Mock Wars 2K5 (Round 2) - CaptainBubba VS. Ziggy Trix

[Mock Wars Admin]

CaptainBubba VS. Ziggy Trix will take place here.

This match will run from noon on Sunday to midnight on Wednesday.

Voting on this match will run from midnight on Wednesday to noon on Sunday. All times are EST.

[CaptainBubba]

GOD DAMNIT I AM SO PUMPED UP WITH FURY AND RAGE AT ZIGGY RIGHT NOW I AM READY TO GET THIS SHOW ON MOTHERFUCKS.

I HATE YOU ZIGGY. PERSONALLY. GREATLY. WHEN THE NATIVE AMERICANS WERE KILLED BY DISEASE AND MUSKETS OF THE WHITE MAN THEY WERE IN POSSESION OF A DISFAVORING WHICH COULD NOT FEASIBLY EQUAL EVEN 1/3 OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR YOU. HIV HATES YOU MORE THAN I DOBUT THAT IS JUST BECAUSE YOUR FOUL PATHETIC BODY IS TOO DIESEASED FOR HIM TO TO HIT HIV PUBERTY AND BECOME AIDS WITHOUT MAKING YOUR GENITALS TURN INTO SCABS AND CRUMBLE AND THEN HE WOULD BE HOMELESS.

MY HATE PERSONIFIED RESEMBLES A DRUNKEN GAREY BUSEY ON A COKE BINGE WEILDING PVC PIPE AND YELLING JUST LOUD ENOUGH TO HURT. I HATE YOU MORE THAN "WANDA DOES IT" HATED BEING FUNNY. WHEN ALL OF SPACE AND TIME BECOMES SO DISTANT AND SEPERATE THAT A SINGLE ATOM WILL SPACE CENTURIES OF LIGHT YEARS FROM THE NEXT, ALL THAT WILL REMAIN IS A FAINT GLOWING EMBER OF MY DISGUST FOR YOU AND IT WILL MAKE A NOISE THAT SOUNDS LIKE IT IS SCREAMING "ZIIIIIIGGGYYYYYY" FOREVER BUT REALLY IT IS JUST STEAM ESCAPING OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. SCIENCE.

MY HATE FOR YOU HAS THE POWER TO HEAL THE SICK AND FEED THE HUNGRY BUT CHOOSES TO DEVOTE ITS TIME TO POSTING ON INTERNET FORUMS AND CRYING. SOMETIMES WHEN MY HATRED GETS BORED IT SCREAMS SO LOUD THAT ONE OF MY EYES STARTS THROBBING AND BLOOD COMES OUT HOLES IN THE WALLS.

I HATE YOU ZIGGY. I HATE YOU OH GOD. I AM SO FUCKIGN ANGRY.

[CaptainBubba]

Ok I just finished screaming like five minutes ago and there is blood everywhere and I think I am dying but not before this is over between us do you hear me?! >:

I understand if you are just too intimidated to post anything here. My arms are the size of pythons and my mental facilities equal the most super of mega computers. Just the other day I wrote a program in C++ that, given the number of times I use the word "Shazam" in a day, will accurately predict how much lady pie I will have by 12:00. Haha I cheated though because it is a constant value really (The answer is always "17 and they all cum alot and want to marry you").

I mean its ok if you do still want to post or something. I won't think any less of you if you don't though.

[ziggytrix]

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/bubba1v2.jpg

[CaptainBubba]

That was a fun story for the family Ziggy!

it was so random and stuff I just couldn't stop reading it! A Parrot!

[CaptainBubba]

I decided to try to make a story with you too but I am not good at illustrations!

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/CRAZYZIGGY1.gif

HAHA I AM ZIGGY. I

oh man I'm sorry I just can't come up with anything else to make you do and it'd be really lame if I couldn't come up with a plotline that was both relevant and entertaining!








http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/CRAZYZIGGY2.gif

HAHA I MADE IT GO FASTER ITS PRETTY ZANY NOW!

But its just not up to Ziggy standards yet, I mean, you pulled that ending out of nowhere and I have to live up to the precedent. I mean did you see my dad? DID YOU SEE IT? HE WAS A CAPTAIN D'S MASCOT AHAHAHAHA. Oh man I have to keep the laughing down my roommate woke up. Think Bubba THINK!











http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/CRAZYZIGGYCAT1.gif

AHAHAHA. ITS A CAT. ITS A HAHAHA ITS A CAT.

[CaptainBubba]

Ziggy I know you think you are a big man and everything and are probably a vegetarian and don't take showers and when asked about T.V I bet you say "Oh, I don't watch T.V, I read books" and everything. But come on.

Not that making one really boring half-assed photoshop comic based on an internet alias that looks like something a 6 year old sunday school girl did isn't a great effort and everything. I just wanted a little hutspa yanno?

I mean at least with guitar woman you got all hot and flustered about her being funny and wouldn't shut the fuck up about it and that was kind of funny. Yunno, because you were embarrasing yourself.

[ziggytrix]

If ya'll all seriously find that comic ziggy posted funny then I will drop out of this tournament right now on the grounds that I am trying to appeal to the same people who think family circus is just delightful.


Maybe you should take your own advice about crying when you think your opponent isn't being funny, you bloated sack of shit.

[ziggytrix]

So, if you get done crying about how unfunny that first comic was you can rev up the ol whaaaambulance again, cuz here comes another AMAZING ADVENTURE OF CAPTAIN BUBBA!! WOW!

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/bubba2.jpg

This episode of The Amazing Adventures of Captain Bubba brought to you by Kleenex brand tissues and Huggies Diapers!

[CaptainBubba]

You are right I totally did post that ( The quote thing was creative man good show ;p) in the comments thread! You are right though just like you I did waste 2 pages of my mock wars thread screeching endlessly at a wall about how needlessly uninspired and shitty your posts are! I don’t know what came over me!

Won't happen again.

[CaptainBubba]

Its amazing! I have found a way to figure out what is funny about Ziggy’s comics so that I too can be enriched by their humor!




http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/Ziggytimetravel.gif

I read Ziggy’s brain lol! Lets look!






http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/ITSFUNNY1.jpg

Haha gout is funny. I get it now.





http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/SOFUNNY2.jpg

Lol.











WAIT WAIT OH GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING OH GOD




http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/AWFULSHIT2.jpg






OH GOD ZIGGY’S MIND IS A NIGHTMARE FROM THE PAGES OF A MADMAN’S VITCIM’S DIARY AFTER THEY HAVE DEVELOPED STOCKHOLMES AND EAT THEIR OWN FECIES OH MY GOD OH MAKE IT STOP






http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/AWFULSHIT.jpg


OH GOD THIS IS NOT EVEN PLEASANT OH GOD WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING GOOD FAMILY FUN OH JESUS WILL SOMEONE MAKE THIS ROLLER COASTER OF SORROW END.








http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/waterworld-poster02.jpg

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH













http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/OMGFUNNYSTUFF.jpg

Haha that’s better.

P.S lol Captasian Americas had sex with me. Haha.

[CaptainBubba]

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/ZiggyOffice1.jpg

Hi! Thanks for coming. Ziggy was it? Anyway yes I did get your application.

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/ZiggyApplication.jpg

I would like to point out that this is definitely not our application and many fields were left blank. For example we will be needing a valid social security number and at least two references.

Yes we also would prefer you not list relatives.

No I don’t think your deviantart "New Age Impressionism" forum moderator would be appropriate.


Anyway, that can all be sorted out of course. What I’m really anxious to see is what kind of skill you have at the job. You are familiar with the standard image manipulation programs correct? Do you have any experience with ABBY fine reader?

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/ZiggyOffice2.jpg

No its not basically the same thing as MSPaint.

The bathroom is just down the hall.

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/ZiggyBathroom.jpg

Did you find it ok? Good. Well I thought we could move along to your portfolio then. I’d like to see some of your work.

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/ZiggyPortfolio.jpg

Mhm. I see. What was this project intended for?

Right.

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/ZiggyOffice3.jpg

Do you have anything else?

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/ZiggyCrying.jpg


http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/ZiggyOffice3.jpg


We’ll keep your resume on file.

[ziggytrix]

You are right though just like you I did waste 2 pages of my mock wars thread screeching endlessly at a wall about how needlessly uninspired and shitty your posts are! I don’t know what came over me!

Won't happen again.

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/bubbablabba.gif

[ziggytrix]

So it's clear you know more about me than I do about you, since you know what I do for a living, and as far as I can tell you're either still in school, or just a worthless bum freeloading off your parents.

So I'll just have to see what I can dig up... hang on, this looks promising:

At least 3 big ones come to mind with me.

1. When I was 12: I somehow injured myself on the cap area and it hurt so bad that I told my parents I zipped my dick up accidently so that I could go to the doctor. He said it was bruised pretty badly and to leave it alone. I couldn't touch it for 1 week,

2. When I was 14: I chaffed it so badly from a 4 in a row pleasure-myself-a-thon that it was pink and raw and I screamed my ass off when i got in the shower. I couldn't touch it for two weeks.

3. Two weeks ago: I have big calices on my palms from weight lifting and sometimes hard dead skin hangs off where the calices are. One of these pieces of dead skin lacerated my dick as I was masturbating, causing massive bleeding and excrutiating pain. It still hurts a little.

I like masturbating. :)

On second thought, I'm not gonna touch that one.

[ziggytrix]

So what about existential ponderings?

How do you deal with the thought of oblivion? I have the same opinion on what occurs after death, but when I confront the idea about eternal non-existance I become overwhelmingly sad.


That's heavy man. :(

[ziggytrix]

So there's the thread you made about anti-depressents...

I may be put on these sometime in the near future and I know that many of you have been on them before. I'm curious about wether it will actually help me with my quasi-suicidal depression and what kind of negative side effects it may have on me.


Yeah.... I don't mean to be dredging up all these painful memories. I know, I know, you act all tough and push the pain deep down where no one can see it. I'll stop. I can see this isn't helping the fight any.

[CaptainBubba]

So you know that I like masturbation, which is really embarassing because I hear like almost no one ever does that especially people on the internet.

I'm afraid of death. I agree. It is super heavy to be afraid of dying.

Yea I almost went on anti-depressants once whe-






WAIT OH GOD NOT AGAIN




http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/Ziggy'smind.gif






AHHHHHHH AHHHHH OH GOD WHY







http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/Waterworld2.jpg


SWEET MERCIFUL GOD IN HELL WHY DO YOU KEEP THINKING OF THIS MOVIE OH JESUS HOW THE FUCK CAN PEOPLE EVOLVE TO HAVE FUNCTIONAL GILLS IN SUCH A SHORT TIME SPAN OH THE PAIN OH GOD I EMBRACE THE COLD HUG OF OBLIVION I CHANGE MY MIND.

[CaptainBubba]

Oh and I didn't know that you wore mascara and cried for a living it was just kind of an educated guess.

[ziggytrix]

There you go, weeping over how unfunny you find my posts and babbling about that horrible Costner (redundant, I know) movie again.


http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/bubbacry.gif


I get all the luck. Maybe I'll finish the comic series tonight, or maybe I'll just mail the rest of this one in.

Feel free to throw some more fits tho Bubba. I have NO problem with winning this thru your own self-sabotague.

[CaptainBubba]

Wait I re-read this whole thread and couldn't find the part were I complain about you not being funny.

Maybe you could quote it for me.

I hear you're really good at it.

[ziggytrix]

I hear you're really good at sucking cock, but you don't see me asking for a pictorial demonstration.

[ziggytrix]

btw, the point of the masturbation quote wasn't that you WTF OMG liked mastubation - it was that you were a ridiculous idiot who constantly injured yourself through your own oafish clumsiness.

i'm sure your girlfriend lives in mortal terror of heavy petting

[CaptainBubba]

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/pictures2.jpg



http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/pictures1.jpg



http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/picture3.jpg



http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/picture4.jpg

[ziggytrix]

OH NOES I'VE JUST BEENhttp://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/grandma.gif!!!1

How did you ever get so viscious? I bet I'd be mean too if i accidentally ripped my dick apart masturbating. :(

[ziggytrix]

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/picture4.gif

y'all just pretend bubba posted that ;)

[ziggytrix]

Well, that's it guys, I'm out. Done. Over. Finito.

My mind has just been completely blown.


Captain Bubba Daniels
http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/CaptBubbaDaniels.jpg

Captain Bubba has been on shrimp boats since he was 4 or 5 years old with his father. At age 17 he was running his own boat and is a 4th generation shrimper. He’s also worked on research and tow vessels, but always came back to shrimping. His shrimping business has been prosperous and he owns his own boat. He was contracted to trawl for the DNR Turtle project. He says the work breaks up the monotony of shrimping and is more guaranteed than the amount of shrimp he might catch. The hours are what he likes least about shrimping: almost 24 hr days for 5 or 6 day stretches. Shrimping technology hurts more than it helps in his opinion because it allows more people to have access to the fish and shrimp rather than learning the compass and bathymetry skills.

I am not makin this up, folks! See for yourself if you don't believe me. (http://oceanica.cofc.edu/SeaTurtle/careersandbios.htm)

At least the whole Waterworld obsession is makin some sense now.


I mean, it's either that or...

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/bubbasquirrellthing1.jpg

Seriously man, er, squirrell-thing, whatever... what aren't you telling us here?

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/bubbasquirrellthing2.jpg

[CaptainBubba]

Thats great man.

Thats really something.

[CaptainBubba]

Awww and what a cute sugar glider it is! :)

[CaptainBubba]

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/alex1.jpg



http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/alexshrug.jpg

[ziggytrix]

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/bubba3.jpg

[CaptainBubba]

I realize now I was a fool to ever take on a challenge as grave as this. I am only begining to know the level of dedication and work that goes into participating in a mock war.

After Ziggy found that seemingly irrelevant and asinine information about the name bubba I realized I was doomed unless I did the same for him. And so I dove into the books haha as they say here at College these days ;p ;p/

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/Research1.jpg

Deep In thought and concentration, I studied for hours through endless catalogues of knowledge indexing the genetic chronolgies of countless families and the origins of names themselves.

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/research3.jpg

To no avail. My hours of study soon turned into hours of rubbing my nose for some reason. I am squinting because I just remembered how awful it is that people can not get along and stop going to war. This kind of distraction did not aid my studies in the slightest.


http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/research4.jpg


When suddenly I was struck with A BREAKTHROUGH.

[CaptainBubba]

Ziggy is the name of a popular comic about a zany man with spinobifida or something

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/ziggycomic.gif

And as you see there is a dog.

Resevoir Dogs.

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/adhdf.jpg

Which starred Quentin Tarintino who was in

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/sga.jpg


with Johhny Depp who lives in France where cars are burned

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/car-fire-lg.jpg

Wheeew hold on I need to take a break for a second to refresh.

[CaptainBubba]

HAHA ZANY CRAZY COMIC INTERMISSION TIME

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/ZiggyAdventures1.jpg

[CaptainBubba]

Haha I hoped you enjoyed that folks more to come from that I'm sure.

Anyway picking up, cars that are on fire sometimes are put out by firemen.

9/11

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/firefighters1024_768.jpg

And I think we all know what I'm getting at by now.



9/11 made eagles start crying all over the place

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/eagle.jpg

So by deduction Ziggytrix is a pussy.

Now its been a long night you guys. I'm ready to put down the books and snuggle up with a good book.

Sleep well.

[CaptainBubba]

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/ZiggyAdventures2.jpg

[CaptainBubba]

Haha sorry guys I guess I'm a failure at everything and my stepdad should beat me with ripped up coke cans. Drive Safely :)

http://www.i-mockery.net/mockwar2k5/images/ZiggyAdventures2.jpg

[ziggytrix]

Dear Alex (Bubba),

It's time to wrap things up, and since I am now posting from my parents' house, don't expect any more silly pictures or wacky animations. The dial-up and ancient PC just can't hack it. :)

Anyway, I wanted to say a few words in closing, just in case there have been any misunderstandings. I don't actually hate you, or wish you harm. I don't really think you are a vain, obnoxious, and stupid puss-bag. Well... not a puss-bag anyway.

Also, kudos on your brilliant strategy to confuse the hell out of me at the last minute! It has succeeded beyond your wildest expectations, I'm sure. I don't even know what you're trying to do now, but I'm sure it's totally kicking my ass. :(

Give my regards to the wacky squirrel thing!


Best Thanksgiving Wishes,
Brian (Ziggy)



PS - Just between the two of us, you could have quit posting after the job interview gag and had this round in the bag. What were you thinking, changing gears after that? Ha ha. ;)