TALES FROM THE LONGBOX: The Scourge of Bendis!

[Mockery]

Protoclown returns with the sixth installment of his "Tales From the Longbox" series. This time he sinks his teeth into Brian Michael Bendis. Again, whether you read comics or not, you'll still sure to enjoy the column... and feel sorry for Wolverine. :tear

Be sure to take the quiz at the end too!

http://www.i-mockery.com/comics/boxes/longbox6-box.gif (http://www.i-mockery.com/comics/longbox6)
"TALES FROM THE LONGBOX: The Scourge of Bendis!" -by Protoclown
http://www.i-mockery.com/comics/longbox6

Enjoy!

[Johnny Couth]

If someone isn't raping you, "stop raping me" is a very innapropriate thing to scream.

[Rez]

haha, how wierd.

i stopped reading these things (gr-grew out of?) just as everyone was getting comfortable with everyone saying bendis being the best dialogue writer on the planet (right around that really funny issue of powers guesting warren ellis). i bought it for awhile despite being occasionally confused by phrases like "i screwed the pooch"

and now i find that the man finally has limits, has a couple of surreal moments (stop raping me?), cheeses it up with spiderman (i'm still not convinced on your jew thing. 'oy' doesnt count at all and the random complicated word is just 'pastrami and rye' new-york style.)

no love for thor? i liked thor a lot. i daresay he was my favorite next to iron man.
:(

ah well, his fault for accepting so many assignments.

ME: Man, I hate that Bendis dialogue thing.
YOU: Bendis dialogue thing?
ME: Yes.
YOU: He has a thing?
ME: He does.
YOU: A dialogue thing?
ME: Yes. A dialogue thing.
YOU: I can't say I've noticed.
ME: You wouldn't.

hahahahahahahaha.
i mean, i do like it sorta, but it can be pinned down pretty easy.

now i want to find my powers comics... it's 1AM, NO READING.

[MarioRPG]

I hope that "Stop Raping Me!" picture doesn't infest forums like some sort of annoying joke.

Good article overall.

[Protoclown]

Thanks, guys. And Mario, that comic came out sometime last year so hopefully if it was going to be a really annoying overused joke somebody would have scanned it in and everybody and their uncle would have seen it by now. Hopefully.

[mburbank]

Hey, Proto! I haven't read your column yet, but you know I will. I'm quite pleased the 'Stop Raping Me!' thing made it into your piece.

I think really bad stuff done with Wolverine could be a whole column for either of us. I think I hated the phrase "The ol' Canucklehead" more than anything else. What asshole writer is to blame for that one.

And then of course there's robot wolverine. And that time where Wolverine's healing power got so out of control he became a big animal thing with a pig nose. Or any of the times it turned out he already had a past with every single person in the Marvel universe and had some sort of 'beef' with them.

[Protoclown]

Max, you seem to know more about Wolvie's sordid history than I do...and it's been a while since you've written a comic column. You should do that one!

My next one should be about All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder. The 4th issue was supposed to come out this week but it looks like it's been delayed...AGAIN. I guess I could pull material from the 3 existing issues, but I was hoping to have that 4th one as well.

[mburbank]

You could do a two parter. All star BM is bad. I almost wish it was worse, because then it would be more enjoyable.

[Protoclown]

One of the rumors I've heard about the delays is that Frank Miller has heard all the negative criticism and has been rewriting like mad to make sure it doesn't suck. I almost hope that's not true, because it's the most fascinating train wreck in comics right now.

[executioneer]

omfg guys you should do a "hey dork" and "tales" CROSSOVER :eek :eek

[Supafly345]

BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS DIALOGUE QUIZ RESULTS!

# of questions you got right: 8 out of 10

The questions you got wrong: 8, 10,

Grade in percentage: 80%

I knew none of the questions and this ironic score resulted! Keen!

[Mike P]

I disagree that Bendis has the biggest hard-on for Spider-Man and Wolverine. Those two would show up in every other book regardless of who the flavor of the month at Marvel was. Luke Cage, on the other hand, is definetely Bendis' favorite. I did like the bit of dialogue between Quesada and Bendis, though.

[Protoclown]

omfg guys you should do a "hey dork" and "tales" CROSSOVER :eek :eek

Actually Willie, that's not a half bad idea. :eek

[Mockery]

Now would be the perfect time for that actually, since you've both done 6 installments of your comic columns. It'll be like Kong vs. Godzilla! :eek

[mburbank]

Hey, Proto! I have a idea! We could do a crossover article on... CROSSOVERS!

I seriously do have an idear. PM me your email and I'll get in touch.

[Protoclown]

Done, and done! Willie, thanks for saying what you said up there. This could lead to something amusing.

[sadie]

i thought this was gonna be about hindu people with dots on their foreheads.

[mburbank]

Hey, Protes! I scored 8 out of 10! Does I know my bendis or not?

I actually have liked a lot of his stuff, but I compeletly agree he is stretched Waaaaaay to thin and his work is suffering for it.

However, I relish his wierder dialogue accidents (The emma frost 'dump' think is a classic) the wy I relish Willaim Shatners acting, except nowhere near as much because I was saying Shatner was a God YEARS before everybody else started saying it.

[Girl Drink Drunk]

Awesome. I got 80%, and 6, 9, wrong.

[That Man]

I got all but #1 wrong :(

[Emu]

7/10 ;) pretty good for having taken the test before reading the article

[Protoclown]

Yeah, I could have made the test harder. It was a pain in the ass to do all the research though, digging through all my old comics. I was originally thinking of just having the lines be totally random stuff like "Arrrrgh" or "No!" just to be a jackass.