"THE SHAVING INDUSTRY LIES" by: -RoG-

[Mockery]

I've always hated shaving. It's annoying and takes up valuable time that I could be spending on video games or playing guitar. Ever worse, though, I hate men's razors and the lies about them that are being told to us. So, I present you with my latest Visionary Darkness piece... along with a solution to all of our woes:

http://www.I-Mockery.com/Visionary/shaving-square.jpg
"THE SHAVING INDUSTRY LIES" by: -RoG-:
http://www.I-Mockery.com/Visionary/Shaving.asp

Enjoy!

-RoG-

[Captain Robo]

I need to start shaving :lol

I seriously must make a custom razor :)

[CrapOnAStick]

:lol I was never a huge fan of Visionary Darkness but I did like that one. :)

[Rongi]

I loved it :).

But this one still remains my favorite VD

http://www.i-mockery.com/visionary/revisionism.asp

[Anonymous]

I went to a dollar store once and got shaving equipment. The results felt like shit.

I love my mach 3 turbo :(
but I can't afford new blades :(

[AChimp]

You should try hair removal, Chojin. :love

[James]

You fuckers got it easy. I shave with the grain, and I'm left with a 5'o'clock shadow. I have to shave against the grain in order to look like I actually shaved. And once the blood spots, irritations, and gashes in my jugular heal up, it's time to shave again.

I'd get the lasery stuff if I wasn't so unsure I'd never want facial hair again. I think I'll just get it for the 7 stray hairs on my back, and the forest that makes up my asscrack.

Yeah, you heard me. I share too much. I you face! >:

[Anonymous]

i'm serious(e)ly considering it ;<

[AChimp]

Jamesman, the trick is to shave first with the grain, and then follow up with a second pass against the grain. Smooth like an android's bottom, every time. ;)

[McClain]

That was funny. I liked that one. Then again, I'm piss drunk. Still... There's something about ninja on a razor that make my balls drop another inch. My wife liked it, too. The story and my nuts, I mean.

[Protoclown]

Haha, definitely one of your best Visionary Darkness pieces, Rog!

The pic of the two Moss Men holding the razor just cracks me up.

[James]

Jamesman, the trick is to shave first with the grain, and then follow up with a second pass against the grain. Smooth like an android's bottom, every time. ;)

Nope. I have to wait roughly a week before my hair is long enough to shave somewhat comfortably. If I shave downward first, then up, it just defeats that whole process.

[soundtest]

:lol Nice job Rog

I've been using the same razor for 6 months and the "indicator strip" fell off a long time ago. Fuck you Gillette.

Man, this shit hit close to home. In addition, I'm going nearly one year on a single travel can of Gillette Shaving Gel. FUCK YOU GILLETTE :rock

[whoreable]

I agree shaving is probaly the worst thing ever. The only reason I ever shaved to start with was to avoid itching, I got to the point were I was too lazy even for that. Now I only shave once I have a beard :( I hate being a dumb hairy bastard :(

[CastroMotorOil]

I am rocking the TEE so i only shave the sides of my face, and i use an electric. It works fine, better then shaving with a blade. i have done it on both sides of my face seperately adn still the electric was better.

[Ninjavenom]

Sweet ass piece, Mock. I love the usage of "dame", and it will be added to my vocabulary out of sheer COOLNESS.

[Pub Lover]

I haven't shaved for a year, & now is usually the time I just get fed up with having the scrawny hairs on my chin. I recently decided to try for two years for once, but speaking to chojin yesterday has me thinking about just giving in & doing it properly. :(

[FS]

Ever since I lost the pretty rubber-grip chrome-body nitro-mega razor I got for my birthday, I just use an electric razor. Regular ones are just too damned expensive. Sure, I have to shave every other day now, but "having to" and "doing" are two different things.

This piece just got better and better and better as the razor evolved :lol Now it just needs a commercial boasting that the razor's "technology" was developed in zero-g in an F16 that was coursing around the world at 500 miles per hour.

[AChimp]

Gillette sent me Mach3 for free for some reason two years ago. I came home from school one day, and a little box had arrived with my name on it. Chalk up one free razor and four replacement blades for Chimp. :)

[Mockery]

Thanks for the compliments on the piece everybody, glad ya enjoyed it. Took a while to get all of the fake blood stains off my hands though.

Anyway, I'm hoping to have some good customized uber razor pics waiting for me in my email box when I check it. (I cant receive the messages that are waiting for me on the server right now for some reason.)

[testtube]

You use fake blood? What a pussy!

[Cap'n Crunch]

That one was a really funny VISIONARY DARKNESS piece. When did you get a hair cut?

[Spectre X]

it was a Visionary Darkness :rolleyes

btw it made me LOL!

[WorthlessLiar]

When I turned 18 gillette sent me a free razor too. It's the best damn marketing ploy ever. Sure you get a free razor but they figure you'll be buying replacement blades for that thing for the rest of your life. Worked on me, 3 years later and I still use it.

[Skulhedface]

Gillette sent me Mach3 for free for some reason two years ago. I came home from school one day, and a little box had arrived with my name on it. Chalk up one free razor and four replacement blades for Chimp. :)

If you were turning 18, that's why. I got not one, but TWO free Mach3's in the mail for my 18th birthday.

Now the scary thing is, why Gillette would know my birthday in the first place :0

[Anonymous]

I would also like to add that my mach3 tears up my face if I don't replace the blade every 3-4 weeks :<

[Jeanette X]

I have had a serious hair-on-the-upper-lip problem since puberty. I still need to actually shave my face. I got two laser treatments, and it seemed to decrease it a little.
What is really good as an alternative to shaving is a hair buffer. It is basically a very fine piece of sandpaper, and you use it to buff the hair off your legs, upper lip, etc. It works quite well. Trouble is, it takes a little while. I usually end up forgetting to use it and having to shave again.
Don't use a depilatory. Depilatories are basically acid that literally melts the hair away. And it doesn't even work. I used it incorrectly and ended up getting a nice chemical burn on my upper lip. What can I say, I was twelve.
And that Epil-Stop shit is a total rip off. Don't even fucking bother.
I would also be wary of anything that claims to "inhibit" hair growth. To my knowledge, only one product in existance is clincally approved by the FDA to inhibit hair growth, and that is a topical cream called Vanquia, which is only available with a prescription.

And I still want Rog to grow his hair back. :(

[AChimp]

Now the scary thing is, why Gillette would know my birthday in the first place :0

8-)

[Blackjack]

That was FANTASTIC Rog!

And when did you cut your hair?

[NIGhtMAre]

shouldn't that be in minimocks? is their even a deffrence between visianary of darness and minimocks? :/

[Mockery]

Thanks Blackjack glad ya liked the piece, never thought it'd be getting this much attention. And to answer your question, I cut it about a month ago. :)

Nightmare, no that piece was more of a rant... and rants always go in the Visionary Darkness section. Plus Visionary Darkness pieces are shorter than minimocks. The minimocks section was established so I could creat fairly large pieces that were too big for Visionary Darkness, but not big enough to be considered a full-sized mockery site (such as the Church of Mockery or the Anti-Rave site).

[snake]

piece was cool......

2 MOSS MAN FIGURES!!!

Why does he have two moss man figures? I had one moss man figure and I was stupid enough to sell it when I was a kid.

Mockery: Where do you get the moss men from? They are uber, they stole the attention from the rest of the article.

[Anonymous]

I once called out sick from work because I tried to Nair my face and got a face of chemical burns. Yay!

[Miss Modular]

Gilette sucks. I use Bic's cheapo razors that are $3 for a pack of 12.

[liquidstatik]

One time I cut my lip with my electrix razor :( It, like, grinded my lip up and I was bleeding all over myself. :(

[Poxpower]

Ok, now I'm scared. I'm 18, and I received 0 razors via mail. Like... am I dead...like in those movies... scary.
Or I'm canadian... but we have Gilette commercial with their super space-age uder mach3 razors too... so...

dead?

[Rev. Danno]

I have bought some of those pink razors before.
They cut me up real bad.
I'd show up some where after shaving, & people thought I fell off my bike into gravel face first...
Modify your razors!

[Ninjavenom]

Gilette sucks. I use Bic's cheapo razors that are $3 for a pack of 12.

:rock