HELP!!! QUESTION NEEDS TO BE ANSWERED

[silly_bucket]

hi how are you?

[CaptainBubba]

First off, you made the right choice to come to us first and not a respectable medical consultant. As you are no doubt aware even the most cursory of searches for information of this topic will yeild precious little information. I mean, really, where can anyone find people who want to talk about sex anymore?

Anywho. The answer is no, you're uterus is deformed from being hit in the face with a retard pan to many times and any attempts at fertilization will only result in your vagina burping semen. Congratulations.

[AChimp]

me! :eek

[thebiggameover]

every condom i have had had and exp date of like, 4 fucking years. why did it take you so fucking long to use it???

[AChimp]

Liar. You've never even seen a condom. Admit it. >:

[Esuohlim]

wtf condoms can't expire, what is this shit :rolleyes

[Dole]

Silly Bucket!


I read in The Lancet I think that expired condoms automatically mean pregnancy, even if you dont come or have sex at all.

[ziggytrix]

Congratulations, you're going to have TWINS!!! :D

[Anonymous]

Don't listen to them Silly_Bucket, I'll explain it to you:

The expiration date on a condom is incredibly important. Latex condoms, you see, are made from freeze-dried semen (its freezing point is surprisingly high). After the expiration date, the chemical bonds begin to break down, and the constructor sperm can break off during intercourse, and impregnate the female. It is of critical importance that you get a pregnancy test, and soon.

[Helm]

that would explain why whenever I've used a condom, my penis froze to the point of frostbite.

[WTF]

I totally agree with the very wise advice dispensed above. Especially the advice from Mr. Boogie. As a practicing gynecologist I can vouch for Mr. Boogie's advice. However, there is something else you must also take into account.

I just gathered from your post that you must have stared extremely closely at said condom for a long time searching for torns and/or holes in it. Most likely some of the constructor sperm has also managed to get into your eyes and thereby may damage your eyesight beyond repair. Please visit your closest eye clinic immediately. If you thought that masturbation can make you blind, you have never ever experienced the devastating result of constructor sperm on the retina.

You should have sticked to masturbation. At least it takes longer to go blind that way. I am sorry for you. Please update us as soon as possible. If you need donations please don't hesitate to ask us. :tear

[Anonymous]

I can't decide whether i should delete that or ban you

[WTF]

Delete please, Delete! :chatter

[kellychaos]

Cock-cicles! :lol

[silly_bucket]

you guys are ridiculous .. honestly... like i actually needed someones help, and you guys give me ridiculous answers.. do you have no brain? .. honestly..? ..

maybe someone can give me an honest answer.. and none of this crap you guys all said.. like ..thanks.. u are now the biggest bunch of idiots.. seriously..

[thebiggameover]

Liar. You've never even seen a condom. Admit it. >:

yeah your right. "thebiggameover, you are the father..."

:lol

[MetalMilitia]

:( :( :( :( :(

[NOT Jixby Phillips]

:( :( :( :( :(

:lol I love your avatar!

[Esuohlim]

you guys are ridiculous .. honestly... like i actually needed someones help, and you guys give me ridiculous answers.. do you have no brain? .. honestly..? ..

maybe someone can give me an honest answer.. and none of this crap you guys all said.. like ..thanks.. u are now the biggest bunch of idiots.. seriously..

lol

[Lotida]

This thread makes me sad. :(

[WTF]

Ok Silly_Bucket,

Now you make me feel bad and all that. Ok. Yes it is possible to get pregnant even if you use a condom that has not expired (sic). It is even possible to get pregnant if he doesn't ejaculate. Nothing can guarrentee you a 100% successrate, except perhaps sterilization. However, in your case the possibility of a pregnancy is slim. (Why he stopped after only 5 minutes does boggle my mind. I just hope it is not what I think it is, because then I suggest you go to the police ASAP!) But, to put your mind at ease, I would suggest that you take a pregnancy test. Go to a chemist as far away as possible from were you stay and get the kit. :)

O yes, and after you get to know us, we are not that bad you know! However I can not vouch 100% for Matt or RedLeaderOne in this regard. Esu and 3beast are on the shitlist as well, but do have their moments. For Jixby and Helm, well there is not much to be said. For...... :lol

[Esuohlim]

You are unbelievably worthless

[WTF]

Come-on Esu, she is not that worthless. Please we must not be too hard on her. I bet that all of us had the same questions the first time we had to struggle with condoms and such. :conspiracy

Oh, but I see, you actually mean that I am worthless? If I should experience this as an insult I WOULD be totally worthless :lol

[ziggytrix]

Loveline
Have relationship and/or sex questions? Get your answers here from other people who have no clue what they're doing!

:(

[kellychaos]

Sniff this condom and tell me if you think that it's still fresh.

[CaptainBubba]

GUYS BE SERIOUS THIS IS FORUM ABOUT SERIOUSNESS AND FUCKING AND UNDERAGE SEMI-AUTISTIC KIDS FUCKING IN THEIR PARENT'S BEDS WHILE TIPSY OFF APPLETINIS. WE NEED TO GET SERIOUS OR WE'LL BE STUPID.

I really dont know Bucket. No one really knows how babies are made or how sex or condoms work. :(

[WTF]

I agree.

And by the way Bucket, sex is strictly forbidden until the age of consent as stipulated in Zimbabwe. You have not been reading your National Geographic recently? Shame on you. So, withhold, withdraw and go into denial until such legal age is reached. If not, you will go straight to HELL, young lady. Mark ye words. God is watching YOU! >:

[Anonymous]

Okay, that's it. Two days in the big house for being a tragically unfunny cock.

[kellychaos]

How can one one REALLY take sex seriously when it involves asses (and possibly, farting), body hair, body odor, odd noises and funny faces? :comedygold