Assoc. of Veterans with Low Posts Looking For New Members

[McClain]

Association of Veterans with Low Posts
I-Mockery Post 69(_x_)
15 November, 2004

Dear Potential Elitist,

Tired of getting lumped in with Board Newbies solely because you have a low post count? Well now, in conjunction with I-Mockery.net and McClain, we can say, "Fuck that shit!" You fall in a small but growing demographic of essential posters in a community filled with blowhards and overflowing verbal-vomit. We need you!

Your application in to this |337 union will be assessed by the ALVP Chairman of the Board (me) on three root concerns; Post Count, Tenure, and Significance. The Chairman will be searching the annals of I-Mockery forums to include ezboard*.

*If you were never enrolled as a member of ezboard and would like to pursue membership, you must file an Impact Waiver, notating what contributions you’ve made to the community to make up for a lack of occupancy. This will prove particularly difficult seeing as how this Assoc. is solely for those of us who don’t post daily tripe in order to boost our count. Filing this waiver, in essence, affirms that you are Comment Efficient and practice Post Brevity.

Please post applications in this thread no later than November 20, The Year of Our Lord, I-Mockerus Dominus, Two Thousand And Four. Board members with a post count over 1,500 (one thousand, five hundred) are not qualified for membership in the AVLP. Committe members will maintain a roster of current members entitled to benefits.

Once accepted, your benefits include mad respect and a customized membership card that can be used at any time, under any circumstance in your favor. Uh... Fuck yea! In conjunction with –RoG-, this card is accepted at the I-Mockery.com forums. Other major BBS participation pending.

http://flampoo.com/images/asst/avlp.jpg

Don't miss this opportunity to bolster your status and build wobbly relationships with fellow Mockers.

[sspadowsky]

Sign me up, bitch.

[McClain]

Under close scrutiny we have made the decision to accept your application. HELL YEAH BABEE!

WELCOME sspadowsky TO AVLP!

You are appointed as AVLP I-Mockery Division Counsel.

[Buffalo Tom]

I want in.

*Peers through windows*

[Ihach]

ive been here forever, i feel i would also like to be a part of this

[McClain]

Under close scrutiny we have made the decision to accept your application. HELL YEAH BABEE!

WELCOME Buffalo Tom TO AVLP!

You are appointed as AVLP I-Mockery Division Co-Counsel.

Now we have a president and two lawyers.

[McClain]

INVISIBLE AVLP BYLAW ADDENDUM

I. There are plenty of cabinet positions that need to be filled. Once you have been appointed, you will be required to change your title to reflect your current position.

II. As with any political oriented agenda, electioneering is possible and one can be ousted from office. Except for me. Because I maintain 51% control of the AVLP. It's in the (invisible) bylaws. But don't worry about it. We look after our own.

[McClain]

ive been here forever, i feel i would also like to be a part of this

Dear Ihach,
You hail from Ont. Canada. I'll have to check the (invisible) bylaws, but I think we only have room for two Canadians. At the moment our Co-Counsel Buffalo-Tom and his Ego are filling them. If you can convince him to default on one of these billets by virtue of not currently being an inhabitant of Canada, we will gladly open up a spot in the AVLP for you.
You have been a part of the I-Mockery community since March 23, 2002. Although your previous post count on ezboard was only 447 (you weren't around very long) you have proven that you're not a windbag. You might be a Dumfuck or an Asshat, but that's acceptable.
I'll await the decision from Co-Counsel Buffalo Tom.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

*raises hand* How about it, McClain..

[the_dudefather]

ive been here for an age and a half, can i join your prestegious organisation?

[McClain]

Under close scrutiny we have made the decision to accept your application. HELL YEAH BABEE!

WELCOME Cosmo Electrolux TO AVLP!

You are appointed as AVLP I-Mockery Division Assbassador.

Now we have a president, two lawyers and an assbassador.

[McClain]

Doopa has hereby been named [de facto] AVLP Chief of Shit. No request for admission is required. Our current chain of command is as follows:

President - McClain
Chief of Shit - Doopa
Executive Asshole - VACANT
Counsel - sspadowsky
Co-Counsel – Buffalo Tom
Security Shithead - VACANT
Chief Asshole - VACANT
Chancellor – VACANT
Assbassador - Cosmo Electrolux

Signed,
McClain
AVLP President

[McClain]

ive been here for an age and a half, can i join your prestegious organisation?

Dear the_dudefather,
Please provide your I-Mockery ezboard handle or link directly to your profile. If you did not have an ezboard account, please submit a public Impact Waiver stating why you should be accepted. Your submission will be approved/disapproved by our current Assbassador Cosmo Electrolux.
I'll await the decision from Assbassador Cosmo Electrolux.
-Luke Warm Regards

[sadie]

what's this post count to which you refer? :O

[glowbelly]

if you're looking for an old, over-played, high post count veteran whore, let me know.

i didn't get all knocked up by keeping my various orifices shut.

;)

[McClain]

what's this post count to which you refer? :O

Username: sadie
Joined: 02 Feb 2003
Posts: 2479
Location: YUNEEK!

Request for admission: (preemptive) DENIED!

[McClain]

if you're looking for an old, over-played, high post count veteran whore, let me know.

i didn't get all knocked up by keeping my various orifices shut.

;)

By virtue of (invisible) bylaw XIIa.3, I have the ability to instate "honorary" members. Though not technically included, you're given many amenities of membership.

Glowbelly is our new Unofficial Preggo Mascot. I am told by my Chief Information Officer (me) that this is a good PR maneuver to promote Growth and Expansion.

[the_dudefather]

Dear members of the AVLP

i was not on the EZ boards but i have been here with a steady post rate for a year and a half, i have come first in an i-mockery competition, have not been attacked in mock-wars (to my knowledge) , i dont flame people, i diddnt start an 'im new' topic and i have 3 streets named after me in dundee.

i wouldnt concider myself to be a legend among posters, but as a lowly poster with repect for other users i would feel honored to be invited to joing your magnificent collective.

-Daniel 'the_dudefather' McFarline, BSC (pending)
-p.s: please enjoy the cookies i made for the AVLP

[McClain]

INVISIBLE AVLP BYLAW ADDENDUM

III. All requests to initiate or alter laws need to be submitted to Counsel for legal instatement. If necessary, Co-Counsel will console Counsel with decision. Once approved, it will be vetoed or endorsed by the AVLP President.

IV. Members names are listed in red to distinguish the member and be reminiscent of the blood that is shed on a daily basis when trying to maintain a low post count and maintaining Cynical Efficiency. The road to AVLP isn’t easy and ratifying these small measures are the least we can do for our veterans.

[Anonymous]

I want in. I have a bunch of posts, plus I've banned several idiots.

[McClain]

INVISIBLE AVLP BYLAW ADDENDUM

V. The new acceptable post count is altered from 1,500 (one thousand five hundred) to a maximum acceptable post limit of 1,999 (one thousand nine-hundred ninty-nine). This addendum makes Dr. Boogie admissable.

[McClain]

I want in. I have a bunch of posts, plus I've banned several idiots.

Under close scrutiny we have made the decision to accept your application. HELL YEAH BABEE!

WELCOME Dr. Boogie TO AVLP!

You are appointed as AVLP I-Mockery Division Chief Asshole.

Now we have a president, two lawyers, an assbassador, an mascot and a chief asshole.

[the_dudefather]

i guess im not in then :(

oh well, ill go start my own club, with blackjack and hookers lol

[sadie]

dear elitist club people,

thanks for your prompt, "preemptive" denial, as i never would have asked for admission into an "elitist" club in the first place. i think the whole vet vs. newb thingy is stupid anyways, except where it serves to annoy those who don't feel it is.

thanks again!
sadie.

[FartinMowler]

Can I be in? I'm an asshole :/

[Emu]

:lol

[AChimp]

I want to be in because my post count is so HUGE. There should be special dispensation for me. :(

[FartinMowler]

Your not an asshole :/

[AChimp]

But I have one.

[CaptainBubba]

I am under 1,999 posts and am also a horrendously annoying assclown. I must therefore assert that I am a good canidate for the position of Cheif asshole. I have been known to make people frown or put on their unhappy faces. And not just by virtue of my less than pleasant looks. In my time on the boards I would confidently estimate my ratio of asshole oriented posts to boring posts at a respectable 8/3.

Appointing me will be a mistake that I guarentee will haunt you unsucessfully for at most a week.

Thanks for your considersation.

[Black Flag]

i'm totally for this!

[McClain]

the_dudefather,
Had you paid attention you would have seen the notation that our current Assbassador was awarded the decision on your acceptance.
Again, I'll await the decision from Assbassador Cosmo Electrolux.

Patience. And proper grammer, too. You could use a bit of both.

[Geggy]

fuck that shit! sign me the fuck up! i could be the treasurer. i like money. i like to be around money. i like the smell of money. money money money

[FartinMowler]

I knew I would be ignored...I'm a leper in a leper colony :/

[Jixby Phillips]

I declare myself president of this gay club

your all fired from your possitions and i will be filling them later in this thread

[McClain]

Can I be in? I'm an asshole :/

*FARTINMOWLER*,
We regret to inform you that it is not in our best interest to receive you in our association. As per invisible bylaw addendum V, dated 15NOV04, your post count is too high. If you have a problem with this decision, please take solace in the fact that much like most other political operations, the AVLP can be bribed with cash. Feel free to PM our Treasurer (me) to iron out any details.
Also, it is not necessarily a prerequisite to be an asshole to be accepted in the AVLP. But yes, you are an asshole.

[McClain]

I want to be in because my post count is so HUGE. There should be special dispensation for me. :(

DENIED

[McClain]

I am under 1,999 posts and am also a horrendously annoying assclown. I must therefore assert that I am a good canidate for the position of Cheif asshole. I have been known to make people frown or put on their unhappy faces. And not just by virtue of my less than pleasant looks. In my time on the boards I would confidently estimate my ratio of asshole oriented posts to boring posts at a respectable 8/3.

Appointing me will be a mistake that I guarentee will haunt you unsucessfully for at most a week.

Thanks for your considersation.

Dear CaptainBubba,
Please provide your I-Mockery ezboard handle or link directly to your profile. If you did not have an ezboard account, please submit a public Impact Waiver stating why you should be accepted. Your submission will be approved/disapproved by our current Chief Asshole Dr. Boogie.
I'll await the decision from Chief Asshole Dr. Boogie.
-Luke Warm Regards

[McClain]

i'm totally for this!

Under close scrutiny we have made the decision to accept your application. HELL YEAH BABEE!

WELCOME Black Flag TO AVLP!

You are appointed as AVLP I-Mockery Division Chancellor.

Our current status is as follows:
President - McClain
Chief of Shit - Doopa
Executive Asshole - VACANT
Counsel - sspadowsky
Co-Counsel – Buffalo Tom
Security Shithead - VACANT
Chief Asshole - Dr. Boogie
Chancellor – Black Flag
Assbassador - Cosmo Electrolux

[AChimp]

That's it. I am SO making my own club.

Veterans with Huge Post Counts That Don't Suck. >:

[McClain]

I declare myself president of this gay club

your all fired from your possitions and i will be filling them later in this thread

Despite our collective personal feelings for you Jixby Phillips, you are the antonym of what this association stands for. It is with the shallowest regrets that we cannot accept your inadvertant request for acceptance.
In lieu of your popularity on this board, we will only present you with a smaller version of the verdict.

DENIED

-Luke Warm Regards

[Terra]

Chimp, I hear that men with unusually high post counts have an extra inch or two of phallic length and width to their peni. I think it's an excellent idea to start you own club but watch out for the wannabes with "empty" post counts. :) Those are the ones that are dreaming in technicolor.

[McClain]

Good timing. We could always use a Fluffer for public speaking events. Are you small enough to fit inside a podium, Terra?

[Terra]

Yes, if I unscrew my tits.

[AChimp]

Hey. >:

If she's going to be any club's fluffer, it's going to be mine. >:

[the_dudefather]

the_dudefather,
Had you paid attention you would have seen the notation that our current Assbassador was awarded the decision on your acceptance.
Again, I'll await the decision from Assbassador Cosmo Electrolux.

Patience. And proper grammer, too. You could use a bit of both.

oh sorry, missed that. waiting then.

and waht yoos mean propa grammer, i went to grammer school (which sucked balls frankly)

[Count Shrimpula]

I've been around for a while, and my post count is horridly low. As well as my popularity. :( :( :(

[BAPE]

[center:dd4ac23c83]haha like i even need to make a request right guys mcclain put me down for second in command done deal we can skip the formalties see newbs work hard mock hard make one less hi im new thread hone your skills in mock wars this is what success looks like [/quote][/list][/center:dd4ac23c83]>

[Jixby Phillips]

I elect bape co-president

[McClain]

[center]haha like i even need to make a request right guys mcclain put me down for second in command done deal we can skip the formalties see newbs work hard mock hard make one less hi im new thread hone your skills in mock wars this is what success looks like

I'm afraid we must engage the wisdom of High Counsel on this as none of the current AVLP members are versed in Retard.

*OHHHHMMMMMM*

MISTER MOCKERY... COULD YOU PLEASE
TRANSLATE THIS CRYPTIC MESSAGE
FROM BAPE?
ALWAYS,
-YOUR LOYAL FOLLOWERS

*OHHHMMMMM*

[FartinMowler]

Good timing. We could always use a Fluffer for public speaking events. Are you small enough to fit inside a podium, Terra?

:lol It's been a long day and that made me laugh

[Spooky]

Oh Oh where do i sign up

[sadie]

more about proper grammar.

[Anonymous]

Grammar

According to the structuralist point of view, grammar is the study of the rules governing the use of a language. That set of rules is also called the grammar of the language, and each language has its own distinct grammar. Grammar is part of the general study of language called linguistics.

The subfields of grammar are phonetics, phonology, morphology, syntax, and semantics.

In traditional terms, grammar includes only morphology and syntax.

Linguists recognise a number of types of grammar.

Prescriptive grammar -- an attempt to tell the users of the language how to use it in order to speak correctly. This is the sense in which "I didn't do nothing" is bad English grammar.

Descriptive grammar -- an attempt to describe the language as it is being used, regardless of whether it is considered correct or not. In many dialects, people say "I didn't do nothing"; a descriptive grammar of such dialects would accordingly treat that sentence as grammatical and provide rules that account for it. Likewise a descriptive grammar of formal English would provide rules accounting for "I didn't do anything."

Teaching grammar -- a combination of prescriptive and descriptive approaches with the aim of teaching a language to children and foreigners. In teaching grammars it is often necessary to simplify in order to achieve success, as neither the prescriptive nor the descriptive approaches are logical or easy to understand in all details.

Generative grammar -- A technical linguistic term. A generative grammar for a particular language specifies, for each string of words, whether or not that string constitutes a grammatical sentence in that language. It does not provide a set of rules for constructing or parsing sentences.
Descriptive grammar takes the approach that speakers of a language follow that language's grammar as a common convention of mutual intelligibility. Violation of the grammar makes one's speech difficult to understand (as in "barked dog me at time for long"). A majority of modern linguists accept that no person whose brain functions are not severely impaired speaks ungrammatically in this sense.

Grammars evolve through usage and human population separations. With the advent of written representations, formal rules about language usage tend to appear also. Formal grammars are codifications of usage that are developed by observation. As the rules become established and developed, the prescriptive concept of grammatical correctness can arise. This often creates a gulf between contemporary usage and that which is accepted as correct. Linguists normally consider that prescriptive grammars do not have any justification beyond their authors' aesthetic tastes. However, prescriptions are considered in sociolinguistics as part of the explanation for why some people say "I didn't do nothing", some say "I didn't do anything", and some say one or the other depending on social context.

The formal study of grammar is an important part of education from a young age through advanced learning, though the rules taught in schools are not a "grammar" in the sense most linguists use the term, as they are often prescriptive rather than descriptive.

Planned languages are more common in the modern day. Many have been designed to aid human communication (such as Esperanto or the intercultural, highly logic-compatible artificial language Lojban) or created as part of a work of Fiction (such as the Klingon language and Elvish language). Each of these artificial languages has its own grammar.

Programming languages used for the purpose of computer programming (such as Java) have grammars, but do not resemble human languages very much. These are called formal grammars. In particular, they conform precisely to a grammar generated by a pushdown automaton with arbitrarily complex commands. They usually lack questions, exclamations, simile, metaphor and other features of human languages.

It is a myth that analytic languages have simpler grammar than synthetic languages. That languages have different levels of grammatical complexity can be shown to be false by realizing the fact that changes to words are not the only kind of grammar. Chinese is very context dependent. In other words, context accomplishes the same role as declension and conjugation. (Chinese does have some inflections, and had more in the past.) Latin, which is synthetic, uses affixes and inflections to accomplish the same role that Chinese does with syntax. Because Latin words are quite (though not completely) self-contained, a sentence can be made from scattered elements. In short, Latin has a complex affixion and a simple syntax, while Chinese has the opposite.

[Big McLargehuge]

I am confused, what war were you all in?

[Sethomas]

As Sethomas and previously Winston Smith, I request membership. I just need to feel like I belong in this world sometimes.

[Emu]

Aren't you already a member of The Inner Party? :eek

[Dole]

Despite not wanting to join any club that would have me as a member, I would like in. I dont mind just being the cleaner.

[McMock]

Marx jokes eh, Dole? Have you run out of quality simpsons lines to rip off from?

I would probably enjoy becoming part of this club but I know I'd never be allowed in so I won't ask. I just want some attention is all. I'm soo depressed :(

[Dole]

I would answer your question if 'to rip off from' wasn't such a grammatical nightmare.

[Anonymous]

if any of the little homos in this little homo effort want their little homo titles changed, they'll have to send me a little homo pm ;<

[Dole]

Please change McMocks one to 'Littlest Homo'

[Anonymous]

i'd love to, but it'd be unfair to all the people that actually deserve titles. or to live.

[McMock]

:) Allright. Time to re-read that English dictionary.

[Dole]

Alright

[McMock]

Punctuation?

0/10

[McClain]

Congratulations to:

Spooky

Sethomas

Dole

You are the newest members of the AVLP. Together you three comprise The House. Your new titles are [sic] "House Reps". It is your job as Reps to talk shit about the establishment and berate the president and his immediate staffers.
Please keep in mind that we are all in the same boat and this entire association is based on narcissism, and with that common bond we can accomplish many smarmy things as a cohesive unit. However, it is an essential element to have checks and balances. That's your role.
It would also behoove you to tell Chojin to hit the fuckin' road. And for the record, if you want your title changed, please ask the AVLP Chief Asshole Dr. Boogie. We don't resort to requesting help from outsiders. Especially elitists Mockers with a high post count.

[Terra]

I nominate McMock even though fluffy people who live inside the podium have no voice.

I nominate through the sheer power of will.

[sadie]

all right. :rolleyes

[ziggytrix]

Is this one of thsoe clubs where you can just sign up, get the free shit, then never go to any of the meetings?

If so, count me "on board."

[McClain]

Is this one of thsoe clubs where you can just sign up, get the free shit, then never go to any of the meetings?

If so, count me "on board."

Dear ziggytrix,
Your submission will be approved/disapproved by our current House Rep Dole.
I'll await the decision from House Rep Dole.
-Luke Warm Regards

[McMock]

You guys. I want to join the club!

[sspadowsky]

Counsel advises that a heavy sack beating be bestowed upon McMock.

[McMock]

If it gets me in the club, I'm in!

[McClain]

http://www.flampoo.com/images/asst/avlp/avlp_sspadowsky.jpg
http://www.flampoo.com/images/asst/avlp/avlp_buffalotom.jpg

It is with great pleasure that we present our first customized membership cards to Counsel sspadowsky and Co-Counsel Buffalo Tom. Your unswerving devotion to Comment Efficiency and the practice of Post Brevity are the aggregate of the AVLP standard of living. Welcome to the AVLP and feel free to use this card for whatever reason you choose at any moment. Again, thank you for your support and welcome to the most elite I-Mockery.com message forum club!

http://www.flampoo.com/images/asst/avlp/avlp_grip.jpg

[Mockery]

SO WHERE'S THE SECRET CLUB TREEHOUSE AT? :(

[Dole]

My penis

[Cosmo Electrolux]

the_dudefather,
Had you paid attention you would have seen the notation that our current Assbassador was awarded the decision on your acceptance.
Again, I'll await the decision from Assbassador Cosmo Electrolux.

Patience. And proper grammer, too. You could use a bit of both.

I don't know this guy, so that means he hasn't pissed me off or irritated me with his stupid, meaningless posts. Unless one of my esteemed colleagues has issues with him, I approve the_dudefather for admittance.

[glowbelly]

official mascot uniform approval requested:

http://s88071834.onlinehome.us/glowbelly/pictures/pop1.jpg

[Dole]

:) There's an iccle baby in there!!!

[Ihach]

very well mcclain, i officially request apporval from buffalo tom, so that we may boost the canadian content of this club

[ziggytrix]

Dear ziggytrix,
Your submission will be approved/disapproved by our current House Rep Dole.

Come on Dole, I've endured the worst of it (http://p222.ezboard.com/fimockerytheantiraveboard) with remarkably few mental scars.

[Anonymous]

It would also behoove you to tell Chojin to hit the fuckin' road.
I've been here far longer than any of you nancy boys. :picklehat

Maybe I can start a secret club called 'people who are still moderators unlike mcclain' and appoint myself class president :picklehat

[BAPE]

[size=big][code=important]hey guys ok i am not one to get wild and my emotions getting the best of me but vets gather around emergency meeting right now one club one group mockers for life thats who we are we knew that going in to this i am afraid for this if there is more than one group we will be divided dont you see thats what the newbs want you think its bad now just wait until the day you have a newb taking a cheap shot then you have a vet from the other side taking the newbs side think it wont happen maybe but are you want to take that chance remember we are mockers another one what will we do in mock wars see what i mean also the mock meet im not going to too different locations haha ok well maybe but i want us all there am i right[/quote]

[Esuohlim]

Is there any clubs out there that aren't run by jerks? :(

[Zomboid]

http://p222.ezboard.com/bimockery.showUserPublicProfile?gid=zomboid01

Lemme in please :(

[Command Prompt]

Yeah, no excluding Canadians WINK WINK

[Jixby Phillips]

glowbelly suck in that gut haha only kidding

[carey]

I made a post.


I can join a club.

[Dole]

Me say yep to Ziggy.

[McClain]

Congratulations to the_dudefather and Ziggy Trix. You are the newest members of the AVLP. You are appointed as Deputy Information Officers. You will work as a team to accomplish your initial and only task:

Establish a Nominating Committee for AVLP, responsible for the selection of all AVLP Collateral Duties to include Special Event Directors (2), Stability Advisory Committee (3), Adjutant House Chairman (1), and Pass & Liaison Representative (1) who is a non-voting delegate of the Non-ALVP Members Constituency. It is the also the charge of the Pass & Liaison Rep to be the voice of the general public.
These are not cabinet positions, but secondary responsibilities. According to the (invisible) bylaws, House Reps reserve the right to veto any of the assignment decisions. If you feel the House Reps have proscribed your duty selections in error, please file a public Impact Waiver stating your case. If The Waiver is filed, it will be approved or disapproved by Spooky.

[McClain]

official mascot uniform approval requested:


Request approved and printed and taped to my wall. I'll use Association appropriated funds to cut you the child support check.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, all variations of the word 'newbie' already suggest somewhat of a playground mentality, but 'vet' is just crossing the border into shameful basement D&D tournaments (with optional costumes) mentality.

So unless you're a pathetic waste of space, please refrain from using this term again. Have some self-respect.

:lol

[Emu]

Hey, if it's an Association of Veterans that's looking for new members, wouldn't that make all of the new members...newbies?! :eek

[bigtimecow]

I WANT IN

[Maverick Zero Unit]

Hmm, looks like fun. To bad I'm a random poster but don't contribute much. I would want to help if i did.

[the_dudefather]

cool, do i get my name redend if its mentioned, or another color like moave or dark blue since im on the secondary responsibilities list

anyway will enjoy working with/for the AVLP

[ziggytrix]

dudefather - did you post under a different SN on the old boards? if i'm going to work with you, it'd help if i knew who the fuck you were.

no offense intended.

[the_dudefather]

i was known by many names in my dark past, however i was never on the EZ board.

i only signed on in this message board when the action figure contest was annoced. that was a year and a half ago.

[McClain]

Hmm, looks like fun. To bad I'm a random poster but don't contribute much. I would want to help if i did.

DENIED

[McClain]

I WANT IN

DENIED

[Anonymous]

Seriously, all variations of the word 'newbie' already suggest somewhat of a playground mentality, but 'vet' is just crossing the border into shameful basement D&D tournaments (with optional costumes) mentality.

So unless you're a pathetic waste of space, please refrain from using this term again. Have some self-respect.

:lol

[McClain]

Hey, if it's an Association of Veterans that's looking for new members, wouldn't that make all of the new members...newbies?! :eek

Ah... So you wanna' play hardball, eh? I have just the thing for naysayers of the AVLP! If I make you a member will you please not reveal our shortcomings?

Get lost! There's no room for mudslingers in this thread!

[the_dudefather]

you heard the man
(shows off shiny new deputy information officer badge with pride)

[McClain]

It's unfortunate that FS had to make that comment. It's with a wispy heart that I must make the decision of severing all ties Fat Satan has with The Association. As much as we rely on Satan in our daily offerings as a prosperous diplomatic locomotive, we have not and cannot comprimise our communal integrity.
FS, you are hereby removed from the Association of Veterans with Low Posts.

[FartinMowler]

As an unofficial asshole I think FS's comment was innocent and non-threatening to your craphole asshosiation.

[McClain]

As an unofficial asshole I think FS's comment was innocent and non-threatening to your craphole asshosiation.

Some people just can't take a hint. I'm sorry, but you're DENIED membership. Now please, spare yourself some dignity and leave us to our bureaucratic dealings.

[Terra]

Wow. It was a well placed post from Mock Wars to this one. Like a wire tap only with posts.

Good work. :)

[Anonymous]

Wow. It was a well placed post from Mock Wars to this one. Like a wire tap only with posts.

Good work. :)

Thank you. :)

[FartinMowler]

Some people just can't take a hint. I'm sorry, but you're DENIED membership. Now please, spare yourself some dignity and leave us to our bureaucratic dealings.

So...a group of lurkers commanded by a maniacal egomaniac is telling me that my unofficial plea for FS is in vain :/ What a dick >:

[Black Flag]

so when do i get to make some powerful and life-altering decisions?

[Terra]

Just as soon as you take that knife and slit your wrists. :)

[McClain]

...a group of lurkers commanded by a maniacal egomaniac is telling me that my unofficial plea for FS is in vain :/ What a dick >:

Lurkers? My my my, someone has completely missed the point. The basis of this establishment is recognize those of us who have been here a while and remain chaste of the high-speed, low-drag post lifestyle.
You are the perfect example. You've been posting on this board for barely over a year. In that year you have accumulated nearly 2400 posts. Because I can't recall a single post you've made, I can't say if they were quality contributions to the I-Mockery community. I can say that the best part of most members' posts are sheer drivel.

If you have taken offense to this thread, good. You are exactly who I was aiming for. Now can you please lobby elsewhere? Perhaps make a thread about poo-poo and post a picture of an angry cat.

As you can plainly see, we have bona fide business to cultivate.

[McClain]

so when do i get to make some powerful and life-altering decisions?

Black Flag, my AVLP colleague! Please feel free to exercise (invisible) bylaw 488.IIa,

"As an AVLP member, you may say and do what you please. Members may justify their actions by creating new bylaws. Arbitrary numbers may be assigned to lend credibility to the new instatement."

[punkgrrrlie10]

how 'bout it?

[McClain]

how 'bout it?

Welcome punkgrrrlie10 to the AVLP! We will await your position assignment from Black Flag.

Here, have an AVLP CHALLENGE COIN!

http://www.flampoo.com/images/asst/avlp/avlp_logo_trans.gif

[punkgrrrlie10]

STUFF!!

[Anonymous]

does this mean I actually have to read the board now?

[McClain]

You're the AVLP Chief of Shit. You don't have to do anything.

[McClain]

Counsel sspadowsky has moved to nominate Dole for the post of Minister of Wit.
I finalize this notion.

Former House Rep Dole is now Minister of Wit Dole.

http://www.flampoo.com/images/asst/avlp/avlp_grip.jpg

[carey]

I can post.


I can join clubs.

[Command Prompt]

:(

[Dole]

I would have been happier with Minister of Shit, Git, Twit, or even Clit, but I accept my mantle humbly.

[FS]

damn, Mad Max has ruined my chances of infiltrating this very, very serious and official organisation with his stealthy pasting skills, also he has forever stained my reputation with this board's social elite.

I think I'll go cry and join AChimp's League now.

[Carnivore]

I have carefully chosen which threads to reply to for all these years in anticipation of this moment!

I want in, baby!

[McClain]

Congratulations to Carnivore on your acceptance in to the AVLP! You are hereby appointed as Executive Asshole. This is the third-highest position attainable. (What the fuck took you so long, bitch?)

As the Executive Asshole (XA) it is your job, in conjunction with the President and Chief of Shit, to appoint and demote as you deem necessary. All the provisions of the president are contracted to the XA as well. Feel free to exploit your new command as soon as possible.

Your first official tasking is to determine the membership application status of the following two outsiders: Zomboid and Carey. Their fate as potential members is in your hands, XA.

The current AVLP status is as follows:

High Counsel (de facto) - Mockery
President - McClain
Chief of Shit - Doopa
Executive Asshole - Carnivore
Counsel - sspadowsky
Co-Counsel – Buffalo Tom
Security Shithead - VACANT
Chief Asshole - Dr. Boogie
Chancellor – Black Flag
Assbassador - Cosmo Electrolux
Minister of Wit - Dole
House Rep - Spooky
House Rep - Sethomas
Deputy Information Officer - ziggytrix
Deputy Information Officer - the_dudefather
Unofficial Preggo Mascot - Glowbelly

Members Pending Assignment:
punkgrrrlie10 - pending assignment from Black Flag

[Ihach]

oh man, i got screwed, approval pending from the one member who's never around

[McClain]

I WANT IN

DENIED

[McClain]

Counsel sspadowsky has moved to nominate punkgrrrlie10 for the post of Chief Counsel. This appointment hereby negates her pending post assignment from Chancellor Black Flag.
Counselor sspadowsky hereby assumes the role of co-Counsel alongside the venerable Buffalo Tom, however retains his position title.

I finalize this notion.

Congratulations to our new Chief Counsel punkgrrrlie10.

[McClain]

Due to some lateral movement inside the organization, Ihach’s approval for membership is now transferred to our Chief Counsel punkgrrrlie10.

Applicants awaiting approval:

Ihach - Approving Officer: punkgrrrlie10
CaptainBubba - Approving Officer: Dr. Boogie
Zomboid - Approving Officer: Carnivore
Carey - Approving Officer: Carnivore

[glowbelly]

please be advised that costume is growing and occassionally moves on its own accord

[Anonymous]

mad max is right about carnivore though. He's completely useless and basically somehow missed his thrashings as a newbie and has been led to believe that he's part of some sort of secret treehouse club where all the cool mockers hang out just because nobody pays attention to anything he says.


:lol

[McClain]

You're so smart Mad Max. I bet you didn't know that Carnivore and Helm are actually one in the same, did you? Do you know even what that means? Do you want a coo-kie?

Why must people such as you (denied membership) try to impede the progress of this establishment? Do you see our collective success as a threat? Prior to our establishment, whom were you projecting your fatalism toward?

Well, I’m standing up for my AVLP brethren. No longer will we idly ride the political pine while ignoramus' throw balls at our face. We’re now going to throw the ball back - perhaps under the bleachers where you can’t find it because the majority of you are lame and it would take you a while to locate the ball.

Mad Max, this indubitably spells DENIED for your acceptance. Please don't ask again.

[ziggytrix]

blah blah blah blah blah fucktard :lol

Fuck off and die or at least quit posting in huge font you obnoxious shitstain.

[McClain]

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Ref. Number: B62/756/4108
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to mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep your winning information confidential until your claims have been processed and your money remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants.
Allparticipants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn fromover20,000 company and 30,000,000 individual Email addresses and namesfromallover the world. This promotional program takes place every threeyears.Thislottery was promoted and sponsored by Presidents of the World Largestsoftware, we hope with part of your winning you will take part in ournext
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pleasecontact our FIDUCIAL Agent MR. MARK VAN BLAAZ,TO BELGIUM UNIQUE LOTTERYSOFTWARE INTERNATIONAL.
Tel: 0032-485-129-514,
EMAIL:infoblsoftwarei@netscape.net
Remember, all winning must be claimed not later than 27th of December, 2004.
After this date all unclaimed funds will be included in the next
stake.Please note in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications.Pleaseremember to quote your reference number and batch numbers in allcorrespondence. Furthermore, should there be any change of address doinformour agent as soon as possible. Congratulations once more from ourmembers ofstaff and thank you for being part of our promotional program.
Note: Anybody under the age of 18 is automatically disqualified.

Sincerelyyours,
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Lottery Coordinator.

[Esuohlim]

Mad Max, do you actually search through hundreds of old threads like some sort of Internet nerd?

[Black Flag]

well shit! i missed my window of oppurtunity didn't i![/i]

[Black Flag]

i stop italics before they can get started!

[Anonymous]

Mad Max, do you actually search through hundreds of old threads like some sort of Internet nerd?

No not all the time fucktard. :lol

[Esuohlim]

I made a post about a year ago about iSketch will you fetch it for me? :eek

[Anonymous]

No, I only get posts that are funny to the situation and that wouldn't qualify fucktard. :lol

[Esuohlim]

haha ok

[sadie]

i'm feeling very THREATENED by all of this. sincerely.

[Anonymous]

It's kind of sad that after almost two years, virtually all the members we've accrued through the phpBB board could be thrown in a fire for all I care.

This thread needs some funny 'laws' or other content to be added, otherwise it's just becoming a group masturbation session. Just thought you guys should know! This thread doesn't live to my pompous longwinded gasbag standards but I think with a little elbow grease we could really get something wonderful out of this!

[FartinMowler]

i really doubt that :/

[Anonymous]

:tear

[Ninjavenom]

I'd like to be in charge of Erotic Refreshments, despite the fact that i am a wee tot and have an obscene post count.

[McClain]

BREAKING NEWS

Chojin is dense.

[Dynamic Dustin M.]

::Looks around:: Hmmm... Well I followed the boards since '03 but was too damn lazy to join until '04... Oh well, approve me or deny me. Whatever happens, I will just end up smoking outside the meeting hall anyways.

[ItalianStereotype]

your denial should have been obvious before you even hit "post reply."

[Anonymous]

McClain, it has come to my attention that your club could use an official joke getter. I nominate Perndog for this position.

[Spooky]

i motion for a secret handshake

[Black Flag]

i motion for calling you a homo, as in-fighting is all the rage

[Command Prompt]

Okay fine I want in.

As a Canadian, I can offer you natural resources, electricity, a liberal attitude, an ineffective army and a poorly defended border! Plus you can boss me around and stuff!

[Command Prompt]

Okay fine I want in.

As a Canadian, I can offer you natural resources, electricity, a liberal attitude, an ineffective army and a poorly defended border! Plus you can boss me around and stuff, and I won't tattle on you to the UN!

[Command Prompt]

Plus I can't post properly! Ever!

[Dr. V]

I want in, I've been here long enough.

[Carnivore]

I'm afraid I've not been around much as I'm in the process of closing on a townhouse and I've been playing the World of WarCraft open beta entirely too much. Now on to AVLP matters!

Carey and Zomboid, eh? Let me start by asking exactly who the fuck Carey is? I've never heard of such a poster. I should summarily deny this application, but I'll be fair.

Link to five worthwhile posts you've made and I'll consider the matter further, Carey.

As for Zomboid, he's never really stood out in my mind. That means he's not excessively stupid like so many posters we see here, but it likewise means he's not exceedingly entertaining. Unfortunately, with the aforementioned closing looming on the horizon and another 24 hours at work starting later today, I cannot spend the time reviewing past contributions by Zomboid. I will delegate the processing of Zomboid's application to Spadowsky.

[ziggytrix]

That open beta was fun wasn't it.

Think you're going to shell out the $13-15/mo for a subscription tho? Or now that beta is over will you resume normal activity?

Please note, your response will be officially catalogued.

[sspadowsky]

As Carnivore is clearly busy dividing his time between video games and stealing the wallets of OD victims, I happily accept the task of reviewing Zomboid's posts.

I then happily delegate it to Black Flag.

[Black Flag]

and i say no, bitch!

[Rez]

hi.

significance may be a problem, but i've been here and fairly inoffensive.

[Dynamic Dustin M.]

(Takes a deep drag on his smoke.)

Significance? Ah damn... Oh well...

(Blows out the smoke and continues to sit outside the Meeting Hall.)

[Black Flag]

pretending to be doing something somewhere that doesn't exist is not cool

[sadie]

one good thing about all of this is that black flag's posting more.

[Dynamic Dustin M.]

pretending to be doing something somewhere that doesn't exist is not cool

So does joining the non-existant club make you cool?

Oh wait... I don't give a flying shit what you think is cool.

(Goes back to his smoking)

[Perndog]

I'd just like to say that I'm flattered to be mentioned in this thread even though I haven't bothered to post in it. And while I am happy to be called an elitist, I don't think I have the credentials for this esteemed organization.

I don't post very often these days, though. Maybe my high post count could be overlooked in light of current habits.

Oh, you were joking. Hahah. I get it.

[Zomboid]

and i say no, bitch!Bu...But we were both on the i-mock staff at the same time. That's gotta mean something :(

[Carnivore]

I'm going to overrule Black Flag on this and make you a probationary member. You will not be given an official title at this time. You will be a full member when I or someone of greater authority believes you have proven beyond any doubt that you are AVLP material.

[Rez]

i thought he was just saying no to the job assigned to him :(

[Black Flag]

I'm going to overrule Black Flag on this and make you a probationary member. You will not be given an official title at this time. You will be a full member when I or someone of greater authority believes you have proven beyond any doubt that you are AVLP material.

what the fuck, man! if i had any sort of ambition i'd totally make up some crazy ass rule forbidding that!

[Dynamic Dustin M.]

So... has my membership been denied?

[Black Flag]

yes

[Carnivore]

He was on the staff at the same time as you, Black Flag? Have you no heart, sir?

Actually, while I'm all for the summary dismissal of most applicants, this one has actually contributed something to I-Mockery and at least deserves consideration :/

[Anonymous]

This thread is so gay.

I'm getting hot.

[carey]

Carey and Zomboid, eh? Let me start by asking exactly who the fuck Carey is? I've never heard of such a poster. I should summarily deny this application, but I'll be fair.

Link to five worthwhile posts you've made and I'll consider the matter further, Carey.



let me start by saying hi to all from the EZboard days. I formerly posted there as bimskalabim. because of events of the past couple of years and a shift in my career focus, I had to go away for a long while. because of this, I have not made many posts at all in the new forums. but I have returned.

some of my EZboard era exploits were as follows-

-banging heads with kevin the herbivore on the political forum
-participating in the MockWarsII, making it to the finals but having to bail out because my partner, some stupid character by broverg, never seemed to show up and I was exhausted
-punking out heathermichele on her phlobotomy knowledge
-joining in on the severe thrashing that lenore took when she first joined the boards
and -posting a giant picture of HNICpantitude with a giant cock in his mouth

I also attended a little mockery party at broverg's and met in person- chojin, glowbelly, jaeger meisterson, protoclown, and some others(sorry I can't remember the real-name/screen-name associations, it was long ago).

here are some of the more memorable samples of graphic mocks where I squared off against the likes of roonting and a-chimp:

https://home.comcast.net/~careyflash/moku.gif

https://home.comcast.net/~careyflash/algreen.gif

https://home.comcast.net/~careyflash/jawachase.gif

https://home.comcast.net/~careyflash/chimnana.gif

https://home.comcast.net/~careyflash/TING.jpg


I'm sorry for posting so many gif's, I know it's a strain on dial up.
here's one more from the mockery party though

https://home.comcast.net/~careyflash/oopspants.jpg

if you don't personally remember any of this stuff, that's fine. I can just start all over again. but ask around, it was good times

[Helm]

I remember you. You were tons better than a lot of the people around currently, even if all your jokes are basically 'look! a p-p-penis!'

[Carnivore]

Consider yourself approved! Welcome to the AVLP!

[McClain]

Association of Veterans with Low Post
I-Mockery Division

Date: 17NOV04
To: AVLP Board Members, Chairmen, Committee Members, Staffers & Reps
From: AVLP President, McClain
Subj: Luke Warm Regards, A Finality

Dear AVLP Brethren,

I come before you all today, partially obscured with shame, partially obscured with conceit - the conceit that only someone as elite as myself could truly understand. I am here to announce that due to the improper handling of logistics and insider assets, the AVLP is forced to disperse.

Despite my unrelenting efforts and exceptional leadership ability, I must exercise my least appealing trait: Blame Shifting. I can’t tell you exactly which member was in charge of these particular issues, but I can tell you that someone (other than me) was responsible for delegating the responsibility to someone else. That obviously didn’t happen and now we’re in shambles.

But hold your head up high. You don’t need a customized membership card or title to be elite. It’s in our hearts, and more importantly, our super minds. As the great McClain once said, Forever we will remain, “From the inside looking out… and laughing.”

Please feel free to continue wearing the AVLP seal with pride. After all, pride was our exclusive trait.

Signed,
-McClain

[Lotida]

:lol

[carey]

oops! I think I killed the club :(


at least I had an excuse to throw out some good pecker pictures :)


never underestimate the power of a solid cock!

[sspadowsky]

Ah.... so beautiful, it's poetic.

McClain founds a truly worthwhile organization, heads it up for a brief time, blames others for its problems, and then abandons it. That's true leadership, baby. I am moved to tears.

McClain for President 2008

[ziggytrix]

I love ALVP because it's very existence threatens it's very existence. The harder members work on making a worthwhile organization, the less Low our Postcounts would become.

Something so inherently self destructive should be cherished and adored, not abandoned you slackers!

[Rez]

yeah ok fine but...

would i have gotten in?

[Spooky]

looks like we need a new chairman guys

[glowbelly]

mcclain:

just because you disbanded this little group doesn't mean i can just "get rid" of my "costume."

>:

[Spooky]

glow's kid for avlp president plz

[carey]

glow's kid for avlp president plz

I'd pay a bag of peanut m&m's to see that happen

[Carnivore]

AVLP will always live deep down in our hearts where we know we'll always be better than everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Not if I lock the thread, though! :picklehat

[Spooky]

chojin one more outburst and ill assume control of the association and nobody wants that :)

[Carnivore]

You can lock the thread, but you can't lock up that feeling of superiority! It comes from inside you and you can't lock up something that comes from inside!

[McClain]

With the high merit of my intrinsic command skills, I can only issue one more invisible addendum to the AVLP bylaws.

VIII. I hereby decree that High Counsel preserve this genius farce in Thread Backups so that AVLP awesomeness may thrive and newbie idiots might ascertain how awesome AVLP members are and how the newbies will never be able to achieve the aforesaid awesomeness. We accomplished many great things and will carry our astute wit wit us.

Let it be known the definitive status of our association preceding disestablishment:

President - McClain
Chief of Shit - Doopa
Executive Asshole - Carnivore
Chief Counsel - punkgrrrlie10
Counsel - sspadowsky
Co-Counsel – Buffalo Tom
Security Shithead - VACANT
Chief Asshole - Dr. Boogie
Chancellor – Black Flag
Assbassador - Cosmo Electrolux
Minister of Wit - Dole
House Rep - Spooky
House Rep - Sethomas
Deputy Information Officer - ziggytrix
Deputy Information Officer - the_dudefather

Generic Member - Zomboid
Generic Member - Carey
De Facto Member - ItalianSterotype
Unofficial Preggo Mascot - Glowbelly

http://www.flampoo.com/images/asst/avlp/avlp_logo_trans.gif

Because we're fuckin' vets, that's why.

[Miss Modular]

Can I just be a "Generic Member"?

[Ihach]

of course this dies before i can even get approval, its the damn administrative process

[punkgrrrlie10]

Dammit who was the secretary? I need something faxed.

[Dr. V]

I must join! Don't ignore my pleas, please!