For all you people who wanted to AIM this girl...

[The One and Only...]

Removed.

[Perndog]

Man, I would have started ignoring her just after seeing that screen name.

[The One and Only...]

Good for you. If I had a cookie, I would give it to you.

Now, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM!!!

[adept_ninja]

Haha see what I mean? Now you will get revenge because for a week people will bug the shit outta her. then move on to somthing new :/

[GADZOOKS]

I bet OAO made up that name so he can see what the people at I-mockery really think about him

[McMock]

What if we ask her all kinds of embarassing details about you? Do we post the conversations here as well?

[Dole]

sdole: hi there....so you travel on buses I hear?
Marizzle10: wtf? who is this?
sdole: I am a friend of the boy you love.
Marizzle: is this jake?
sdole: no, not jake...aren't you in love with some nerdy fencing kid at your school? The fat nazi?
Marizzle10: fuck off jake
sdole: he lurves you very much
sdole: that is if you actually exist
Marizzle10: oh HIM. No, unfortunately I dont actually exist. I am an invention of his designed to elicit sympathy from anonymous message board posters.
sdole: so...if you dont exist, I presume this conversation isn't actually happening?
Marizzle10: That's right. This is actually your poor attempt at humour during a boring lunch hour.
sdole: so this is a fictional conversation between myself and...myself?
Marizzle10: Thats right. I would abandon it right now if I was you, as at this point there is no obvious punchline to end it with.
sdole: good plan. laterz
Marizzle10: Cheerio
**sdole signed off at 14:30**

[pjalne]

Wait, is that OAO?

[Helm]

dole talking with dole while dole makes a joke

[FS]

It's all made up by Dole, if I'm not mistaken.

But I'll get to the bottom of this:


Marizzle10: Greetings junsdierkens! Let's talk a while! Would you like to talk about 1) current events 2) the weather 3) sports 4) love 5) movies?
junsdierkens: 4
Marizzle10: You'd like to talk about love! Well let's get started!
junsdierkens: I... I saw you in the bus this morning.
Marizzle10: You saw I in the bus this morning! How interesting!
junsdierkens: You were wearing that green t-shirt.
Marizzle10: I were wearing that green t-shirt? Really?
junsdierkens: Tell me, do you... do you love me?
Marizzle10: Hmmm, I don't know, you tell me!
junsdierkens: Well, I know I love you.
Marizzle10: You know I love I! How interesting! Aww, thank you!
junsdierkens: And... do you?
Marizzle10: And... do I? Well I don't know!
junsdierkens: I love you!
Marizzle10: I love I? Really?
junsdierkens: DAMN YOU STOP PLAYING WITH MY FEELINGS
Marizzle10: You don't have to shout! I can hear you just fine!
junsdierkens: I'll kill myself if you don't love me
Marizzle10: Would you like to talk about 1) current events 2) the weather 3) sports 4) love 5) movies?
junsdierkens: I'll throw myself on my fencing sword or whatever
Marizzle10: Would you like to talk about 1) current events 2) the weather 3) sports 4) love 5) movies?
junsdierkens: It'll probably just break but I DON'T CARE
Marizzle10: It'll probably just break Really? You don't have to shout! I can hear you just fine! How interesting!
junsdierkens: FUCK YOU! YOU DON'T CARE!!
Marizzle10: I don't like bad language! You don't have to shout! I can hear you just fine! Really?

Previous message I don't like bad language! You don't have to shout! I can hear you just fine! Really? was not received by user junsdierkens because: user is not online.

[McMock]

That was funny. Well done, FS.

[MetalMilitia]

damn i want to join in the fun. Anyone know a good 3rd party AIM client so i dont have to put gAyOL IM on my PC.

[The One and Only...]

Christ, I'm not that much of a nerd.

This is a real person. You guys wanted the s/n, so I gave it to you.

[The One and Only...]

And I'm not suicidal over this. Where did you even get that?

[The One and Only...]

DAMN YOU ROG, FOR NOT FIXING THE EDIT FEATURE!!!

Sorry guys, I've been on AIM too much lately, so I'm a little out of touch with posting everything I need to say in a single message.

Anyway, some things to bring up if you want to spice up the discussion:

1. Ask her if she saved my sexual fantasy so that you can read it.
2. Tell her that you and her ain't nothing but mammals and you want to do it like they do on the DISCOVERY CHANNEL!!!
3. Post the lyrics to Splash Waterfalls immediately afterward.
4. Ask for a copy of the CD from her friend Cortney.
5. Tell her to stop staring at you.
6. Tell her that your boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever is going to beat her up.
7. Tell her to wear that sexy skirt and pink top on Monday.
8. Tell her that I miss the sound of her voice :( .
9. Get her to join I-Mockery and duke it out in the Mock Wars.
10. Link to this thread, so that she knows I'm responsible for all of this.

Oh yeah... and Marissa, inevitably you're eventually going to see this, so yeah, it's Jack. But seriously, will you tell these guys I'm not fat anymore? I mean, damn. Give me some credit where it is due. I may suck with women, but at least I'm not a fat ass.

[kellychaos]

Enough. Do you hear me?!

[Perndog]

I am Jack's righteous indignance.

[AChimp]

After writing that list, you should seriously consider becoming suicidal, OAO. :lol

[Anonymous]

You and Marissa deserve each other, Jack.:lol

[The One and Only...]

Removed.

[Jixby Phillips]

lol

[Jixby Phillips]

Playing Strip Twister

Leave it.Or call if you wanna join

Highlight This:Even if you can't see Him, God is always with you, and if you believe this, put this in your profile.

Tell me again that we will be Lovers and Friends

"Take chances.Tell the truth.Date someone totally wrong for you.Say no.Spend all your cash.Fall in love.Get to kno someone random.Be random.Say I love you.Sing out loud. Laugh at a stupid joke.Cry. Apologize.Tell someone how much they mean to you.Laugh til your stomach hurts.Live life.And most of all,have no regrets."

Thats so fetch!!

(\ /)
(O.o) Copy Stew the bunny into your profile
(> <)

[nothing4buddha]

jesus, get over it OAO

[MetalMilitia]

OAO: my god, are all the girls you know completely retarded?

best bits:

Cortneigh23: ive gotten in troble for it too
Cortneigh23: thanks
OAO3405: Uh huh.
OAO3405: I bet.
Cortneigh23: i seriously have ask ne one'


OAO3405: Did she really break up w/ her boyfriend?
Cortneigh23: yeah
OAO3405: Oh.
Cortneigh23: he started following her too much jus like you

Great relationship they must have had. :rolleyes


Cortneigh23: ur a loser u suck ur own 7.5 inch pepe and has no fariend leave me and my friend alone

[Helm]

damn i want to join in the fun. Anyone know a good 3rd party AIM client so i dont have to put gAyOL IM on my PC.

...because the other two people that posted their logs actually used aol, right?

[MetalMilitia]

I dont want any AOL products on my pc as a matter of principal.
I realise AIM does not require a subscription to AOL.

[Jixby Phillips]

u fag :lol

[GADZOOKS]

I dont want any AOL products on my pc as a matter of principal.
I realise AIM does not require a subscription to AOL.

I bet it's the "America" part.

[The One and Only...]

I am over this. I just want to see how hilarious you guys can make the situation.

The really funny thing is, these girls tell me to leave me alone, but I'm not the one who ends up calling them. They call me, damn it!

[The One and Only...]

OAO: my god, are all the girls you know completely retarded?

Nah.

For example, I've met some girls through these two that aren't like that.

Also, I know a couple of junior girls who aren't insane either.

An example of a conversation with one of them.

Me: "So what are you doing this weekend? Going out with your boyfriend?"
Her: "No, I don't have a boyfriend."
Me: "You still don't have a boyfriend? I'm suprised."
Her: "Why?"
Me: "Because you're a pretty attractive girl."
Her: "Aw, thanks Jack."

Now, see, that's a simple, easy way to let a guy down. She obviously could tell where I was going, so she cut me off before I could get there.

[FS]

The really funny thing is, these girls tell me to leave me alone, but I'm not the one who ends up calling them. They call me, damn it!

To tell you to leave them alone?

[MetalMilitia]

Me: "So what are you doing this weekend? Going out with your boyfriend?"
Her: "No, I don't have a boyfriend."
Me: "You still don't have a boyfriend? I'm suprised."
Her: "Why?"
Me: "Because you're a pretty attractive girl."
Her: "Aw, thanks Jack."



wow, your smooth OAO. (:lol )

[McMock]

Man, you're REALLY bad at reading people, you know that? God damn!

[Helm]

Idiot. These were made up discussions so if you wanted to 'join in the fun' all you had to do would be to post your own made-up discussion. No AOL or AIM needed. Do you even read the other posts in a thread before you rush for the reply button?

[The One and Only...]

FS - No, they just bug me when they call me.

Basically, the whole thing follows a generic pattern. Marissa calls me or AIMs me and tell me to do something, promising something in return. Then, I, enjoying the hilarity of the situation, do it. Following this, Marissa calls me a loser, etc., and says that she was just joking. Then, I talk to her friend and her friend on AIM for a while, who eventually block me. Of course, the blocks are only temporary.

For example, yesterday Marissa called me so that I would tell her my sexual fantasy over the phone. I, like an Altzheimer's patient, do it after making her ask several times over. Then, after telling her twice (because the first time, I left out the oral sex part so she made me retell it all over again), she tells me "you're gross," etc. So, after she hangs up, I talk to Cortney online. Then, today, I AIM Cortney and she eventually blocks me. Now supposedly, the police are going to call me later today, so it might be that Marissa gets her male friends on the phone (the police) and calls me later tonight. Eventually, like always, I'll be unblocked again. Rinse, wash, repeat, at least until they get bored with me.

MM - Fuck you.

McMock - What the hell do you mean by that? I already know I don't have a chance in hell with Marissa. If you're talking about the other girl and think that I have a chance with her, well, it's possible, and honestly she's way more worth pursuing. She's definitely pretty, with long, sculpted legs and a pleasing, heart-shaped face. More importantly, she's mature, and yet takes life easy at the same time. She's actually rather comforting to be around. But I think I'm going on a tangent...

Helm - Duh. I know that the discussions posted by other people were made up. I was talking about joining in on the fun with me, in other words actually having conversations with these people.

[McMock]

OAO: when metalmilitia asked you if all the girls you knew were retarded you answered by giving examples of girls that you knew and that weren't retarded, as if he was being serious and needed to see proof. That struck me as a really strange answer but it's really none of my business. If that makes you happy then so be it.

[AChimp]

You're such a fag, OAO. Justify it as "enjoying the hilarity" all you want. You are still a huge fag.

[The One and Only...]

Chimp, I know you find me irresistable, but I just don't swing that way. You're just going to have to deal. >:

[Perndog]

More importantly, [a female high school junior] is mature

:lol[/quote]

[FS]

Christ, are you really comfortable in this situation? If you had any self-respect or maybe sense of reality, you'd ignore all of these girls that are just poking fun at a socially inept schoolmate. I don't know if you actually think you're somehow the puppet master in this spectacle, or you're just making your own descent into Stalkerville appear more harmless than it is, but neither is healthy.

These girls you talk about obviously don't respect you and seemingly don't like you. When someone keeps telling you how gross you are and that they want you to stay away from them, then turn around and call you up, they're baiting you. They're not struggling with their animal desires for your hot and gigantic manrod. What they probably want is for you to take things one step too far so they'll have an excuse to have their boyfriends beat you up or even call the actual cops on you and get you kicked from school or something. There's not many people more cruel than schoolmates.

The way you keep trying to justify your situation on here comes across as pretty desperate.

[AChimp]

FatSatan is more verbose than I, but his post can be summed up by the one I made above. :lol

[Jixby Phillips]

[center:589ff5de09]Resident Chimp
http://members.shaw.ca/achimp/chimp.gif[/center:589ff5de09]

[Jixby Phillips]

Location: The Jungles of Borneo

[AChimp]

:rave

[Jixby Phillips]

i have more posts than you f*ck you

[The One and Only...]

FS - You just don't get it, do you?

I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life sucks, life has always sucked, life will always suck while I am in highschool. Quite frankly, I would enjoy a little scrap anyway. At the very least, it would disrupt the monotonous nature of my life.

[MetalMilitia]

You just dont get it. You should care. These girls are just fucking with you and are actually allowing them to do it. You should have told them to go fuck themselves ages ago, atleast then they might not think you are a complete fag who will put up with their shit all the time.

[Perndog]

FS - You just don't get it, do you?

I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life sucks, life has always sucked, life will always suck while I am in highschool. Quite frankly, I would enjoy a little scrap anyway. At the very least, it would disrupt the monotonous nature of my life.

:boo

[Perndog]

DAMN IT.

I meant: :boohoo

The point, Jack, is that you are the loser in this scenario, in every imaginable way, in our eyes, and in the eyes of all of the stupid girls you keep mentioning.

[The One and Only...]

I did tell them to fuck off a while ago. Every once in a while, I still do. Didn't do much good, I guess.

I seriously need to stop caring. I'm in high school. What the hell does any of this matter? It doesn't. I need to talk to more people; get out more. In any case, I drastically need to change my life as it stands, because right now, it is shit.

[Anonymous]

FS - You just don't get it, do you?

I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I seriously need to stop caring.

[The One and Only...]

You know something? I feel like venting, and I'm going to use this board to do it.

My problem lies at the root. I can't understand myself. I look at this objectively, logically: this girl is completely unattracted to me, completely wrong for me, and probably unable to hold a serious intellectual conversation. And yet, in spite of that, I can't help but fall for her like a brick.

And I don't know why.

I always thought I'd retain control over my feelings. I shouldn't be breaking apart at the seams for a bitch like this. How can I possibly feel this way about someone who treats me like I'm a fucking human trashbag? How can I feel this way about someone like her when there are so many other girls that I might actually have a chance with, that don't treat me like shit, that are at least as or more physically attractive... that have more of the qualities that I think I want to find in someone?

How the hell can I love someone so hopelessly? How the fuck does it happen?

When I sit back and reflect on my life... when I reflect on the past... I remember the moment when I promised myself that I would be nothing but logical. That anything else, ANYTHING ELSE, was inexcusable. But that is hollow, for what is logic used for without put in the context of desire? The key, I later realized, is molding desire so that it is easily attainable; that is the way to achieve contentment.

Or so I thought. I would discover that desire cannot be molded, only eroded with the passage of time. And so I embraced desire, with logic simply being the tool employed to attain it.

Yet, now I think again. I cannot allow myself to want this girl. It is not only difficult; it is impossible to live through. And so, I face my inner feelings, and, once again, build a wall - I build a dam even higher, waiting yet again for the inevitable flood.

My thoughts always bring me back to the same thing: I cannot change what I desire, I can only try to contain it. However, I must control what I desire, for I never want what I can have. A never-ending paradox of pain.

This is far beyond any girl in my life; she merely brings it to the forefront. I always desire that which I cannot find - a society of those who embrace agnosticism as the true path; the growth of a libertarian culture; a way to escape the natural limitations of a single individual; a way to truly be not only an individual, but independent of everything so as to escape that which my emotions are tied to.

What is it in my psyche that screws me over? Why can't I simply accept life and be happy? What masochistic element of my mind possesses me? And how can I rid myself of it? That is all I want to know. I'm tired of being trapped in the mires of my own mind.

I remember when I contemplated the knife, so many years ago... it was the only way I thought I could find the answer. Yet the knife will never tell me the truth. I must discover the truth in life. That is the burden which I must carry.

I think that my poem summarizes my thoughts concisely:

Mirror

Look into the other side
Hatred growing with the gaze
See only the flaws you carry
The trappings you cannot raze
Impossible to become what you desire
Impossible to escape shackles of man
Blood falls with the newborn shards
As serrated as dreams of lambs.

...And while I'm sure that I will get no sympathy on this board, I knew that I needed to express myself. So, if you're going to flame me, go fuck yourself.

[The One and Only...]

Thanks for taking things out of context, Boogie.

I don't care about what happens to me in my school life, because it can't really get much worse.

What I do need to stop caring about is this girl.

[Perndog]

Fag.

[The One and Only...]

Fag.

Fuck you, you worthless pile of dogshit.

[Rongi]

Fag.

[Drev]

douchebag >:

[GADZOOKS]

Look into the other side
Hatred growing with the gaze
See only the flaws you carry
The trappings you cannot raze
Impossible to become what you desire
Impossible to escape shackles of man
Blood falls with the newborn shards
As serrated as dreams of lambs.


:lol :lol

[The One and Only...]

Fuck you, you worthless pile of dogshit.

[GADZOOKS]

You should make a musical video for that poem, and its just one frame.

http://www.familybicycle.com/father-helping-girl-on-bike.gif

[MetalMilitia]

what do lambs dream about? i would think it would be nice things like milk and grass?

[Helm]

My last post wasn't directed at you, OAO, but MetalMilitia. But you're just as much of an idiot for not understanding that on your own, and for other, more apparent reasons.

[Anonymous]

I remember when I contemplated the knife, so many years ago... it was the only way I thought I could find the answer. Yet the knife will never tell me the truth. I must discover the truth in life. That is the burden which I must carry.
Probably the best line from that, but come on, people. This is hilarious.

The whole point of this site is to laugh at people and their revelations, stances, hopes, dreams, and situations. Don't feel guilty about enjoying this thread a millionth as much as I do. :lol

[Helm]

ok mad max

[Anonymous]

I said the point of the site was to laugh at people and their works, since it's based around the word 'mockery.' That isn't the all-encompassing point of the forum, but it does draw somewhat from the site it's connected to.

What M&M does is stage repetitive, pointless, and humorless attacks on anyone that will listen to him, then through in a laughing emoticon for seasoning. What I do is stage sporadic, inspired, and hilarious attacks on anyone that deserves it.

Then I suck my own dick on that same forum, move some threads to mock wars, ban someone, and call it a day.

[sadie]

you left out the part about hanging out with your UNDERLINGS. :lol

[Helm]

Yeah I'm just fucking with you. Pretend there's no 'with' in that sentence.

[The One and Only...]

I think Chojin has a point. Do you honestly believe I post on I-Mock for sympathy? No. That would be pointless.

[AChimp]

Of course. You're just a sucker for punishment.

[Helm]

Which explains why you keep going back to these girls for more of the humiliation that you crave so much. I bet you deliberately lose at fencing and leave yourself open for the strikes that hurt the most, too.

Fag.

[MetalMilitia]

this is my favourite thread.

[adept_ninja]

Im gonna give him some credit that he does deserve

OAO3405: I masturbate to bukkake.
Cortneigh23: bukkake?
OAO3405: Don't know, don't ask.

That made me giggle :)

[The One and Only...]

Of course. You're just a sucker for punishment.

Nah. Possibly on the subconscious level, which apparently is conflicting with my conscious mind.

And don't you think there are better ways to inflict pain that fencing? I mean, granted, it really sucks if your blade snaps and comes back up through your mask, piercing your windpipe, but those kinds of things are pretty rare.

[The One and Only...]

^That last part being addressed to Helm, obviously.

[HickMan]

Around.watching 7th heaven and doing homework.
call the house or jus leave it for whenever i get back

ArOuNd.
watching t.v and doing homework.
call the house or jus leave it.




These are some of the best away messages I've ever seen! Good golly miss molly don't let this one go, OAO!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for taking things out of context, Boogie.

I don't care about what happens to me in my school life, because it can't really get much worse.

What I do need to stop caring about is this girl.

Allow me to put things into context for you, Jack:

You don't care about your school life. This girl you're obsessed with is someone you encounter at school almost everyday, thus putting her into your school life.


Still, I do agree with you that your current roster of personality defects does put your school life pretty low.

[Emu]

I wonder how much longer God will allow this high school drama to continue. :(

[EisigerBiskuit]

Damn, she wasn't on.

EisigerBiskuit: Increase your penis size today!
EisigerBiskuit: No seriously!
EisigerBiskuit: It's not that hard
EisigerBiskuit: No penis? No problem! For $5.00 more we'll include a brochure for plastic surgeons in US/Canadian Providences
EisigerBiskuit: That's right you fucking bitch, live your cockless life! :-(

[The One and Only...]

lol.

My life feels hollow now. :(

[MetalMilitia]

Damn, she wasn't on.

EisigerBiskuit: Increase your penis size today!
EisigerBiskuit: No seriously!
EisigerBiskuit: It's not that hard
EisigerBiskuit: No penis? No problem! For $5.00 more we'll include a brochure for plastic surgeons in US/Canadian Providences
EisigerBiskuit: That's right you fucking bitch, live your cockless life! :-(

I was going to do...

"greetings, i am a nigerian businesman and i need you to send me money"

"no"

"well, would you like a bigger penis?"

Mabey one day i will install aim.. *sigh*

[The One and Only...]

Then install it, dumbass.

There are third party services out there, you know. Try looking for one.

Christ, you'd think that you were the one with the shitty life as much time as you spend bitching. GET OFF A MY TERRITORY!!! I LOVES TEH CAPS LOCK !!!!11!!!1!!1!1!1one!!one!

[MetalMilitia]

There are third party services out there, you know. Try looking for one.

I have one downloaded on my desktop. i just cannot be bothered to sign up for an account atm.

[Jixby Phillips]

I was going to do...

"greetings, i am a nigerian businesman and i need you to send me money"

"no"

"well, would you like a bigger penis?"

Mabey one day i will install aim.. *sigh*

thats HILARIOUS

[FS]

You truly missed your calling, OAO. You'd make a great goth.

You should run for goth president.

[Terra]

And you could be his asshole running mate, Igor.

[FS]

Stick to making inept jibes when it at least makes sense to do so.

[Anonymous]

She's trying to take back her wounded ego

[The One and Only...]

You truly missed your calling, OAO. You'd make a great goth.

You should run for goth president.

Goths suck. Stupid attention whores.

[kellychaos]

So do beta-group pedophile inmates.

[mischief]

and this thread

[The One and Only...]

Anyway...

It's looks like this girl has put me on a permanent block, so at least I won't have to put up with any more shit.

Hoo-ray for me. If there is a God out there, he must have decided that it's time for me to move on, and recognized that I can't have much contact with her if it's going to be easy.

There are other girls out there. I just need to keep my eyes open for them. Even a blind gimp with only one arm and a shotgun will hit a fish in the ocean as long as he keeps shooting. He's just got to make sure that he doesn't give up after missing one.

My feelings will fade. My unintelligible depression will end. This girl was entirely wrong for me, anyway; even if I got a few dates, I'm sure I would have left the relationship with as much enthusiasm as I would have entered it.

And so, I search. And once I sense a target, I'll fire again.

[mischief]

you're going to look back on this someday and feel even more sorry for yourself

[The One and Only...]

Ironically, immediately after posting this, I receive a message from her.

[Emu]

Grab her tit, squeeze it, and run. You'll never regret it.*



*well, maybe not never

[MetalMilitia]

Anyway...

It's looks like this girl has put me on a permanent block, so at least I won't have to put up with any more shit.

Hoo-ray for me. If there is a God out there, he must have decided that it's time for me to move on, and recognized that I can't have much contact with her if it's going to be easy.

There are other girls out there. I just need to keep my eyes open for them. Even a blind gimp with only one arm and a shotgun will hit a fish in the ocean as long as he keeps shooting. He's just got to make sure that he doesn't give up after missing one.

My feelings will fade. My unintelligible depression will end. This girl was entirely wrong for me, anyway; even if I got a few dates, I'm sure I would have left the relationship with as much enthusiasm as I would have entered it.

And so, I search. And once I sense a target, I'll fire again.

Haveing been in a kind of similar situation (minus most of the wierdness) the advice i would give is to try not to think about her too much and occupy yourself with stuff like college work or .. i dunno... fenceing or whatever your hobbies may be.
Use this as an excuse to change your life for the better and stop bieng such a fag.

Either that or go on a killing spree with a TEC9 and home made pipe bombs. : /

[AChimp]

Agreed. Bury yourself in work, but not stupid crap like proving why capitalism is wrong. That is useless and boring and a waste of time.

[The One and Only...]

Proving why capitalism is wrong?

When have I EVER done that?

[AChimp]

I should have said "current system of capitalism."

[Anonymous]

You truly missed your calling, OAO. You'd make a great goth.

You should run for goth president.

Goths suck. Stupid attention whores.

Part of the reason people quote someone and then put the laughing emoticon is because Rog hasn't figured out how to make a really good "irony" emoticon. That said...

:lol

[The One and Only...]

Nice try, but I'm not trying to get attention from you assholes. I just use this as a way to vent.

If you're talking about getting attention in real life, it runs a little deeper than that. Everybody needs a girl/guy/whatever sooner or later. Wanting one doesn't make me an attention whore by any means.

[Perndog]

Oh, and the blind gimp shooting randomly in the ocean is obviously only going to hit the fattest, slowest, fish out there that doesn't have to worry about swimming away from danger because it's so ugly and disgusting that no other fish or fisherman wants to eat it.

So good luck with that one, buddy!

[Anonymous]

Nice try, but I'm not trying to get attention from you assholes. I just use this as a way to vent.

You see, I was actually hoping that you would use the "I'm not looking for attention/I don't care what you guys think" move, and then I would reference your penis thread, but now that you've actually said that, I really don't feel like going back through the forum to find it just to make you look like a bigger tool (no pun intended).

[AChimp]

If you're talking about getting attention in real life, it runs a little deeper than that. Everybody needs a girl/guy/whatever sooner or later. Wanting one doesn't make me an attention whore by any means.
Immature.

You'll never be happy in a relationship if you can't be happy by yourself first. :|

[Anonymous]

Listen to him, OAO. He's a master when it comes to these things.

[Anonymous]

OAO IS A FUCKING LOSER FUCKTARD! :lol

[Zhukov]

Oh, and the blind gimp shooting randomly in the ocean is obviously only going to hit the fattest, slowest, fish out there that doesn't have to worry about swimming away from danger because it's so ugly and disgusting that no other fish or fisherman wants to eat it.

So good luck with that one, buddy!

:lol


My advice, Jack, is to give up that libertarian shit. I don't think there is any real advice that will stop you being embarrassed about this whole fiasco.

[AChimp]

Listen to him, OAO. He's a master when it comes to these things.
DAMN STRAIGHT. :picklehat

[Perndog]

Ditto what Chojin said.

Stupid simian.

[AChimp]

I knew enough to correctly predict that you weren't special like you thought you were. :)

[The One and Only...]

You see, I was actually hoping that you would use the "I'm not looking for attention/I don't care what you guys think" move, and then I would reference your penis thread, but now that you've actually said that, I really don't feel like going back through the forum to find it just to make you look like a bigger tool (no pun intended).

Actually, I made the penis thread because I was looking for serious advice and information. It wasn't to get attention.

AChimp... the whole feeling of not being able to comprehend myself has kind of faded, and I realize that on some level, we can never understand ourselves. As for unattainable desires, like libertarian dreams, etc., I'll just have to deal with them.

As far as libertarianism goes, I'm not so sure I can technically be called a libertarian anymore. I'm leaning more towards believing that societies needs to be structured based on certain variable conditions that change with the passage of time. I think that, in many instances, our society would benefit from being more libertarian, but I sincerely doubt that a fully libertarian government could sustain itself in the world's present state of affairs.

[AChimp]

Good, as long as you realize that snagging a girlfriend won't make all your problems magically go away.

[MetalMilitia]

aww OAOs back to his old self. :)

:alls well that ends well

now if we can just convince him his political theories are boring and shitty all will be right with the forum.

[Jixby Phillips]

Taking a nap.
jus leave it

At night when I think you could be holding me tight I realize that I made the worst decision of my life....

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend....

Thats so fetch!

Cortney It'll be okay I PROMISE!

I put your picture away I swear I've changed my ways....

THE AVERAGE PENIS IS AT ITS PEAK LENGTH AND GIRTH AT 14.9 YEARS.
- SUE JOHANSON

[Perndog]

I knew enough to correctly predict that you weren't special like you thought you were. :)

I am special.

Especially going to rape you.

[HickMan]

THE DUDE 3936: hello
Marizzle10: hello whos this
THE DUDE 3936: your lover
Marizzle10: bubye
Marizzle10 signed off at 6:48:42 PM.

[AChimp]

Especially going to rape you.
Tee hee!

[The One and Only...]

Yeah, she seems to just be immediately blocking people she doesn't know.

She must have realized that I'm not The Dude, considering that I was away from the computer at the time and online.

[FartinMowler]

:rolleyes :rolleyes :rolleyes shut up and poke yourself in the eye with your penis.

[adept_ninja]

If your still looking for a third party thing metal try trillion

[The One and Only...]

Yeah, I know someone who uses it. He says it's awesome.

OAO3405: I would try to speak with you, but then I'd be breaking my promise to you. I'm sorry I'm having such a hard time giving up on you. I don't even expect you to say anything back.
Marizzle10: great
OAO3405: I wish you could tell me how I fell for you.
Marizzle10: great
OAO3405: I still miss you. I can't help it.
Marizzle10: great
OAO3405: How is that great?
Marizzle10: great
Marizzle10: any other quesitons
OAO3405: Why do you keep on saying great?
Marizzle10: cuz i wanna
OAO3405: I don't what to do anymore. I don't know what it is I want to say.
OAO3405: I just love you. You can't hate me for that.
Marizzle10: you dont even know what that means
OAO3405: Don't know what what means?
Marizzle10: love
OAO3405: You say I don't, but I do. I know the difference between like and love.
Marizzle10: i bet you do
OAO3405: You aren't the first girl I've felt that way about. I tried to get a girl for three years. Three years, and I still tried despite the fact that I knew that I had no chance. I'm not going to try that with you, because I know that there is no point. I'm just going to try to move on. But what I'm trying to say is, what would you call that feeling?
Marizzle10: nevermind
Marizzle10: who else you liked
OAO3405: It doesn't matter. That was years ago. I try to leave the past in the past; I want to look at the present.
Marizzle10: aight
OAO3405: Right now... you're just the only person I can see that way. That's what matters.
Marizzle10: okay
OAO3405: Who is this: *SN withheld*
Marizzle10: my friend tay tay
OAO3405: Ok.
Marizzle10: why
OAO3405: She just IMed me.
Marizzle10: okay
OAO3405: Boo boo?
Marizzle10 is away at 8:16:02 PM.

...Boo Boo is what the other person called me.

[AChimp]

STOP TALKING TO HER.

[The One and Only...]

DAMN IT CHIMP, SCREW YOU AND YOUR LOGIC! >:

Seriously, I will be unable to talk to her for the next four, maybe five days. I think that will do me some good.

[Emu]

Just stop talking to her at all.

[The One and Only...]

What did you think I meant that forced 4-5 days would help with? By the end of it, I should be used to going without talking to her.

[Schimid]

OAO, I'm gonna be the nice guy here and tell you that I've been in your shoes. I don't know the circumstances or the pomps but I can tell you that no matter the situation, it'll end up badly. I bagged the girl I was kinda going after (though I wasn't as persistent as you) and we went out for nine months.

I found out later that she was sending letters to her ex saying "I STILL LOVE YOU, LET'S GET BACK TOGETHER" and keeping a box with stuff he gave her under her bed.

So, the moral is, you'll never be happy. So stop trying, it's pissing people off.

[The One and Only...]

It's not quite that bad for me.

I wanted to think I didn't understand why I feel this way, but I really do. I made this reality for myself.

Ever since my feelings for my first love faded away, I felt like a little piece of me had been missing. I wanted it back.

Granted, there had always been a little spark of attraction for her, but there are a lot of pretty girls out there. What happened was, after the initial teasing that left me thinking that she wanted me, I think I just decided that this was the perfect time to renew that feeling and I fabricated it. I didn't let myself realize what I was doing at the time, but I'm sure that's what happened.

It's just a matter of unraveling that construction.

[Immortal Goat]

OAO, I don't like you, but I feel bad for you. I don't know why, because quite frankly, you are a pompous asshole. At least, you used to be. Right now, you just seem like a pathetic loser wallowing in his own self pity. I will bother those girls on AIM, but only because I like being entertained by lesser beings, and by your descriptions, they are just that. But seriously, it seems to me that Chimp's advice, whether you like it or not, is the best thing for you. Just get over her. You'll find someone someday. Just don't be stupid about it and you won't get fooled again.

[The One and Only...]

I really don't care whether you do or don't. My rage has been exhausted, and if you do, you'll just be blocked immediately after talking to them. Plus, she can't be mad at me for you IM her, because, quite frankly, she said she didn't care if I gave all you guys her s/n.

Anyway... this is probably the wierdest thing I've ever seen...

Marizzle10: hey sugar plum...how are u?

Auto response from OAO3405: Check back around 9:30 or call the cell (664-7056).

Marizzle10 signed on at 9:21:52 PM.
OAO3405: I've seen better days, but I'm not doing bad.
OAO3405: How are you?
Marizzle10 signed off at 9:33:49 PM.

Who asks how you are, then after you tell them, immediately signs off?

[GADZOOKS]

She's TEASING YOU.

In all honesty OAO, the only way this problem is going to solve itself is if you kill yourself or you kill her, honestly.

[AChimp]

SOMEONE WHO IS FUCKING WITH YOU. JESUS CHRIST. STOP TALKING TO HER AND BLOCK HER FUCKING S/N.

[The One and Only...]

Whatever. It just doesn't matter.

Her friend (Cortney) already has put me on perma-block. She must have gotten tired of being put in the middle of it all the time.

[Emu]

Someone who's trying to fuck with you. Just push her out of your life and forget she ever existed. The longer you let this go on, the longer it will follow you through life.

[Emu]

GOD DAMN THE EDIT FUNCTION

It's like one of those people who puts a 20 dollar bill on a string and pulls it along while some kid chases after it. She's baiting you and you're biting and she and her friends are gonna have a big "let's laugh at Jack" fest.

[AChimp]

You don't know jack, Jack. You continue to do what they want, and they are having a really good laugh about the whole thing.

I'm an asshair's width away from not feeling sorry for you anymore. You continue to bring it upon yourself despite all of our advice.

[Emu]

Yeah, seriously. This thread turned from funny high school drama to "You guys are right, but I'm going to keep talking to her."

First of all, this "4 or 5" days thing isn't gonna work. I've tried it. Fuck, half the people on this board have probably tried it. The fact of the matter is that once this little "break" you're giving yourself is up, you'll be right back talking to her again, if history really does repeat itself.

[Immortal Goat]

ImmortalGoat inc: hey
Cortneigh23: whos this
ImmortalGoat inc: I've heard a lot about you
Cortneigh23: thats great
Cortneigh23: ..and u are
ImmortalGoat inc: lets just say we both have a common aquaintance
Cortneigh23: uh huh thats great but i think i'll block you now cus i don't like Jack or ne of his friends
ImmortalGoat inc: oh, no, I hate Jack
Cortneigh23: uh huh thats what they all say
ImmortalGoat inc: I think he is a pompous asshole, seriously
Cortneigh23: then they try to make me nice to him
ImmortalGoat inc: I wish he would just shut up sometimes
ImmortalGoat inc: I'm not
Cortneigh23: ok well then if your not friends wit jack then how'd u get my sn
ImmortalGoat inc: Never said I don't KNOW jack, just that I don't like him
ImmortalGoat inc: Still, though...
Cortneigh23: uh huh
Cortneigh23: alright
ImmortalGoat inc: I am curious, what exactly started all this shit with Jack and Marissa?
Cortneigh23: jacks' a stocker
ImmortalGoat inc: maybe not a stalker, he just seems a bit too eager. Trust me, I have known my fair share of stalkers
Cortneigh23: yeah me to
Cortneigh23: and jacks one of them
ImmortalGoat inc: Now, remember that I do not like jack when I send you this next message, ok?
Cortneigh23: uh huh
ImmortalGoat inc: What the fuck is wrong with you? I hate Jack, but nobody deserves the shitty treatment you bitches gave him! Making him wear a t-shirt that says "I LOVE MARISSA" on it and then laughing at him behind his back? THAT is some SHITTY ASS TREATMENT!
ImmortalGoat inc: But I still hate Jack
Cortneigh23: ok nobody made wear that ok he did it hiself no one went up to him and put it on him and noone made the freakin shirt for him he did it all on his own so don't pull this crap on me ok so freak you and you kno you like jack ne ways goodbye
Cortneigh23 signed off at 11:07:49 PM.

[Perndog]

Cortneigh23: jacks' a stocker

Jack, are these girls Fartinmowler's children?

[Helm]

You're so in control of yourself, oao, that you can't keep yourself for saying DESPERATELY MORONIC things to the girls that evidently are playing with you. Over and over again. You're pathetic. Don't write me a goth poem you jerk, get insulted, get better, get over it.

[Emu]

Cortneigh23: jacks' a stocker

Jack, are these girls Fartinmowler's children?

Maybe by stocker she meant like in a grocery store. :x "That guy's gross he works at Kroger's"

[mischief]

this is a really good hoax :o

[The One and Only...]

:lol

She really doesn't realize that you people don't like me.

I'm suprised no one has linked to this thread yet.

[The One and Only...]

Oh, and seriously, why would anybody try to make me sound nice to her? I really don't give a damn what Cortney thinks about me.

Well, guys... I'm gonna be in WV till late Saturday or Sunday, so if there is any more hilarity while I'm gone, I'll check it out when I come back.

[AChimp]

You mean you'll check to see if she's come to her senses and decided to love you and have your baby when you get back. :rolleyes

[The One and Only...]

Umm... no.

[AChimp]

OKAY JACK :lol

[mischief]

this is a sad thread :(

[Emu]

all the more reason to back it up

[DeadKennedys]

a pompous asshole.


http://www.popnko.com/mockpic/imafencermanAV.jpg

The expression says it all.

[DeadKennedys]

You don't know jack, Jack.

http://img.gamespot.com/gamespot/images/boxshots/8/199388_psx.jpg

LOL :LOL

[HickMan]

OAO, you're a pussy.

[Rongi]

OAO you might as well cut your dick off right now because if this is how you act twords women, you really wont be needing to use it like ever. i dont feel bad for you at all. you are completely in control of yourself. you're a pathetic human being. a cum stain on a gym sock.

[EisigerBiskuit]

I have OAO in my dresser :>

[GADZOOKS]

And in your mouth >:

[The One and Only...]

OAO you might as well cut your dick off right now because if this is how you act twords women, you really wont be needing to use it like ever. i dont feel bad for you at all. you are completely in control of yourself. you're a pathetic human being. a cum stain on a gym sock.

Wow.

Yet another example of why Rongi is worthless.

[Rongi]

that's a larf. an overweight stalker calling me useless.

[Rongi]

Jack's Diary

ENTRY Nov. 27th 1:00PM

Today I masturbated with thoughts of marrissa. But as I climaxed a tought of my homeroom teacher Mr. Barnes entered my head. Strange. Also, instead of cleaning myself up i examined my testicles to find a large vein that somewhat resembles the nile river. I wounder, should I make a thread about it on I-mockery? It could be serious!

3:33 PM

as I watched the softcore pornography on HBO on demand and masturbated for what seems to be the 3rd time today, i wounder am i wasteing my life? i could be pummeling some hot vixen with my tree trunk sized shlong right now. but alas, my heavy breathing and ghoulish looks scare off most women within 3 secounds of meeting them. perhaps i shall eat the last hot pocket before mother does.

[Anonymous]

:lol

[GADZOOKS]

He should wait outside her window and sing "Don't Fence Me In".

Worse come to worse, at least he gets some fresh air.

[Helm]

Here's the first example of Rongi not being useless.

[Schimid]

http://www.popnko.com/mockpic/imafencermanAV.jpg http://www.vsf.cape.com/~kidszone/brainy.gif

[The One and Only...]

that's a larf. an overweight stalker calling me useless.

#1: Not overweight.

#2: Not a stalker.

So, on both accounts, I am vastly superior to you.

[The One and Only...]

And those diary entries aren't even close to my daily descriptions. In order for something like that to be funny, there needs to be a grain of truth in it.

[Big McLargehuge]

Oh jesus, this is the most depressing comedy i have ever seen. My favorite part is how jack acts intelligent but it fucked with by moronic highschool girls. Keep it up, the perfect climax to this brutal yet funny story would be a murder-suicide.

[The One and Only...]

No.

[Big McLargehuge]

Oh come on, be a sport. It's not like your life is going anywhere any way. And from the sounds of it she is pretty worthless too.

[The One and Only...]

Sorry Biggie, but my suicide won't get rid of your own insecurities.

If anyone here needs to kill themself, it's you. I can't do it for you.

[Big Papa Goat]

no, you're a fag

[Big McLargehuge]

Yeah, maybe, but my death would be sad not hillarious.

[Jixby Phillips]

hey oao thats really fucked up how could you say that to bigmiclargehuge hes a CANCER SURVIVOR you JERK

[The One and Only...]

[i]Working FOR YOU to get that pompous asshole edge back.[/ib]

[The One and Only...]

^Damn you, Rog.

[Karl Hungus]

no, damn you, jack.

[Rongi]

#1: Not overweight.

#2: Not a stalker.

um yes you are and um...yes...you...are

[Rongi]

Jack's Diary

ENTRY Nov. 27th 6:37PM

alas, i ventured to the fridge to find no hot pocket. when i asked of my father to go to the store for some more delicious bits of frozen chicken and tomato sauce he told me to "get a fucking job" and "lose some weight". my father is such a peon. i bet he's just jealous of my gigantic johnson. heck, who isnt ;)

perhaps i should lose a few pounds. i shall have to switch to lean pockets...maybe tommorrow...yes tommorrow.

8:08PM

i wounder what marrisa's hair smells like. i bet it smells like flowers. beautiful flowers collected by a fair maiden from a pond near a castle of great beauty. and in that castle me and marrisa will make sweet music that will please the ears of the gods. and i shall read my scathing comebacks from i-mockery.net to her and we will laugh and laugh at those fools for being so ignorant! ahahahaha...ha...oh god i hate myself. i hate that i can never have her. i hate that she will end up with some frat boy only interested in her gulley hole. no one could ever love her like me, Jack the one and only man for marissa! oh god jack dont let the world see your tears...you're strong

10:20PM

as i wipe away my tears mother opens the door to check in on me. i turn away from her, i cant stand people to see me in my weakest. some day i will be stronger than everyone else. then all the jocks. some day i will be strong enough to resist the urge to cram my gullet with greasy products made by retarded mexicans who dont legally work there. some day...

[GADZOOKS]

gulley hole :lol

[MLE]

rongi :lol

[The One and Only...]

um yes you are and um...yes...you...are

http://www.vinnytee.com/Biggie.jpg

Biggie says, "Rongi needs to stop pretending that Jack is living his own life. Worthless fuck."

[pjalne]

Yeah, Rongi, he's a stocker, not a stalker :rolleyes

[AChimp]

:lol

Rongi, that diary is fucking perfect! :lol

[kellychaos]

http://www.popnko.com/mockpic/imafencermanAV.jpg http://www.vsf.cape.com/~kidszone/brainy.gif

I have to admit that I've never seen them in the same room together. Coincidence?

[The One and Only...]

One is a cartoon. Coincidence?

[FartinMowler]

my father is such a peon


:lol Rongi

[sadie]

i really should read this thread one day. it's downright prolific.

[MLE]

One is a cartoon. Coincidence?

SO PERCEPTIVE

[HickMan]

OAO, you're a pussy.

[The One and Only...]

How original, Hickman. That's only been done on every message board ever created.

Anyway, I don't think I'm going to be posting my personal thoughts on here, because one of you assholes did link to this thread but didn't post the conversation. I might update you on what's going on, though, because it really doesn't matter if she only reads that much.

Basically, this girl wrote "weaner" on my locker and also is making a point to flirt with some guy from school in my face.

[Rongi]

That's only been done on every message board ever created.

so, every other board created thinks you're a fat whiney pussy too?

[HickMan]

You're catchin' on fast, Rongi.

OAO, look at you. You're a detriment to society.


'OMFG GIRLS DON'T LIKE ME GUYS WHAT SHOULD I DO?'

Stop being a wet asshole and start being a man.

[MetalMilitia]

Basically, this girl wrote "weaner" on my locker and also is making a point to flirt with some guy from school in my face.

Write "SLUT" on hers. And mabey burn her house down. :/

[HickMan]

Now THAT'S manly. Well, at least do the first part :X

[The One and Only...]

Actually, I only know the general location of her locker. I don't know which exact one.

I am being a man - no, really, I am. I may still have a thing for Marissa, but she plays too many games. I'm talking more to that junior girl I mentioned earlier; eventually I'm just gonna ask her out. If that doesn't work out, I'll just have to consider my other options, but all things considered, I think I can get her to go out with me.

And no, you aren't going to her s/n. So don't even ask for it.

[EisigerBiskuit]

You have to make a plan to make her look like an ass. So far you can use the obsession as a played out trick on her, and play it from there.
or you can write "SLUT" on her locker

[The One and Only...]

Oh, and as an afterthought I guess I should mention that my love has already faded into more of a strong attraction, similar to my feelings for the other girl. Exactly where it would have been without my unnatural fabrication.

[MetalMilitia]

Is this the part where you know this marrissa girl might read this thread again so you are totally sticking it to her that she has almost lost you forever :o but still avoiding saying you think shes a bitchtard for hell just incase she reads all this and things 'oh, good grief. What have i done. Jack must be mine'. :/

[The One and Only...]

Oh no, she's definitely a bitch.

But I'm really a bastard, so that's kinda something that I like about her.

And regardless of whether or not she reads this again, that's what I'm planning on doing. Figured it fits in this thread, so... yeah.

[The One and Only...]

Ya know, now that I think about it, if she does read this thread I'll regret having said that...

DAMN YOU ROG FOR NOT FIXING THE EDIT FEATURE!!!

And I guess I should mention that as far as bastards go, I'm really one of the more friendly ones.

[adept_ninja]

DAMN YOU ROG FOR NOT FIXING THE EDIT FEATURE!!!

damn you for being so gay

[Anonymous]

I may still have a thing for Marissa, but she plays too many games.

I agree. For instance, she plays the "I am not interested in you, get the fuck away from me" game with you, and you play the "I know you love me! I KNOW YOU LOVE ME!!!" game with her.

And no, you aren't going to her s/n. So don't even ask for it.

Uh huh. You'll change your tone after she shoots you down and you continue to hound her.

Furthermore, the only thing that makes you a bastard is that your father disowned you, or at least he would if he knew about your hilariously tragic love life.

[The One and Only...]

[quote=The One and Only...]I agree. For instance, she plays the "I am not interested in you, get the fuck away from me" game with you, and you play the "I know you love me! I KNOW YOU LOVE ME!!!" game with her.

:lol

It's more like the "I'm going to make this nerd suffer because it's amusing" game with her, and the "what the fuck should I do?" game with with me.

Uh huh. You'll change your tone after she shoots you down and you continue to hound her.

Nah. We've been on friendly terms since I was a freshman. It's an entirely different relationship (for lack of a better term).

Furthermore, the only thing that makes you a bastard is that your father disowned you, or at least he would if he knew about your hilariously tragic love life.

If you're going to rely on a technicality for a joke, then you should at least make it funny.

[The One and Only...]

Damn it. I fucked up the quote thing.

[AChimp]

Hard to type while jerking off to old chat logs, huh? :lol

[Supafly345]

I know you would like to beleive that she thinks about you enough to purposely torture you for fun, but chances are that she is more amused by bubble gum.

[Rongi]

Jack's Diary

ENTRY Nov. 27th 5:45PM

My scullary maid of a mother made me see a psychiatrist today! She said she "I need you to get out of the house and stop moping around the house, so to kill two birds, you're seeing a therapist". How dare she. My hapless stooge of a father must have told her about our camping trip when he saw my package at the public shower and how it paled in comparison to his own. It's obvious she wants to get me out so she isnt tempted by my oh so forbidden fruit. What a harlot!

so i saw Dr. Beck. He was a tall man with many cats and a Mr. Rogers kind of look. He constantly smiled at me. It was a little creepy.

"would you like a truffle, Jack?" he said to me as he handed me a tray with various treats on it. i gazed at the temptous goodies. Dare i eat one?

"Um Jack? Jack? You've got something running down your chin." he took out a hankercheif and almost wiped my face but instead he contorted his face and started coughing, as i dabbed at my unbecoming salivation

"no thanks i'm watching my we-" and i couldnt help myself. i stopped mid sentence and started shovelling the delicious bits of refined sugar cookies down my throat. i was in absolute exctasy as the delicious treats trailed down my throat like a lonely cloud trailing down a vast mountain.

"...g-glad you enjoyed them Jack. Now, tell me about your day"

"Where did you get your degree? Mundane University!?"

"Now Jack I'm here to help you with your problems. I can't help you if you don't comply with me. There's no need to be rude"

"Let me ask you something, Beck"

"that's Doctor Beck"

"Whatever, why did you want to be a psychiatrist? So you could feel better about yourself by hearing about everyone's pathetic lives and you think to yourself "gee my life sure is great!". Did you go into this profession for an ego boost? So all your old buddies could say "man, that Dr. Beck really is doing something with his life." What do you even do to earn this money? Nothing that's what! You ask questions and pretend to listien to answers. You're a con! You're a schmuck! And furthermore, the girth of my loin is such that to compare it to yours would be to paint a horse paler than- !"

at that point, Dr. Beck cut me off, quite rudely and said something so vile about my weight problem i dare not repeat it. I couldnt help myself. Tears started to run down my chin like horses down a race track. i tried to think of some retort ANYTHING but nothing came out but tears. i hate that he defeated me so easily. he danced around me like an elegant sword fighter and struck me down with his rapier sharp wit. i ran out of there as he shouted vulgar things like the Viper-tongued soothsayer he truly was! i hid behind the local dairy barn and weeped until my mother pulled up in her car. her car twas like grace that brought me salvation from darkness. we road away as if we were on a shimmering white chariot going to heaven. mother bought me some pizza sticks and chips from the 711 to cheer me up but it hardly soothed the venom that that vile dr. beck spewed at me on this terrible night.

[AChimp]

:)

[Helm]

Funny.

[MLE]

Agreed.

[McMock]

He should have come back to the weight sneer with: "you may be a bonafide physiatrician, but I'm a bonerfied Jack".

[Anonymous]

no, becuase that would have been lame.

[McMock]

And doing lame things would be out of character for our Jack, right?

[Rongi]

Funny.

i'm not sure if that's sarcasm but thanks!

[The One and Only...]

Uh. Christ. I hate you people.

I think I might need another hiatus soon.

[The One and Only...]

I ONLY WEIGH 150 LBS!!! That's not heavy for a 5'9" male. >:

[MLE]

hiatus :lol

[Esuohlim]

OAO is so fat that if someone held a contest for the world's fattest person, OAO would die of a heart attack on his way to accept the award.

[ItalianStereotype]

christ, this isn't even funny anymore. OAO, just stop replying. you can't save face, but you're obviously trying. you crossed over into unbearably pathetic so long ago and now I'm actually feeling embarassed for you OVER THE FUCKING INTERNET.

[Matt Harty]

I used to think he was somewhat intelligent.

[adept_ninja]

I ONLY WEIGH 150 LBS!!! That's not heavy for a 5'9" male. >:
damn fatty

[Phunman]

NOW IM NOT TRYNNA BE ROOD BUT HAI PRTTEY GIRL IM FEELIN YOU

[HickMan]

THE DUDE 3936: WHY YOU BE MESSIN WIT MY MAN YO
Cortneigh23: whos this
Cortneigh23: and whos ur man>?
THE DUDE 3936: i was just kiddin about that first thing
Cortneigh23: oh
Cortneigh23: well whos this
THE DUDE 3936: im jsut some guy who hate the OAO
Cortneigh23: okay
THE DUDE 3936: he's a VAGINA =-O. he keeps bitching to me how 'you're a bitch to him' and shit
Cortneigh23: oh alright
Cortneigh23: idc
THE DUDE 3936: if i had a vagina, i'd make oao feel as insecure as possible. so i have to say, good work!
Cortneigh23 signed off at 9:53:18 PM.

[Command Prompt]

Goddamn it you're a creepy bastard. If I knew you in real life, I'd seriously call the cops on you, before you decide some crazy shit like "if I can't have her then no one can" and she ends up in your freezer.

You seriously need to talk to a councellor before you hurt someone or do something stupid.

And you're all stupid for egging him on. It's not even funny anymore. And that was 8 months ago when this was new.

Anyone who dumps thier personal problems on a message board obviously has serious social-psychological issues.

[Helm]

No it's not. It was funny. Nice writing. You don't do that often.

[Command Prompt]

:rolleyes

[Perndog]

I, for one, think the story will be even funnier when Jack kills someone.

[GADZOOKS]

I could hear him sharpening his fencing sword.

Yes, over the internet.

[AChimp]

No, that's him sharpening his wit for the scathing response that will inevitably be posted here... :rolleys

[Anonymous]

I, for one, think the story will be even funnier when Jack kills someone.

I think he'll try to kill someone, but his own overconfidence will just lead to him being slapped around by his intended victim.

[The One and Only...]

Cortneigh23: what is wrong with you what the heck are you sayin all this crap to robert and gettin him to ask me
Cortneigh23: wats wrong wit you
Cortneigh23: no one likes you
Cortneigh23: shut up
Cortneigh23: loser
OAO3405: You blocked me, and why the hell did Meagan talk to me in the first place today anyway?
Cortneigh23: morgan
Cortneigh23: loser
Cortneigh23: she was makin fun of you duh
Cortneigh23: thats the only reason ne one talks to u
OAO3405: Maybe in your retarded little world...
OAO3405: She barely even knows me, why the hell would she make fun of me?
Cortneigh23: cus she knows all the crap you do to marissa duh
Cortneigh23: yea my retarded lil world is a lot better than urs
OAO3405: You completely missed the point, which is that not everyone makes fun of me.
Cortneigh23: ok i dont care ..most ppl do
OAO3405: Look, the whole shutting the hell up thing applies to everyone, not just you and Marissa.
Cortneigh23: but seriously i personally don't care
Cortneigh23: i dont care
OAO3405: What the hell do I have to do to make all of you permanently forget that I even exist?
Cortneigh23: i've forgotten
OAO3405: What about the others?
Cortneigh23: i dont kno and i dont care
OAO3405: I'd really prefer not to have images of me choking people to death with my fist surround me whenever I see you people... you might want to find out.
Cortneigh23: w/e i'd like to see you try to touch me
OAO3405: You said you've already forgotten that I exist. You aren't my problem.
Cortneigh23: w/e
Cortneigh23: i dont care
OAO3405: You know, you never did tell me what makes me so ugly, anyway.
Cortneigh23: i dont care
OAO3405: Do you care about anything? You certainly don't care about being wrong.
Cortneigh23: nope i don't i dont care about you, what you think of me,
Cortneigh23: i jus dont care
OAO3405: How in the hell am I so funny, anyway? I can't get a girlfriend. That's not something that's hilarious, it just sucks.
Cortneigh23: ok sure
OAO3405: You know what I find hilarious? People like you.
Cortneigh23: and thas hilarious how?
OAO3405: You are so insecure with yourself that you constantly have to assert that you have a "better" life than people like me.
OAO3405: Marissa is nothing but an attention whore.
Cortneigh23: im insecure
Cortneigh23: how am i insecure
OAO3405: Whether or not you realize it, you're always proving to yourself that you have a better life than other people. You aren't happy; you're just trying to make yourself feel better.
Cortneigh23: yea you got me
Cortneigh23: wow thats def. me
Cortneigh23: how'd u kno
OAO3405: I don't know, maybe the fact that you normally look depressed as hell and I've only seen you smile when someone like me is around to kick.
Cortneigh23: wen do i look depressed
Cortneigh23: ok yea u got me
OAO3405: You look depressed every time I see you in Spanish.
Cortneigh23: cus its early im sleepy
Cortneigh23: but ok
OAO3405: Yeah, you keep on telling yourself that.
Cortneigh23: yea i will
Cortneigh23: i jus can't get excited about spanish i dunon wat it is
OAO3405: Marissa isn't hard to figure out at all. She doesn't actually want me to go away; she enjoys the attention. She doesn't like me, granted, but she likes for me to be focusing on her. Or anyone. I'm just an easy person to do it.
Cortneigh23: yea u think you kno everything so why are you even talking to me
OAO3405: Because I'm trying to get the point across that I'm not a complete moron... I can tell some things about people. Not everything I know comes from a book.
Cortneigh23: ok well i love have you think you kno everything about me..ok w/e ur a loser and i will keep telling myslef that jus to make me feel better..ok look at it this way who has a boyfriend..who has friends..who believes in a god..so who has the better life here..hum i think u lost all of them and i won alla them
OAO3405: I don't know everything about you, but you're proving my point.
OAO3405: You feel contested by my comment...
OAO3405: and so now you must assert that your life is better than mine.
Cortneigh23: yea you got me again gosh dern ur good
Cortneigh23: syke
OAO3405: How clever.
Cortneigh23: yeah ok
OAO3405: Let me tell you this much, I'm way happier with my life than I would be in yours.
Cortneigh23: ok well i would'nt be happy n ur life but alrightt
OAO3405: I have friends, for one thing.
Cortneigh23: i kno you do lots of them right
OAO3405: More than you think.
Cortneigh23: yea u got me again
OAO3405: Belief in a God doesn't mean your life is better than mine.
Cortneigh23: ok
Cortneigh23: i think it is
Cortneigh23: but alright
OAO3405: I was going to say something about the boyfriend comment, but forget it. There's no point.
Cortneigh23: yea cus u dont have ne thing for that one
OAO3405: I was going to counter by basically saying that I'm smarter than you, which in the end will count for a lot more, and could likely get some girl if I really wanted to, but then I realized that would have no effect on your opinion and possibly just make you defend your intelligence.
Cortneigh23: nah i kno im dumb idc..and uh you could never get ne girl you wanted
OAO3405: Yeah, because I'm just so damn picky.
Cortneigh23: no jus because ur so ugly
Cortneigh23: no girl really likes smartness i mean my boyfriend is as dumb as me
Cortneigh23: so i dont really care
Cortneigh23: i mean we dont have convo's on history or in spanish
OAO3405: You missed my point, which is that I don't have to have the hottest girl in the school. As for looks, I still haven't heard why you think I'm so ugly.
Cortneigh23: yea i dont care, and good thing you dont want the hottest girl u'd never get her
OAO3405: What the fuck did I do to you, anyway?
Cortneigh23: but yea i have better things to do than talk to you like talk to my boyfriend so yea bye
OAO3405: Whatever. Go talk to your boyfriend. He better be getting some to put up with your sorry ass.
Cortneigh23: yea he gets some everynite wats it to you
OAO3405: It was insult. Ignorance must truly be bliss.
Cortneigh23: nah its cool i took it as a compliment
OAO3405: Only an idiot would take that as a complement.
Cortneigh23: yea well call me idiot
Cortneigh23: thats me
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Cortneigh23: w/e now whos puttin who down
OAO3405: What the hell are you talking about?
OAO3405: At least I recognize when I do it.
Cortneigh23: w/e bye loser
Cortneigh23 is away at 11:43:49 PM.
OAO3405: You returned from away just to say that?

Auto response from Cortneigh23: Im Sleeping!

Good Luck Varsity Football

Andre I Love You!Good Luck In ur Game Tomorrow


Gina call me in the morning sometime
Sarah call me around 12ish

Cortneigh23: i love you like a fat kid loves cake haha
LiLsHoRtY G 21: i love you like a gay man loves it up the ass
^Gotsta LOVE HER!

OAO3405: Are you really that defensive?
OAO3405: Cortney, get some sleep.

Auto response from Cortneigh23: Im Sleeping!

Good Luck Varsity Football

Andre I Love You!Good Luck In ur Game Tomorrow


Gina call me in the morning sometime
Sarah call me around 12ish

Cortneigh23: i love you like a fat kid loves cake haha
LiLsHoRtY G 21: i love you like a gay man loves it up the ass
^Gotsta LOVE HER!

Oh, I'm killing someone, alright. From the inside. I've gotten to this bitch, and now that I'm in, I'll never leave until she realizes what a pathetic waste of humanity she is.

[Mr. Vagiclean]

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[Helm]

OAO, I'll be your friend.

[Anonymous]

For everyone who'd like a highlight reel of that instead of reading it:

Cortneigh23: i dont care
OAO3405: You know, you never did tell me what makes me so ugly, anyway.
Cortneigh23: i dont care
...
OAO3405: I was going to say something about the boyfriend comment, but forget it. There's no point.
Cortneigh23: yea cus u dont have ne thing for that one
OAO3405: I was going to counter by basically saying that I'm smarter than you, which in the end will count for a lot more, and could likely get some girl if I really wanted to, but then I realized that would have no effect on your opinion and possibly just make you defend your intelligence.
Cortneigh23: nah i kno im dumb idc..and uh you could never get ne girl you wanted
OAO3405: Yeah, because I'm just so damn picky.
Cortneigh23: no jus because ur so ugly
Cortneigh23: no girl really likes smartness i mean my boyfriend is as dumb as me
Cortneigh23: so i dont really care

:lol

Oao, you aren't getting to her at all because she really doesn't think about what you're saying. Despite her typing like a retard, she's proving to be a lot less naive and a lot more grounded than you, whereas you're just trying to get in some good internet insults for you to chuckle at later while you sip a slim-fast. Even if for some reason you were 'killing her from the inside', her boyfriend would just make her feel better and then probably kick your ass. A lot of girls your age are mean to people, and most of them grow out of it, but you can't expect her to act like an adult because she isn't. Maybe in 10 years you can expect a heartfelt apology from her, but probably not even then, as she'll have written off her behavior as part of growing up.

Which you should invest some time in.

[Dole]

For christ's sake OAO, take your tawdry, tedious pathetic little obsession the fuck off this board. You are acting like a complete fuckwit. Try and save some miniscule shred of your own dignity.

[MetalMilitia]

Ah the old 'im smarter than you and you have no furure' trick.
I tried that once, it didnt really work too well. If you really want to waste you time proveing you are 'better' than these people, prove it. Haxor their hotmail accounts, send them viruses, goatsie their personal web pages, etc etc.

It may not be particularly smart but they will have no idea how to stop you and it might make you feel better.

Oh and btw, the "i believe in god so im better than you" bit i found quite ammusing.

[Big McLargehuge]

Cortneigh23: yea u think you kno everything so why are you even talking to me



Yeah why?

[Emu]

I can't help but wonder if this is all an elaborate scheme to make us look like retards for believing him.

Jack, be honest with us, please: Do Marissa or any of her 'friends' actually exist, or are they you typing from another account in a jizz-crusted party dress?

[FS]

yeah, that would make us look like retards. Kind of like when someone stands in the street and eats a handful of his own shit, then points at the disgusted onlookers and says "ha ha! Fooled you!"

[AChimp]

I don't feel anywhere remotely sorry for you anymore, OAO. You are a failure at life and should kill yourself.

[Emu]

yeah, that would make us look like retards. Kind of like when someone stands in the street and eats a handful of his own shit, then points at the disgusted onlookers and says "ha ha! Fooled you!"

Yeah, but it's getting harder and harder to belive this ISN'T all some joke. He couldn't be this retarded and mean it, could he?

[The One and Only...]

What am I doing that is retarded?

I told these bitches to leave me alone, and so then they still walk up to me with one of their little friends. It fucking annoys the crap out of me.

I figure if I insult Cortney and ignore Marissa, they'll leave me alone.

[Lotida]

OAO....

On the serious side, Chojin and Dole gave you some very sound advice. You really need to take it. You are not winning any argument with those girls and you are feeding their reasons to think you are a twit. Why continually give them ammunition?

Kids are so mean to each other.......

[The One and Only...]

I really don't give a damn what they think about me so long as they leave me alone. Permanently. For all time.

And I think that my strategy is the best way to make that happen.

[Lotida]

I really don't give a damn what they think about me so long as they leave me alone. Permanently. For all time.

And I think that my strategy is the best way to make that happen.

I don't think you really want them to leave you alone. Your like a little kid.....even bad attention is still attention. If you truly wanted them to leave you alone you would ignore them all completely.

[The One and Only...]

Perhaps that strategy is more sound.

[Lotida]

Perhaps that strategy is more sound.

I am not making fun of you.....but you really need to just ignore those girls. They are laughing at you behind your back and to your face. Hold your head up high and ignore them. Make them think it is beneath you to talk to them!

Though I do like MM's idea of hacking into their accounts but that will only work if you actually know how to do that!

[Anonymous]

I would just like to say that it is complete coincidence that Courtney has been saying the exact same things to Jack that we've been saying for months.

Jack, for the love of god... You tell them to leave you alone, and yet you always have these extensive chat logs between you and them. You claim you don't care what they think, and yet those same chat logs are loaded with you asking why they think a certain way about you.


Also, the next time you say that you have friends, you should name names. I know it's not fair to them to show any connection with you, but... well there is no real reason. I'd just like to see it in your next chat submission.

[MetalMilitia]

Perhaps that strategy is more sound.


Though I do like MM's idea of hacking into their accounts but that will only work if you actually know how to do that!

He could probably guess their secret questions. They are usually just "school name", "parents name", "pet name" or "favourite food" which are easy to guess if you know a person.

[Anonymous]

OAO3405: I'd really prefer not to have images of me choking people to death with my fist surround me whenever I see you people... you might want to find out.
Cortneigh23: w/e i'd like to see you try to touch me

Also, here's just what I was talking about earlier when I said that he would be beaten after attempting to beat someone.

[HickMan]

Oh man OAO. You're fucked up beyond hell.

[The One and Only...]

I would just like to say that it is complete coincidence that Courtney has been saying the exact same things to Jack that we've been saying for months.

Jack, for the love of god... You tell them to leave you alone, and yet you always have these extensive chat logs between you and them. You claim you don't care what they think, and yet those same chat logs are loaded with you asking why they think a certain way about you.

The only reason that happens is because one of them says something to me, or one of their friends do and I want to find out about that person. Morgan I've known for a long time, and wwaayy back, she used to confront me all the time, so I was trying to find about her.

If they would permanently shut up, this would never happen.

[Rongi]

i dont get it

you want courtney to leave you alone but you continuely insult her?

you are a smegma of a human OAO. i hope you get tarred and feathered some day

[The One and Only...]

you want courtney to leave you alone but you continuely insult her?

Yeah. Who would want to talk to someone who insults them all the time?

Plus, I figured I could kill two birds with one stone. Get in a little humor at her expense to make up all the crap I've put up with.