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View Full Version : There's a new drug on the streets, kids callin' it Blizzard


Genmo_DaCombs
Jul 11th, 2006, 01:29 AM
Hi, my names Genmo, and I've been blizzing for more years than I can remember. It all started when Warcraft hit the streets. Sure it was a little rough ride, but I loved it all the same. I was young back then and had the energy to handle hardcore s*#@ like that. I didn't think I had a problem. So what if I spent my hard-earned lunch money on a new mouse, that cafeteria food was poison anyways. How ironic I call that the poison now...

The day when my local dealer started carrying that Diablo and Warcraft II, well that is when things got out of hand. I was getting blizzed for three or five hours at a time, easily. My friends and loved ones would have intervened, but I never took the time to acquire any. They day I stopped would be the day I checked into the Tristram Rehab Center, because those guys where my friends.

I wanted to stop, I really did. My grades where plummeting, my precious cat was starving and in need of a good role model. But everyone was snorting Starcraft like it was candy. People are still gettin' buzzed from that today for crissakes. You can't blame me!

I'm sorry, the reason I'm here is because I have a problem, I admit it. I got so hopped up on Zerg I blacked out, and woke up naked and wrapped in a cocoon of plastic wrap, hoping to hatch in two of me for one supply point, so I could inject twice the minerals puff twice the vespene. I robbed the jewelry store and told them make me a marine combat suit.

These people are evil. Whoever they are, shipping their product from California, they made Warcraft III. With its custom games I could get an entirely different experience with each hit! It was also comforting to know that at a given time, 12537 other users with blizzing right along with me.

How'd I quit? Standing before you today, I almost forgot, until I looked down upon the tattered rags of the homeless I now wear. My dealers called it WoW, and what said WoW the most was my wallet. I lost everything trying to pay the Blizzard Cartel, the kids I didn't have, the house I didn't own, and most importantly, the super-model girlfriend I never had. I couldn't afford to Blizz up and live at the same time, and for one time in life, I chose life! I'm sorry, I don't mean to cry, its just that... I can't believe I finally escaped!

I'm sorry, know that I've regained composure. Thank you everyone for listening to me, and I will wear my 24 hour blizzard-free pin proudly! Why, it sure is nice! Do you think this pin could give me an endurance aura? I heard Best Buy got some new copies of TFT in and I want to make it there 30% faster. Y'know, just to gloat... yeah....

executioneer
Jul 11th, 2006, 01:30 AM
i'm sorry, we're closed

Seven Force
Jul 11th, 2006, 10:26 AM
Nice try, womti.

WE'RE ON TO YOU

Archduke Tips
Jul 11th, 2006, 06:58 PM
You'll be back to Blizzard. You know you can't resist.

Marc Summers
Jul 11th, 2006, 10:57 PM
They're located a few blocks from campus...
It would be nice if I could work there one day :(

Genmo_DaCombs
Jul 12th, 2006, 12:56 AM
I was cleaning my room and I happend upon my old Reign of Chaos. I played through the single player missions again and now craving TFT, which I can't seem to find. I sliced open my mattress to see if it snuck in there, but all I found where springs and an aching to buy the entire War Chest at Best Buy just for that one cd.

I work there by the way, which is basically the same as his dealer smoking his own stash for cheap. Which is no good for me. I'm pretty sure my laptop has killed my sperm with radiation a long, long time ago.

executioneer
Jul 12th, 2006, 01:29 AM
I sliced open my mattress to see if it snuck in there, but all I found where springs and an aching to buy the entire War Chest at Best Buy just for that one cd

WACKY

Chojin
Jul 12th, 2006, 12:09 PM
i was just thinking that we needed an internet comedian




and here he is








the comedian

darkvare
Jul 12th, 2006, 10:39 PM
for a comedian he ain't funny :/

Supafly345
Jul 13th, 2006, 01:43 AM
He thought that comedy was something you would find in a comic.

ziggytrix
Jul 13th, 2006, 10:44 AM
around here people think comedy is something you find in a casket

geeze, you guys, lighten up

executioneer
Jul 13th, 2006, 08:12 PM
if oyu can find comedy in a casket the world is one big improv routine

CaptainBubba
Jul 16th, 2006, 02:53 AM
I found comedy in a casket...







YOUR MOM'S CASKET








Seriously though R.I.P your mom I'm sorry dude. :(