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View Full Version : Newspaper Headlines that you would like to see

Emu
May 2nd, 2006, 12:58 PM
give an example, jerk >:

"Carlos Mencia arrested on pedophilia charges; Show cancelled"
MetalMilitia
May 2nd, 2006, 01:24 PM
"It's official; Smoking cures cancer!"
Trash
May 2nd, 2006, 01:41 PM
"Mystical bacteria kills Michael Jackson in a slow, grisly and painful way, bacteria from diseased little boy"
MetalMilitia
May 2nd, 2006, 01:42 PM
"It's official; Finnish people are stupid"
Trash
May 2nd, 2006, 01:46 PM
But militia, it's been official for guite the long time now.
RaNkeri
May 2nd, 2006, 03:13 PM
"Bush is dead."
liquidstatik
May 2nd, 2006, 03:29 PM
"God is a black man!"
EverythingWillSuck
May 2nd, 2006, 03:32 PM
'Caffeine is good for you, study says'
Jixby Phillips
May 2nd, 2006, 03:58 PM
heh heh good one, how about CHOCOLATE HELPS YOU LOOSE WEIGHT :lol :lol :lol

how abtou LAWYERS SENT TO MARS :lol
kahljorn
May 2nd, 2006, 04:02 PM
'gay message board topics a thing of the past', says disgruntled internet professional
Pipes McGee
May 2nd, 2006, 07:20 PM
"Bush out; Southern Republicans panned from serving as President thanks to one boy"
tenno
May 2nd, 2006, 07:21 PM
"EVERYTHING HUNKY-DORY", says Voice of God.

Meanwhile in the outskirts of Jerusalem, milions of pounds of what appear to be Domo-kun related merchandise rains from the sky, effectively stopping the millenia old chaos in the Middle East...
BlueOatmeal
May 2nd, 2006, 07:23 PM
"T.V. show Becker returns to CBS"
Esuohlim
May 2nd, 2006, 07:32 PM
"BUSH THIS BUSH THAT BUSH BUSH BUSH"
maggiekarp
May 2nd, 2006, 07:36 PM
"Poop"
Jeff The Ninja
May 2nd, 2006, 08:07 PM
"Jesus Wins In fight with Demonically posessed Pickle Jar"

"Spain Nuked, Clean up crews still picking up scattered sombreros"
blackwar12
May 2nd, 2006, 08:16 PM
"I mockery's own rog gets anal probed by sexy topless female aliens from planet bonealot"

"bush gets raped by 1000 hillbillies"

"liberal party is no more"
Fathom Zero
May 2nd, 2006, 08:19 PM
"Libertarian Party's candidate wins 2008 Election by a landslide"
executioneer
May 2nd, 2006, 08:33 PM
"INTERNET DESTROYED"
MetalMilitia
May 2nd, 2006, 09:00 PM
"INTERNET EXPANDED"
Esuohlim
May 2nd, 2006, 09:19 PM
"INTERNET"
executioneer
May 2nd, 2006, 09:25 PM
"N*GGERS"
Supafly345
May 2nd, 2006, 09:30 PM
"MILLENIUM ACTUALLY 14 YEARS"
Shifty
May 2nd, 2006, 09:53 PM
"Diet of pizza nachos marjiuana chips and pop is healthy"
executioneer
May 2nd, 2006, 09:54 PM
"I'M THE MAYOR", DRIFTER CLAIMS
MetalMilitia
May 2nd, 2006, 10:15 PM
"CATS CATS CATS CATS"
ziggytrix
May 2nd, 2006, 10:16 PM
GOD'S BIG CONFESSION: IT WAS JUST A JOKE, GUYS.
MetalMilitia
May 2nd, 2006, 10:17 PM
"It's offical; It's not gay unless your balls touch"
Esuohlim
May 2nd, 2006, 10:31 PM
"WHO FARTED?"
Dr. Boogie
May 2nd, 2006, 10:45 PM
"Newspaper Becomes Self-Aware"
Sacks
May 3rd, 2006, 06:00 AM
"PAPERBOY CALLS IT QUITS!"
Red Machine D
May 3rd, 2006, 08:19 AM
"SCOTLAND DECLARES INDEPENDENCE; ENGLAND FUCKED"
MetalMilitia
May 3rd, 2006, 08:54 AM
"SCOTLAND DECLARES INDEPANDANCE; NOBODY CARES"
Red Machine D
May 3rd, 2006, 10:05 AM
"SCOTLAND DECLARES INDEPENDENCE; CATS IN SUNGLASSES SHUT THE FUCK UP"
BlueOatmeal
May 3rd, 2006, 02:06 PM
"America bombs the fuck out of Scotland. World Cheers"
Ramco
May 3rd, 2006, 02:34 PM
"IRELAND DECLARES INDEPENDENCE; RAMCO LEADS IRISH ARMY TO VICTORY AND BECOMES NEW KING"

"IRELAND AIRLIFTED TO TROPICAL CLIMATE; BECOMES THE GREATEST BEACH DESTINATION ON EARTH"

"IRISH MUSIC MAKES COMEBACK ON BILLBOARD CHARTS; PAVES WAY FOR RAMCO'S WORLD DOMINATION"

and finally...

"ALL HAIL EMPEROR RAMCO"
EverythingWillSuck
May 3rd, 2006, 03:13 PM
heh heh good one, how about CHOCOLATE HELPS YOU LOOSE WEIGHT :lol :lol :lol

how abtou LAWYERS SENT TO MARS :lol

gas prices lowered :lol

:(
Skulhedface
May 3rd, 2006, 04:54 PM
"EARTH EXPLODES!"
ziggytrix
May 3rd, 2006, 04:56 PM
"PAPERBOY CALLS IT QUITS!"

:) :reference
Big McLargehuge
May 3rd, 2006, 06:00 PM
"COLD LIKE HAM, COLD COLD COD. FISH STICKS TARTAR SAUCE, CASSAROLE SNOT."
Red Machine D
May 4th, 2006, 04:22 AM
"America bombs the fuck out of Scotland. World Cheers"
"OIL FOUND IN SCOTLAND; AMERICA DECLARES SCOTLAND TERRORIST HAVEN"
executioneer
May 4th, 2006, 04:53 AM
"JERKS FROM HELL SHUT UP"
DeadKennedys
May 4th, 2006, 09:05 PM
"bush gets raped by 1000 hillbillies"

"liberal party is no more"

What? What the fuck?
Fathom Zero
May 4th, 2006, 09:27 PM
"AMERICA DECLARES WAR ON COMMUNIST ARIZONA"
Marc Summers
May 4th, 2006, 09:31 PM
"STUDY SHOWS LARGE HEADLINES MAKE YOUR BALLS SHRINK"
Ringo
May 4th, 2006, 09:44 PM
"If you can read this then you don't need glasses."

"Pope to work at local Burger King, must work Sundays"
Guitar Woman
May 4th, 2006, 09:45 PM
Great first post
Big McLargehuge
May 5th, 2006, 01:41 AM
"GUITAR WOMAN SAYS SOMETHING ON THE INTERNET"
Sam
May 5th, 2006, 01:44 AM
"SAM AND BIGMCLARGEHUGE TO BE WED"
Big McLargehuge
May 5th, 2006, 01:49 AM
"SAM AND BIG MCLARGEHUGE MAKE THREAD THEIR OWN"
dolarene
May 8th, 2006, 10:58 AM
BOMB NEW : God doesn't exist "It's fully impossible if you see amoeba DNA.". Related to this Bush commits suicide because is no longer sin.

Headlines: Eruption in La Palma, billions of tons of rock sunk in Atlantic, 2 Miles Tsunami flooded the whole American continent, a billion deaths expected. NOBODY CARES.
executioneer
May 8th, 2006, 08:27 PM
you should really try coherence, it's a blast
dolarene
May 11th, 2006, 04:56 PM
Yeah, coherence is fun, it allows me to difference two stranger Countries.

Spain: That Fascist/Soviet country at south of Europe (or ass of Europe) never used 'sombreros'. At least they got Las Palmas, or 'instant tsunami'

Mexico: Rat producer country, everyone murder women and wears sombrero.

Please, don't pollute the good name of Mexico mixing it with Spain.

" From a Spain hater, that opressor country drives me nuts"
Chojin
May 11th, 2006, 04:57 PM
"Shut up"
MarioRPG
May 11th, 2006, 06:56 PM
"If you are illiterate you can't read this, sucker."
GADZOOKS
May 11th, 2006, 06:59 PM
"OLD JOKE ATTEMPTED AT MESSAGE BOARD, THOUSANDS FEARED DEAD"
executioneer
May 11th, 2006, 07:02 PM
"SPINNING NEWSPAPER INJURES DOZENS"
MarioRPG
May 11th, 2006, 07:09 PM
"No News Is Good News :("
Girl Drink Drunk
May 11th, 2006, 07:48 PM
"HUMOR SITE GOES BANKRUPT AFTER CHANCING NAME TO 'I-RANKERI' "
Esuohlim
May 11th, 2006, 08:03 PM
"BRITNEY SPEARS GOT @#$!ED AGAIN"
Johnny Couth
May 11th, 2006, 08:06 PM
"NO SPIN ZONE!"
MetalMilitia
May 11th, 2006, 08:09 PM
"GAY HOMOSEXUALS MARCH ON WASHINGTON"
Johnny Couth
May 11th, 2006, 08:11 PM
"GAY HOMOSEXUALS GO GET SOME COFFEE"
Girl Drink Drunk
May 11th, 2006, 08:16 PM
BOMB NEW : God doesn't exist "It's fully impossible if you see amoeba DNA.". Related to this Bush commits suicide because is no longer sin.


Headlines: Eruption in La Palma, billions of tons of rock sunk in Atlantic, 2 Miles Tsunami flooded the whole American continent, a billion deaths expected. NOBODY CARES.

That's too danm long for a headline.

"Villagers fend off Nixon's reanimated corpse".
Jeff The Ninja
May 11th, 2006, 09:24 PM
"Adolf Hitler and Josef Stalin resurrected! Fight to be aired Live on Pay-Per-View!"

Two Days later

"Benito Mussolini vs Emperor Hirohito vs Woodrow Wilson in No Holds Barred Three-way Steel Cage Match! 'Zombie Cage Fights draw in a crowd.' exclaims promoter"
liquidstatik
May 11th, 2006, 09:25 PM
'Eggs half price! :D"

(emoticon and all >:)
Dr. Boogie
May 11th, 2006, 09:32 PM
"INVERTED PYRAMID STYLE OUT!"
Jeff The Ninja
May 11th, 2006, 09:34 PM
"Fanfiction now accepted as a Legitimate form of literature, New section added in F4" :(
executioneer
May 11th, 2006, 09:45 PM
JESUS RETURNS, SEES EVERYONE IS A JERK, LEAVES AGAIN
Super Machine Neo
May 12th, 2006, 01:16 AM
" TREKKIE NOW PRESIDENT OF UNITED STATES: All legal Documents must be in English, Spanish, and Vulcan"

"WWIII: WORLD LEADERS GATHER FOR A GAME OF QUADRA-PONG!"
Jixby Phillips
May 12th, 2006, 01:16 AM
"STUPID THING OVERHEARD"
executioneer
May 12th, 2006, 01:19 AM
"AREA MAN CLAIMS TO READ SATIRICAL NEWSPAPER; ONLY READS HEADLINES"
Jixby Phillips
May 12th, 2006, 01:24 AM
seriously did i accidentally steal that "Stupid Thing Overheard" from the onion because I've been sitting on that one for like weeks unable to confirm weather or not I did :(
executioneer
May 12th, 2006, 01:27 AM
i have no idea i just wanted to bring up that headline b/c that article is super funny, esp after reading the aim chat log regarding the creation of said article at the bottom