James
May 20th, 2003, 09:16 AM
SA's Tuesday Comedy Goldmine is all about The Matrix. The... Pizza Matrix. Someone also made a semi-shitty movie clip that, in my opinion, is pretty funny.
Someone else also rewrote the original Matrix (not Reloaded) script for The Pizza Matrix:
Morpheus: At last. Welcome, Neo. As you no doubt have guessed, I am Morpheus.
Neo: It's an honor to meet you.
Morpheus: No, the honor is mine. Please, come. Sit. I imagine that right now you're feeling a bit like Mario, sliding down the pipe? Hm?
Neo: You could say that.
Morpheus: I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he cooks because he is expecting the best pizza in the world. Ironically, this is not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my toppings.
Morpheus: I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain. But you feel it. You've felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with the cheese. You don't know what it is but it's there, like a mushroom in your large Hawaiian Style driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Neo: Dominos?
Morpheus: Do you want to know what it is? Dominos is everywhere. It is all around us, even now in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your oven. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes. It is the dough that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Morpheus: That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you were born into bondage, born into a prison that you cannot smell or taste or touch. A prison for your sauce and toppings.... Unfortunately, no one can be told what Dominos is. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this there is no turning back. You take the Red Pepper, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the Green Pepper, you stay in the mushroom kingdom, and I show you how deep the pipe goes... Remember, all I'm offering is the truth, nothing more... Follow me... Apoc, are we baking?
Apoc: Almost.
Morpheus: Time is always against us. Please, take a seat there.
Neo: You did all this?
Trinity: Uh-huh.
Morpheus: The pepper you took is part of a loaded pizza. It's designed to make you sick so Dominos loses
you.
Neo: What does that mean?
Cypher: It means buckle your seat belt, Don Corleone, 'cause Sicily is going bye-bye.
The Pizza Matrix has you.
http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=1466
And there are no Reloaded spoilers.
Someone else also rewrote the original Matrix (not Reloaded) script for The Pizza Matrix:
Morpheus: At last. Welcome, Neo. As you no doubt have guessed, I am Morpheus.
Neo: It's an honor to meet you.
Morpheus: No, the honor is mine. Please, come. Sit. I imagine that right now you're feeling a bit like Mario, sliding down the pipe? Hm?
Neo: You could say that.
Morpheus: I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he cooks because he is expecting the best pizza in the world. Ironically, this is not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my toppings.
Morpheus: I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain. But you feel it. You've felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with the cheese. You don't know what it is but it's there, like a mushroom in your large Hawaiian Style driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Neo: Dominos?
Morpheus: Do you want to know what it is? Dominos is everywhere. It is all around us, even now in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your oven. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes. It is the dough that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Morpheus: That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you were born into bondage, born into a prison that you cannot smell or taste or touch. A prison for your sauce and toppings.... Unfortunately, no one can be told what Dominos is. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this there is no turning back. You take the Red Pepper, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the Green Pepper, you stay in the mushroom kingdom, and I show you how deep the pipe goes... Remember, all I'm offering is the truth, nothing more... Follow me... Apoc, are we baking?
Apoc: Almost.
Morpheus: Time is always against us. Please, take a seat there.
Neo: You did all this?
Trinity: Uh-huh.
Morpheus: The pepper you took is part of a loaded pizza. It's designed to make you sick so Dominos loses
you.
Neo: What does that mean?
Cypher: It means buckle your seat belt, Don Corleone, 'cause Sicily is going bye-bye.
The Pizza Matrix has you.
http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=1466
And there are no Reloaded spoilers.