Would this be in poor taste?

[Vibecrewangel]

A friend of mine and I have been tossing around the idea of coauthoring a book on growing up in a broken home with an alcoholic parent. This book would consist mainly of stories from our childhood and adolescent years presented with a sometimes slightly humerous take on the situation. These stories would encompass the good the bad and the ugly of how it was for both of us.
The idea is to show that even though at the time it was a nightmare, that it is those exact situations that helped us to become who we are today. And that no matter how bad it was, we can look back and ocassionaly find humor in how things were.

We've been thinking about this for years, but it seemed somehow wrong to seriously consider it with her alcoholic mother still alive. However, now that both mine and hers have passed away (may they be happier now then they were before) the idea seems somewhat less cruel.

My question to you is....

Would this be in poor taste?
Or would Oprah be praising us for our strength and courage? (God forbid....that woman irks me)

[Protoclown]

I don't see it as being in poor taste at all.

[kellychaos]

Don't worry too much about being politically correct. There are already a ton of serious clinical and/or social books on the subject. Maybe somebody out there needs this kind of perspective to learn just as much someone else might need the serious treatment of it. Allow me to use an analogy. Have you ever been taught a certain aspect of a subject in school, say mathematics, and the teacher just couldn't get the idea through but later a peer of yours explains the exact same idea and you get it . I think the same could be said of the psychologists and psychiatrist in this situation. Although they may be academically brilliant and have had the experience of many clients, they may not have the perspective of "being there" that you have; or, it's been so long since their experience that they're no longer the peers of their reading audience and can't relate to them anymore.

[The_Rorschach]

I'll only support this endeavour if I get a signed first edition hardcover when you're done. . .

But, on an equally serious note, I wish you luck with it. My grandfather used to be big on table manners, so before we took anything from the centre of the table we had to ask first, politely. If we didn't, his fork would come down like the avenging lightening bolt of Zeus in an attempt to impale out hands to the table for our uncouth barbaric behaviour. The moral of this story is that violence is affective in instructing small children! Remember that as you write ;)

[mburbank]

The big question when writting autobiographically, even if names are changed and composite character are created, is: Who's still alive that you care about?

Past that, if you haven't read "The Nanny Diaries", you should for research. It was written by two women, composited from a collection of experiences but it was obviously authenitic. It's funny, awful and scathing at the same time and never preachy. Beyond research, I think you'd enjoy it. I did.

[Vibecrewangel]

Must add to reading list......

[mburbank]

If you start this project, I'd be happy to offer any consultation that could prove helpful.

One of my freelance jobs right now is editting a manuscript for a book version of an award winning one woman show. It is HIGHLY autobiographical and this raises many difficulties with people possibly taking offense. and when the truth of an event doesn't serve the story you are writting. It's a fascinating and frustrating set of hurdles.

[Vibecrewangel]

Thanks! If we decide to do this I will probably take you up on it.

[Skulhedface]

I wouldn't think it'd be in bad taste at all. I think it'd make an interesting read for those of us who've had the experience but not the patience to write and talk about something to this effect.

Good luck with it.

[VinceZeb]

If you are going to write the book, know how to promote it. Trust me, "My Life Sucked" books are usually not a top priority on people's reading lists. You want to write with a style that makes people not want to put down the book. You want them to make sure their friends read it, so their friends know how much the original reader got of the book.

All in all, you have to do it in a unique way that people can relate to and feel confortable with. If all the book does is come across as someone that is whining about their childhood with a few humorous quips here and there, they would rather just listen to rap-rock music, because it does the same thing but it has a catchy tune behind it.

And thats my two cents.

[mburbank]

"You want to write with a style that makes people not want to put down the book."

As oopposed to writing with style that makes people want to shut the book or ask for their money back. Historically, those styles have prove unsuccsesful.

[Vibecrewangel]

I actually can't stand the "My life sucked" victim compex. It makes me sick. Take some f'n responsibility for your own life. Sure things happened to you, and sure they may have sucked, but letting them drag you down serves no purpose other than self pity. (People with clinical depression and the like are of course excluded.) I know my "get over it" attitude upsets a lot of people, but I see no reason to dwell on things once you have moved beyond them. Sure, my mom was a drunk. Sure, my family life was absolute shit. Sure, we were poor welfare children. Sure, most of my mom's boyfreinds were the most reprehensible people on Earth. But using any of that as an excuse for what I do today, 20 years later, is just that. An excuse. Kind of like using God to justify your morality. Do it because YOU think it is right not because anyone or anything else does.
I realize that my past helped shape who I am today. Gave me perspective. But we all have that turning point. Come to that crossroads. That moment when you can either be a victim or you can move on. (I don't use the term survivor - A survior generally survives with a lot of luck and very little decision whereas you can chose to be a victim or move on.) I chose to move on. And for the life of me, I can't figure out why so many people don't.
Sometimes I think I am just wired different.......

What I really want to write about are the more humerous events. My mom making meatloaf naked in the middle of the kitchen floor drunk as can be. While the illegal immigrant babysitter, my two very young sisters and I stood in the livingroom watching and eating popcorn. No lie....eating popcorn. (The long version of this has actually made people cry they were laughing so hard)
But to give it some balance, I'll have to talk about some of the bad times too. I don't want people to think I am some insensitive freak. :)

I just want people to understand that sometimes you can laugh at the past. Especially once you have moved on and gained the perspective that age and hindsight lend to memory.

[VinceZeb]

That is good, Vibe. You would be able to shed another light on an interesting yet unfortuante cirumstance that happens all too often today.

As I was saying before Max took time out from eating Motza ball soup to throw an insult the best thing about your book is going to be how you market it. You can have the new Bible in your head, but if no one wants to read it, then you are screwed before you write the first word.

[mburbank]

You say 'insensative freak' like it's a bad thing.

[Vibecrewangel]

In your case Max......


I wouldn't have ya any other way.

[mburbank]

You know what I love about being me?

To some, I am an 'insensative freak', but the good kind.

To others, I am a pantywaste, bleeding heart, liberal 'pussy'.

[Vibecrewangel]

Vince -

I'm not sure how to market it yet. All I know is NO OPRAH.

[Vibecrewangel]

That's okay Max. I'm bi so the pussy thing just makes me :love you all the more.

[kellychaos]

Vince -

I'm not sure how to market it yet. All I know is NO OPRAH.

Ahhh ... c'mon ... I can see ya on the Oprah Book Of The Month Club as we speak. :)

[Daphne]

It's matzo ball soup, Vince.
If you're going to be anti-semitic can you at least take the time to get the jargon right so you don't just come off like some toothless Grand Wizard?

[Vibecrewangel]

Egads......and I can just hear her with her so-fake-it-hurts sympathy saying things like "Your are so strong" and "You have so much courage"

Makes me wanna barf. (Yes I said barf so :P )

I'm not strong, it wasn't courage. It was just the way things were. It was life.

[kellychaos]

No doubt she'd seize it as an opportunity for personal growth, enlightenment, and empowerment for all those that faced the struggle ... terrific summer read! http://www.971fm.net/bbs/html/emoticons/thumb.gif ... and miss the point of the book completely. :/

[mburbank]

Jonathan Franzen, he who dissed Oprah, was my Brother's college roomate.

[VinceZeb]

It's matzo ball soup, Vince.
If you're going to be anti-semitic can you at least take the time to get the jargon right so you don't just come off like some toothless Grand Wizard?

Shouldn't you be barefoot and in the kitchen making me a sirloin steak with all the trimmings?

[mburbank]

Shouldn't you be desperately trying to straighten your spine so your head comes out of your ass?

[Protoclown]

Vibe, I really like your "get over it" attitude and your perspective on being a victim vs. choosing not to be.

[Vibecrewangel]

Thanks. :blush

At the time it wasn't a conscious thing. It's only now that I have looked back on my life that I can see where those crossroads were and how I chose to proceed. For me it was just a natural thing. Though I do remember and recognize a choice having been made. But the choice seemed as simple as "Do I eat or do I starve?"

I view even the big issues that way. I know a lot of blacks and Native Americans who are angry about what happened in the past. And on some level I am angry too. But, you Proto for the sake of an example, did not do those things. And even more importantly, those things did not happen to ME. Holding a grudge serves no purpose other than making you feel 1)like a victim and 2) selfrightous. It's the past. Learn from it. Work to make sure it doesn't happen again. But get over it. No one is holding you back now but yourself. I can assure you that thanks to the appologists, there are more opportunities out there for blacks and Native Americans than there are for whites. If you don't take them you have no one to blame but yourself.

[kellychaos]

Now THAT'S a healthy and constructive attitude! Can I frame your last post?! :)

[Vibecrewangel]

Absolutely. :)

Color me flattered.

[Daphne]

Shouldn't you be barefoot and in the kitchen making me a sirloin steak with all the trimmings?

Oh yeah that stung! Is there an "I'm pretending to be offended emoticon"? If I want a comeback from you I'll wipe it off your dad's beard.