I met a trendy Christian girl

[Perndog]

At a coffee shop last night. There were five people sitting around the table, just talking (it was about 10:30 PM), and suddenly this cute little thing, probably about 19 years old, walks up to us and says hi.

"Do you guys go to school here?"

"Yes, some of us do."

"That's neat. What are you studying? What are your names?"

"Excuse me, but are you selling something?" We had been accosted twice by solicitors earlier in the evening, probably because there were a bunch of us and we were sitting by the door.

"No, I just like to talk to people in coffee shops."

"Okay." (weird, but not too much of a freak yet)

"I like to talk to people about the gospel of Jesus Christ."

Immediately, all five of us look at each other and say "OOOOHHHHHH!" loudly and in unison. So she really is selling something.

"Have you all been saved?"

"Well, I'm a Satanist, he's an atheist, she's a lapsed Catholic, etc."

One of the less tactful members of our party, after learning her name, asked how it was spelled. "Katie? or Katy?"

"It's C A T Y."

"Wow, your parents must have hated you."

Now she's upset. Still clueless, but upset. "My mother loves me very much!"

The name discussion goes on for a minute or so. Then he starts talking about her clothes. She had said something earlier about how God doesn't like girls dressing like sluts.

"I notice you have this closed-off sort of look. You've got your head covered and this hair sort of making a shield for your face. It's only cold enough outside for maybe a thick sweater, but you've got this big black jacket that goes almost down to your knees." (eventually, she takes off the jacket to prove she wasn't just wearing it out of extreme modesty.) "And underneath that you have a long-sleeved shirt with a T-shirt over it. It's like you're in a capsule. Doesn't that image kind of contradict what you're doing (handing out tracts to strangers)?"

This goes on for a little bit. It's obvious that she's just dressed up against the cold, but he ignores or refuses to admit this until finally, she interrupts him and says "you know, you've made God very angry!"

This impresses us. As he tries to continue the conversation, the other three missionaries, who are less cute and vaguely dangerous-looking young men, gather around our table. Apparently they all came together and split up to cover the whole joint.

It got a little less amusing after that. No violence or rough words, but they were much better at the game and didn't get roped into any stupid arguments. Eventually, they left, and we laughed long and hard.

[kellychaos]

coffee shop crusaders ... biring forth the Word, valiant knight!! :lol

[kahljorn]

I've had that exact situation happen before except it involved a body full of alchy and a heart full of stwig.

[AChimp]

:lol

Great story. I haven't had anyone come up to me recently to talk about Jesus. I've perfected the scowl that drives away bums and preachers away while I'm waiting for the bus.

[Emu]

Nobody talks to me. ;_; And when they do I get told that I walk around like I'm really pissed at everything and I know everyone's dirty secrets and will tell anyone and everyone if they talk to me. BUT I DON'T ;_;

[AngPur]

The worst is Jehova's Witnesses. Not only can you spot them from a mile off. "Why is that man wearing a tie outside in July?", but they'll come up and act like they know you, even if they just got your name off a list.

Every now and then they'll drive instead of walk, and if you see a mixed-ethnic group of well dressed people approaching, it kinda gives you the willies. I once tried to tell a person I thought was a JW off, only to find out he was from the county Democratic commitee instead. Kinda scary how much they look like one another... and both want you to buy their literature.

At least the chick-tract types don't try to sell you anything other than their sky-pixie.

[CaptainBubba]

For some reason the more and more I develop as a mature adult the easier it is to just be completely ridiculous with solicitors and religious. Typically I don't even attempt a rational conversation anymore since most Jesus people are so far bent into a sort of hypnotic retardation that itll only make me mad.

Among the things I've done in recnt memory is offering to go halfsies on a porn website called "YOU GOT PREGNANT", which would be a spinoff of Punkd revolving around deliberate broken condoms. Other times I just act really really scary and make wierd sounds and get uncomfortably close to them and whisper stuff like "I decide who lives or dies, I decide who lives or dies". The best part is that they keep on trying which is in my opinion the clearest indicator they are mentally ill.

[Big Papa Goat]

sounds pretty mature

[Immortal Goat]

I have yet to get into a position to duscuss my newfound interest in being a Pagan, but after reading your story, I think it will be an iteresting time.

[Skulhedface]

I'm surprised this never occured to anybody, but if you're not religious, it's not a sin for you to answer in a lie form.

Something tells me if they ask you if you've found Jesus and you say "Yes" they'll leave you alone.

An even better way to do this is to answer the door naked. Make sure you have a boner.

[Dr. V]

That wasn't just a trendy Christian girl. It sounds like an over zelous Mormon. Believe me I know. I AM ONE! But serously if that's what she really said then she's a retard.

[kellychaos]

I think an important lesson can learned from all this. God should use sex to sell himself ... few nakie posters strewn about the cathedral. :)

[neojester12]

Jehovas Witnesses suck.

They came to our house, and to not be mean, my dad said "well, we will read the phanplets and think about it."

Apparently, we were the only thing CLOSE to a friend, because the same pair came back (i counted)..........14 Times!, not to foward the " witnessness" but just to talk.

[FurankuS]

So this guy I know (who's now a high school science teacher, of all things) is busy not going to class when two JWs show up at his door. He, being a friendly type, isn't being THAT mean to them; they're just standing there talking for a few minutes about whatever. One of the Witnesses is looking sort of bored, so my friend tells him to hang back. He then intives him to a party later, and the Jehovah's Witness ends passed out on top of a pool table by the end of the night.

They can still be saved!

[mburbank]

You gave her what she came for, though she probably doesn't know it.

She thinks she's doing what Jesus wanted from her, ie. spreading the gospel and potentially saving souls from eternal damnation. If one believes in eternal damnation, it would be pretty horrible NOT sppending your time trying to save people from it, like walking past a collapsed bullding and not trying to pull people from the rubble,except much, much worse.

That's what makes it particularly sad that what most (perhaps not all) who publicly witness want is validation of their identity which they get through provoking the criticism and ridicule of outsiders. Later they can tell each other that this criticism and ridicule is evidence of, or even amounts to, persecution, the ultimate sign that your identity is indeed valid.

If one is seriously interested in the teachings of Jesus, they should look long and hard at their reasons for witnessing, to make sure that they are not in fact the sin of pride.

Being truly Christian is very, very hard and balancing the potential damnation of others (about which you can know nothing since judgement is the province of God) against ones own motivations is just one of the difficulties. Being truly Christian is a lot more like agony on the corss than talking to people about stuff they don't want to talk about in coffee shops.

[AngPur]

That's what makes it particularly sad that what most (perhaps not all) who publicly witness want is validation of their identity which they get through provoking the criticism and ridicule of outsiders. Later they can tell each other that this criticism and ridicule is evidence of, or even amounts to, persecution, the ultimate sign that your identity is indeed valid.

So evangelical Christians are basically furries? Suddenly, a whole lot of crap makes sense.

[kahljorn]

my friend answered the door drunk as fuck to some mormons or something once, and they ended up saying his dog had no soul so he got pissed and got his dog out(Which is a huge chocolate doberman named bosco who's a really nice dog) and they ran away and jumped into their car and drove off :)

[kellychaos]

You gave her what she came for, though she probably doesn't know it.

That's what makes it particularly sad that what most (perhaps not all) who publicly witness want is validation of their identity which they get through provoking the criticism and ridicule of outsiders. Later they can tell each other that this criticism and ridicule is evidence of, or even amounts to, persecution, the ultimate sign that your identity is indeed valid.



moral masochism :(

[KevinTheOmnivore]

I get a Jesus complex when I'm rejected in a coffee shop, too. :(

[Perndog]

Max, I always thought the same thing. Christians who think anyone who isn't on good terms with Jesus goes to Hell but don't go out of their way to help save anyone are failing pretty miserably. The only reason I can imagine that there are people with those beliefs who aren't either hardcore evangelists or completely self-loathing (for their failure) is that most people don't really think things all the way through. "Yeah, Jesus saves, and sinners without Jesus are damned. Well, I'm saved. I kind of wish everyone could be, too. But I can't really do anything about it. I respect their differences."

It is not appropriate to respect a difference of opinion when one believes with certainty that this difference will lead to ETERNAL TORMENT. If I were that kind of Christian, I would be a gung-ho crazy evangelist and no amount of criticism or argument would make me back down.

Good thing I'm not. That would be so much work.

By the way, Max, thanks for replying to my thread. I've missed you. :)

[KevinTheOmnivore]

The gospel is the "good news." If you feel like you have heard the good news, and you're filled with the happy, don't you want to share that happy with everyone you possibly could???

The problem with you guys is that you look at evangelism (sp?) as like the Borg assimilating weak planets and solar systems. That's not how a missionary looks at it. They see themselves as being blessed with a gift, a gift that is their obligation to share with the world, lest they do a disservice to the world.

[Immortal Goat]

Didn't the Borg kinda feel the same way, though? Not a Trek fan, but I was under the impression that they felt that they were superior, and therefor everyone should be borg or be destroyed. :/

[AngPur]

The problem with you guys is that you look at evangelism (sp?) as like the Borg assimilating weak planets and solar systems. That's not how a missionary looks at it. They see themselves as being blessed with a gift, a gift that is their obligation to share with the world, lest they do a disservice to the world.

Communism sort operates on the same mentality though...

[El Blanco]

don't most -isms? If you are really going to dedicate yourself to anything (other than monasticism), don't you kind of have to sell others on it? Or atleast try?

[Perndog]

If it's Jesus or Hell, anyone who doesn't evangelize *is* doing a disservice to humanity. That's what I'm saying.

[Big Papa Goat]

Being truly Christian is very, very hard and balancing the potential damnation of others (about which you can know nothing since judgement is the province of God)

According to Christian thinking, isn't damnation the result of a natural sinfulness, not God's judgement of paticular sins or individuals?

[Sethomas]

Depends on whom you ask. In conventional theology, sinfulness is a deliberate separation from God undertaken by the individual. So, damnation is not God's doing, but a de facto reaction for dying outside of His grace. Id est, you choose not to go to heaven. Hoewver, what is or isn't sin is determined by God alone. So, you detach yourself, but only God knows if you are detached.

[Immortal Goat]

My understanding on the matter of "sinfulness" is that certain faiths have different beliefs on the subject. Some believe that no matter what you do in life, if you accept Jesus as your lord and savior by the time you die, then you go to Heaven, but if you don't, no matter how good a person you were, you go to hell. Others believe that it is mostly based on good deeds, and that while it is preferable to believe in Jesus, it isn't the only way to get there.

In other words, fundamentalist Christians are the dicks at a ticket counter that stop selling tickets before they are sold out, and the other guys are the scalpers in the parking lot. Neither one of them is someone you really want to deal with, but at least one of them is letting you in, even if it is for a high price.

[Preechr]

So, if Max's right, then not only were you right to mock the pseudo-evangelistic little monkey, but you would have been doing her a favor by going a few steps further, picking up some rocks and staging a good, ol' fashioned stoning.

I like to think that's what Jesus would have done had he caught her using his name so vainly.

Max's and Perndog's comments pretty much sums up why I did not go into the ministry and eventually talked myself out of being a Christian altogether. The idea that life has to be that complex and agonizing ONLY FOR HUMANS sounds way to human for me to easily accept as what God planned.

[kahljorn]

I don't see anything wrong with the christian faith. There might be stupid people in it but there's stupid people everywhere. Welcome to a world of substandard education, and a place where your ego only exists as it does because there's half-retarded christians out there.
You should feel proud that people are stupider than you rather than acting outraged, because without their stupidity you'd just be an average joe. Not that alot of people on this board are really any better than christians as far as their belief patterns or actions would have it...

[ziggytrix]

there is only one possible course of action. make and distribute anti-proselytizing literature at your coffee house/campus!

[AngPur]

there is only one possible course of action. make and distribute anti-proselytizing literature at your coffee house/campus!

Furnishing opinions with the message of "Think for yourself". Kind of defeats the purpose, huh?

[Jeanette X]

I did have someone on campus offer me a free copy of the New Testament, but he backed off when I said "No thank you", which is rather refreshing.

I don't mind evangicals if they take no for an answer, but they rarely do.

You should have just chanted, "Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn, Cthulhu fhtagn! Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!" while lolling your tongue and shaking ecstatically.

That would've gotten rid of her pretty damn quick.

[Sethomas]

Am I going to have to make "Lovecraft Sucks" part of my signature or something? :/

[Immortal Goat]

But Lovecraft DOESN'T suck. It's just the Marine's of the world that give him a bad image.

[AngPur]

Am I going to have to make "Lovecraft Sucks" part of my signature or something? :/

Please do. Trendy old authors for teenage goths are quite butched in culture. Also, Poe and Vonnegut are both very good, but the former has been remembered more for his image than his mastery of English, and the later is a very respectable author who never meant to be read by any and all 13-17 year olds.

[kahljorn]

Kilgore trout has eyes all over his face and nose :(
He's scary.

[ziggytrix]

Furnishing opinions with the message of "Think for yourself". Kind of defeats the purpose, huh?


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