God Be With Us, I'm a Father Pt. 1

[McClain]

My wife took three different-brand pregnancy tests. They were all positive. I'm gonna' be a dad. :)

[Professor Cool]

let me be the first to say, congratulations McClain, and good luck

[soundtest]

sorry man... i was drunk :(


;) :rock

[liquidstatik]

Congrats man :) Keep us posted

[Les Waste]

You know, Shipwreck's real name was Hector. I think Hector would be a fiiiiiiiine name for a boy. Or a girl. Or whatever.

In all seriousness, if it's a boy, name him Tyree or Antawn. If it's a girl, name her LaShonda or Miracle. And make sure you the baby's daddy.

:ebonics

[liquidstatik]

I always thought Arika was a cool way of spelling Erica if its a girl... :|

[Mockery]

Name it I-Mockery.com, the human web site advertisement.

[liquidstatik]

wouldnt alot of parents get mad when they find out there 1st graders have been going to the site. And checking out your affiliates like b0g or cooperatemofo :/

[Jixby Phillips]

NOW YOU'LL HAVE TO MARRY THE BITCH :lol

[Cap'n Crunch]

Name it McClain Jr. It doesn't matter if it is a boy or a girl.

[Ninjavenom]

Name it Doctor. Even if it's a failure, people won't know. That, or Ted. :/

Anyways, congrats.

[Carnivore]

But I thought you were a fudge packer :/

In any event, congratulations. Make sure you wean him or her from the breast and start a meatatarian diet as soon as possible :meat

[Cap'n Crunch]

This would make a great mini-mock.

[Tropical]

Hahaha, congrats dude... now the pest control people would be encouraged slightly more to come over since you have a kid around.

[The Retro Kat]

God Speed.

[Les Waste]

The title of this thread makes me think it's about you becoming a priest.

:(

[Secret Agent Vomit]

LOL. CONGRATULATIONS! DON'T BE LATE WITH THE CHILD SUPPORT. :)

[Cap'n Crunch]

The title of this thread makes me think it's about you becoming a priest.

:(

I thought that too when I first saw it.

[McClain]

I decided to usher in paternity by desisting one of my favorite pastimes, the lung-blackening quintessential labor of love that I've condoned since the day I started.
In the back of my mind I knew that on a long enough time-line the road would come to an end and all the love I felt for cigarettes would come screeching to a halt. But before the curtain falls, may I please reinforce my affinity for you, oh Faithful Tobacco, the Magical Grit?
In the words of Milli Vanilli, "It's a tragedy to see that our dream is over." Listen, I'm sorry I have to break up with you... But it's not you, it's me! You know? I've changed lately, and I just don't think we're going anywhere. I mean, I've cherished the time we spent together, but I just can't go on.
I will never forget you, Cigarettes.


This better be a good kid, because dammit, I'm giving up some pretty important shit here. I just smoked my last Marlboro, and I vowed not to buy another pack of cigs. Now I'm left with a package of Top tobacco and 14 papers. Once that is gone, it's over.

[Cap'n Crunch]

Go buy the nicotine patch. I warn you, don't smoke with it on. I know someone who did, and they threw up all over themselves.

[McClain]

Nah... I'll just go cold turkey. I'll use the would-be-spent-on-cigs money as an incentive. I'll collect it up at the end of the month and buy myself something nice.
However, my wife did say that if I turn in to a crabby asshole, she'll tell me to keep smoking. You know, her being pregnant and all there's only room for one bitch. Which I totally understand.

[Cap'n Crunch]

Maybe you could buy more action figures.

[soundtest]

good luck man - after a few days just think how much better you are feeling and how shitty you know you'll feel if you have one. i try to smoke when i'm dreaming if it's lucid... my only weakness is alcohol... :(

[Rongi]

Good luck man, personally I could never have kids. One Rongi is enough :(.

[The_Rorschach]

Now you will finally have true competition in toy collecting. . .BWA HAHA HA HAA HAAAAAAA!

Seriously though, congratulations man. Couldn't think of a better father if I tried.

[Cap'n Crunch]

I'd be a bad father. The first word out of my kid's mouth would be "vagina".

[McClain]

The first thing out of the vagina would be the kids mouth.

Bwahah.

Anywhoozle, our entire family has been extremely supportive. We weren't planning on any "freakouts" but we thought just maybe someone would disapprove. My mom cried, laughed and screamed for about 5 minutes straight. It was joyous, of course. I had to hold the phone two feet from my ear. That's the kind of reaction we hoped for. It gave me goosebumps and my eyes started watering. Holy shit.

[Cap'n Crunch]

:lol
You twisted my words around for something else funny!

[FS]

I'm telling ya, this kid's gonna be a wise-ass.

Ho-hooo!

Remember, if it's a girl, buy her a switchblade for her 8th birthday and tell her to "twist it, so the wound stays open".

[Protoclown]

Congratulations, McClain! I am seriously happy for you and I know that you're going to be an awesome dad.

[glowbelly]

oh my goodness! this is great news!
congrats, mcclain.

ummm, i'll make the child a bib or something. or knit it a scarf. you never know when a baby is gonna need a scarf, especially in california.

[liquidstatik]

:rolleyes @ glowbelly

[Krythor]

Congratulations McClain, now you have an excuse to be buying action figures. :)

And make sure you raise it on the good shit, transformers, GI Joe, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, ya know.

[slavemason]

McClain, it's been an hour or so, have you started smoking those tops yet. When those 14 papers are gone, do you plan on smoking the rest of your tobacco out of your palm?
Good luck with the smoking and child rearing.

[Spectre X]

congrats McClain. I hope you'll like being a father. :)

[Anonymous]

Giving up your smokes for a kid that isn't even born yet? Man, now we know who is going to be in charge... this kid is gunna walk allll over you. Hopefully the mommy has a nasty backhand slap at the very least

[Jeanette X]

Congratulations!

What are you going to name him/her? I know a lot about names and meanings, I'll be honored to help you if you haven't decided yet.

[McClain]

Thanks ee'rbody. We've got a few names were considering, but nothing positive yet. For a boy, we're thinking Jayse McClain or Jackson. For a girl, we've got Emma Rose or Lolita Manifesta.

[FS]

Jay-Z McClain?

[Cap'n Crunch]

Will he rap? :lol

[ItalianStereotype]

i'm sure if you shot yourself in the face, something could be arranged.

[punkgrrrlie10]

woo. congrats!

It's always nice to think that intelligent people are reproducing as well.

[AChimp]

WHOA! WAIT A MINUTE!

McClain, does this mean that you actually put your weiner inside your wife?! :eek

I guess it must be so, since all my health classes have said that's a crucial part of baby-making, but still... FUCKING WHOA. :eek

P.S. Congratulations.

[UnDeath]

hey, congrats man! Like Punkgrrrlie said, its good to see the literate side of society raise a child.
good luck, as you'll most likely need it. That and patience. :)

[Agent Burdock]

MCCLAIN!!!! I am so happy for you! The more little smart ass mocker babies in the world the better. This is going to be a great. You will be a really fun Dad.

CONGRATS!

[McClain]

Thanks. I sure hope so... I mean, I've got the mentality of a child so at the very least I'll be able to relate. And since I get toys in the mail on a weekly basis, I'll literally have a stockpile for "it" to play with.
I get all sorts of junk toys, too. Disney stuff. Toy Story. Pokemon. Stuff I'd normally get rid of, but now I have to consider keeping it. Me and this kid are gonna' have some great adventures. I'll be the coolest dad on the block.
"My dad is a mechanic and can fix anything."
"Oh yeah? My dad has a million toys and is a Navy SEAL and watches cartoons and will kill your dad with plastic nunchuku."

[pissed off salesman]

Hey everybody break out dem th ar clothes hangers where havin us an abor'shin!!!!!!!

[Ninjavenom]

Indeed, Mac would make quite the dad. Raise "it" up on good music, too. Babies like Metalcore. ;)

[Geggy]

Good luck with the quitting, McClain. Just a month ago, I had to give up on something which I love very much and now, everything I eat tastes like food again and my sexual organs are back into cycle.

Have fun with the little one, kiddo.

[Cap'n Crunch]

What did you quit Geggy? I wonder if McClain is keeping to his promise to not smoke.

[Hugh_Bristic]

You're in the Navy, McClain?

All this time I just thought it was just a weird polyester bellbottom/ sailor fetish...

[UnDeath]

wow... McClain WILL be the coolest dad... be sure how to teach the kiddo how to kill a man 3459734895 times before he hits the ground!

[Sam]

I wish McClain was my father. I like adventures. :(