SO MUCH WTF ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE? And yes, your inside jokes may be funny between you and your friends, but trust me, no one's going to understand what the fuck it's about and they will, newbs and regs alike, fucking stone your ass like a caveman orgy.

Commandment #8: THOU SHALT PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT FUCKING THREAD YOU ARE POSTING IN. This goes hand in hand with Commandment #7. It may be relevant, but that doesn't mean you should be posting there. Fret not, I've made this mistake more than once, but I learned from it.

However, this commandment more or less applies to stupid fucking people. People who will run into a "I love Metal" thread and start rambling on and on about the merits of techno or something to that effect. Something relevant but still nothing that adds to the discussion or something that you KNOW you will catch shit for. It's just not as funny when you're deliberately TRYING to get your ass yelled at.

[Rongi]

Commandment #6: THOU SHALT LEARN WHEN TO QUIT.

You should learn to quit making these dumb commandments. You're not funny, face it.

[Skulhedface]

You should take that "joke getting" class people on here love to talk about so much.

WHO SAID THIS WAS A JOKE? God damn Rongi, PMS must be acting up, eh?

I give you two options: One, either go lay down, watch TV and stop gaying up my thread, or two: stay here and I'll mock you some more because your lack of brain cells is amusing as hell.

Perhaps you'd like this quote:

"If ignorance were Corn Flakes, you'd be General Mills"

[Rongi]

My god! This is serious? How pethetic...

[Skulhedface]

What's pathetic is (here comes another list, but damn Rongi, you give me so much to work with here)

-your being here in the first place
-your preoccupation with homosexuality
-your tendency to pretend that you're having fun even though we all know you're sitting there crying because "the big bad skulhed dude on I-Mockery won't stop saying mean things about me, mommy!"
-your delusion that anyone on this fucking board besides yourself gives two shits about you
-your reply to this post ("skulhed shut up you fuck")

You know, maybe I WILL stop posting counterposts against you, because the only person that can make you look like a bigger fool than me is YOU. You do a better job mocking yourself than I do.

And no, it's not SERIOUS either. It's a way of amusing myself. You can do such a thing too, there's this thread on masturbation in the Loveline forum I think would be right up yuor alley. Just don't post another fucking useless thread (Geese? Dumbfuck.) about it. No one cares.

One last thing about me being accepted: Whether I have or not, I still have yet to see a "Skulhedface is a dumb fuck" thread, but yet... OOOH there IS one about you! And I didn't start it! Oh my!http://i-mockery.net/viewtopic.php?t=1238 And it's TWO PAGES!

[CaptainBubba]

You guys need to get WC3.

[Skulhedface]

Probably so. It'd be more interesting than waiting to see what masterpiece of a gay joke Rongi comes up with next.

[Rongi]

-your tendency to pretend that you're having fun even though we all know you're sitting there crying because "the big bad skulhed dude on I-Mockery won't stop saying mean things about me, mommy!"

Dude, who is "we"? And how can I cry to my mommy if I don't live with her any more hmm? I mean, I'm sure you do that all the time, but that doesn't mean I cry to my mom every time I get into a fight. Now skulhedface, shut up. You've lost the fight, there is no need to keep on going on with this. It's dumb, you should seek therapy, obviously you need it.

[Skulhedface]

You need to stop ripping me off, come up with something new. Maybe then SOMEONE JUST MIGHT like you. Someday. In 2058, maybe... And I love how you feel the need to quote me when my post is just RIGHT FUCKING ABOVE yours.

Now, for the LAST TIME, stop gaying up my thread. I made one in Mock Wars just for you. Stop ruining this one.

[Rongi]

You still never answered my questions. And you're one to talk, you don't have any friends on this board. And I do have friends thank you :).

Seriously now, this is lame. I won and you still want to fight. Well no more, good day sir, you lost :).

[Skulhedface]

I won and you still want to fight

Weren't they making fun of someone who kept saying "I win"?
AND IN CASE YOU DIDN'T SEE IT...
I made one in Mock Wars just for you. Stop ruining this one.I made one in Mock Wars just for you. Stop ruining this one.I made one in Mock Wars just for you. Stop ruining this one.I made one in Mock Wars just for you. Stop ruining this one.I made one in Mock Wars just for you. Stop ruining this one.

DO YOU GET IT NOW FUCKTARD?!?

[Rongi]

But I like ruining this one :).

[Skulhedface]

lol and you do such a good job

[Rongi]

Why thank you. And you do a good job of making shitty threads :).

[Skulhedface]

Not as well as you. Geese, huh? That was SO interesting :dunce

[Skulhedface]

Well, have fun with it. See, I gotta get going, because I have this thing called a JOB (which makes me believing that you don't live with your mom completely impossible, seeing as people that aren't on welfare or food stamps NEED to work if they don't live at home) and see, it pays good but I have to actually be there and I can't use "I didn't get enough sleep because I was babysitting a dunce on I-Mockery.com last night" won't get me an excuse. Tattoos are precision work, you know. Not that you'd know anything about a job. But oh well. You've got geese threads and whiny goodbye threads to write before you take your nap.

[GothNAPrepsBody]

Im a newbie too but that fucker nuubes dont need to take oer but they freakin fucking have a god damn hell of a time trying to own this place and im with you that fuckin with people is just jokes here.
By the way I honest to the dick in my pants am a tenth grader and home work fuck it, who needs it I rarely do it and probably will rarely do it.
Im glad im not the only one who feel like that sometimes
\

Oh but the Dog fucking thing was pretty funny.

[GothNAPrepsBody]

By the way since I am a tenth grader Rongi don't you have you daddy waitin fo you to go home home to fuck

After all that is wahts your mama said last nit. :) :lurker

stop ruining this thread! :(

[FartinMowler]

Keep saying nooby and you will always be a nooby. Your degrading yourselves. eeeeediots