Virgins ARE LOSERS! [Archive]

CaptainBubba

Mar 14th, 2003, 10:55 PM

GOD DAMNIT! ALL MY PUBESCNET HORMONES ARE BUILDING UP BECAUSE OF YOU HYMEN-LESS BASTARDS! >: mmmmmm hymen....

Sometimes, when the lonliness is too much to bear, I like to draw pictures of what I think my wife will look like and practice kissing on my pillow. :)

Bod

Mar 15th, 2003, 09:02 AM

http://members.optushome.com.au/minister99/fatkid.jpg

CaptainBubba

Mar 15th, 2003, 12:00 PM

SOME PEOPLE HAVE MORE SELF CONTROL THAN THAT!!! >:

Sometimes I think about the experiences I'm missing out on by limiting my other gender relationships to merely friendships. That makes me think about that great quote, "the grass is always greener on the other side".

Because If I Weren't a virgin I'd probably be upset about missing out on all the fun abstinence activities I get to do! :)

Like masturbating! :) :)

cenamalo

Mar 16th, 2003, 12:38 AM

Virgin by choice. read http://www.i-mockery.net/viewtopic.php?t=1709 to find out why.
and i really don't think i'm missing out on much. i still date and shit but i'm not gonna have sex just to say i did. of course i fully realize all my morals and princibles are gonna be flushed down the toilet when i go to college :)

Skulhedface

Mar 16th, 2003, 03:26 AM

CaptainBubba

Mar 16th, 2003, 12:32 PM

SILENCE CUNT! MASTURBATION IS MORE AWKWARD AND EMBARRASING WHEN YOU ARE A VIRGIN! >:

I have alot of friends that have lost their virginity and they like to tell me I'm a loser because I haven't.

But thats ok because I know that all MY STDs came from my mother's dirty fun hole when I was just a babe. :)

Yes, college is going to be a place of temptation indeed! But hold fast noble one! For the reward of our patience will truly be sweet! What would a honeymoon be without premature ejaculation and the traditional misplacement of our members as we hump thin air? :)

sadie

Mar 16th, 2003, 02:26 PM

aw. i was saving myself for marriage at one point, too.

Raize

Mar 16th, 2003, 05:11 PM

aw. i was saving myself for marriage at one point, too.

Then you celebrated your twelfth birthday and all the boys that were invited got their chance.

CaptainBubba

Mar 16th, 2003, 06:49 PM

Welcome to my thread felow virgin! :)

You can leave and never come back now. :)

Jeanette X

Mar 16th, 2003, 09:11 PM

You don't have to be a virgin to continue masturbating. If anything, being a nonvirgin makes you masturbate MORE. And this seems to only apply to guys. You don't hear girls talking about this, do you?

Hey! I do it all the time! And I'm a virgin too.

We can touch unicorns and all you sluts can't! The unicorns won't even go NEAR a nonvirgin! HA! :moon

Skulhedface

Mar 16th, 2003, 09:32 PM

Damn my heart just stopped :love lol sorry Jeanette, I think you just won the "First Girl, Perverted Or Not I've Ever Known, To Talk About Masturbating" Award

CaptainBubba

Mar 16th, 2003, 09:53 PM

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT MR. I-LIKE-HAVING-SEX-WITH-OTHER-PEOPLE-BECAUSE-I-HATE-******S! >:

My unicorn doesn't let me touch its horn anymore. It just watches "Resevoir Dogs" over and over again laughing at the part where Mr.Pink argues about his name. :(

Yunno what else is great about being a virgin? A virgin's lifespan, according to the statistics, is signifigantly shorter than that of a non-virgin. That means chances are, our miserable virgin lives will end soon enough, one way or the other. :)

Jeanette X

Mar 16th, 2003, 11:57 PM

Damn my heart just stopped :love lol sorry Jeanette, I think you just won the "First Girl, Perverted Or Not I've Ever Known, To Talk About Masturbating" Award

Really? You should pick up a copy of Jane or Bust. They write about it sometimes.
I've seen them write articles on vibrators and things. Girls just wanna have fun!

Jeanette X

Mar 16th, 2003, 11:59 PM

Jixby Phillips

Mar 17th, 2003, 03:38 AM

GIRLS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT MASTURBATION :eek :eek :eek

Skulhedface, how old are you?

Fuck. I wish emma were here.

Skulhedface

Mar 17th, 2003, 03:55 AM

21.

Bear this tip in mind: Half my posts come out as half me, half character, so I feel sorry for you if you take me TOO seriously.

OK, to be honest then... Jeanette is the THIRD girl I've ever heard talking openly about masturbation.

I just found it funny to react that way.

MrAdventure

Mar 17th, 2003, 06:39 AM

YOU KNOW I FIND FUNNY?

WHEN YOU GO AWAY.

MaskedMonk

Mar 17th, 2003, 01:24 PM

FAGOT

[note: irony]

miss emma

Mar 20th, 2003, 11:51 PM

JAXBY JAXBY :O

GIRLS DO NOT PUT FINGERS IN THEIR CUNTS. ONLY HAMBURGARS.

Jixby Phillips

Mar 21st, 2003, 12:32 AM

MY LATEST HOBBY IS NOTICING THINGS :lol

CaptainBubba

Mar 21st, 2003, 11:07 AM

[update] I'm still a virgin. How about you guys?

MY latest hobby is making flash presentations about how devestating pre-marital sex can be on the relationships of teenagers and how detrimental it can be to their academics. :)

Bod

Mar 21st, 2003, 06:03 PM

but i'm not gonna have sex just to say i did.

Damn!! Is that why people have sex? Gawd I've been getting it wrong for so long. So who do I have to tell?

CaptainBubba

Mar 21st, 2003, 06:15 PM

SOMEONE IN ANOTHER THREAD HEATHEN! >:

When I lose my virginity I wont need to talk to anyone about it, because my wife will be my best friend. :)

Bod

Mar 21st, 2003, 07:05 PM

yup and that's why you're discussing it now

CaptainBubba

Mar 21st, 2003, 07:35 PM

SHUTUP VICAR OF SATAN!! >:

Anyhow, I'm still a virgin. So all is well in the world. :)

Esuohlim

Mar 21st, 2003, 07:43 PM

Let's all tell virginity stories. :)

I'm so alone. :(

Professor Cool

Mar 22nd, 2003, 01:39 AM

Ok ill go first.. once upon a time i was a virgin, but a 30 year old consuler name Miss Phillips changed all that :(

The nightmares are coming back :(

Bod

Mar 22nd, 2003, 10:14 AM

Once upon a time I was a virgin. But then all my friends weren't and they made me sit alone in the playground. So now I'm a wanton whore and am very popular.

Matt Harty

Mar 22nd, 2003, 10:39 AM

Once upon a time I was a virgin.

CaptainBubba

Mar 22nd, 2003, 11:27 AM

>: ... >: !!!!!!!

I touched a boobie once. That makes me like only 9/10 virgin. But for the purposes of this thread I shall classify myself as a whole and virtuous virgin. :)

Bod

Mar 22nd, 2003, 02:45 PM

No way Captain, you've lost your virginity now

CaptainBubba

Mar 22nd, 2003, 04:07 PM

... :( but. but. She was German! It doesn't count! And it was over her shirt... :( :(

Bod

Mar 23rd, 2003, 06:43 AM

If she was German, then you have lost your homo-virginity. You are now gay. But where girls are concerned you are still a virgin. If you can keep your filthy homo secret to yourself, you still maybe able to find yourself a decent wife, although she may look like a horse. You have been tainted.

CaptainBubba

Mar 23rd, 2003, 03:06 PM

Only 1/10 of my homo-virginity thanks very fucking much. >:

Protoclown

Mar 23rd, 2003, 05:46 PM

I'm a virgin, and in five years I'll probably still be one. Who cares? It's not that big of a deal.

CaptainBubba

Mar 23rd, 2003, 06:22 PM

Then make it one! It doesn't have to be a big bad deal.

Make the most out of it while you still have it. Thats what this thread is alllll about. :)

EXCEPT FOR THESE OTHER UNWASHED FRUIT FESTIVALS OF NATURE! >:

executioneer

Mar 24th, 2003, 03:21 AM

YUOU GAYS ARE ALL FAGS, I SEX LADIES ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT :eek

-willie

liquidstatik

Mar 24th, 2003, 08:14 PM

I'll always be a virgin, lol.

sadie

Mar 25th, 2003, 11:39 AM

omg. willie's a pimp. :eek

Protoclown

Mar 25th, 2003, 12:26 PM

One of my best friends who is a year younger than me just lost his virginity, and he told me that it's really kind of disappointing.

So not much to look forward to, kids.

CaptainBubba

Mar 25th, 2003, 01:59 PM

Because your friend's one individual sexual experience determines the level of enjoyment that all will experience. ;)

Willie: >:

On another note: Today I was playing with the heavy bag in my garage and I pushed it and it came back and hit me in the face and my nose was bleeding into my mouth, so now I think i know what it'd be like to eat out a small virgin. Sans virgin.

Anonymous

Mar 25th, 2003, 02:04 PM

It's the whole 'sex is a letdown' crap. It really isn't as long as you don't expect it to be the best there was, the best there is, and the best there will ever be.

Jeanette X

Mar 25th, 2003, 06:20 PM

One of my best friends who is a year younger than me just lost his virginity, and he told me that it's really kind of disappointing.

So not much to look forward to, kids.

From what I've read, it gets better after a while. You learn with experience-like any other activity or skill.

Mar 25th, 2003, 06:33 PM

It's the whole 'sex is a letdown' crap. It really isn't as long as you don't expect it to be the best there was, the best there is, and the best there will ever be.

Exactly. If you expect it to be astonishing, it's probably going to be crap since you get all nervous over it. If you take your time and ease into it (no pun intended), you're probably going to have a lot fonder memory of it later on.

And if you don't do it right the first time, there's always the second, and the third, and the fourth... :wank

Esuohlim

Mar 25th, 2003, 07:07 PM

Premature ejactulation never leads to good memories anyway. :(

executioneer

Mar 26th, 2003, 05:33 AM

Willie: >:

:lol :eek

omg. willie's a pimp. :eek

Twenny dollah bill I can set you straight :eek :hat

-willie

Cybernetico

Mar 26th, 2003, 03:48 PM

It's the whole 'sex is a letdown' crap. It really isn't as long as you don't expect it to be the best there was, the best there is, and the best there will ever be.

Holy crap! Sex is all Bret Hart's doing. DAMN YOU!

Anyway, I'm still a virgin, and I'm also 14. At my age I'd be too nervous for anything. I hate kids my age who try to pretend they're looking at a girls ass or talk about how "hot" some chic is. I'm the only one my age who looks at it as a thing of love rather than simply pleasure. And if I could be with the girl I like most at the time, I'd rather be doing something romantic that workin' her arse. And in the end it's thinking like that that'll make my relationships in the future, long or short term, more enjoyable. Nothings worse than pretending to be in love with a girl and being her "boyfriend" just for show; most of the people I know who have a g/f do that. If theres no love it's just a tedious way to get attention, and if the girl you're with is REALLY in love with you, you could be breaking her heart.

Jeanette X

Mar 26th, 2003, 04:47 PM

Holy crap! Sex is all Bret Hart's doing. DAMN YOU!

Anyway, I'm still a virgin, and I'm also 14. At my age I'd be too nervous for anything. I hate kids my age who try to pretend they're looking at a girls ass or talk about how "hot" some chic is. I'm the only one my age who looks at it as a thing of love rather than simply pleasure. And if I could be with the girl I like most at the time, I'd rather be doing something romantic that workin' her arse. And in the end it's thinking like that that'll make my relationships in the future, long or short term, more enjoyable. Nothings worse than pretending to be in love with a girl and being her "boyfriend" just for show; most of the people I know who have a g/f do that. If theres no love it's just a tedious way to get attention, and if the girl you're with is REALLY in love with you, you could be breaking her heart.

My God, a teenage boy who has his priorities straight!
Good for you! You're a lot better than most of your peers.

Protoclown

Mar 26th, 2003, 11:33 PM

And that is sadly exactly why he will probably be the last among them to get a girlfriend.

sadie

Mar 27th, 2003, 12:59 AM

and i'm bwoke. :(

Royal Tenenbaum

Mar 27th, 2003, 11:42 AM

14 year olds having sex is sick. That idea makes me ill.

Anonymous

Mar 27th, 2003, 11:47 AM

Absolutely. They're far too ripe for your cultured tastes.

CaptainBubba

Apr 18th, 2003, 11:53 PM

Update: I haven't spoken to a girl in person in over 4 months now. This homeschooling thing is a real bitch on my love life.

Look forward to another update in roughly 8 to 10 weeks!!!

Esuohlim

Apr 19th, 2003, 12:21 AM

Isn't virginity just grand? >:

EatTheChildren

Apr 19th, 2003, 01:30 AM

You think 14 year olds having sex is sick? That isn't the worst my school has to offer. Middle school kids are doing things I didn't even KNOW about in middle school. These kids are trying to grow up too fast and missing out on on just being able to be a dumb kid. I find it disgusting in more than one way.

Cybernetico: Wow, you're a teenage boy who isn't an asshole! Good job on that!

Schimid

May 29th, 2003, 06:00 AM

Bah, that's nothing. I'm 14 too, and my school got in trouble last year (And was plastered all over the news)

Some slut was giving a blowjob to a black kid in the back of an 8th grade class.

ARUNDEL MIDDLE! :rock

Yep.

May 29th, 2003, 06:22 AM

I think i grew up too soon.

I remember the first time some slut blew my "black kid". :orgasm

executioneer

May 29th, 2003, 10:53 AM

BOY DID I MISS THIS THREAD :lol

-willie

Cybernetico

Jun 1st, 2003, 12:58 AM

Isn't this thread grand!?

lollirot

Jun 1st, 2003, 01:09 AM

http://us.st5.yimg.com/store4.yimg.com/I/demotivators_1737_1284010 (http://www.despair.com/)

*Go ahead, click it, its a link too :eek*

Cybernetico

Jun 1st, 2003, 01:55 AM

I'd rather not...

:/

Kitty of Doom

Jun 10th, 2003, 12:43 AM

What's everyone's definition of being a Virgin?

Anonymous

Jun 10th, 2003, 10:43 AM

penetration

AChimp

Jun 10th, 2003, 10:48 AM

I have found out twice now that being a nice guy doesn't necessarily work. :(

Anonymous

Jun 10th, 2003, 10:50 AM

depends on what you mean by 'work'

whoreable

Jun 10th, 2003, 10:54 AM

Being me doesnt "work" either.

AChimp

Jun 10th, 2003, 10:54 AM

If you're nice all the time, I've found that girls will walk all over you and take advantage of your willingness to do stuff for them. Of course, if you assert yourself too much, you are labelled a jerk.

It is hard to balance. :(

Esuohlim

Jun 10th, 2003, 11:17 AM

I'd love to chat, but I have to go to "work". :lol

Rongi

Jun 10th, 2003, 12:14 PM

Being a poor, lazy cartoonist doesn't really get me any ladies :(.

Royal Tenenbaum

Jun 10th, 2003, 12:57 PM

"If you're nice all the time, I've found that girls will walk all over you and take advantage of your willingness to do stuff for them. Of course, if you assert yourself too much, you are labelled a jerk."

Maybe all the women you've been with are manipulative bitches.

Yep.

Jun 11th, 2003, 01:59 AM

Maybe you just lack assertiveness sometimes so you let women walk all over you. Then you over-compensate and act like an asshole.
Or maybe i don't know shit about your situation.
In any case, if you get used, you're partially to blame.

Don't be nice and don't be a jerk, be yerself and realize that sometimes shit doesn't work.

Esuohlim

Jun 11th, 2003, 11:46 AM

OR MAYBE NATURE JUST DOESN'T WANT YOU TO GET ANY. >:

CaptainBubba

Jun 14th, 2003, 09:56 PM

Seeing as this is already bumped I figure I'll update my virginity status:

Still goin strong!! >:

Rongi

Jun 14th, 2003, 10:11 PM

What? Are you too poor to afford a cheap hooker? Get it over with already >:

CaptainBubba

Jun 15th, 2003, 04:47 PM

I paid her the money but I forgot what I was supposed to do to make sex. :(

She wouldn't give me my money back either. :( :(

Hobo Renee

Sep 10th, 2003, 05:55 PM

Virgin time. To many people around here have STDs :( But people have touched my boobies and I hugged a naked boy once :(

CaptainBubba

Sep 10th, 2003, 06:44 PM

I LOVE IT WHEN THIS THREAD GETS BUMPED BECAUSE I GET TO REMIND EVERYONE THAT I AM STILL A VIRGIN. :)

Esuohlim

Sep 10th, 2003, 06:52 PM

It sucks having your best friend be a girl because then you can't talk about girls you'd bang without it being awkward. :(

I wish she was a lesbian >:

VIRGINITY IS KEEN >: >:

CaptainBubba

Sep 10th, 2003, 07:16 PM

It sucks having all your new friends that are girls have boyfriends already. Escpecially when the boyfriends are repulsive.

It also sucks having no one aknowledge you as a serious human being, but instead a little dude who exists to amuse all the fortunate and taken girls out there. :(

I don't get along with guys and I do get along with girls to some degree, but girls like nothing more than fucking torturing me and being massive painful cock teases. >:

Perndog

Sep 10th, 2003, 07:46 PM

It sucks when you're on a campus with 800 women and about only about 10 of them are even worth both looking at and speaking to.

There are plenty of singles in the other 790, though, Bubba; want me to send a couple over?

CaptainBubba

Sep 10th, 2003, 07:54 PM

I thought it went without saying that ugly bitches need not apply to the Bubba luvin club. :rolleyes

Perndog

Sep 10th, 2003, 08:09 PM

1) I said not worth looking at and speaking to. There are plenty of hot ones, even perfectly sweet hot ones, that I'm not interested in.

2) You might have lower standards than I do. She doesn't need to be all that ugly for me to walk away.

Jeanette X

Sep 10th, 2003, 08:41 PM

I got my bf from match.com.
Seriously.

Anonymous

Sep 10th, 2003, 09:26 PM

Yes, but he's ugly.tv.

Jixby Phillips

Sep 11th, 2003, 01:51 AM

THIS MESSAGE BOARD USED TO BE MOSTLY LADIES

NOW ITS MOSTLY 14 YEAR OLD BOYS

HOBO RENEE YOU ARE ADORABLE AND I HOPE YOU GET LAID (SANS STDS)

DON'T DO ANY VIRGINS THOUGH, YOU MIGHT ACCIDENTALLY PICK UP ONE OF THESE LOSERS :x

PS I'M A VIRGIN AND I FEEL FINE

glowbelly

Sep 11th, 2003, 01:49 PM

i'm not a virgin and i feel fine :)

Anonymous

Sep 11th, 2003, 01:51 PM

UGLY...DOT...TV!!!

CaptainBubba

Sep 11th, 2003, 03:36 PM

I seriously fucking hate how this thread turned out.

And its not even like I was expecting anything better than acceptable.

MrAdventure

Sep 11th, 2003, 04:58 PM

hey penises, u smell :x :x :x

yo vagiana, get lost :x :x :x

hey there butthole go color a bowl :x :x :x

how's about a nice handshake

executioneer

Sep 12th, 2003, 05:35 AM

CRY ABOUT IT, CAPTAIN BUBBA

-willie

Anonymous

Sep 12th, 2003, 05:58 AM

I DON'T BELONG IN THIS THREAD :picklehat

CaptainBubba

Sep 12th, 2003, 06:36 AM

THIS THREAD FUCKING SUCKS. :(

Anonymous

Sep 12th, 2003, 06:46 AM

ANY THREAD I'M IN CAN'T BE ALL BAD :picklehat

CaptainBubba

Sep 12th, 2003, 02:59 PM

True. :(

I'm seriously considering being a lifelong virgin. I hate girls more every day. All I ever hear is how mean and abusive their boyfriends are and how much they fuck them. I honestly can't stand it. Its making me violently insane.

CaptainBubba

Feb 14th, 2004, 04:07 PM

TEE-FUCKING-HEE-HEE. :p

btw, condoms suck major dick. litterally and figuratively.

Esuohlim

Feb 14th, 2004, 04:51 PM

SO HOW WAS IT?

FartinMowler

Feb 14th, 2004, 05:26 PM

btw, condoms suck major dick. litterally and figuratively.

I had a vasectomy :/ lets see you have someone rip into your balls and tie a knot >: then you can whine like a baby.