Dumb things I have to hear. [Archive]

Chris P. Bacon

Apr 10th, 2003, 07:38 PM

I work in retail so I hear so many dumb things on a regular basis it would take up way too much space on this forum. What really gets me is when people I know and respect (even if it's a half-respect) say something dumb. For example, I have always been underweight my whole life. It's never really been a problem. Here lately though I have been laying off of the booze and smokes and trying to get into better shape. So I was telling someone that I've been working out and jogging and she replies, "Well YOU don't need to exercise, you're skinny enough". That's WHY I'm working out you tard! I don't want to be a 130lb. stickman anymore. Of course the woman who said that weighs 315lbs. I know this because I looked at her drivers license when she wasn't around.

One more: a co-worker and I were talking about misc. crap and I mentioned how my houseplant someone gave me was dying (probably from smoke). And the aforementioned co-worker quipped with the unbelieveably brilliant, "It probably needs some water and sunlight." WOW! My god Mr. Greenthumb I didn't think of that. So plants take water and sunshine now. What will those crazy genetic scientists what will think think of next? *sigh*

Well that's all for now I'll post later on the barrage of idiocies I get at work. Later all.

Professor Cool

Apr 10th, 2003, 07:41 PM

You didn't say "Hi I'm New"

You have my upmost respect...

Chris P. Bacon

Apr 10th, 2003, 07:48 PM

sorry. I did on the "Let's get to know each other" topic though. Hi all nice to meet you.

Matt Harty

Apr 10th, 2003, 07:50 PM

Don't be sorry, your being a very good boy.

Evil Robot

Apr 10th, 2003, 08:04 PM

Chris P bacon,
We should meet some inside Russia. Anything in Austria would put your family at risk. I need confirmation that this is going to work, otherwise you will NOT get the money.
-Evil Robot, later all

Evil Robot

Apr 10th, 2003, 08:05 PM

TORA TORA TORA!!!!!!!

starz

Apr 10th, 2003, 09:00 PM

^^ good movie :/

Cap'n Crunch

Apr 10th, 2003, 10:36 PM

^^ shut up :/

starz

Apr 10th, 2003, 10:57 PM

^^ i hate u :(

Les Waste

Apr 11th, 2003, 01:47 AM

Ok, this one takes the cake. When I worked at the bowling alley, there were leagues that bowled from about 6 pm to 9 pm, so open bowling usually didn't start until 9pm because the entire house (72 lanes, mind you) was filled with leagues until then.

One time this black girl, about 15-17 years old, came up to me and asked me what time the 9 o'clock bowling starts. I swear to god I am not kidding. I stared at her for a few moments, expecting her to say, oh wait, nevermind, but she never did. I eventually said "Um, how about 9 o'clock?" and she said ok and walked away like it was the most normal thing that could have possibly transpired.

>:

JonSwift

Apr 11th, 2003, 01:56 AM

Les Waste

Apr 11th, 2003, 01:59 AM

That's your problem. >:

Johannas

Apr 11th, 2003, 02:14 AM

One time this black girl, about 15-17 years old, came up to me and asked me what time the 9 o'clock bowling starts. I swear to god I am not kidding. I stared at her for a few moments, expecting her to say, oh wait, nevermind, but she never did. I eventually said "Um, how about 9 o'clock?" and she said ok and walked away like it was the most normal thing that could have possibly transpired.

Yes, thats the saddest think ive heard in a while. People like that should be shot. I feel sorry for all you guys who have to deal with people like that on a daily basis!

Professor Cool

Apr 11th, 2003, 02:46 AM

One time his guy asked me if Michael Douglas was in a movie, when it said it right on the front of the box that he was holding, his picture was on the damn box, when i pointed it out he said "OH, WELL SORR-E" and he walked right on out.

tenno

Apr 11th, 2003, 02:48 AM

I get the old "do you work here?" even though im obviously wearing a shirt and tie in the standard Fry's uniform, and i am rooting around in the video game and macking stacks, plus wearing a namebadge.............sigh............oh yeah IM WEARING THE DAMN STORE UNIFORM!!!!

Apr 11th, 2003, 05:09 AM

OH MAN I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE.

You know this one time? This guy with shady glasses and a cane and dog in a weird kinda brace or whatever, walks up to me. And asks me WHAT THE FRIGGIN TIME IS!!!!!!!! But there was a clock tower RIGHT BEHIND HIM!!!!!!! Fuck that pisses me off to no end.

But that's still nothing compared to this one time, when I went into a book store and picked up a book and went to the counter, and the clerk asked if I wanted it gift-wrapped. HELLO!!?? HELLO EINSTEIN!?!?!? IF I WANTED IT GIFT-WRAPPED, I THINK I WOULD'VE TOLD YOU, HUH?!?!?!? CHRIST ALMIGHTY!@!

UnDeath

Apr 11th, 2003, 05:15 AM

I gotta love the time when I worked at Jack in the Box, and I got in an argument with a customer wether she wanted her combo in small medium or large... she replied with the combo number each time, eventually yelling it at me... ("I want a number 7" "Small medium or large?" " I SAID A NUMBER 7!!!" "ok, small medium or large? "JUST A NUMBER 7!!!!!!!" "uh, ok...") then it took her like 5 minutes to decide what she wanted to drink..
Also, someone wanted to order a BK broiler, and when I said that we didnt have it, she said that we did, because we had them in Olympia. It resulted in her storming out.
The there was this one time that some frozen sausage patties dropped, and my friend jokingly asked him if he wanted to buy them for a dollar, so the guy said he was going to report us to the Health Food Department, stormed outside, went to the payphone and looked in the phone book for a while, then came back in and asked us for the number.... ah well, that was the day that we quit... :/

pjalne

Apr 11th, 2003, 06:31 AM

Other way around: stupid employees.

I once dropped by a video rental to buy a pack of cigarettes, and the girl behind the counter asked me for ID. I had just come home from a vacation abroad, so I still had my passport in my jacket. She asked me if I had any "better ID". I informed her that this was a passport, the king of IDs. She accepted it reluctantly, and looked up my age.

Now, this was in the year 1998. My passport states that I was born in 1980. She spent a couple of seconds trying to figure it out before she asked her friend who was also sitting behind the counter "How old are you if you are born in 1980?" She didn't know either. I told them that if you take 1980 and add 18, you get 1998, which is the year right now. She stared blankly at me for a couple of seconds before she picked down a pack and said "All right, I'll give you the benefit of doubt".

UnDeath

Apr 11th, 2003, 06:58 AM

wow. and they trust her with the register....

sadie

Apr 11th, 2003, 09:27 AM

thats the saddest think ive heard in a while

Skulhedface

Apr 11th, 2003, 09:55 AM

I used to work in retail, so I know stupid customers well. They're a timeless antagonist.

The story above this about buying cigarettes... I was born just one year later, so my easy math doesn't work...

However, when I go in to buy smokes or beer once in awhile, they always, ALWAYS have that "Do Not Sell If You Were Born After..." calendars. Being that it is 2003, you could be born in fucking 1985 and still be old enough to buy smokes. But for some reason, this woman has trouble figuring out that someone born in 1981 is old enough.

I'm almost 22. Being fresh from 21, I don't mind standing there and waiting a bit for them to figure out I am of drinking age. However, when the math is simple enough, and I am 4 years past being old enough to buy smokes, and they STILL sit there and do the math... it gets a bit bothersome.

And it's a bit bothersome that I apparently look young enough to not be able to buy cigarettes, despite the fact I'm well beyond it.

The Unseen

Apr 11th, 2003, 09:55 AM

I hate it when 11 year old girls go up to you in Spencer's gifts (i work there) and they go "hiya, do ya know the number for 911? LOL" and run away laughing. I get that 3-4 times a day :(

Skulhedface

Apr 11th, 2003, 10:53 AM

Unseen, you think 11 year olds are bad? Try having hair down to your chest when Hanson mania hit.

Some stupid girls at the bowling alley asked me for an autograph >:

BTW: 1000th Post!!

:party

sadie

Apr 11th, 2003, 11:10 AM

i still get carded for cigs and i'm 33. :(

soundtest

Apr 11th, 2003, 11:28 AM

I'm working in internet tech support right now.... Yesterday, this lady cried - and i mean cried :wah - on the phone because her computer didn't meet the minimum requirements for running MSN Messenger (I didn't even know such an error msg existed, but her pc had 32 megs of ram and win95).

She starts yelling at *me*: "What the hell am I paying you for?? Why do I pay all this money every month for high speed internet when my damn computer is slower than hell and I can't even chat with my friends?! High speed my ass!! You're scamming people!!"

I tried explaining that it was most likely her 7 year old computer that was 'slow' and even tried using an analogy: "Just because your TV has only 13 channels, doesn't mean it's your cable company's fault because you're paying for 70 and can't view most of them.", but to no avail. I hate my life. :suicide

kellychaos

Apr 11th, 2003, 12:15 PM

One time this black girl, about 15-17 years old, came up to me and asked me what time the 9 o'clock bowling starts. I swear to god I am not kidding. I stared at her for a few moments, expecting her to say, oh wait, nevermind, but she never did. I eventually said "Um, how about 9 o'clock?" and she said ok and walked away like it was the most normal thing that could have possibly transpired.

>:

Just playing the devil's advocate here but she may have meant to ask you if the 9:00 p.m. was going to start late due to the league play and took your saying that it was to start at 9:00 p.m. that non-league play would not be delayed. Consequently, she probably didn't feel that there was anything more to ask. Of course, I could be wrong and she was an idiot. Just saying :)

slavemason

Apr 11th, 2003, 12:38 PM

Les did state that she was black. Are you black? Are you really a girl? Ooops...

kellychaos

Apr 11th, 2003, 12:50 PM

Les did state that she was black. Are you black? Are you really a girl? Ooops...

Neither ... I DID kind of wonder what, outside description, that to do with the topic of "people being stupid"? :/

Spectre X

Apr 11th, 2003, 01:40 PM

one day, a coupe of years ago, I went to this hike through the woods where we had to answer questions on the way. Once, we stopped at a sign that read:

"Is Squirrelbread:
A- bread for squirrels
B- a mushroom
C- bread made of squirrels."

well, I said it was a mushroom (an edible one, non toxic or something like that), but the leader of my group was such a dumbass, he actually thouhgt that it was bread for squirrels, while there was a picture of a FUCKING MUSHROOM!!!! right next to the FUCKING QUESTION!!!

up untill this day, i have hated im with a passion for dragging down the average human IQ throughout the world by 70 points.

P.S. it's a mushroom, trust me, we learned it in school, I heard about it a bajillion times somewhere else, yet STILL, he thouhgt it was bread for squirrels. >:

kellychaos

Apr 11th, 2003, 02:06 PM

Luckily it's non-toxic 'cause squirrels can't read signs and they might've eaten them. :)

davinxtk

Apr 11th, 2003, 03:05 PM

Cap'n Crunch

Apr 11th, 2003, 03:26 PM

Kelly, you said you were a guy. Are you a guy?

kellychaos

Apr 11th, 2003, 03:38 PM

Kelly, you said you were a guy. Are you a guy?

Yup.

Cap'n Crunch

Apr 11th, 2003, 04:05 PM

That purple Spongebob backround doesn't suit you.

Skulhedface

Apr 11th, 2003, 04:55 PM

Try having hair down to your chest when Hanson mania hit.
Ah, shit, finally someone who knows my pain. So many people used to say stupid shit like "WOW YOU LOOK JUST LIKE <insert name here>!!!"

I tended to freak out and respond with something about killing their parents. I also used to point out that my hair is fucking brown.

Yes, this sort of thing used to piss me off on a daily basis. I would get compared to everyone from Trent Reznor to Jonathan Davis, even though the only thing there was in common was long, dark hair.

But in case I didn't tell you guys before, it's all gone now. I had to cut it late in '99, grew it back out slowly but surely, and lost it all again just 3 weeks ago.

So here's to ANOTHER three years of growing my hair out again :(

Apr 11th, 2003, 05:10 PM

I wish less people had taken this topic seriously :(

the Uber Daith

Apr 11th, 2003, 10:29 PM

hah, the other day my mum got id'ed for alcohol. She's 53.

The Unseen

Apr 11th, 2003, 10:44 PM

Yeah right, liar.

Chris P. Bacon

Apr 12th, 2003, 01:04 PM

I told this one customer one time that her movies were due at noon and she actually asked me "Noon at night or noon in the afternoon."
I looked at her a second and replied. "well, noon"
"Noon, like afternoon, right?"
I ended it with, "Yeah, noon as in after noon."

CastroMotorOil

Apr 12th, 2003, 02:50 PM

I work at a grocery store. Gorcery stores get some of the dumbest peopel in droves. One of the worst was a owman who wanted to buy pet supplies from our scanty pet supply area. We had a certain type of pet food on sale at a certain weight (12 ounces or something) and this woman shows up at the register with like a 24oz bag of food and asks for the sale price. When told she has the wrong kind she insists that we lied to her and told her the wrong stuff in the magazine and that she deserves it for FREE. When told that is not possible she begins screaming at the top of her lungs about how we ahve terrible service, she ended up storming out without buying anything at all. She also showed up again to complain later in the day, and she called once the next day.

Bod

Apr 12th, 2003, 03:54 PM

Mr Bacon, where do you live that they put your weight on your driver's lisence? How bizzare. Do you have your chest size on your credit card too?

Les Waste

Apr 12th, 2003, 07:07 PM

driver's licenses in America list height, weight, eye color, hair color, whether or not you wear glasses/contacts and some other stuff that I can't remember and I'm too lazy to actually look at mine.

:(

pjalne

Apr 12th, 2003, 08:27 PM

A little off-topic but still in the right neighborhood:

I worked in an electronics store a couple of years ago, and we sold pre-paid credit for cell phones. Not sure what those cards are called in English. A lot of customers have trouble registering their credit (old people mostly), and we of course helped them do it.

Then there was this lady. I swear to god, we could all smell her the minute she started walking up the stairs. And hear her. She was blowing like a whale from the strain as she was climbing the stairs, pumping out week-old air from the bottom of her nicotine-swimming lungs. She reeked of old tobacco, fresh tobacco, stuck-in-every-skin-cell-of-the-entire-body tobacco and shit tobacco as well as sweat and dog shit.

She had a big dog. She was a big ugly lady. The kind that has big dogs. Her much too long nails were brown from the nicotine that had stuck on the outside as well as what I imagine was nicotine that had seeped into every nail cell from the inside. You can imagine the teeth. As for the rest, imagine Quasimodo only woman and incapable of ringing any bells without collapsing into a wheezing ball of skunk shit.

Whenever my coworkers and I sensed her, we would abandon each other and run hide in the toilet or elevator, leaving one poor soul to help her. Sometimes it was me.

Her phone was covered with a film of all the unpleasantness mentioned above as well as shit from her apartment. I would pick up the phone with three fingers, dial carefully while holding it away from my ear, and get it over with. After she'd left, I'd run and wash my hands. The smell would still stay there for hours.

Shit, ran a little long there. Well, anyone else experienced anything similar?

Les Waste

Apr 12th, 2003, 08:38 PM

Working in a bowling alley, I got to hear a lot the "Do you have 16 pound balls?" crank call. Sometimes, when it was just really fucking busy, it pissed me off so much. I mean, it always pissed me off just because people are so fucking uncreative. But when I'm doing the work of three or four people and the only thing preventing me from collapsing from exhaustion is that the shit head customers would yell at me, it kind of ticks you off to hear some punk-ass 12 year old thinking he's the kind of goddamn comedy. So I would just slam the phone down as loud as possible, sometimes banging it on the counter a few times.

Although when I wasn't busy I would reply back with "yes, I have big, black balls, as dark as they are heavy." They would say, as is customary "How do you walk?" and I would say something like "my balls don't hinder my walk, however my massive black cock does make my back hurt a little." But what pissed me off is that these little idiots usually hung up immediately. I remember making crank calls when I was younger and the reason you fucking do it is to hear the reaction of the other person. You NEVER hang up on them; you wait for them to hang up on you.

I wish people would be more creative than using a crank call that's been done so much, it's public domain.

>: >: >: