ask a stupid question

[cherry]

please, go on, ask a stupid question.

As I am training to be a teacher for students aged 12 and over i thought you lot could help me. you play the role of annoying little shit and I have to give a teacher type answer. Apparently when you are a teacher you are not allowed to swear or use physical violence to control your class, therefore I must investigate alternative options.
now my subject area is philosophy, ethics and religion so there are plenty of stupid questions you can ask.
please remeber that I am not qualified yet and I have a filthy potty mouth.

[McMock]

Okay. Assuming you're teaching me math, I ask you:

"teacher, what is the square root of a booger?"

The whole class is laughing. You are on the spot. You have to do something or face all of us losing our respect for you.

[Dole]

Miss! Miss! have you got a boyfriend? Miss! if there is a god why do bad things happen? Miss,why have you got tattoos? Miss, kevin wont stop hitting me....OW! FUCK OFF KEVIN! Miss, have you got a boyfriend? Miss, are you a lezzer then? Why are you a lezzer miss? Why do we have to do this miss?? Its BOOORING! Do you believe in God miss? why? My dad reckons all islam people are terrorists miss. Miss, are you a terrorist? Is that why you have tattoos? Miss, I think kevin has pooed himself.

[McClain]

Is Jesus your favorite of all the "saviors"? And if so, why aren't students permitted to have sex in the bathroom?

[cherry]

there is no way I would ever teach math. Here's a lesson some of you may remember, its an English lesson: MATHS.


and to young master Dole,
yes.

I was kidnapped by a band of gypsies who placed their 'angel marks' all over my body. One for every sin.

bad things only happen to bad people which is why Kevin is hitting you.

lezzers dont have boyfriends unless you are in a Kevin Smith film.

we have to do this so that you learn to fear and hate all grown ups.

I believe in a vengeful and spiteful god who smites little boys who ask stupid questions.

and where does your dad live? what time will he be in? what sort of locks do you have on your door?

and Kevin, go to the naughtboys corner and think about what you have done.



see I'm a natural.

[cherry]

gin is my favourite saviour.

and you can have sex in the bathroom, but only the girls because boys toilets are disease ridden.

[McMock]

How come you can tell us what to do, and we can't tell you what to do?

Teacher? How come Jimmy is turning purple when he ate a green crayon?

[glowbelly]

if a bear is screaming profanities in the woods but there is no god around to hear it, will the bear go to heaven or be reincarnated as a tulip?

[cherry]

soory kids,
my boyfriend and his gang just turned up on their hogs, I'm off to get drunk and have sex with midgets.
just read the bible. you'll be fine.

[Dole]

lezzers dont have boyfriends unless you are in a Kevin Smith film.

:lol

[Geggy]

if i stuck a gun to the ground and pulled the trigger, will the earth explode?

[mburbank]

What's up with Bonaventura?

Is the X-men a deliberatly oblique instruction in Master Johannes Eckhart's mystic sepeartist movement from within the Dominicans?

Why is it you can longer become a Catholic saint just by being a looney? St. Simon sat on a pole for fourty years without ever coming down once. I hope the miracle was that his poos went somewhere besides the bottom of the pillar.

Can one be Bhuddist if one is adamantly against abandoning personal ego?

Can one be a Bhuddist if one is adamantly against abandoning free internet pronography?

Can one be Bhuddist?

Is Huston Smith in "The Smiths"?

Did you know I Nannyed one of Harvey Cox's sons for a year? And that I belong to he oldest Unitarian Church in America and they don't mind a bit that I'm a Jew? And that Unitarinianism first arose in Transylvania?

If I told you I'd had a lifelong thing for Brittish Women, teachers, and that one of my most powerful crushes was on my highschool theology teacher who wasn't British but was a woman only eight years my senior and that my first love was British and is now assistant headmistress of an English school would that be enough to get me detention?

[Spectre X]

Teacher? How come Jimmy is turning purple when he ate a green crayon?


That actually made me chuckle.



Miss, why am I even here? I mean, I'm not even going to remember more than half of the shit we learn here TOMORROW, so how the hell should I be expected to remember this mostly useless information for an entire lifetime?

I mean, I'm not planning on doing anything with maths, so why the hell should I be expected to know how to multiply matrices?

[cherry]

Geggy we mostly learn through experience so why dont you go ahead and try it sweetheart. you have health insurance right?

Spectre X, multiplying mattresses is a wonderful skill to have. Just think- you could provide places to sleep for the worlds homeless.


oh and Max, see me after school.

[AChimp]

Does this mole look okay to you?

[the_dudefather]

was jesus cruxifed on a hill or a mountain?


i asked this question in school when i was 7, when we had to draw a picture of jesus for easter. i got smacked to the ground. seriously.

she didnt even answer me. curse that Mrs Breen

[Buffalo Tom]

If God is infallible, why did he make the platypus?

[Spectre X]

Spectre X, multiplying mattresses is a wonderful skill to have. Just think- you could provide places to sleep for the worlds homeless.

I now realize the error in my ways.



If you'd excuse me, I'm off to build a giant CASTLE out of matresses and live there with my ex-homeless companions.



If God is infallible, why did he make the platypus?

What what WHAT?!

The platypus is the noblest animal in the world! >:

[HickMan]

Can I go to the bathroom?

[Sethomas]

A slit of width 30 microns is illuminated by light of wavelength 5770 angstroms. A screen is placed 4.0 m beond the slit.
A) What is the linear width (edge to edge) of the central diffraction maximum that appears on the screen? (Note: using an equation for linear width is not a satisfactory starting point for this problem.)
B)The entire apparatus {light source, slit, screen} is immersed in a transparent liquid. This causes the 4th diffraction minimum to now appear where the 3rd minimum had appeared before the liquid was added. What is the index of refraction of the liquid?

[Anonymous]

I hope I'm not the only one that got all hot after reading that.

[AChimp]

Your answer will be in your Physics II textbook, Seth. :posh

[Sethomas]

It was on an exam. I got 20/25 points for it. :/

[AChimp]

80% is better than nothing. :(

I had a professor who gave me half marks on a bunch of answers because I wrote the equals symbol instead of the equivalent symbol. What an asshole. >:

[Sethomas]

Yeah, I had the right answers but didn't use the equations he wanted. Such is life.

[FartinMowler]

If Sethothomas's head got any bigger would it explode?

[EisigerBiskuit]

What's a [insert genital exploitation here]?

[Sethomas]

fuckass?

[kahljorn]

You need someone you hate to imagine asking all these questions, like me. I can't think of any questions, so you'll just have to pretend it's me.

[ThisIsWitty]

How much do hookers usually cost, Miss Teacher? Can I see your gradebook?

[ziggytrix]

math is the american form of maths, and they are both abbreviated forms of the word mathematics. there's nothing grammatically wrong with the word math, kids. >:

also, there is no U in the words color, flavor, behavior, etc - despite what the nasty british may tell you.

[Sethomas]

Can I still shop from catalogues?

[the_dudefather]

also, there is no U in the words color, flavor, behavior, etc - despite what the nasty british may tell you.

if the british invented the english language, shouldnt their spelling be correct?

lol

a topic for epic debate

[ziggytrix]

i was being facetious. i think it's called a dialect when a large group changes a language like that. plus, pompous propriety is purlely the province of pretentious professors, punk.

[ThisIsWitty]

I can imagine you spitting a lot when you pronounce your 'p's.

[ziggytrix]

actually my enunciation is stellar for a kid from arkansas :)

one time at some backwoods catholic church my grandparents visited we were accused of sounding like "damn yankees" :) :nugent

[cherry]

such curious minds.

dudefather, yours was exactly the sort of question I want to be prepared for.
trouble is, no one quite aggrees where Jesus was crucified but its most likely that it was Golgotha (the skull place) a hill just outside the city walls. I hope your teacher got some karmic backlash for failing you.

now everyone get ready we are going on a field trip. bring your packed lunch, a kagool and and a compass.

[Carnivore]

A field trip, you say? This brings back memories of StoryMan! Remember that one?

[Mike]

Aren't teachers supposed to like teaching little kids?

[McMock]

You're on the field trip, your last activity is a walk through a forest. Every kid in the class has been given a laminated map. They've all agreed to pull one on you, and they threw away their maps in the forest, except one map they used to get back.

Now, the guy from the forest doesn't want to let you go unless he gets back his laminated maps.

Searching for the maps will take a really long time, because the kids didn't throw them all in one place, and half of them have no clue where they left theirs anymore. The guy doesn't accept payment for his maps. There are no phones nearby (duh, it's a forest). The kids are supposed to be heading home on the bus right now.

Flex your teachermuscles. This one, or a variant, you'll be sure to run into, and you'd better be prepared.

[cherry]

too easy. every kid over the age of 5 has a mobile phone these days. and if they don't, I have. I would call the school and get them to tell the parents we are going to be late.

I would then kick the snot out of the map man for being so unhelpful, which would a) make me feel better and
b) put the fear of god into the kids so that they behaved.

I would then greet the forest elf who has returned the maps to me, alongwith a gift of mithril armour.

easy.

[McMock]

The correct answer was: "I shout help me, superman", but whatever... I give you full points anyway because I think you're a girl, and I'm totally in love with you over the internet.

I love you, baby. Promise me this feeling will never end.

[cherry]

pah! superman? I dont need that big, boy scout.

and although you think I am a girl you are mistaken. and its probably just a crush caused by the lack of authoritarian figures in your life. You can expect to make bad choices in your relationships as a result of this. I would guess your first serious love affair will be with somone 8 years older than yorself. They will put you down in front of your friends and you will try and laugh it off but deep down you will be hurt. You will leave them and move on to a string of impassionate one night stands. But then you will find your next lover. Your desire for approval will lead you to your next lover. His name will be Carlos and he can spin you round on the dance floor like a god damn Catherine Wheel.
you will live happily ever after, and so yes the feeling will last forever.

[McMock]

Argh. Unanswered love, why must you be so prevalent in my life! Cursed!

Well, I guess I have no further interest in you then. And to think I even came up with all those questions and, bah, nothing. This is almost as bad in the sex with the teacher department as when I was a real 6-year old.

[HickMan]

TEACHER! MAY I GO TO THE BATHROOM? >:

[the_dudefather]

such curious minds.

dudefather, yours was exactly the sort of question I want to be prepared for.
trouble is, no one quite aggrees where Jesus was crucified but its most likely that it was Golgotha (the skull place) a hill just outside the city walls. I hope your teacher got some karmic backlash for failing you.


as the rest of my message said, i got the blacklash :( most likely because she diddnt know the answer.

now i can go and finish that picture.

and remember teach as binky (life in hell) says: for teachers it is easier to punish boredom than be interesting.