ZekeySpaceyLizard
Oct 27th, 2004, 01:50 PM
Its been a while since my last post in here, eh?
In other news, with the election drawing near, the fever of stupidity is growing higher in temperature. People are calling me, going door-to-door, and invading my private life simply to make me vote for their particular richboy. I have ways of avoiding them though. When someone calls me, I usually scream very loudly into the receiver, or sometimes I try to flirt with them and then threaten to sue them for sexual harrassment, but my favorite one is to ask them:
"Would you like to know my feelings on this subject?"
"Yes"
*sounds of my toilet flushing*
I then hang up. But it doesnt stop there. They come to my door too! As if having the family of Jehova's Witnesses who live across the street visit me daily to "convert" me wasn't bad enough, now I have to put up with freaks whose minds are so controlled by th media, that they actually beleive that Bush and Kerry give a shit about them. The conversations as you can imgine go like this:
"So. Lemme guess. You support Kerry, right?"
"Yes, sir I do. We are trying to get support for Mr. John Kerry and were wondering if you'd be interested."
"Why should I vote for him? Give me one good reason before I slam this damn door."
"Well, Bush has only given tax cuts for the rich! He only wants to help oil industries like Haliburton! He made us go to a war we did not beleive in and has helped create a bazzillion jillion dollar deficit!"
"So? Why should I vote for Kerry? Answer the question. I feel my hand heading towards the knob."
"Kerry beleives in tax cuts for the middle class. He is a war veteran! He beleives in helping small businesses. He beleives America should not be viewed as the bully of the world."
"Prove it, then."
"Excuse me?"
"Show me any ACTUAL official documents that he and Edwards are actually going to fulfill any of their campaign promises."
"Well.....we dont have those. But I'm sure he said it...on his website."
"So. No non-html documents then, eh?"
"Um...."
"So this is one of those 'believing is seeing' type of things is it?"
"Can...I....just..."
"Wait. Let me ask you. Do you belive in the tooth fairy?"
"No!"
"What about Santa and the Easterbunny?"
"Of course not!"
"Then do me a favor and get the fuck away from my house! Isn't life bad enough these days without you ignorant corn-fed assholes bothering me every time I sit down? Do you really think I care about which rich guy wins the right to read whatever shit his cabinet wrote for him on National TV? Do you really think any of them are going to fix the black-hole that is Iraq? Please. If I wanted to be a sheep, I'd get a brain transplant. Now if you really want to make me happy, nail a plank of wood to your testicles that says, 'i are an idiot' and dance around on my lawn. If you cant manage that, then go away. I have better things to do, like sleeping."
And so, with those kind words, I sent the stupid man on his way.
In other news, with the election drawing near, the fever of stupidity is growing higher in temperature. People are calling me, going door-to-door, and invading my private life simply to make me vote for their particular richboy. I have ways of avoiding them though. When someone calls me, I usually scream very loudly into the receiver, or sometimes I try to flirt with them and then threaten to sue them for sexual harrassment, but my favorite one is to ask them:
"Would you like to know my feelings on this subject?"
"Yes"
*sounds of my toilet flushing*
I then hang up. But it doesnt stop there. They come to my door too! As if having the family of Jehova's Witnesses who live across the street visit me daily to "convert" me wasn't bad enough, now I have to put up with freaks whose minds are so controlled by th media, that they actually beleive that Bush and Kerry give a shit about them. The conversations as you can imgine go like this:
"So. Lemme guess. You support Kerry, right?"
"Yes, sir I do. We are trying to get support for Mr. John Kerry and were wondering if you'd be interested."
"Why should I vote for him? Give me one good reason before I slam this damn door."
"Well, Bush has only given tax cuts for the rich! He only wants to help oil industries like Haliburton! He made us go to a war we did not beleive in and has helped create a bazzillion jillion dollar deficit!"
"So? Why should I vote for Kerry? Answer the question. I feel my hand heading towards the knob."
"Kerry beleives in tax cuts for the middle class. He is a war veteran! He beleives in helping small businesses. He beleives America should not be viewed as the bully of the world."
"Prove it, then."
"Excuse me?"
"Show me any ACTUAL official documents that he and Edwards are actually going to fulfill any of their campaign promises."
"Well.....we dont have those. But I'm sure he said it...on his website."
"So. No non-html documents then, eh?"
"Um...."
"So this is one of those 'believing is seeing' type of things is it?"
"Can...I....just..."
"Wait. Let me ask you. Do you belive in the tooth fairy?"
"No!"
"What about Santa and the Easterbunny?"
"Of course not!"
"Then do me a favor and get the fuck away from my house! Isn't life bad enough these days without you ignorant corn-fed assholes bothering me every time I sit down? Do you really think I care about which rich guy wins the right to read whatever shit his cabinet wrote for him on National TV? Do you really think any of them are going to fix the black-hole that is Iraq? Please. If I wanted to be a sheep, I'd get a brain transplant. Now if you really want to make me happy, nail a plank of wood to your testicles that says, 'i are an idiot' and dance around on my lawn. If you cant manage that, then go away. I have better things to do, like sleeping."
And so, with those kind words, I sent the stupid man on his way.