Serious Question: Is there a wrong way to Masturbate?

[Marble]

When i jerk off, i rub my penis up against my left thigh...

But when other guys at my work joke around about how they make that up and down movement... i know what they mean, but i can't get off doing that.

And i don't wanna do it the wrong way so when i get into the sack i don't rub my penor against the girls leg!

Is there a wrong way to Masturbate?

[KILLADEUCE]

Right. Wrong. It's all just an end to a means. Whatever floats you're boat is the right way i guess hehehe

[Marble]

Right. Wrong. It's all just an end to a means. Whatever floats you're boat is the right way i guess hehehe

But... isn't it about what floats her boat? I'm not sure if i can get off going up and down... see what i mean?

[pjalne]

WELL, IF YOU CAN'T GET OFF SHE'LL BE HAPPY WON'T SHE? >:

[AChimp]

Sandpaper is the wrong way. :(

[Jeanette X]

Fucking a vagina is a lot different than fucking your fist. It shouldn't be a problem.

[Royal Tenenbaum]

See a doctor.

[KILLADEUCE]

But... isn't it about what floats her boat?

Normally i would agree with you 110% and go into a long winded rant about the amusement i get out of giving my Gf oral sex and how i love to watch her squirm, but after this last relationship i just got outa- Nah....

At least for the time being it's all about WHAT I WANT-

[Cap'n Crunch]

But when other guys at my work joke around about how they make that up and down movement...

I hope you don't work at any fast food place. LOL

[Esuohlim]

"Day-Care Center" or "Retirement Home" would have been funnier. >:

[whoreable]

OR A SPERM BANK :x

[Marble]

But when other guys at my work joke around about how they make that up and down movement...

I hope you don't work at any fast food place. LOL

Dairy Queen. When we blend the blizzards... lol, i was being taught how to do it... "jerk the cup up and down REAL fast, like at home, ha, *nudges* ha, catch my drift"


Yeah, i suppose shit should work out... but i dunno, i'm not fucking my fist, just my thigh... god...

[Cap'n Crunch]

"Day-Care Center" or "Retirement Home" would have been funnier. >:

Dairy Queen. :lol

[Esuohlim]

FUCKING SIGH

[Protoclown]

Use a knife.

[Cosmo Electrolux]

if you make several small incisions in your weenster with a razor and then pour alcohol on it, it will enhance the orgasm....yeah.

[The Retro Kat]

You crazy fucking goth.

[Marble]

You crazy fucking goth.


Huh?

[Esuohlim]

IT'S SHUT UP TIME FOR MARBLE NOW >:

[The_voice_of_reason]

Milhouse is the wrong way to masterbate >:

[Marble]

IT'S SHUT UP TIME FOR MARBLE NOW >:

You don't know who the hell youre talking to, bitch.

[agroskaterik]

IT'S SHUT UP TIME FOR MARBLE NOW >:

[Daphne]

You don't know who the hell youre talking to, bitch.

Yeah he does, you're the guy who doesn't know how to jerk off.

I wouldn't worry too much, Milhouse. If he chases you his dink will rub against his thigh and he'll be distracted and forget to kill you :)

[Bennett]

use peanut-butter cups

[FS]

In fairness, what Marble is talking about is the elusive rubbing maneuver that few men know of. One can rub the cockhead against thigh, stomach or more logically, the palm of a hand. Applying saliva can prevent the cockhead from going numb or painful.
It produces pretty much the same results as the jacking maneuver, except that it takes longer and is a lot more intense. Plus it might not be possible for circumsized men if their cockhead is indeed less less sensitive than with uncircumsized men, but I don't know that. It might just take them even longer.

However, one does not negate the other. You might not immediately get results with the jacking motion if you try it now, but practice makes perfect. It's all stimulating the same organ.

Now I wonder if there will suddenly be a great deal less guys online for the coming weeks.

[crash0814]

Never heard of that before.

[The Retro Kat]

Don't worry, that's only because you are useless.

[crash0814]

I've never heard of an alternate method of masturbation because I'm useless. That was a good one.

[The Retro Kat]

Exactly, I'm glad we can see eye to eye on this.

[Royal Tenenbaum]

:lol Crazy crazy crazy.

[The Retro Kat]

NO, I LOVE YOU, SSA!

[Marble]

Thank you for being insightful FS.

Time for 'Marble' to shut up.

[Esuohlim]

HOORJ!

[sadie]

just a friendly reminder that masturbation is a sin and you are all GOING TO FUCKING HELL. :)

[kellychaos]

Do they have masturbation there? :)

[KILLADEUCE]

They certainly better!

[agroskaterik]

They might have it in hell...


But even if they did, your hand would probably turn into a garbage disposal or sumthing right in the middle of it..


...ow. :(

[pjalne]

WELL IN THAT CASE HELL FUCKING SUCKS >:

[KILLADEUCE]

HAhah yeah i started thinking about it and with my luck "My Hell" Would be just that or something even more sinsister-

I would be ecompassed in flames in the fiery depths of the dark lord, in front of a huge Movie screen with my eyes forced open (Like in Kubrik's Clockwork orange) They would replay all of my promiscous encounters in front of me until i could take no more.. And just as i reach down to commit that "oh so devilish" deed, I grasp .... A VAGINA THAT HAS BEEN CIRCUMSIZED WITH A BROKEN GUINNESS BOTTLE!!!! -DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAA

Sheeit Even Dante would have issues with that one...

[Scarlet Speedster]

www.jackinworld.com

[kellychaos]

I'm sure glad they edited those masturbation scenes out of "Edward Scissorhands". :eek :recessedtesticles

[KILLADEUCE]

I'm sure glad they edited those masturbation scenes out of "Edward Scissorhands". :recessedtesticles

ME too! Kelly... Me Too...

[sadie]

dear killadeuce,

when you quote the person directly above yourself, it only serves to make you look like even more of an imbecile than you do already.

love, sadie

[kellychaos]

Why does that advice sound familiar (fights an urge to quote Sadie)?

[Ooner]

I just started humping pillows instead of masturbating

I like it :)

[Carnivore]

People who brag about having numerous sexual encounters and how they rule at getting their partners off are insecure, pathetic losers :)

[Ooner]

You're just saying that because you never get laid. :lol

Or because you know what you're talking about. :/

[imported_Rappin Space Goblin]

WELL....

I'm the Space Goblin and I'm here to say
That masturbating is A.O.K

Because every person across these lands
Can use a little more time with their hands

[Ooner]

stupid character. :(

[imported_Rappin Space Goblin]

WELL...

I think you best be shutting the fuck up, DAMN.

[The Retro Kat]

Ha, you suck at rapping.

[Cap'n Crunch]

I really think the Rapping Space Goblin is Mike. :/

[jin]

Take this ****** down. >:

[Mike]

Deep Thoughts by Hack Jandey:

The first time I saw that little rapper gobble thing I considered how much fun it was going to be having this new member on the board. I thought "hmmm" it'll be like watching those little lighted cylinders in pinball machines go "boing". Then I thought about how much more it would be like swimming with some people and suddenly one of them gets attacked by a shark. I think a good gag would be to say you're going to go get help and then pretend you are getting attacked by another shark. While you thrash around with the plastic fin, argue about who is going to get help. You will both feel better when you tell your friend that it was just a joke.