THE BEST JOKE EVER!

[mburbank]

My 5 year old Daughter Cordelia told me this joke.

Q: What kind of Bee gives milk?

A: A BOOBIE!!!!!

[Chojin]

:applause

[Blue Fox]

oh yeah?

Q: why was the belt arrested?

A: for holding up the pants!

[lunlun]

ahh this joke is too cute mr burbank :)

[george]

HA!

Q: WHAT DID THE ELEPHANT SAY TO THE NAKED MAN?

A: HOW DO YOU BREATHE THROUGH THAT THING?

[glowbelly]

q. what did one flower say to the other flower?

a. hey, bud.

[Guitar Woman]

Q: How do you catch a runaway bra?

A: YOU SET A BOOBY TRAP :lol

[ziggytrix]

*whew* I thought this thread was gonna be about the Aristocrats. :)

[Pram Maven]

http://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/thinkfilm/the_aristocrats/_group_photos/paul_provenza1.jpg

[Pram Maven]

*whew* I thought this thread was gonna be about the Aristocrats. :)

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."


With that the son sparks up a cigar and shoves it up his mum's vagina. He then sticks his dick inside his mum and burns the tip of it on the cigar.

Undeterred, he whips his cock out and slaps his dad around the face with it knocking him to the floor. The mum jumps on top of the dad's face and shits all over it. The daughter goes to the other end and sucks the dad's cock until he comes all over her back.

The dog, not wanting to be left out, climbs on top of the daughter's back and slides down the trail of cum until he gets his head wedged inside the son's arsehole, who is waiting bent over behind his sister.

The dad starts fucking the dog whilst it's head is still up the son's arsehole. The mum bends down and starts sucking the son's cock whilst the dog is still up his arse being fucked by the dad. The daughter shits on the mum's face at the same time the son cums on her face. The mum is sick into a bucket in the middle of the room.

The dog slips out of the son's arsehole and falls into the giant bucket of shit, cum, and vomit.

The dad scoops up a handful out of the bucket and throws it at his daughter's face. Her eyes burn with pain. Whilst blinded she is bent over by her dad and fucked up the arse by him. Whilst fucking his daughter the dad shits all over the mum's face.

The mum smears the shit on the son's cock using it as a lubricant to suck him off. The son cums in the mum's mouth who then throws up a cocktail of vomit, shit, and cum over the dog who is already lying in the bucket of vomit, shit, and cum.

The dad whips his cock out of the daughter's arse and cums over the dog in the bucket of vomit, shit, and cum.

The mum licks the daughter's fanny, who punches the son in the face. The son gouges the daughter's eyeball out in retaliation and starts fucking the eye socket. The dad pulls the son off of the daughter and shits in his mouth. The dad bends his son over and fucks him from behind whilst holding the son's mouth shut so he can't spit out the shit.

The son then vomits the shit in his mouth over the dog and into the bucket. The dad, mum, and daughter all squat over the dog, they shit and piss over it into the bucket.

The dad picks up the bucket and announces he will recreate the Boxing Day tsunami by throwing the contents of the bucket across the room. The dog flies out on a wave of shit, piss, cum, and vomit, and smashes into the wall. The dog starts to drown in the fluid.

The son slides across the floor to save the dog, in celebration he fists his mum, retrieves his cigar and takes a long well earned drag.

The whole family stand in a line and take a bow.

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The 'BEST JOKE EVER!' thread!"

[Misdemonar]

Here's a joke:














Prog Shooter

[Pram Maven]

MrsMattDamoner, Looks like a waste of space if you ask me.

Kind of like you :)

[Jebus]

q: what kinda cheese doesn't belong to you?



a: nacho cheese

[Wiffle Bat]

hee hee ^^

[DamnthatDavid]

This thread was good all the way to the end of the first post. Then it got sucky. :(

[Jixby Phillips]

thats a fantastic joke!

GUYS come on if you like the joke please tell max so he can relay the compliments back to his kid i'm sure she'd like to hear them! because you know he isnt gonna relay OH YEAH WELL WHAT ABOUT THIS JOKE back to her and challenge her to come up with something better you fucking creeps

[bigtimecow]

i love the aristocrats

[the_dudefather]

what kind of key cant open any lock?


a donkey!

(yes its christmas cracker joke time)

[MetalMilitia]

What type of key can open ANY lock?

A Pikey!

(don't think non-english will get this one)

[mburbank]

Jixby is right. Although I might tell her the one about the elephant because the other day she told me a penis is 'like a deflated old woman's booby except pee comes out of the tip.'

[Pram Maven]

This is the post before the post that I actually meant to post.

[Pram Maven]

Not just pee...

Okay, I got one.


What did the little boy with no arms, no legs, and the inability to speak, hear, and see get for Christmas?

[Pram Maven]

Cancer. :| :party

[MetalMilitia]

What do you call a person who can make one crap joke span 3 posts?

Prog shooter!

[Pram Maven]

:boohoo

[CosmoToad]

use more than one word idiot not just a sad face. And triple posting will just get you banned CrotchShooter!

[sadie]

please shut up, frogboy.

[Misdemonar]

use more than one word idiot not just a sad face. And triple posting will just get you banned CrotchShooter!

:(

[Pram Maven]

use more than one word idiot not just a sad face. And triple posting will just get you banned CrotchShooter!

It was an ACCIDENT, cockblast!

Yeah, kind of like you. :(

[Pub Lover]

Everyone shut up, Max's daughter is being funny! >:
'like a deflated old woman's booby except pee comes out of the tip.'
:lol

[Cosmo Electrolux]

use more than one word idiot not just a sad face. And triple posting will just get you banned CrotchShooter!

It was an ACCIDENT, cockblast!

Yeah, kind of like you. :(

cockblast? what a completely lame attempt at an insult. You new people really suck and you're making the rest of us look bad.

[Pram Maven]

Ok,

Then you have a face that only a Lycu could love >:

[mburbank]

Can you get the hell out of my thread?

[camacazio]

Not just pee...
Jesus christ you're making THAT joke from what a little girl said, you sick fuck?

[Pram Maven]

Can you get the hell out of my thread?

Fuck off, you

http://x4.putfile.com/1/2512061264.jpg

[mburbank]

oh boy

[Dole]

thread-ruining unfunny newbie SHIT

[Emu]

Max, I don't think anybody knows who your avatar is supposed to be. :lol

[Pram Maven]

Who is Max's A/V supposed to be?

thread-ruining unfunny newbie SHIT

Stupid commentary-wielding, vapid bitch-loving, sand-in-the-ears TWAT LUMP!

I am funny, because, well, I commanded a board for more than a year, and had even the meanest posters kissing my ass by the time it went down for good.

Oh yes. I am a veteran.. So please give my pubic probiscus a lick.

[mburbank]

I know, that is so frickin' sad to me. It's his official portrait. All I did was tint it Hulk green, and alter the eyes and teeth.

[Pram Maven]

WHO IS IT?? !!

[DamnthatDavid]

I am funny, because, well, I commanded a board for more than a year, and had even the meanest posters kissing my ass by the time it went down for good.

Dear God, what have we gotten ourselves into? We, the mortal few, find ourselves at the very foot step of the titan of posting himself!

I for one will be trembling in fear at his posting antics.

[Schimid]

jesus christ

[Pram Maven]

jesus christ

Of latter-day saints.

(The Mormons!)

Hey Max, is your A/V supposed to be Rich Kyanka from
SA?

[ziggytrix]

If you weren't a retarded teenager, you'd know who it was.

[Pram Maven]

I'm a goddamn fucking 28 year old and with enough anger to snap your neck just by willing it to happen, not a teenager, fuckwit.

But, since you asked nicely, I will leave you to your own masturbatory devices.

Bye.

[Jeff The Ninja]

Prog Shooter, youre a shit head. Max, That joke was Awesome.

[lunlun]

hee hee ^^

chuuu chuuu ebichaaaannn

[Chojin]

Prog. 2 day vacation. Bye.

[Seven Force]

So...who is it supposed to be?

[sspadowsky]

I'm a goddamn fucking 28 year old and with enough anger to snap your neck just by willing it to happen, not a teenager, fuckwit.

But, since you asked nicely, I will leave you to your own masturbatory devices.

Bye.

OH YEAH WELL I'M A GODDAMN 29 YEAR-OLD AND I'VE GOT ENOUGH ANGER TO GIVE YOU ARTHRITIC KNEES AND RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME.

DON'T FUCK WITH GOD'S AMERICA, YOU LIMEY BASTARD.

[sspadowsky]

P.S.-

A guy hears a knock on his door. He opens the door to a snail sitting on his porch.

"Hey," says the snail. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Get the fuck outta here, you slimy little shit!" And he grabs the snail and chucks him across the street.

3 years later, guy hears a knock on his door. He opens the door, and there sits a snail.

Snail says, "Hey- what the fuck was that all about?"

[Emu]

i laughed :lol

[lunlun]

P.S.-

A guy hears a knock on his door. He opens the door to a snail sitting on his porch.

"Hey," says the snail. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Get the fuck outta here, you slimy little shit!" And he grabs the snail and chucks him across the street.

3 years later, guy hears a knock on his door. He opens the door, and there sits a snail.

Snail says, "Hey- what the fuck was that all about?"

yeah weve got that one in german too

hmm im just thinking about a german joke..

ah thats a popular one:

the little son sks his father "whats politics?"
the father answers "okay lets take our family as example:
i earn all the money so i am the kapitalism.
you mother manages the money so she is the governement.
and we both really take care of you my son so you are the nation.
our maid is the working class and your little brother, who's wearing diapers, is the future.
dud you understand?"

the son is satisfied for the time being

At night he wakes up because his little brother "used" the diaper and screams. He stands up and knocks at the parents door but his mother is sleeping and she doesnt wake up.
So he goes to the maid and he finds his father with her.
although he knocks several times they dont really notice.
so he gos to bed ahain and tries to sleep.


the morning after his father asks him if he can tell nowwhat politics is and the son is answering:
"yes now i know. the kapitalism fucks the working class while the gevernement is sleeping. the nation is totally ignored and the future is shitty"


(i dont know if the last sentence is so clear. its hard to translate the colloquial language)

[ziggytrix]

wow, marxist humor!

that was a fine translation, lunlun. actually, it's probably the closest to flawless english you've typed on this board so far!

[Jixby Phillips]

Max's avatar is blurry green elvis you jerks

[lunlun]

wow, marxist humor!

that was a fine translation, lunlun. actually, it's probably the closest to flawless english you've typed on this board so far!

hehe
its just.. i didnt talk or write in english for a long time and i just need practice. once my english was veryvery good.

and if you want to help me just send me pm's with my mistakes (form term whatever)

[sspadowsky]

Your English is better than most of the Americans on this board.

[lunlun]

aaawww thank you :)

but instead licking my nice ass you should tell a joke :)

[sspadowsky]

It was more of an insult to the board than a compliment to you.

[lunlun]

im an inveterate optimist so i dont care :)

[maggiekarp]

but instead licking my nice ass you should tell a joke
I like that, it is funny to me.

Max, that joke made me laugh :)

[jin]

http://www.popnko.com/jin/r1003848776.jpg

http://www.popnko.com/jin/ghostghost.jpg

http://www.popnko.com/jin/r1641026306.jpg

[bigtimecow]

prog (poop)shooter

LMAO

[Cosmo Electrolux]

I'm a goddamn fucking 28 year old and with enough anger to snap your neck just by willing it to happen, not a teenager, fuckwit.

But, since you asked nicely, I will leave you to your own masturbatory devices.

Bye.

what a douche......:lol

[MLE]

jin ;D

[Mad Melvin]

A Mexican guy, an American guy and a Japanese guy are building a house. The Mexican guy is supposed to get cement for the foundation, the American fellow is supposed to get the bricks for the walls and the Japanese guy is supposed to bring the supplies.

The Mexican guy and the American guy do what they were supposed to, but the Japanese guy has vanished.
When they start to wonder about what happened to the Japanese guy, he jumps out from behind a tree and yells: "SULPLISE!!"

meh.

[mburbank]

Jixby, you tool, it's Topo GiGio, not Elvis!

[Dole]

Stupid commentary-wielding, vapid bitch-loving, sand-in-the-ears TWAT LUMP!

I am funny, because, well, I commanded a board for more than a year, and had even the meanest posters kissing my ass by the time it went down for good.

Oh yes. I am a veteran.. So please give my pubic probiscus a lick.

I may be coming across as slightly uncharitable, but nonetheless I remain unconvinced as to your 'funny' or worth as a human being.

[ziggytrix]

apologies in advance




http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v488/ziggytrix/rumatumtum.gif

[Pram Maven]

I may be coming across as slightly uncharitable, but nonetheless I remain unconvinced as to your 'funny' or worth as a human being.

Yeah, well, I've been a bit of a rectum, but that's only because I was angry about something else, and I don't see any point in trying to be funny; I just know that I've made a lot of people laugh, so if you're truely in doubt as to my ability to do this, let me just IM you and I'll whip up hilarity that you can take home with you in a doggy bag and finish later because my jokes are mostly just Madlibs.
By the way, I'm sorry for ruining this thread earlier. That was a good joke, Max.

[Chojin]

http://www.jedidigital.com/images/jar-jar-binks2.jpg

NOW YOOSA KEEPS YOOS NOSE CLEEN, YOOSA HEARS MEE.

We also updated our rules and guidelines yesterday, so please go read them.

[Pram Maven]

OH YEAH WELL I'M A ******* 29 YEAR-OLD (and 17 minutes) AND I'VE GOT ENOUGH ANGER TO GIVE YOU ARTHRITIC KNEES AND RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME.

*LMAO!* This, I can't compete with. I can't wait till we both hit our mid 30's and our bodies fall apart. Oh, the pictures we'll share. Race you to patent uselessness! :)

Thanks, Chojin. You've been more than fair. I will behave from now on.

[Esuohlim]

We uh don't have censor swears around here

[Blue Fox]

are we gonna get back to telling more corny jokes? I was having fun.

BTW Max, I told your jokes to some friends at a party last night, they all loved it. Got any more gems like that?

tell your daughter that i liked her joke

She sounds adorable :love

[Pub Lover]

She sounds adorable :love
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v253/urbansuicidejunkie/linkedjunk/cordelia.jpg

[Sam]

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?



A FISH!!!! :lol2

[Marc Summers]

My cousin told me jokes like these when he was 8 :(

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. it stepped onto the road and it got hit by a car but it didn't die and it got stuck and dragged around town while it was going buckbuckbuck and then it fell out and then some guy tried to eat it but it got away and then it lost some feathers and fell in a river and ran to the sears tower and fell off and it didnt flap its wings but it landed on a fat lady and she tried to sell it but nobody would buy it so she threw it on the ground and tried to step on it but it got away and it was still saying buckbuckbuck and finally it went home and went to sleep but it had a nightmare and then it woke up and a farmer tried to shoot it but he missed and then he ran away and then it tried to cross the road again but it made it this time and then it met some friends and they played for a while and then it was sleepy so it went to sleep and then


His jokes had no ending

[mburbank]

Yeah, this thread is basically a tribute to the genius that is my daughter. When I am not screaming at her to at least pretend to consider doing a single damn thing I tell her to, I'm in awe of her.

And I'm kidding about Toppo GiGio. Any of you bastards who don't recognize Gallagher are too yiung to be on this board.

[Pram Maven]

*smashing a watermellon*

[mburbank]

It's not Gallgher you fucking maroon.

[ziggytrix]

http://www.loc.gov/exhibits/oliphant/vc007260.jpg

[MLE]

cheater

[Pram Maven]

It's not Gallgher you fucking maroon.

Ok.

[george]

y'know prog, there used to be a retarded kid that washed dishes at a reteraunt i worked at a long time ago. the retard was always shitting his pants. he would yell out "OH NO, MADE POOPIES, MADE POOPIES!!"

it made a lot of people laugh. just like you do.

and just why don't you run your message board or whatever anymore? your busy life of writing bad jokes conflict with your ability to run a pathetic imitation of a fun community?

or are you a liar?

[SUFFER]

did you watch the news last night ?

there was a story about 2 peanuts walking down the street .
one was a salted (assaulted)





a man approaches 2 potatos on the street and asks them "which one of you is the prostitute "

then one of the potatos looks at the guy and goes "I-DA-HO"

[GADZOOKS]

a salted (assaulted)

god dammit.

[lunlun]

aaaawww i liked the assault joke.. you crazy wordwizard you :)

[Sethomas]

So a bear walks into a bar smoking a joint. The bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve bears who do drugs". So the bear throws away the joint and orders a drink. A bar slut then started hitting on the bear and was making him anxious. Finally, the bear got sick of her and ate her. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave for doing drugs," said the bartender. "What drugs?" asked the bear. The bartender said, "That was a barbituate."

[sadie]

:giggle

[MarioRPG]

one was a salted (assaulted)

Hey, it made me laugh. :)

[camacazio]

Thank god he gave us the clearification. I never would've got the pun otherwise.