Text Adventure: The Toystore of the Dammed!!!

[Jeff The Ninja]

Its a Bright and beautiful day! The Sky is blue, all the leaves are green, and the Sun is as warm as a Baked Potatoe. Yes, it is a Great day to be alive, the kind of day where even the most depressed teenager could not consider committing suicide.

To add to the Greatness of this day, its also the day your grandma comes to visit! Or it would be if only she hadnt fallen down those stairs and broken her neck. At least she left you a lot of money. And a kid with money means one thing....


TOYSTORE!


So after hours upon hours of pestering your mother, she caves in and takes you to the Biggest, greatest, most wonderful toystore in the World! Toyopolis.


You have your money in your hand, and you are going towards the door. To the north are the doors to the store. to the south is the Parking lot. To the west there is glass where you see the wonderful toys inside and the stores mascot, Leroy the Hillbilly Bear.


What do you do.

[Emu]

close firefox

[zeldasbiggestfan]

Go inside, buy a alluminum base ball bat, beat the shit out of the bear w/ bat, steal wallet. There. Now you have more money than before. Then if mommy bitches say shell be next.

[Jeff The Ninja]

emu: Only idiots use Firefox

zeldasbiggestfan: Learn how to play a text adventure

[Misdemonar]

this game sucks, where are the pictures?

[Emu]

emu: Only idiots use Firefox

What do you use, Opera? Netscape? Or do you just masturbate directly into the A:\ drive?

[Jeff The Ninja]

emu: Only idiots use Firefox

What do you use, Opera? Netscape? Or do you just masturbate directly into the A:\ drive?

Either IE or Maxthon.
---

Now, Someone actually go along with this insane experiment.

[Fathom Zero]

>Get Magic Lamp

[Jeff The Ninja]

After Looking around, you find a Magic Lamp (Just go along with it, because the only way this is going to get anywhere is to just suspend all logic)! Your hands shake as you pick it up. You wet your lips expectantly as you bring your hand up and you start to rub the parking lot dust from the lamp! You Gasp in suprise as you see that the being inside the lamp was...

http://grza.net/GIS/Vanilla%20Ice.jpg

VANILLA ICE!!! Your Childhood hero and the one whom you emulate. Hell, he is the most popular recording artist at your school. All day long during class you sing his hits, like "Ice Ice Baby", "Ninja Rap" and, ummmmm.................................... did I say Ice Ice Baby. Oh well, whatever.

So Vanilla Ice tells you that he knows the way through the toystore. But you only get three hints to get through the dangerous traps that lie within the toystore. If you exceed the limit for Hints, Something thats "Uncool" will happen to you.

So crossing his arms and just looking as cool as his picture, he gets sucked back into the lamp and you take the lamp with you.

You are at the entrance to the toystore.

[Fathom Zero]

>If the toystore is open, then open door.

>If toystore is closed, then break window.

[otomo]

>私はtoystore を書き入れる。

[Jeff The Ninja]

You approach the door and you attempt to open it, But to your surprise it opens by itself. The Store Must be MAGIC! Feeling the Euphoric feeling that can only come from coming to a magic toystore you enter the store.

You look around, its more beautiful than you imagined. Leroy the Hillbilly Bear is waving to you, the employees are happy with smiling, and each sign to each section of the store is illuminated to show you the way to JOY! Even Vanilla Ice is Taken Aback by the Sight of the Toystore, as he can only react to the Beauty surrounding him with a simple "Man this Shit is Tiiiight"

What are you going to do next?

[Fathom Zero]

>KILL LEROY... I mean, ask for the most popular item of the season.

[Grislygus]

Popular? Who the hell needs popular? >Get Z-bots.

[Guitar Woman]

save, examine Leroy

[Jeff The Ninja]

Game Saved


http://www.cascadeclimbers.com/upload/586583-Hill_Billy_Bear.jpg

After Comtemplating killing the bear, you realize that you have all day to kill him. So you look around for that new toy they have been advertising (You know the one, that one that All the kids want. So you find it sitting on a nearby shelf and the price tag Horrifys you. 17.95 for a fucking toy. No way in hell are you going to find pay good money for that thing. You would rather just get the generic Ripoffs they sell in the back. The "Z-Bots"

http://sneakers.pair.com/l/huar65.jpg
This is a Z-Bot

So you happily make your way to the back to where your prize awaits you! But on the way, you see Leroy, the hillbilly Bear Staring at you.

Staring

Staring with his eyes black as night. An unholy glow enamenating from him as the store lights shine down on him.

Without words, without a sound, he beckons to you. Almost daring you to come towards it.

Yo approach that bear and you look upon his visage, his face in perpetual Smile. He scares the shit out of you So you run away in the general direction of the Z-Bots.

[Guitar Woman]

shoplift z-bot

[Jeff The Ninja]

You after retreating from the horror of Leroy the hillbilly bear, You make it to the Z-Bots. Their Cheap plastic gleams in the dull light of the back of the store. You reach out and grab one of the Z-Bots. Something that Vanilla Ice Strongly Objects to by saying "Thats not fly DAWG.".

You Stuff the Toy down your pants and turn around, right into the arms of Leroy the Hillbilly bear. In the distance you hear the Soundtrack from Deleverance. Quickly you have to make a decision to protect yourself from death or at the very least a Backwoods assraping!

[Grislygus]

Save, perform "Ninja Rap" Duet with Vanilla Ice.

[Guitar Woman]

twist leroy's mask around
punch leroy

[GADZOOKS]

ban fatherspaz

[Guitar Woman]

Cool it Jixby I'm leaving once this shit is finished

[MLE]

you're leaving after a shitty thread is "finished"? is that like leaving after "last poster wins" is finished?

[Guitar Woman]

Jeeze, sorry for enjoying interactive fiction.

[MLE]

you still haven't apologized for being a complete creep that enjoyed pretending to be a girl for over a year on the internets

[Guitar Woman]

That's because I'm only sorry I got caught.

[MLE]

that's fucking creepy as hell. that's just as creepy as internet stalkers that fap at possible young boys in chatrooms.

[Guitar Woman]

hey at least i'm not fat haha

[MetalMilitia]

What's worse (and I'm going to have to tread carefully here), being everso slightly larger than the cultral ideal as far as non-recent pictures are concerned, or pretending to be a girl on the Internet for well over a year just to get some kind of acceptance from strangers?
Personally I would have to say the latter. How devoid of human contact would you have to be to even attempt such a thing?

[Guitar Woman]

I just want to find some people who like the same stuff as me on the internet and then talk to them about it, is that too much to ask

[Grislygus]

I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED.

[Guitar Woman]

http://image.listen.com/img/356x237/1/7/5/6/646571_356x237.jpg

[Misdemonar]

>Exit
>Exit!!!
>Exit!!!!!! :eek

[Sam]

:lol Guitar Woman is hiding in here to keep his/her postcount up and avoid the rest of the I-Mockery population because they will make fun of him/her/it.

[Emu]

Guitar Woman I'll still date you whatever you are.

[Guitar Woman]

:D


On an unrelated note this is the second time Chojin's named the random forum after me :<

[MLE]

WHAT IS YOUR OBSESSION WITH MY FIANCE

[Supafly345]

Don't you just love calling him that?

[MetalMilitia]

I know I do :love

[FartinMowler]

hey at least i'm not fat haha

I swear I laughed like Ed McMahon when I read this.

[Jixby Phillips]

you make me sad, fatherspaz

seriously

[noob3]

Jeeze, sorry for enjoying interactive fiction.

like masturbating to people thinking you're a woman? :lol wearing panty hose in real life? and lipstick? :lol

[Guitar Woman]

Yeah pretty much

[Emu]

This thread

[Pub Lover]

Hey Guitar Woman, if you come back I'll shower you with kisses and suck your dick and stuff, ok? :(

<3

[Chojin]

wait what did i do now?

[Emu]

You blew the lid off this whole scheme, skip.

[Guitar Woman]

I owe Chojin some thanks because I was actually starting to get freaked out by the whole pretending to be a girl thing. I used to dream about being a 20-some pink haired hottie, it was creepy.

[Jixby Phillips]

YOU SUCK

[Guitar Woman]

don't remind me

[Jixby Phillips]

YOU SUCK :eek

[Guitar Woman]

I was forced to come out of internet hiding due to popular demand, I must be doing something right

[Jixby Phillips]

YOU SUCK :eek :eek

[Guitar Woman]

haha, you guys have no idea how much I've missed this forum

[noob3]

i bet you only play as jill eh

[Guitar Woman]

Partly because Chris is fucking worthless

[Jixby Phillips]

Good Greif

[guitar man]

you didn't have the balls to play as chris you'd probably piss ur pants without the extra inventory

faggot

[Guitar Woman]

Also the part where he doesn't get the assualt shotgun as soon, has a pussy special weapon, and totally not as cool as jill encounters with jessica

[guitar man]

ok

[Jixby Phillips]

Spaz sucks

[Emu]

dude fuck you man chris is a badass

playing jill is like competing in the special olympics but playing chris is like competing in the special olympics where in every event the competetors are chased by lions

[Guitar Woman]

The only thing I like about chris is how he puts a flash grenade into zombies mouths, and if I had to choose between that and frigging incendiary grenades and less gameplay tedium, of course the latter is going to be more fun

On a side note Leon is better than both of them

[Emu]

tru

[zeldasbiggestfan]

Ill have to go with Spaz. :/

[noob3]

but jill had a nice butt, nicer than leons. i don't like guy butt :(

[Jeff The Ninja]

what about claire. Shes hotter than Jill.

[RaNkeri]

Rebecca is hot too :(


And damn, I really need to get my self a GC so I could play RE remake AND RE Zero. D:

[Guitar Woman]

RE4 Ada is hotter than any lady in this thread >:


Edit: da proof
http://ps2media.ign.com/ps2/image/article/653/653900/RE4_AdaSeparate_2_1127783033.jpg

[Pub Lover]

Awww baby, don't put yourself down. ;)

[RaNkeri]

RE4 Ada is hotter than any lady in this thread >:

Yes, but she was horrible in RE2.
I'd still prefer Rebecca :eek

[GADZOOKS]

Y'all are creeps, I haven't seen so much acceptance of a 14 year old nerd since the movie Rufus.

At least Rufus didn't pretend to be a woman.

[Guitar Woman]

16, actually

[liquidstatik]

oh sh*t

[Guitar Woman]

I think peg-face might make a good survival horror villan. He's hilarious, but really creepy at the same time :o

[Sacks]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v161/Sacks/babystoy.jpg


You mean you have to use your hands? It's like a baby's toy!